I do not know where I'm going with this. I grew up as a typical American child in a small town. Initially, I had been the one who always got picked on, until I learned to stand up for myself. I developed an attitude and eventually, pride in myself. I would even go so far as to say I became vindictive. Revenge felt good. It still does. I became assertive and it made me feel good about myself. My muscles grew big. My resolve got stronger. Today I am who I am and I don't care what others think. Deep down, however, I felt that I still had low self esteem. Most people put up a front as a way to deal with the world and all of its bullshit. Perhaps I was fooling myself. Perhaps I was only weak on the inside while putting up a front of a person who is strong. More likely, however, I was strong in certain situations and weaker in others. It does not take a Ph D in psych to figure out that's the way most people are. With me, though, there is part of me who is proud to stand up for myself. In my relationship, however, I noticed that when my wife started acting assertive towards me I would get a little tingle in my groin. I started exploring that feeling more and I have discovered that I have strong submissive tendencies. These tendencies in myself: assertive yet submissive, confuse the fuck out of me. So the research continues.
An interesting tale. Most subbies I've chatted with had their submissive feelings during puberty or even earlier.
I'd go with Mistress B on that, and have a similar story here I think, but less current confusion. I have an aggressively competitive older sister so started life as a kid that got picked on, and I learnt early on the path of least resistance. I was always a bit soft and certainly was differently minded enough to stand out from the crowd of bully boys, so I got it in the neck a bit at school too. Grew up, grew strong, discovered that I had a brain good enough to deal with most confrontations without needing violence and worked on that. Became a fairly high level athlete and with the physicality along with my natural mouthyness I found I was good in just about any situation anywhere. I would push the boundaries of social safety and my oddness, hight and physicality was enough to carry me through unscathed where others would falter. Now I'm older and less physically able, and have no need to prove to myself to others. Mess with me though, and I'll still rise and am able enough. But I love to submit to my Lady. It's an opportunity to allow myself to be softer, to be gentle, to give myself and to be vulnerable rather than to protect myself all the time. Wearing a chastity device reminds me to be that softer person more often. That doesnt mean I dont represent my interests, it just means I'm a nicer person to deal with, happier to be vulnerable, and show my fallibility, rather than being as abrasive as I might be otherwise. That's a win for everyone.
Coming from very poor social conditions I suffered Low self esteem too - when I was a child, and even a young man, always pushing myself to prove to the world that I was good enough - after all . And there was never any doubt that I was more than good enough, more clever inventive and creative than the rest in my surroundings, - but I never stopped to push myself even more, to try and prove that to myself as well, - but failed for many years... Does that link to my present submissiveness? Hmmm... Maybe... Maybe not...Hard to be objective on this one When I developed a liking for hurting myself, trained myself to endure pain, one could easily say that there was link from my youth. punishing myself for not being good enough... but I doubt it. The sexual excitement that I discovered inside pain, had a power of its own, and did not need fuel from my low self esteem as a child. When I after years of marriage traded my hidden pain games and excessive masturbation - to chastity it was an attempt to abandon the secrecy, my solitude in my kinky sexlife with a shared sexlife and life in general with my wife. The plan worked!! And slowly I began to discover the unknown inherent powers of chastity, the massive shift from a way of thinking where my cock was the center of the universe, the source of my satisfaction, - to understand that satisfaction was something I had never really had - up until now. My cock had blocked the view completely, never allowing myself to indulge in the deepest feelings of love and admiration,- along with a level of sexual excitement that I never knew existed... So maybe my submissiveness- and it is strong - but only to her - the one I love, is nothing but my lucky punch, something I came up with - in trying to save my marriage, to stop the separate lifes tactic.... etc. etc.. ? Could it be that simple? I think so - and it sure feels like winning the big one in the lottery And does it become addictive? Hell yes - never even want to look back... And the fact that it turned out to be the greatest gift I could give her - is amazing...
@mwsportsfan10588 Hiya don't beat yourself up about this , just relax and enjoy. So you are a lovely fit guy and are confident , and possibly deep down do care what others think, which is good. You do have to look after people around you . Your wife has perchance tapped into some deep and possibly long standing but supressed feelings. Just explore them talk to her about them get used to explaining them . Writing them down on here is good for us to read, but more importantly it forces you to order your thoughts and feelings. If I get you right you are maybe suprised that you as big and tough on the outside as you are, you , have a soft inside. Not a long wrong with that and a lot of women will find that a very attractive state of affairs. So out and about you will defend them against all comers , at home you will respect them and put them first in all things. Just getting used to the idea may take a little while for both of you , but should lead to a loving strong relationship. If in say a years time you are as comfortable in heels as in work boots , and positively enjoy clothes shopping just see it as interesting life skills and be a good boy . Do not shut the door on any suggestions or ideas that may present themselves, you never can tell what you might enjoy !! Xx Wendy
After 2.5 weeks in self imposed chastity, my thingy gets hard for no apparent reason. I guess my tank is full. Hope to get lucky though in a day or two. This is the longest I've gone in a long time. I've been a good boy.
Hi Get lucky as in spurty orgasams ? Why is that lucky ? Ok so you are still in a phallic centric frame of mind . You have a choice spend every wakeing moment thinking about the 15 seconds of pleasure , but what about the post coital depression after ? Or explore your feelings and stop wondering how you can cum and think how not to cum. When I was getting my head together about was I a boy or a girl mentally I talked to someone who's advice was. Stop cumming and see how I feel . For how long ?I asked . Just about for ever really , but definitely longer the better. It's something I should have made a note of but after a few weeks the feelings I had and explored were amazing. In the last 18 months I have had may be 3 spurty climaxes , all due to unexpected liason ! Afterwards not good regretted it every time. It's just my playmates thought I should and it seemed good idea at the time. Oh and one knows my nipples are incredibly sensitive! You say you get erections , well most if not all boys with working bits do . Nothing to do with the whole blue balls thing . It's something that most tranz boy to girls hate about their boy bodies and why lots opt for surgery . I am just going to settle for the hormones because the surgery is horific with terrible complications in most cases. Not something you are bothered with but I just thought it might be of interest. So you may want to just set asside your disire to climax and just say to your self and your KH can we see what happens if you don't cum . It won't do you any harm but the exercise of abstaining from climaxing could show you there is an interesting opportunity to be explored. You will start to leak if you are not already so wear something to bed , nothing more than practical advice . You will be in for some interesting times xx but not unpleasant . Xx Wendy
Well I don't have a KH yet. My wife does not even know of my interest in this and so far I've been too chicken shit to tell her. She does know I have submissive tendencies, however. My goal in self imposed chastity is to see if it can help me see who I really am, sexually. That's what I'm going to do; see what happens.
Cool so you are going to get used to some serious self discipline , nothing wrong with that. It will be interesting to see if anyone else has any ideas as to how very gently but little by little we get your wife to receive the idea of your chaste submissive nature. Especially you no longer cumming when you are having sex . Introduce the idea of tantric sex which is all about pleasing your partner but not cumming on your part . Also try not to say no to her about chores or TV programme choice or the like. Good luck with this , I think the first few weeks are going to be tough but be tough with yourself sooner will make it easier and possibly make your submissiveness a little more obvious to her . Xx Wendy
Oooohhh Mistresses as if I would . Though it is not an unpleasant experience for the experienced . Xx Wendy
Well about 6 months into this. I Still feel submissive and enjoy it, but I also enjoy being a dominant? So I am a switch?
@mwsportsfan10588 Why worry about job descriptions just enjoy what feels good . All of us are very complex unique people , just be yourself and stop trying to fit some hypothetical box. Xx Wendy