doubting this will work

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Feb 5, 2014
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Its been almost two weeks since I handed her my keys and she hasn't mentioned the device, sex, or chastity in that whole time, not once. I havent brought any of it up either as I'm trying to give her room to wrap her head around things but if this is an indication of how she wants to play I'm kinda doubtful this will work for us. I need more attention and the ability to give her more attention. Week nights are a no go for anything with us, just too hectic with 3 young children. On top of that she gets up at 5am to start her day so she is done by 9pm and sleeping. Weekends come and go and we rarely seem to have a chance for alone time or we may have the chance but she seems uninterested or too tired. Maybe my expectations are too high?
I have mentioned before she is a sex camel, going months with nothing and not even bringing it up. Then she has periods where she cant get enough. I just don't understand sometimes. Our marriage is fine, we get along great and have fun with each other, but sex is another story. Its been very different since having kids. Its never been the same, almost like we lost some of that intimacy we once had. I know some women may comment about females and body image, but I have always told her she is beautiful even when she had packed on the pounds with being pregnant. Now she is tight and tone and never looked better. She does complain now and then about how her stomach was destroyed from three c-sections lol.
Before bringing up the idea of chastity I can count on one hand how many times we had sex in 2013. I was looking for ways to save our marriage. Everyone I knew around us was getting divorced or cheating on their spouses, I didnt want to go that route. Her and the children are way too important to me and could not imagine breaking us up. Chastity had to be the key, I thought. She seemed interested in the beginning and did not freak out. But since bringing the idea up she hasnt really asked any questions or wanted to talk about it much. I'll be honest that I'm not a very submissive guy, not really an alpha male either but somewhere in the middle. I liked the idea of her controlling my orgasms and that was about it. Though I do much of the household stuff already. Maybe tomorrow night she will rock my world, who knows? Well that is my rant for tonight, maybe I'm just a little drunk and depressed and will hopefully feel much better about it tomorrow, but something I just needed to get off of my chest.
 
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Oh Boy - I feel your frustration. All of it. And quite Frankly- In my book -You are pretty much doing all the right things:)
It is quite common that " kids gets in the way", - and changes the focus of the motherhood much more than it does to the male. That has been the cause of a multitude of relational problems, - not just regarding the bedroom.

Little to do about that. It sort of goes with the territory. Sorry. Still of course You can play your cards within this framework with more or lees empathy, and I think from what you are writing that your play them well.

So, Maybe You get lucky within the next 24 hours, maybe not.
And if kids are small, You might have to wait longer... It hardly comes as any comfort to tell you that this could easily change to the better once the kids grow up...

One thought -

It might be that your generous approach - letting it all be up to her, is not the best way to do it in the current situation.
If she indeed is occupied in her mind with kids and work etc. , and has a - lets say - less than moderate sex drive, It could turn out to be counterproductive , not to bring sex an intimacy to the table. She could easily be in a place, where she in fact needs you to be more blunt about it. She most likely need to be ignited. It does not come to her - in this moment in time...

Try to figure out how you can combine your denial with a slightly different approach. Don't put pressure on her. Surprise her instead. Make her feel like a queen. Make picnics with or without kids. shower her with small gifts etc. She needs that. And she will pay you back in smiles, and kisses. Throw in a few caresses, and let her her rediscover her feminen side, that currently is obscured by her motherhood - and then You could be on the right track...

Just a thought...
 
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Me and wife sound almost identicle to you and your wife, at least a couple of years ago.

I would constantly be asking my wife for sex, Not just asking but doing all the small things your supposed to do. I would compliment her every day and night, Buy her small gifts and offer massages.

Nothing worked, She was tired all the time and no intrest in sex at all.

When we were approching another 3 Month period of constant deniaI, I hit a very low point where I pretty much felt totaly abandoned by her. I was asking myself and her at 1 point what is so wrong with me that you wont make the effort. We argued alot and then something happend.

I am going to sound like an idiot at this point (if I don't allready lol). I met someone. She was flirty, sexy and very very attractive. She lied to her husband to spend time with me and I lied to my wife as well. Nothing ever happened between us because I was compleetly oblivious to the possibilty that she fancied me but I was very taken with the fact that someone wanted to spend time with me. I was seduced by the attention
I was receaving and for the very first time in a very long time I actually felt wanted by someone and there was no chance of rejection.

It didn't take long for my wife to read to signs and realise something was up. When she caught me out lying to her there were alot of tears but eventually she beleived me that nothing had happened and that understood why I felt rejected, We had both come so close to loosing each other that we realised how much we loved eachother.

She changed alot. She never initiated sex but she never turned me down very often either.

I know what I did was wrong but having someone show you attention after years of being rejected is almost an adiction. It took us nearly loosing everything to realise how much we wanted to fight for what we had. I am not proud of myself at all but I don't compleetly regret it either. in a way it saved our marraige.

You deffinatly need to communicate with her how you are feeling, Make time for each other even if it is just once a week to be intimate. I Know how low I felt when we went through this and I truely hope you can work things out.

I hasten to add that all this was years before we had considered chastity.

Please feel free to PM me if you ever just want to vent and chat.
 
Thats what is great about this site being able to share your feelings with total strangers and hopefully getting a sympathetic and constructive reply. At one time or other we all have things happen in our lives that at the time seem as if they are insurmountable and truly unique to only us however when someone who lives on the other side of the country or world expresses the fact they too had the same issues it helps make you feel less alone. I too have shared many of the issues you mentioned above and also several of the replies match my experiences as well, for me the point was always it was MY thing and not hers so it was always going to be slightly less convincing than in my imagination, however over time and with many setbacks a happy medium was achieved. Take advice from folk here work at it slowly but most impotantly cherish what you already have in your life.
 
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May I suggest you wake up before her and make sure that you treat her like the queen before you and the kids are up. If she has the extra time and energy from not fighting the alarm clock demon, then maybe before she needs to crash she can do T&D or something like that before you two need to crash? Plus, if you are more tired in the evening, then there maybe less horniess/desire in the evening .... the big thing is to make a plan to help her and only when pressed for more information can you suggest some of the other kinky things for her ....
 
Thanks for the replies. I have decided to just stay patient and hopefully we can have some open communication to solve this problem.
 
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I too thought that by labeling our lack of sex as chastity play, things would be different but all it turned out to be is the same thing but with a fancy name on it. I do what I always do when things bother me a lot and that is to start a discussion. Turns out that we both were having a lot of sex, just not with each other. My wife was having an affair with her vibrator and I with my hand. That left us with little desire to initiate sex with each other as we were sexually satiated. We did three things that were game changers for us. We promised that all orgasms would be with each other and that my wife would acknowledge my chastity at least once a day. I simple question about how her penis is doing or a caress of my device, once a day or so, did the trick and was not a burden on her. The last thing I picked up from a web site was to schedule time for sex each week that were met no matter how horny or tired we were. Even if we were both exhausted, we could just lay there and cuddle and talk. This worked like a charm for us.

One other thing I learned was that my wife's arousal was directly proportional to how vocal I was during her teasing of me. I tended to hold back on being vocal but now I let it all out and it affects her like a sex potion. We also had all sorts of verbal rules for our chastity play and we often got into debates about them and my wife was finding being a KH to be more work than fun. I found these simple Keyholder rules online and this is what we now follow. It is working very well for us and what was a sex life that had me responding to women flirting with me and then getting scared off when they started to want sex, has turned into some of the best sex we have ever had since becoming vanilla. Hope some this helps as I know how things can look bleak but it took us about 8 months to get it right for us. Here are the KH rules we have. Short, simple and puts the wife in complete control without pages and pages of a contract that lists how my wife is to control me. :)

  1. You are in charge and you make the rules. He may never argue about a rule or the chastity will end.
  2. He may not try to escape. If he does, the chastity will end.
  3. He may not ask questions regarding rules or anything else. If he must ask a question regarding chastity or rules, he may do so in writing and send it to you in email. You may or may not reply.
  4. He will immediately obey any request you make of him.
  5. Breaking rules or otherwise making the chastity experience unpleasant for you will end it immediately
  6. You may make rules that, if broken, will result in punishment.
 
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ineverknew said:
Thanks for the replies. I have decided to just stay patient and hopefully we can have some open communication to solve this problem.
Click to expand...
Patience is good. I went through this phase, we have two young children, a lot of similarities to your story. I will say that I complained a lot at the beginning, which was not helpful. I think you should communicate to her that you want more attention, because it's important that she gets feedback. But it is hard to be tactful about it. It's easier to praise her when she does something you like than to point out what she did wrong and try to go at it from that angle. The whole thing is a process for both parties involved. Eventually I became more grateful for the attention I did receive, and more understanding of the obstacles. She did over time increase her efforts on my behalf though. It isn't only your responsibility. But if you are patient, tactful and communicate, you will get there. Good luck to you both. Also I want to say every bit of advice you got on this thread struck me as spot on. Good job chastity mansion!
 
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So saturday night we had some good ole fashioned fun in the sack. Well not anything traditional lol. I had the joy of giving her multiple orgasms and none for me. Just what we both needed. While cuddling for what seemed like a long time we discussed some issues. Open communication is key and we both needed to see how the other was doing with this and how are expectations were. One thing that threw me back was she didnt seem to be giving me much attention because in her mind she wanted me to beg for it. Come to her and ask and beg. She said me begging was a huge turn on. I explained to her I am not much of a begger, her response also blew me away when she said I need to learn to beg, it would make her so happy. I had no idea lol. She also stipulated that (after I asked) if beggin would mean I could get out and she said not necessarily. So there you have it, misunderstanding solved with communication :). I did mention, by the way, that if she teased me more I would be more apt to beg to which she agreed. She said she will try harder. So its been about two weeks and to be honest I dont feel desperate enough to beg, so will I eventually get to the point that I will??
 
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Great news! So nice to hear! :-)
But I am afraid that if You react to longterm lockup/denial as I do -there is less begging coming Your way, and more acceptance of the fact that pleasure is meant for her..
Hmmm....
More communication will be needed! LOL...
 
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I am kind of in the same boat as you. Although we have no kids, we are both over 40 and my wife has ever decreasing interest in sex. It is very hard for her to orgasm. I guess that's why I'm dabbling in submissiveness and chastity. We need a way to spice things up. She does not know I belong to chastity mansion nor does she know I want to try wearing a device. I'm too chicken shit to tell her. I hope that will change.
 
@mwsportsfan10588 , i feel for ya. Can I ask why your so afraid to bring it up? I know i was scared to bring it up also, but life is too short. If it doesnt work out, then it doesnt work out, but at least you tried. Also have you ever thought of getting your wife a hitachi magic wand? My wife loves hers. That thing can make anyone orgasm lol.
 
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