the journey continues....

This is the continuation of my journey to help my wife evolve as the dominant head of our house hold. If you are joining my journey at this point, some background is available here.

The original thesis: http://www.chastitymansion.com/foru...-coax-the-dominant-side-our-of-my-wife.13816/

The preface: http://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/i-guess-this-is-the-preface.13821/

Here it will continue......

 

Staying at Level One:

The story about the rabbit and the hare is an analogy that i need to remind myself of every day! Stop running, take it slowly and you'll get there in the end. When I made the conscious decision to embark on this journey, I executed my typical manscaping and then extended the shaving to include my chest, stomach and backside. Yesterday, one month later, in preparation for what i anticipated as a scheduled release, i revisited the shower with a razor to clean things up.

My Queen had not commented on the changes of this past month and i took this to suggest support and approval. During the 'clean-up' i found myself exploring further with the razor. Now, from my knee cap to nipples I am hair free. However, as this was going so easy I found myself going further to include my arms. As I type this, looking at my bald, smooth arms, i realize that being hairless, while nice, is quite visibly obvious. It only took one day for my Queen to see this. Actually, she felt it, as we started to become intimate last night. For her, it was a significant mental barrier that was crossed and it derailed our intimacy while also stalling her growth in this new role.

Rather than continuing with our intimate time, my Queen has explained to me that my recent actions are weird and that i am taking this to an extreme level that is not making her comfortable. She raised concerns that i might be gay and suggested that i might need to speak with a councilor to work through any questions or concerns i have. I find it somewhat humorous that she finds that my actions of doing more around the house and supporting her to let her have more control in the relationship makes me 'feminine'. If this is feminine, i wonder what she will be thinking in 5 year when i am fully shaved, caged and fully transformed as her sissy slave.

Note - i have attached a picture that i hold as my future goal.

While i have some gratification about the continued denial of my release, i have hit the first (of what will be many) small roadblocks. Today, more than ever, i realize that no matter how well i plan, this is a meandering journey and it will require two steps forward and then one step back. i will need to focus a concerted effort on serving my Queen (discreetly) and lighten up / back-off on the deeper exploration of this topic until it is clear that she is ready.

i believe that she still has some learning and much internal processing to do about Female Led Relationships before i progress much further. Using the terminology in the www.aboutFLR.com. i feel comfortable that we are in a Level One relationship right now. i should focus on securing that position, i need to work more slowly at strengthening her internal understanding and strength of character before encouraging us to explore Level Two.

No big progress to report - actions for right now include: head down, keep serving, stop pushing and wait for her to become comfortable at Level One.

 

After thought: For those of you that are jumping in to the chastity landscape and have not heard of, or explored, the materials describing a Female Led Relationship - check out the site www.aboutFLR.com. In particular, I found this quantitative representation of a FLR a very valuable tool to help identify where i am on my journey. http://www.aboutflr.com/articles/FLR-Models-Visualize-How-FLR-Works.html

 

Chaos theory applied: My limited understanding of the chaos theory is much aligned with things like entropy (that's a blast to past high-school chemistry lessons). I feel that these have some analogy with the journey i have embarked upon - that is that equilibrium is achieved through all parts of a system being in a highly fluid state of flux and motion. Why do i say this, you ask?

In the past few days my wife seemed to feel overwhelmed by the 'weirdness' of my recent actions. i know that she has not yet read the materials about 'real women don't do housework' and as such, she cannot yet interpolate a rationale for why i have gone from being sexually aggressive and unsupportive in our relationship, to being sexual timid/respectful and hustling around to ensure that i take care of all housework and home duty before she has the opportunity to lift a finger. For her part of this journey, she is having to develop a comfort level with 'having available time' without feeling like she has forgotten something or being guilty about not doing something. The emotions and insecurities for her are creating some knee-jerk reactions that are highly volatile and unpredictable - yet - despite it all, we continue on forward path - with, what appears to be harmony in the relationship. I.e. irrespective of the underlying emotional volatility - there is beauty and harmony in the end result.

To provide some context, i will share a recent experiences. My Queen works in the big city and commutes to work each day. As a management consultant, i only find myself in the company offices occasionally, most of the time i am on the road or working from home. During this time at home i have allowed my fantasy to grow a little faster than reality - removing all body hair from the neck to knees is a case-in-hand. While this did result in a highly charged emotional outburst driven by her fear and confusion - i plan to proceed onwards, being a little more conservative in the efforts i present to her.

Recently i have not needed to travel and i have slowly adopted ALL house related tasks. She has been appreciative of that. Following which, I have started to rise early before her so that i could take care of our children and pack a lunch for her. This morning, after making the bed and straightening the bedroom while she showers, i laid out an outfit for her. While she did choose a different outfit to wear, she commented that it was a lovely gesture and a very nice ensemble.

When my Queen was preparing to leave for work this morning, she kissed me and told me what a wonderful wife i was. At first i thought i misheard her. However, when she walked out the door, she said good by wife. This almost made my heart stop (and certainly made my pants bulge). i know that in her mind it was a gentle joke but this is exactly the desensitization to the concept of FLR that i am excited to see. i hope to see her stigma with existing gender roles reduced in future months.

So - while i am at the center of a highly chaotic and emotionally charged environment - i feel (hope and believe) that my efforts to encourage her growth appear to be working. What do you think?

 

Fighting with stereotypes:
i have come to the understanding that i must help to breakdown some of the stigma and cultural sex/role related stereotypes that my Queen has accepted as the norm here in North America. Until my Queen has freed herself of this archaic viewpoint, she will struggle in her own growth and will reject my submission to her.

For many months i have been chipping away at this in little steps - albeit pre-planned in a strategic way. Notably, both in public and at home i focus my attention on being the primary carer of our children. i am responsible for both drop-off and pick-up at daycare. The school knows to call me first in an emergency and recently, i have been picking up our progeny early enough in the afternoon to enable us to walk to meet my Queen at the train station when she returns from her commute to the big city. Note while i love my family and children, i wish to remain respectful of our families privacy and will not - ever - discuss them in any detail - please do not ask.

Last night, while waiting on the station, my wife exited with a small group of her female friends. They were deep in conversation and had not noticed us on the platform. i held back and waited, patiently and respectfully in the background, until they were finished talking before making myself visually noticed. Upon reaching the group, after the standard greetings and still in front of her friends, my wife asked me about one of my chores, sadly i had not accomplished that task yet and she informed me that i was not to worry, i could do it tomorrow. While subtle, this is a publicly made notice about my role requiring me to 'do stuff' for her.

As we walked away i suggested we stop by a local bar for a drink before heading home. We went in to a new place that opened near the train station. I was wearing jeans a casual shirt and pushing the stroller, my wife dressed in formal office clothing - but looking quite sexy and feminine too. As we entered, i let my wife head in first to select the seating - interestingly i could feel the male patrons staring at us. i collapsed the stroller and seated the rest of the family. We ordered our drink and chatted as any family would. After we had finished our drink my wife asked for the check and it was immediately delivered to the table and slid over by the waitress to be in front of my wife. While only a very subtle notification of my role in this relationship - it was a nice motivational nudge for me, as i can see that externally people recognize her as my Queen, even though she may not see it yet herself.

Once home my Queen went into the living room, watched some TV, read her book and drank a glass or wine, while i made us all dinner, bathed and put the children down and cleaned up the kitchen. While she was preoccupied watching TV in another room, i even made her lunch for the following day. Leaving her in peace to watch TV I entertained myself on the laptop for about an hour, after which i joined her so that i could rub her feet - it still amazes me that she at first rejects my offer to rub her feet if i ask, but doesn't fight when i just do it.

At this point i noticed she was watching a PBS documentary called Maker - it was focused on the gender inequality issues in North America business world. The documentary highlighted a number of valuable points that resonated with my Queen and i could see that she became particularly interested in the book they mentioned called 'Lean-In'. A new addition to my strategy now involves purchasing my Queen a copy of this book - it may continue to help her develop the ambition to be a leader in work and at home.

In bed that evening i failed to restrain myself and pushed her to engage with me for some sexual attention. It was not granted and to show my respect and more importantly to prevent my continued attempts, i decided it was appropriate for me to sleep on the couch. This self-penance however did not go unnoticed as my Queen mentioned this morning that she was sorry that i had to sleep on the couch, and that i should learn to not pester her at night. While i did move to the couch of my own volition, it was exciting to see that she had expected that of me as a way of apology for my behavior.

i wonder what subtle observations i will find over the coming weeks.

 

@tegelad : thank you for the post - yes i have picked up the meal preparation, however my Queen has informed me that exploring recipes and cooking is one activity that she enjoys. As such, i focus on the mundane breakfast and evening meals. But, when she has a recipe that she is eager to try, i tell her that i can be her Siox Chef and will prep all ingredients and also clean up after.

Regarding the body-image - you may be right here. She does have her list of fantasy men that include muscular hunks - who are obviously shaved to accentuate their torso and physique. Perhaps that is the direction i should go - not trying to become smaller and feminine, but muscular and smooth. Food for thought - hmm. i wonder if i might be able to encourage her to take my body measurements and to put rewards in place against loss of fat and increased muscle mass?

 

@tegelad - thank you for that idea. it is funny as we had a similar sex game while dating - using fake money and prearranged cost of services we would 'jokingly' purchase things from each other. as you may imagine, with my lack of control, she quickly became rich and the bank wouldn't give out any more funds. One must play this by ear, but the idea of some vouchers is not a bad idea - perhaps as part of a 'xmas' gift so that it doesn't come out as being too out-of-the-blue.

 

Lean-In:

my post today has little by way of earth shattering developments. It is a quick update on the value that the book 'Lean-In' might have. i googled extensively this evening and was able to find a pdf copy of the full text for the book. It now downloaded to the reading list on the iPad ready for my Queen after she has finished her current backlog of good reads. At 144 pages, i can't say that i read the full thing, but from a very fast scanning/read, it seems that the core focus that would/could impact my mission will be the content in chapter 8.

Here are a few excerpts:

In January 2012, I received a letter from Ruth Chang, a doctor with two young children who had seen my TEDTalk. She had been offered a new job overseeing seventy-five doctors in five medical clinics. Her first instinct was to say no out of concern that she could not handle the expanded responsibility in addition to taking care of her family. But then she wavered, and in that moment, Dr. Chang wrote me, "I heard your voice saying, 'sit at the table' and I knew I had to accept the promotion. So that evening, I told my husband I was taking the job... and then handed him the grocery list." Sharing the burden of the mundane can make all the difference.

Research over the last forty years has consistently found ...... when father provide even just routine child care, children have higher levels of educational and economic achievement and lower delinquency rates.

We all need to encourage men to lean in to their families. Unfortunately, traditional gender roles are reinforced not just by individuals, but also by employment policies.

Almost 30% of U.S. working wives now out earn their husbands. As that number continues to grow, I hope the whispering stops. [whispering is in context to asking - 'is he ok with you earning more than him']

Jen [took a job that made her the primary bread winner and her husband Andy] rearranged his work so he could be home with the boys each morning and night, and even more when Jen travels. He now pays all the bills and squeezes in grocery runs as much as she does. He cooks and cleans more, knows the details of the schedule, and is happy to be the number one, in-demand parent.

Research supports... when husbands to more housework, wives are less depressed, marital conflicts decrease, and satisfaction rises.

[Gloria Steinem had an interview with Oprah Winfrey] Gloria reiterated that progress for women in the home has trailed progress in the workplace, explaining, "Now we know that woman can do what men can do, but we don't know that men can do what women can do."

As more women lean in to their careers, more men need to lean in to their families. We need to encourage men to be more ambitious in their homes.

This book has received all kinds of positive and negagtive reviews and for the purpose of this thread, i would appreciate it if we could avoid going into a deep or ongoing debate or discussion critiquing her for not exploring issues of ethnicity, entrepreneurialism and sexual orientation.

The author opens by clearly stating that it is not an all encompassing social science text book or research paper. It is really a personal / individual opinion. A compilation of observation of women in the work-place. As this woman is a C-suite executive for one of the largest tech companies in the US (Facebook), you can expect it to be biased towards the view point and issues facing the 1%.

Yet - for my purposes, much of her thesis aligns with my needs and it could well be useful 'information' to roll out into the ongoing strategy.

 

Teeth, Toes and Groceries:

In the bathroom this evening my wife asked - 'which toothbrush are you using?' She had put two new ones out for us at the weekend. The truth is, i don't really care and rarely pay attention - just grabbing which ever one is closes. As I looked over, i could see that one is green the other is pink with a purple silicon grip. 'ermm, i'm not sure, I chirped' at which point she picks up and starts using the green one - 'i'll take this one and leave the other for you' she says leaving me with the pink tooth brush to make my smile pretty.

When we are laying in bed later this evening, we lied there chatting. She had an arm over me and was rubbing her hand along my smooth forearms. No comments of how weird it was now that i had shaved them. Which - BTW - i shaved again today, i figure the band-aid has been ripped off already, no point going back on it now. Infact, i assume that eventually she will see this as normal.

As we were chatting, she told me that my toenails were too long and that they scratched her. I apologized and jokingly said, perhaps i need to book in for a pedicure. Clearly i am testing the waters and not taking my own advise of keeping my head down! To my surprise, she said - 'yes, perhaps that can be one of your rewards'. 'i will not go with you, but i could drop you off and pick you up after'. Thinking of starting a new list - a list specifically of rewards for her to add to and subtract from based upon how happy she is with my work.

Lastly - today i felt very much like a little errand boy. Taking care of dry cleaning, groceries, laundry, shoe repair etc. In the mornings, i have got into the habit of asking my Queen what her day is shaping up to be, so that I know what time of day to reach out to her on instant messenger during her work. In our short chat today, she mentioned some additional groceries that she wanted, so i took another run out to the stores.

This evening as she inspected the different items i bought, i was critiqued for not paying attention to prices. Why did i get the beef when it was that price, i should have got something else instead. Also, she found that i bought a number of ancillary products that were not on the list my Queen had provided. She noted that i may not be allowed to go shopping anymore as i cannot be trusted and i am not paying attention to the price.

My suggestion for her consideration is that, as she has a 'feeling' for how much the weekly groceries should cost, she could give my this as a cash amount on Sundays for my shopping trip on Mondays. That way, I am limited to a specific $$ value and will be forced to pay attention to buying the things we need. Note: i do apologize to those that are less fortunate that i - but it is the truth when i say that i have not looked at the price of anything i buy in a grocery story for over 10 years. If i like the look of it, it went in the basket. Even though we 'could' afford to shop like that, my Queen has always collected coupons and checked prices. Perhaps this is why she should run all our finances. Having her only give me cash is one way that she can start to take financial control in the family - when the time is right i will surrender my credit and debit cards to her also (if that is what she would like).

 

Horn-dog is on the couch again:

Oh - and by the way, yes - i am on the couch again - i thought / hoped that as we went to bed early that i was sure for a release. i am still pent up from the denied release that i was expecting on Monday. i was given permission to J/O last Friday, but that feels like an eternity ago and i'm starting to lose my mind as i have no clear end point in sight. i will HAVE to lock up in the CB6000 tomorrow as there is no way i can make it through the day under my own control.

 

@subklik - thank you for the encouragement. i am glad that i jumped in here, it is providing a fun outlet for me to share my experience while also learning from the experience of others.

To many, i expect that the nature of this thread is boring. i am trying to be very real about my personal experience. Prior to joining i had read many other blogs that really did seem to be fiction - i could not imagine how a wife might come home from work one day and out of the blue put a cage on her man - and before the end of the week have her girlfriends and mother taunting and teasing him. while some of that fantasy is exciting - i feel stories like this really are fiction and i am using this a personal log of my own journey. i doubt many other people would get a boner from his wife making him use a pink toothbrush.

By the way - very frustrated right now - i found myself edging in the shower without really thinking about it. When i got out i tried to get in my CB6000 but my boner won't go down and i can't fit in. Going to have to wait for some mundane part of the day - perhaps the conference call i have at 10am would work - put the phone on mute and give it a try then.

 

In case you wanted to read the book, here is the URL that i found, it may not stay live forever as i am sure that there must be copyright issues:
https://my.cloudme.com/v1/ws/:himanshuleon/:Lean In - Sheryl Sandberg/Lean In - Sheryl Sandberg.pdf

 

Twinges of delight:
A quick post - during a most tedious work call today i was able to rid my mind of any tantalizing thoughts and quickly jumped on the opportunity to cage myself. If only the senior managers at the fortune 500 company on the other end of the call knew what i was doing as they waffled on with their BS about growth strategies.

i am certainly a grower not a shower, i start at about 4 inches and quickly reach 8ish, and the slight bit of handling to get in the equipment can be challenging. However, i am pleased to say that i was successful and i am back in the CB6000. it has only been a few weeks of experience, but i really find comfort in the snug fit it provides, yet i still get some small twinges of pain when my balls get squeezed between my inner thighs or the ring pulls really tight forward as my erection grows.

This made me realize that i have value to provide in a post for the user that is even newer than me. When i first got the CB6000 i couldn't see how i was going to get in the tube.

i have learned through recent trials and experimentation that i have to wear the largest ring as i have found that the next one down cause pain and irritation, possibly inflammation to the ductus deferens.

i use the longest rod and spacer to begin with and then after about an hour i quickly switch it out for the middle one, about half the length i think. This combination of the largest ring and a mid spacer has made the device impossible for me to remove and maintains a consistent tight fit. i still have a little twinge of delight reminding me that i'm wearing it - but it all feels medically safe and is become part of the experience.

As for the tube itself, at first i had no idea how to get inside. i thought i may need to buy the curve as i couldn't push myself in. i would start flaccid and then a little blood flow would make it too big to fit. The other week i happened upon the idea of twisting it on with a little lube, which left a little cork-screw shape in the flaccid skin, but that self adjusted through out the day. - yet i didn't like the idea of the moisture or lube.

Then i had my own ah-moment. i cut off a piece of plastic shopping bag to make a parachute shape. I poked the tip of the parachute out the end of the tube. Using the plastic bag as a liner I align my tip to the opening and then slowly ease it into the tube. Presto - all in, straight and comfy. As it turns out - i think that this may be what others refer to as the sock method? Not sure, but to me, perhaps as a former engineer - i see this as a removal tube-in-tube liner. Perhaps I should patent it and charge royalty fees on all you guys doing it this way! - joke.

Thinking about the CB6000 the other day, I reached out to a buddy of mine and we're going to try and make a replicate device formed out of carbon fiber. It will be 20x stronger and 5x lighter than the CB6000 and could be streamlined to reduce bulkiness. i have no idea how much it might cost to make the prototype - but i'll share any updates. For that part of my journey, i'll post updates here: http://www.chastitymansion.com/foru...bre-follow-this-thread-to-read-updates.13835/ Follow this that thread if it interests you.

 

Sweet release:
Today, before my Queen arrived home I removed my device, freshened myself, prepared dinner and got ready for our evening routine. Earlier in the day we chatted on IM and she further expressed to me her concerns about how the 'stick and carrot' method was so heavily weighted towards my sexual needs and that it was intimidating and also that my adoption of all chores and duties was overwhelming her.

Listening to her concerns, we started talking and agreed to some new rules.

1)i will not greet her at the train and walk home with her unless she specifically identifies that morning that she would like me to join her on that walk.
2) she appreciates the help i provide in the house and with the family, but she wants to have two evening meals per week that she will cook - as she enjoys is and misses it. We chose Wed (as she works from home that day) and Saturday. All other meals, breakfast and dinner remain my responsibility. And - notably she has not absolved me from the laundry, groceries, dishes and other housework.
3) rewards need to include non-sexual options - i will discuss this in more detail below.

My Queen requested non sexual rewards. i mentioned before that she propose a 'pedicure' the other night as a nice treat for me. This evening she also came up with me getting a back-rub. i proposed being taken underwear shopping and going out on a date to a location of my choice. Once compiled, we both agreed that these were all great and with time would be very good rewards. i made a point to highlight that if we could make sure to make each one a special event - make an occasion out if it, it would have more impact.

Specifically, what i am thinking is that we should not just throw some tighty-whities into the shopping cart, while in walmart or target. Instead, we would need to make a special trip to go shopping for just underwear and to spend some time on the web before hand working out what we are looking to buy. i also have a vision of her calling the salon to arrange for my pedicure, driving me over there, walking in, telling the girls what to give me and then, when picking me up, paying them and asking me (infront of them) if i enjoyed my treat. Not sure if that will ever happen, but it sure is a fun part of the fantasy life i am living in my head.

Anyway, i digress. i made sure not to remove 'my release' from the list. Instead i wrote - "Orgasm for Mr.Megan". It was a bold statement and also (i think) cunning in that it was non descript regarding the approach. She naturally assumed penetrative sex, but i saw the opportunity to start an education about her rewarding me without needing to have penetrative sex with me, if she doesn't want to. And so, this evening i started a process of getting her to understand that she can and should separate my sexual release from her sexual desires and needs.

In bed, while cuddling together i prompted her subtly and less subtly requesting sex. She was tired and not interested, but we talked about the fact that if i was horny i should just J/O. i was able (i think) to get the conversation to align the thought that my abstinence from J/O this past week was intended to make the event of my orgasms more powerful. Furthermore, i was able to identify that i felt it was important for her to be present and a part of my orgasm experience, even if i am J/O rather than us having penetrative sex (not this was not the language i used).

While she did not 'agree' that she should be a part of it, she did not disagree or claim that i was being weird. As such, i was able to get her give approval that i should J/O and i then politely requested her to hold and caress my nuts during the process. Thus, i offered her the power grip and enabled her to feel some emotional ownership over the event. Knowing she was tired and not that into it, i worked hard to make myself cum fast - while i would have really enjoyed edging for a good 15-20 minutes first.

The sweet release was fantastic - very powerful as you can imagine based upon 6.5 days of chastity and a number of self induced edging sessions throughout the week. But, more intoxicating than that, was my impression that my Queen might now associate her authorization of my J/O as a reward. And thus, i hope, she will start to recognize that i should not be allowed to J/O freely and that it should be gifted as a reward when deemed appropriate. i will continue this subtle education and report back if and or when she takes the matter into her own hands (pun intended).

 

@tegelad

Thanks for the comment. Controlling self abuse is easy (for now). It is meaningful enough for me with a view to the big picture / end goal, that i am able to abstain. However, there have been times that i've worried myself (for example, if i found myself edging in the shower and things were getting a little to much fun) and i've then quickly locked myself up in the the CB6K. Clamping that on helps to exert the necessary control.

Regarding her energy. it is interesting, the commute doesn't cause a substantial drain on energy. While i am doing dinner etc she is playing with our young family, which i know is draining of energy, and after relaxing in-front of the TV or with a book, she'll go to bed around 9:30/10pm with the expectation that we'll get woken a few times in the night due to kids crying out and will be woken up by 5am due to their innate ability to be cockerels and waking the household reproducibly at the crack of dawn every day.

But - your point does create some cause for thought - what could i do to help her have more energy? The answer i think, is to stimulate her into doing some form of physical exercise a few times a week. It may seem counter productive, but lethargy exacerbates fatigue in my mind and physical activity creates boundless energy. i did engage us in a health center family plan a few months back and now that she has the time, she did recently propose (herself) that we should schedule a way for us to go a few times a week. So perhaps by taking on these duties i am allowing her the time and mental capacity to realize she should work-out more - which i hope will then create increased energy levels.

What do you (or others) think?

 

@tegelad - thanks, all solid advice, much of which i am exploring similar themes of already.

One question for you and the greater audience - as you may have picked up, i like third party reference materials that i can bring into the mix. i bought a hard copy of Mistress Ivy's book as part of the strategy and plan to bestow it upon her at Christmas or Valentines depending upon progress. However, i have just found out about another body of work - yet i cannot find trace of it on the internet - which surprises me as i have mad skills at hunting things down on the web.

Does anyone have a pdf of this document? and what is the consensus of Mistress Ivy's book: A key holders guide to male chastity?

"Be Careful What You Wish For: The Ultimate Guide to Male Chastity"

 

On the road to tease and denial (i hope):

After a wonderful release last night my wife has come to understand the significance of holding back from J/O and the increased intensity in my release. Leveraging her frustration that the 'carrot and stick' approach is putting too much focus and emphasis on us having penetrative sex i was able to get her to recognized that her encouragement / enabling me to J/O can be as much a reward for me as anything else. i.e. let's get Mr.Megan an Orgasm as a reward separated from her needs.

i was not convinced she'd go along or consider that this would make sense - yet to my disbelief as we discussed it this evening she confirmed that while she doesn't understand the holding back and reward attributes from this - she can see that it works for me and she is happy to 'give it a try'. WOW!

Further adding to this i pushed the envelope by discussing the need for keeping me in check with 'punishments'. It's funny timing as we're talking about discipline for the children and she has started to recognize the value of 'positive reinforcement' and 'positive punishments' as the corner stones of operant conditioning. Building upon this understanding she has agreed that i will be permitted a weekly J/O (Fridays) and that she will control when and if this happens through delaying me as punishment for not meeting her expectations on my tasks around the house.

YIKES - is this really happening - has the journey started?!

Wish me luck - my next release is now scheduled for Friday November 7th 2014 - i'm wondering if i should purposely cause a need for her to punish me to start the ball on the process of taking that control - of if, perhaps, i should just spend a few weeks getting her comfortable with giving me a J/O as a release / reward each week?

What do you all think?

 

@tegelad - thanks for the continue support. i'm still processing what happened this evening as well as your comments. my personal thoughts right now are to focus on creating a sense of 'normalcy' about this so that she get comfortable having the control over rewarding me with a J/O release each once per week.

For a very vanilla female with existing hang-ups about female domination - or more specifically, hang-ups about male submission, i think the idea of getting her desensitized to the concept of controlling / issuing my release is a critical stage in her development and well allow her inner Dom to grow and become stronger. i'm going to plan on getting that part of her normal consciousness before trying to elevate the relationship to explore any forms or positive punishment or other control dynamics.

After a few weeks of her getting comfortable with this level of control dynamic i think i will interject some epic failure on my behalf to satisfy my kink of wanting to be denied. Through-out the week blogging, self induced chastity in the cb6K and reading this forum will work well to keep me on edge, building the anxiety for me. Of course, i will ensure that my Queen is satisfied in all domestic and bedroom ways that she requests.

i should note that one of the ongoing concerns i have about this possible life commitment is that she doesn't masturbate, doesn't enjoy clitoral stimulation, refuses to let me go-down on her, doesn't own or want to own or use a vib or dildo. i am going to need to start very slowly trying to break down some of the walls that she has built around these sexual activities. If anyone has thoughts on how to help a vanilla woman break down her own barriers i'm all ears. But, please don't provide ideas like - 'buy her a hitachi wand and let her have at it' ..... or 'sit her on a sybian and get her to ride it'.

Thanks all!