I'm going to continue here, on the topic of submitting when it isn't easy, and when you don't want to submit. I think it is an important distinction between a female led relationship, and other types of relationships. We as a couple have chosen to arrange our marriage in a way that puts her as the final decision maker in all things. She does need, and listen to my opinions and I give council on every important decision. I feel that my opinion has value, and is respected by her. When I am locked in a cage, and sexually docile, it seems she has even more patience about listening to my opinion. I feel that we communicate very well this way.
But before chastity, when we discussed something, and didn't agree - there were tendencies for the argument to escalate, and likely end with no agreement or decision being made, and both of us going off to pout about it. It was very inefficient. It wasn't fun. And it wasn't functioning well. It caused that argument to spill over into other smaller disagreements - what we were going to have for dinner and those sort of trivial things. And it put even more stress on our already waning sexual appetite for each other. It was often a no win situation, simply to disagree.
You put any two people into a relationship, living together, sharing a budget, sharing free time - there are going to be disagreements. When the two people in question are bull headed and stubborn, as both me and my wife are, it's going to be difficult to resolve disagreements. While there are many healthy ways to go about it, and I don't claim this is the only one, in our lives and for our situation I cannot imagine any better way it could have worked out than the way it did. We unilaterally agreed that she was the leader. It isn't kinky, and has nothing to do with the fun sexy side of our relationship. In our case, and for our situation, it works out that she has gained my respect more and more as we've done this for being a more rational decision maker than I am. If she was screwing it up somehow, I wouldn't probably feel the same, but I marvel at how much better everything runs when I submit to her as the master of the home.
That being said, it wasn't easy for me to give in. It sometimes is still not easy to do. I feel that I am a smart man, who has a good grasp of the problems life presents us, and solutions to move us forward. When she has a different plan, that I don't agree with - and we're talking about major decisions about our children, our budget, our home - she is going to hear my opinion and every supporting detail I can come up with. Often, it will affect her decision even if she doesn't outright agree with me. But when it doesn't, and after I have poured my heart out in defense of my opinion and she simply decides to move forward with a plan I don't agree with, I feel the stubborn argumentative me inside, welling up, wanting to turn it into an argument. I get flustered. She see's it on my face. I am silent, and trying to think of a way to convince her to change her mind and failing to come up with anything. I start getting inwardly frustrated, perhaps even angry. This is when it is true submission. In the back of my head, a little voice reminds me that it has been working well, that I trust her. I remember that she is smart, that she love us, and isn't going to do anything to hurt me. I realize that she has patiently listened to, and considered my argument. I take a deep breath, feel a wave of calmness rush over me and say, "Yes dear, I understand."
Sometimes I come to that point quickly, sometimes I don't. But when I do, and later when her decision proves to work out well, my respect for her grows. And right then.... oooh, in those moments... I am so attracted to her. Then it does become sexual for me. I love the moments where she shows how capable she is. Gets me all worked up for her. And she knows this.
