96 days to go…
Question time with IB-chaste
thanks for your journal.
You’re welcome. It’s not my first, but it’s definitely a slightly different journey this time around. I’ve not looked at them in a while, but I guess reading them now we’d seem like very different people.
https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/how-chastity-really-began-for-me.46890/
https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...extracts-from-my-boring-chastity-life….47655/
https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/little-extracts-of-2023.49315/
. There’s also some off shoots too
https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/going-cold-turkey.51597/
There could be more!.)
- You talk about a strapon and being locked up, but I didn't see you say that your lockup was 24x7 without release for PIV, nor have you said you would be denied orgasms. Is that part of your lockup?
The clue is in the countdown. My wife and I agreed that as my piercing wasn’t healing whilst we constantly played around that I’d be locked indefinitely until that changed. (
https://www.chastitymansion.com/for.../self-piercing-stupidity-or-brilliance.51774/) The cage hasn’t been unlocked since mid-November.
My wife had her reservations about this as she likes PIV. She doesn’t mind me cumming at all, in fact I think she enjoys it, but she also likes the side of me whilst I’m denied. This lock up is a stop-gap to something different… the problem is: it’s working really well!
I have concerns about how I’ll feel if I get too much freedom afterwards. It all started as we were on rocky ground in regards to being caged 24/7, so we haven’t concluded the end game. I guess a lot about this is finding what works for us and then perhaps seeing how we incorporate that going forward.
I know right now, I don’t miss my full, uncaged orgasms. I do miss her touch on me, the feel of myself inside her and her face when she watches me cum. So there’s something else that could work better.
- You mention cumming while using the strapon. Forgive me for raising the question, but didn't you know you were reaching the PONR? Should you have stopped?
No. Why would I? In the past the agreement was that I’d have to tell her, or control myself… but something is lost in those moments.
Initially, chastity was introduced to add some fun into our lives. It can get over complicated as we learn new things about ourselves, but we shouldn’t forget why it started. If it was more fun for my wife if I never ejaculated again, then maybe I would prevent it. She actually prefers to know she’s pleasured me.
We can say chastity is about being better for our partners, but it’s also for us. My wife isn’t the sort that she really wants to frustrate me etc. we’ve tried all that and it wasn’t her natural setting, eventually that takes its toll. It’s her rejected. I enjoyed the lifestyle where she ‘controlled’ my orgasms, but I also enjoy this. Where she says there are no rules. Just relax and enjoy yourself.
- Your wife did mention that the strapon as not as warm as the real thing. I assume she prefers the real thing. Is there some reason why you use the strapon rather than figuring out ways to use your own body for her pleasure yet refrain from cumming. Particularly if you can cum while using a strapon, I'd think you should just toss the strapon.
Think I answered half of this, but tossing it away? No! I’m enjoying it. It’s nice to be able to have sex with my wife for longer than I could naturally do, without having to control myself at all, without the hassle of creaming etc. If she’s starting to feel positive towards this situation then it seems like something enjoyable we can continue to do. It’s clear it works for me. I know it’s starting to work for her, she actually joked with me, “last night was fun, we should do it again some time.” She doesn’t really say positive statements about sex, she doesn’t particularly want it discussing so much… so I know she definitely enjoy it.
- Do you find that sometimes your desire is out of sync with your wifes? I assume so. How do you manage being super horny when your wife is less so? Are you ever in danger of being a pest?
Yes! That’s where good communication comes into play. I don’t always capture everything, but when she told me a lot about how she was feeling about it all becoming about my needs again. I explained that it’s tough when I’m at the 10-14 day-ish stage, that’s when I’m the most horny. That’s how we basically decided I’d wait 2 weeks or so at a time, but the responsibility of deciding that timescale is on her, where as she has told me to hold back on my advances. Limit the my aspirations to please her sexually to twice a week. There the basic rules that allow this to work in harmony right now: No key use, 2 weeks minimum denial and 4 days between her orgasms.
If she wanted more I’d be willing, but actually, there’s something about enjoying the in-between times that is so much more enjoyable.
The greatest part of chastity that is out of sync is how much we both want to discuss it. Stopping myself constantly going on about it is the hardest part.
- Assuming you are seeing real benefits, have you considered making it permanent? In other ords, have you considered permanent chastity and semen retention? If so, or if not, why?
I think about it all the time: Could I handle that? I don’t know if I would want to. This works, but like I say, I miss out on other things. So does she.
If you then change that, if other options are on the table, that’s when choices come into play. Pressure for her to perform the right act at the right time. It’s more complicated. It breeds expectations that sometimes cannot be met.
That’s why I started the thread on different ways to manage chastity. To work out a good solution, I know what I would suggest, but I want to know what my wife has decided first. She actually tends to get things spot on. Permanent chastity could work, but I couldn’t tell you for how long, we’d both lose out on something and you have to have something to look forward to. That’s in all walks of life, whether it’s a new job, pay day, your next holiday… there’s got be something, otherwise the monotony takes its toll and you question what’s it all for?
- Does your wife ever consider a mutual scenario where she, too, is denied? In other words, why should you have all the fun? The act of physical selflessness in your relationship is kind of in one direction. True, it's part of your FLR, but is that ever questioned? Does your wife ever feel that you deserve pleasure, or at least the same level of sacrifice from her, as she is getting from you?
Ah. Well that’s a lot in one question. I think the FLR part has now just been stripped back to who we are, but now we use a cage. She’s naturally more dominant and demanding whereas I’m more submissive.
She does give me pleasure. That’s something we often forget when we think about the fantasy of chastity. I am denied because I want to be, I don’t think there’s is anyone who couldn’t say that. Our reasons can vary, but the heart of my desire for denial is more pure these days. It’s no longer the kink, it’s the rejection of the man that wanted that aspect in the first place. I feel better in day to day life just through orgasm reduction and reduced masturbation, that’s good self-esteem. I feel better day to day knowing that because of this I’m better for her. I feel happy that she gives me that opportunity… it’s a bit lame, but I’m thankful that she doesn’t feel like she can never satisfy me anymore. There’s a lot to be said about contentment.
There’s also a lot to be said for the sexual pleasure she gives me every two weeks, these experiences are far more substantial than when I received sex if and when I wanted. The orgasms I receive (without ever even touching my penis) are epic!
The one truth I haven’t told my wife is that sex just isn’t as good as those. Not for my sexual pleasure alone, but it gives something different, it’s an intimate connection that cannot be replicated so it will always be the most important act we do.
So really, If anyone is currently being denied right now, it is my wife. She doesn’t get dick. Which one of us is really selfless? That’s the question.
Then there’s the female denial aspect. Why would we go down that route? I might have considered it before as a bit of a kink, but what I really understand now is how male chastity has helped us grow. I don’t know if it would have the same effects if she was denied. The reasoning is simple. Although, I’m naturally more submissive in home life, I’ve always taken the lead in the bedroom… I know what I want, how I want it, when (all the time) etc. Taking that side away has allowed her to develop her own sexual identity. She can be dominant, she can add pain, she can frustrate… but she now knows what she enjoys, so the fact that she can simply tell me that she wants sex is massive. She wasn’t vanilla, but she wasn’t confident either. Having that confidence to say what she wants about something she previously struggled to talk about, that’s the only way we can go forward. She has put a lot of effort into giving me what I wanted from all of this, it is now my responsibility to listen to what she wants and come to a mutually beneficial scenario.
- Were you disappointed that you came this past weekend? Did you feel you lost and had to start over? If you did lose something, what was it (besides semen). Did you consider restarting the clock (assuming you have a set amount of time planned), In other words, are you simply going to go forward, or are you going to start over?
The only disappointment I felt, and it’s in no way dissatisfaction, is that I have to wait again for my next playtime. That sounds selfish, but when you are restricted in what you get, you can go months between getting the same thing again. She hasn’t even pegged me since I was locked up, that’s one of our favourites to both of us.. and now the wait starts again.
Yet, she knows me now. She knows I’ll be off my game for a few days but the caged orgasms don’t have that high impact, if she was disappointed she would have said something. She’s good at complaining.
- When you are not with your wife, are you ever tempted to have pleasureable sensations, even if it is not all the way? Are you able to resist? Or do you sometimes indulge? If you do resist, how do you.
- Even if you are not touching yourself, are you ever tempted with porn or erotica? Have they lost meaning to you?
First few weeks are rough. There’s times when I watch porn. Sometimes I think I could do with using my prostate massager… but ultimately I just think about how that would compare to what she could provide. I feel it’s worth the wait. Eventually, everything settles down anyway, the habits are broken and you don’t constantly crave everything you had before.
If she locked me and forgot, and she didn’t match my needs it could be a different story. That’s not the case, she understands me as I am learning to understand her… she wouldn’t leave me pointlessly frustrated unless she had just cause. It doesn’t benefit her for me to pester her or be overly needy.
-
Do you ever create your own erotica in the absence of other forms of distractions? Do you find the journal posts are almost a form of that erotica. In other words, do you find that documenting your progress is somewhat erotic?
Actually, I write them because I enjoy writing them. It’s like a hobby. The subject matter is obviously something I enjoy so that helps. I actually like writing my stupid mind farts than about the sex but you’ve got to cater for all audiences (I say as if anyone reads my stuff!)
I was always terrible at English growing up so it’s something I sort of started for self development, but I think I’m past worrying about that too much now.
I did write erotica once
https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/ruby’s-friends.50989/ , I got so involved in the storyline that I had to keep finding ways to add something sexy… that’s how things tend to work with me, everything spirals outwards and gets bigger than I ever intended. Eventually, after a break from it I lost track of the character developments! It’s supposed to be a sexy tale and I couldn’t think past motivations and how each character would react etc. it got pretty dark too…
The conclusion was going to be castration, and the storyline was going to show why you would accept that as something the main character deserved.
I don’t recommend. 1 star.
- Does your wife feel she is sacrificing through this somehow too? Does she sometimes resent what your doing. Has she ever considered stopping?
We’ve had our moments. It’s never always plain sailing.
I broke the lock off one of my cages I was so frustrated with her, I think that’s because she was upset about chastity. That’s why it’s so important to make it work two ways and for her to have the ability to tell me what she really wants.
- I believe you feel closer, more connected, more desireous through this. Do you know how she feels? Does she tell you, do you ask? Do you get feedback and is the feedback positive or negative?
She doesn’t discuss sex a lot, I don’t actually need her to tell me, I can read her. Every so often I try and ask, I think it’s once so far and that was a follow up from her telling me what she wanted. She said it’s good. That’s enough.
- In other aspects of your relationship besides the sexual area, has your relationship changed? Is the FLR primarily sexual or more/all aspects? Does that ever impact your sense of being a guy? Did you use to have control over some aspects of your relationship and do you still have them or are they all given up? Do you ever resent that?
Relationships change over time regardless. I cannot remember exactly how things were before and I’m happy with how they are now… so that works for me.
I don’t think of it as an FLR so much as just giving her what’s she wants, mostly without her having to ask for it. That’s just us. We’re actually working towards being more mutually balanced… but that just doesn’t seem to fit so well and we find ourselves back down our natural path.
I remember quite fondly how she grew quite drastically once I was supporting her more thoroughly. She got a new job and then subsequently promoted, before leaving and finding another job. Previous to all of this she was in a rut with her life on that front… I wouldn’t say it was all about chastity and my support, but it certainly helped. If our relationship, or if she has changed through all of this, it is for the better.
Now it’s on me to become someone better for her.
I like your journey. I might say you are a bit of a role model for me. I don't think we have the same kind of relationships with our wives. Mine is vanilla and not very dom. So an FLR wouldn't really work for us. But the chastity and the submission of our physical pleasure to our wives I believe is pretty similar.
I still don’t think my wife is your typical dom, she’s just starting to understand what I want, mostly because she understands why and how that fits into who I am. We’ve had a lot of time to allow her to grow into who she is in terms of the bedroom.
Don’t worry too much about role models on this one, just think about what’s going to work best in your relationship. Sometimes you need to discover that first, like semen retention sounds like something that’s going to really create the right you… but don’t forget there’s a lot in your relationship that’s good, get the right balance.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the run up to this journal.