Question: Coming out to wife

[sammartin]

I have a question as how to broach my interest in chastity to my long term wife. She is, sexually speaking, relatively conservative and I am not sure that she will be receptive to the concept of chastity play. Does anyone out there have a good idea as to how to approach the subject in such a fashion as to avoid completely turning her off? Thanks,
Sam

 

[Burger_01]

Hi Sam,

Without a doubt this is the most challenging thing for those who have developed an interest in chastity. Like most things in life, if it were done, 'twere well it were done quickly. The longer you let your interest in chastity develop without discussing it with your wife the harder it's going to be to discuss it.

There are heaps of threads on how to approach your wife, so use the search tool and read as much as you can. You'll need to think about what will work for you and your wife and how you will approach it though; other peoples approaches are unlikely to work well for you.

You say that your wife is sexually conservative. Have you tried suggesting things to her in the past and she's knocked you back, or are you assuming that she is conservative just because she hasn't approached you about anything? Perhaps a discussion about sexual fantasies would be a good starting point, maybe just snuggle down in bed after a good night and a little booze (maybe a back rub for her and say something like "you know, sex could get pretty boring if we just did the same thing for the rest of our lives. Is there anything you'd like to do? Ever have any fantasies or dreams?"

Don't even expect to bring up chastity in your first chat with her. You're just looking to open the door in her mind to talking about these things. I don't know what you consider conservative, but if you're not currently doing it, you ask her if she's interested in oral sex. Those types of things.

However you do it, it's going to be a long road of several conversations that you'll be nervous having. Don't make the mistake of flooding her with a bunch of chastity info and "OMG look at the benefits to you how can you resist". Take it easy and be cool

Best of luck

 

[Wench]

Mistress and I started experimenting in the bedroom with what I guess is the usual sort of couples toys; handcuffs and couples movies. Gradually we expanded our toy collection adding leather cuffs and chains for strapping each other to the bed, experimented with edging, added a slave collar, vibrator and a CB6000. We took it in turns to dominant each other, really I was doing most of the domination. One of the best "toys" I've bought her were wigs, she seems to really gets into role play when she puts on big red or blond hair. This was over a period of probably a bit more than two years.

Chastity and female dominance was an experiment that we found we both enjoyed and we've been doing this more and more. We bought a couple of books on female dominance (dominant diva, the mistress manual) and of course read forums like these. We don't live a female led relationship all the time, but it's something we're spending more time doing. At the moment I'm part way through a thirty day contract I signed with my Mistress giving her complete authority. This wasn't something we jumped straight into and I think she would have been quite shocked had I suggested being her Wench without us going through a period of experimentation. We gradually both became less and less sexually conservative together. Now we're at the point were we are both very sexually uninhibited and feel free to try ideas that would have shocked us in the past.

 

[Slave_Scott]

Sammartin, My wife and I have been married for 15 years with a very good and straight relationship but I always felt I was missing something. So I took it upon myself to start e-mailing her and telling her how I felt. This progressed into telling her some of my fantasy's and so on. She was e-mailing me back and letting me know how she felt as well, then I suggested we try something different in our relationship. I told her that this could bring us closer together or we could not like it at all.
What I'm saying is that if you find it hard to talk to your other half try the e-mail thing. Just take anything slow and don't push it, it will take some time.

 

[Mistress Manteo]

For what it's worth, my husband and I had played off and on with BDSM for years. It was never serious and quite honestly, I just didn't get the "what's in it for me" thing about female domination. It all seemed like all work for me and all fantasy for him.

We were going through a bit of a dry spell in our love life when he finally worked up the nerve to show me this article.

http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html

I had been complaining to him that I really needed help around the house. I was doing everything. He was always napping on the couch during his time off. I was feeling neglected. It just wasn't a good scene. It didn't make for a happy marriage or a stimulating sex life. He mentioned one day that I'd be surprised by how much I could get done if I just told him to do it...don't ASK him to do it, don't expect it to just get done, TELL him to do it. That planted the seed. Then, a few days later, he showed me that article. That was all it took to send me over the edge. I was totally turned on by what I read, not only from a sexual point of view, but from the "what's in it for me" point of view. We've since made this a 24 / 7 lifestyle and have never looked back. I keep him locked in a CB6000 at all times. He is allowed out occasionally for cleaning or if I need to "use" him, otherwise, he's locked up. I only allow him to orgasm about once a month. Sometimes I tell him weeks in advance when his big day will be and at other times, I just let him wonder. He is NOT allowed to ask me when his release will be and he knows that if I ever caught him attempting to escape from his CB6000 or have an un-authorized orgasm, I'd cane him well beyond his pain limit.

The point of this is to say that I whole heartedly feel that female domination and strict orgasm control is the way to go. We have never been more in love. Our sex life has never been better....well, at least mine hasn't He licks me awake every morning, I use his tounge every evening. We have intercourse on a regular basis, but he is NOT allowed to come. He must stop before he does. I can have as many orgasms as I want, any time I want. He gets none and is thrilled about it. I have not done laundry, dishes, vacuumed or any household chores in 9 months. He wakes up early every morning, prepares breakfast, brings it to me in bed, prepares my bath, cleans up after breakfast makes the bed, cleans the house and generally treats me like a queen. I don't believe that any of this would be possible without my control over his orgasms.

The only regret that I have in this lifestyle is that I didn't discover it many years ago.

Maybe there's something useful in there for you. I'd suggest only that if you decide to discuss this with her or to show her the same article, that you read it carefully as well. Pay particular attention to the parts that are written for YOU. Do not push her. Let her go at whatever pace she's comfortable with. If she's not comfortable with it at all, you can't force it. It is a lifestyle that is WONDERFUL, but isn't for everyone.

Good luck

Mistress Manteo

 

[Wench]

http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html

That's a great article and exactly how we practice female domination. It's all about her, we just do what she wants, when she wants. This typically means a lot of house work for me. I read a survey that stated something like 60% of women would rather see a tidy house than a naked man. There are very real practical advantages for a Wife who becomes the Mistress of the house. Still, had I suggested she dominate me a few years ago before we started experimenting with light BDSM she would have been thoroughly shocked.

I was discussing this thread with my Mistress earlier (we talk a lot about this stuff), she suggested surrender dates as a first step, or offering to do what ever housework your wife commands for a day on the weekend, while she relaxes. Gradually introduce the idea of your wife being in charge without any scary sexual stuff. If she likes it she may be receptive to some gradual experimentation with gender roles in the bedroom.

 

[slave_nemo]

Sammartin, My wife and I have been married for 15 years with a very good and straight relationship but I always felt I was missing something. So I took it upon myself to start e-mailing her and telling her how I felt. This progressed into telling her some of my fantasy's and so on. She was e-mailing me back and letting me know how she felt as well, then I suggested we try something different in our relationship. I told her that this could bring us closer together or we could not like it at all.
What I'm saying is that if you find it hard to talk to your other half try the e-mail thing. Just take anything slow and don't push it, it will take some time.

The email idea is really a pretty good one. I would suggest, though, even in emails, take it slow. Perhaps start by telling her some tings that turn you on (mild things) then write (or find one on the internet) a short fantasy. If she is the least turned on by them she will respond. She may even tell you a fantasy or two of her own and take the whole thing in an entirely different direction. What I am saying is, be open to things even you may not have thought of. And DO NOT rush things!

 

[Karl C Agathon]

Buy her a book, create a setting in which she'd be able to read the book, let her read.

Around Her Finger is a good one, it has a story in it, ect.
You can find a copy on the internet, but I'd just buy her the actual book, which is on amazon.com.

There's a few other good ones on there, get her a story book rather than an encyclopedia type, stories are nice to ease into, the other kinda are for study/research. You need to introduce the idea, not smack her over the head with it.

Just get her a book, make her a nice dinner, make her a bath, and lock her in the bathroom for a few hours. Chill time.