This is an unpleasant topic at best. But I would like to tap into collective wisdom of a wonderfully diversified group of people who share in this site. Some background: A few months before my 60th birthday, my wife of 28 years asked what I would like for such a monumental milestone. I have encouraged her for many of those years to give chastity and other non vanilla activities a try. “Not her thing” she would tell me. I had discovered this site a couple of months before the B-Day question. this couldn't be a coincidence. My wish was to be placed in chastity. She had been expressing concern about the stress I was experiencing at work. Recent promotion meant more responsibility. I shared that serving her as a chaste husband would help me deal with the stress and I would make it so she would not have to do much. To my surprise, she agreed to try. She took to it like a duck to water. Nothing wild and crazy, but she loved teasing me in my chastity device and really enjoyed watching me strain against the cage. Since going through menopause 12 years earlier, my wife’s sex drive went the way of the dinosaur. She only desired one or two orgasms a month. After a couple of weeks of teasing me in chastity, her sex drive exploded. In 30 minutes one lazy Saturday afternoon, she had four orgasms. Each progressively more intense. Having her become my Key holding Queen was far more enjoyable than either of us had anticipated. I had lost 60 lbs over the previous 8 months. Caged erections were coming fast and furious under my wife’s touch. The world was a happy place. At my annual physical, the doctor informed me my PSA had more than doubled in one year. She said I needed to see an Urologist immediately. I did. Nothing unusual felt on my prostate. Did enjoy the prostate massage. Note to self: need to purchase a butt plug that massages the prostate while cleaning the house. He recommended a biopsy out of an abundance of caution. Week later comes the call. Sorry to inform you that 6 of the 12 biopsy samples came back positive for prostate cancer. Your Gleason score was 9 out of a possible 10. You have an aggressive and advanced cancer that needs to be treated immediately. Living in Phoenix, AZ, we have a lot of retired folks which means we have three great cancer centers. I needed a second opinion. More scans and another, sorry to inform you conversation, worst than the first. You have stage 4 prostate cancer that has metastasized to at least one Lymph Node and at least one spot in your bones. We went from retirement planning to end of life planning. Statistics say I have 18 months to 5 years. I feel great. Just lost a bunch of weight and was exersizing daily. How the hell did this happen? Initial treatment is Antiandrogen therapy to start. They inject me with a three month dose of Lupron. To save you time from Googling it, essentially chemical castration. And the cancer that will take my life is called “Castrate Resistant.” If you have read a story about a man being drugged and kidnapped, waking up and finding he has breasts and no male genetalia, that’s how i felt three weeks into the treatment. Woke up one morning and found that I gone from man boobs, from being overweight, to full and firm breasts. My penis has shrunk by at least 50% and never becomes an erection. Testicles have shrunk 25% and have the firmness of an avocado that is at least two weeks passed the point of being ripe. The connection from my brain and nipples to my penis has disappeared. My new favorite color is pink. My Queen just shut down. Her desire for physical intimacy vanished. She abdicated her throne. I waited a couple of months to bring up the topic of putting back on the throne. “I’ll think about it” was all she said. She had books and some wonderful articles sitting on her dresser that she was going to read prior to my diagnosis. She never touched them. Now four months have passed since we received the bad news. My desire and need to have her as my Queen again is stronger than ever. We have discussed it, but she can’t bring herself to start up again. I apologize for the long story to get to the point of soliciting your assistance. For me, the fun of chastity was the teasing and restrictions on my cock and balls, not knowing when I might earn the privilege of a release. The cages I have are no longer an option. Other than serving my Queen or perhaps cross dressing, what other creative things can I enjoy for myself and with her? The most important thing to me now is how can I help my wife become my Queen again. She keeps telling me she is thinking about it and well begin reading the books and stories soon. Two months after our first discussion everything is in the same spot on the dresser. It may be that I have to simply accept my fate. She may never have the desire to be my Queen again. And I can certainly live with that. When we first started dating, I told her she was every man’s fantasy – but one man’s dream come true. She has proven me correct every day of our 28 wonderful years together. With luck and science, I may have many more years with her. But I would like to give it one more try. If she decides its a nonstarter for her, then I will have to give this up. Go cold turkey like a drug addict. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Writing is was good for me. Except I have to stop crying like a little girl. Another side effect of Lupron.
I am so sorry about your illness. All the best wishes for recovery. Probably no solace to your wife that the chastity had no connection to the cancer, but perhaps you can reassure her on that.
So sorry to hear this. I know advice may not be what you are looking for, but it sounds like you have a wife that you can be thankful for that is at your side at this difficult time, and it sounds like you had an opportunity to really enjoy a fresh spark in your sex life that ended too soon. Give her time, she may come around. She's probably under stress too, hurting for you. Best wishes for your recovery.
Hi i too send my heartfelt synpathy to you and your Queen and i truly hope things work out for you both, you have helped hopefully put things that are "truly" important in life into perspective and having read other posts worrying about language etc it helps show what is really important in life!. I agree with the other replies your wife is probably worrying so much for you that the thought of starting this up again is way down on her list of priorities however try and explain that for the time you partook in it you felt immense and would love to feel the same emotions again. Once again i am really sorry that this terrible illness which blights so many folks lives has decided to enter your life and i hope as you say that science and prayer can help you in your battle with it. Best wishes and it can be beaten if everyone gives!
You truly love your wife. Even with your prospects looking bleak you still want to try and please her and yourself. I would cherish every moment .. Life is very cruel. . 28 years is a long time. Your love for each other keeps you strong and I'm sure your wife is struggling to deal with what you have been told. Good luck Lucy x
I feel for you, and for her, and what I'm about to say may sound harsh, but........ I'm sorry to say it, but I feel that your queen was interested and keen on those games precisely because you had a firm and erect cock. Take that out of the picture and what is there to tease and deny? Remember also the very great strain your diagnosis will be having on her. She will be coping of course, but she'll already be working hard, really hard, to keep herself together. It's also possible that she is in mourning already. Mourning the loss of your manhood, and your life even. And you're asking her to engage in some fantasy game about your cock? Get real man, she has other things on her mind right now. I think you need to take your dick out of the picture for a while, and go from there. I think the two of you need to communicate, and communicate and communicate. And I wish you both all the luck in the world.
Wow, besides being obviously saddened to hear about your medical diagnosis and prognosis... I am shocked that this thread seems to have devolved into making the wife happy, despite the effect on the husband of his condition, his treatment and his outlook. He's trying to cope with his feelings of loss and potential end-of-life in the best way that he can and he is forced to make sacrifices. I can only speculate how it would be if the tables were turned, if the wife has stage 4 breast cancer, who also previously enjoyed breast bondage and whose husband was no longer willing offer that intimacy to his wife because he was mourning the loss of that part of his marriage. What kind of shmuck would he be? Anyway, at this point good sir CagedinEV, I hope you find happiness at this time of your life in any way that you can.
I hear you Tiny Tim, and I was wondering about that after I posted. It's about priorities though. If I had 6 months to 5 years to live I'd be looking to fill my life with as many experiences as possible, including travel, and improving my relationships with any and everyone around me. There certainly seems to be a pattern there as from what I've read and what I hear from people that is a common thing. If part of that is to experience chastity and having your partner be and act as your queen though, then you need a willing and happy partner. My initial comment is about recognising that if she isn't so willing or happy, then perhaps there are reasons why that need addressing. Again - if a re-introduction of your earlier chastised status is what you feel you need, then I'd say that open and honest and careful and caring communication is the key.
@CagedinEV You seem very positive and that is good place to be cancer don't like that much. So you obviously go with the medics and stay as healthy as you can an I expect in the next few weeks you will get a better idea of what the future may hold. I guess that getting a cage to fit after the powerful anti - androgen is a bit problematic! I go with the others and try to get your wife to be as positive as you are and enjoy life as much as possible. Let us know how it works out and our thoughts are with you both. Xx Hugz Wendy xx
@CagedinEV, thanks very, very much for your posting. Godspeed to you for recovery!!! I've recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer, as well, and will likely be having prostate removal surgery soon. I know to expect that after the surgery I won't be able to ejaculate or to have shooting orgasms again. Moreover, I know that with the unavoidable nerve damage, I'll be lucky if I can develop an erection. My Goddess and I realize that time is short, so we started our chastity experience last weekend knowing that it will only be for the time period between now and when the surgery happens. Our purpose with chastity is to intensify our relationship now while we both still have our fullest capacities. Like your Queen, my Goddess has become sexually awakened since about the time my cancer was diagnosed. I'm doing my best to give her as many orgasms as I can right now ....... they've been absolutely wonderful for both of us. With that said, it's very sad to read how your Queen's desire for physical intimacy vanished after surgery. I'm sure that's got to be heartbreaking for each of you. I worry that the same might happen to my Goddess after I've been made into a eunuch. Can you give any advice to other cancer patients (like me) who are following the same path as you about what's been most helpful to you and your Queen, both prior to your surgery and afterwards? Again, thank you very much for sharing this post. Your thoughts and feelings on dealing with the trauma and chaos of it all helps me, and I'm sure, many other men on this site.