maybe, maybe not.

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Beck, Jan 26, 2015.

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  1. Beck
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    Beck Banned

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    so, life has a way of being just what you do not expect. one day, things are all happy happy and just perfect, and the next, well, just the opposite.

    there has been a few major changes in our lives. her dad died. and now the fun has seemingly died also. so few are our intimate exchanges these days that the entire ordeal of master and slave has screeched to a stop. for a while i thought we just need some time. but now i see, that things will never be the same. for a long time i remained patient and obedient. i remained under lock and key for over three months with no release and no attention at all. but the reality of life just became too much, too sad, too unbearable. we have serious relationship issues now. trust issues. these issues had nothing to do with our sex life, but now they have taken over everything. i have serious doubts now. i know she does also. she wants to be controlling, but in a way that is completely absent of any lust for kink and what brought me here to write about this crap in the first place... sadness has turned to stagnation.

    i had a random burst of emotion one day, and asked for the key... any other time that would have earned me rather negative attention and possibly more denial. this time she just gave the key over with out any hesitation, and said that if i want to take it off so badly i should, and to forget about a second chance.

    i took the opportunity.

    i do not regret asking to be emancipated. it was needed. i needed a break. she could not participate the way she had anymore, and serving her was never enough to make her happy. i am not happy. the grief of our loss of life has been too overwhelming. anger and resentment have crept in and taken over. i still do chores just like the submissive that i had become. but there is no love, and no appreciation. just grief. maybe i am selfish wanting attention and the usual. but at what point does a submissive say i cannot submit any longer? i think i have reached that point. our investment seems to have been wasted. our love has been put under a shadow. i have so many mixed feeling about this. i want to continue to serve her and do whatever i can to make her happy, but very little has had an effect. there has been some kind of odd shift in dynamics also... she is more introverted and less confident now. the needs she has i cannot satisfy. no one can, not that i can see anyway. chastity as a life style hasn't been working for either of us, nothing really has.

    it has been over a year since we lost her dad.
     
  2. Ownedbyyou
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    Ownedbyyou Member

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    Hello

    I'm very sorry to hear about your current issues and the sad loss of your wife's/partners father.

    I've got no idea what the circumstances of that loss are or your experience is in dealing with the loss of a loved one especially a parent, child or husband/wife. For some this can be a life changing event and I mean just that the person your once knew and loved disappears! If not supported that disappearance can be long lasting or even permanent.

    If your wife's/partners father died just over a year ago and from what you say this was the trigger for the change in her, she's obviously is still in shock or denial the latter is a coping mechanism for not dealing with their shock, loss and pain. What I'm hearing from you is "what about me it's been 3 months now" three months..............come on wake up mate she's lost her farther a year ago that's no time at all!

    She needs you now, this game we all play we do for fun it's not the real world, what happing to you and your wife/partner is!

    Love is about the other person not you, there is no pay back if you love her you need to be supporting her, it would appear from what you've written you've not been very supportive at any point! You need to look in the mirror mate this isn't about you it's about her and what you can do for her, if you continue on the course you appear to be on, this is all going to go very very wrong and you will both end up in a life changing situation!

    Perhaps not what you wanted to hear but this is meant with the best intentions I can assure you.
     
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  3. Beck
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    Beck Banned

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    actually i kind of expected this kind of reply. our situation is far more complicated than i've eluded to. but, i appreciate your words. there is some truth to what you suggest, except for your accusation that i've "not been very supportive at any point!" ...i can assure you there is nothing i put more effort into. i give her all my love. and i do so every day and will stop at nothing to make her content. i will continue to try - love is indeed about the other person. like giving a gift - if you expect thanks for your gift, you're not really giving at all. in fact, very similar words were spoken to us by her dad on our wedding day. he was a master at selflessness. and i miss him.

    i guess my heart just isn't in the 'game we all play' at the moment.
     
  4. Sig Wyrminorb
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    Sig Wyrminorb Long term member

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    Blessings and good luck.
     
  5. dboy
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    dboy Junior Member

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    Call me crazy but I believe in the afterlife and her dad is now there, in a peaceful, loving, non-judgemental place. I think he would be very unhappy that his departure caused this much unhappiness. His spirit just wants his daughter to be as happy as possible, just as I'm sure he did when he was alive.

    Put yourself in his place, you have a family with children and you pass away. Would you want your wife and children to ruin their lives mouring over you? You wouldn't want them to forget you, but not be miserable forever.

    I hope this doesn't sound like a rather stupid explanation, but if you think about it, and believe we go on to another place, then her dad is with her in spirit and observing everything that's happening. So what do you think he would think about this rather terrible, destructive situation.

    We must carry on as as dearly departed ones would want us to.
     
  6. xcitedsisssy
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    xcitedsisssy cd/sissy michelle

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    The grieving process is very different for everyone. I have lost 2 of my closest love ones on this planet and it is very traumatic. Once i realized there are other people still here that need to be loved and love me, did it dawn on me to get back to life in general and to enjoy each other while here on this earth.

    The support and love you give each other will help you through this agonizing time. Life is precious, live every day as if it could be your last because it very well could be. Keep your head up and God bless.
     
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