Chastity relationship maker or breaker.

Discussion in 'Off topic discussions' started by Mascara^Snake, Nov 22, 2014.

  1. BKNYC
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    BKNYC Active member

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  2. Hagan
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    Hagan unconstrained Member

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    Reading this post has been very interesting, I have wanted to introduce chasity into our relationship for a long time now but just cannot find the right time or words to do it. I did mention it once but the subject was ignored so I didn't pursue it further. But having read here that most people have had positive experiences I would love to try again to at least discuss it. A new years resolution maybe...
     
  3. Nostromo
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    Nostromo Long term member

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    LOL.. although I like the Alien movies, they stole "Nostromo" and "Sulaco" from the old Joseph Comrad novel, which is where I first picked up the name.
     
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  4. Nostromo
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    Nostromo Long term member

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    Well, the way I did it (and nothing my wife would have expected) is to say, "I think I am masturbating too much and it is making me sexually distant from you.. I woudl like to change that and focus more on you." What woman could turn that down?
     
  5. lockedUp24byKH
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    lockedUp24byKH Yes Dear...Right away.

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    It's brought a kinky bit of fun for us that's constant.

    I've a extremely high sex/lust drive and if left to my own desires I would regularly pump one out on my own, but now I let that choice go to my wife and she enjoys that control.
     
  6. Hagan
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    Hagan unconstrained Member

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    Thanks, I like that as an idea, not sure if she knows that I masturbate too much or not
     
  7. OwnedbyLeeanne
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    I was a very naughty boy and introduced chastity as a way of giving my wife control and confidence that I was not
    straying so to speak.
    It has been helpful and she seems to be getting into it more and I find I helpful to be less stressed about what my wife thinks
    I may be up to when I am out..

    Dianne
     
  8. paulie slave
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    paulie slave Locked house husband

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    With my recent change in mental state I am mad about everything chastity and sissy again. After so long away I am desperate for any sexual encounter with her, especially one that ends with her O. I try to obey and not be a moaning bitch. It's like our normal relationship anyway but she has the right to have fun at my expense and be obeyed. And I am down with that.

    I was mad into the lifestyle for years until I got sick. We're on the road back. We left signposts from the last time :)

    To answer the question, I don't remember, what was my relationship without chastity and submission? I remember trying to set up sessions where I could torture Mistress. It never seemed to come off, we played with bondage. I wanted to assert myself but it never came off. And no surprise there - I'd been fantasizing about crossdressing and submitting way before I could cum. I used to dress in my mother's lingerie when I was 8.

    So I have form. Maybe a more fair way of looking at it is that lazy me can be forced to do service and housework in return for dressing, chastity and dominance. And I think that works for some people.
     
  9. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    i was working in bars in Spain as a girl when i met Mistress and when we come back to UK after a bit it just happen that i become Mistress maid and Mistress thinks that its best if im put in a little cage to make me more nicer and do what im told to.
    And it does. i never argue no more and wants to do all that She tells me to. Its a lot better.
     
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  10. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    It's been a relationship builder. Not a maker. The trick is submission, not regression. Just over a year ago, I resolved that my 1st priority was to make her happy. I also resolved to never masturbate. I didn't focus on my kinky proclivities, just her. I tried so hard not to angle for sex.

    I did well for three months on the honor system, and started edging... she encouraged me playing with myself. I made it just over 5 months before I spilled over when edging alone, after she left for work. I couldn't help but finish with a delicious orgasm. Other than a few months off around the time I was pierced, I've stopped masturbating. I'm nearing 6 months now without making myself orgasm.

    More important than my accounting fetish, we have a great connection now. The key is to really focus on her, and not your own kinks and desires.
     
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  11. allaboutHer
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    allaboutHer Long term member

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    I flipped when I was introduced to the concept. However I always like to try things twice and after a while I realised the potential and I never looked back.[/QUOTE]

    Hello Ms. Amanda.
    ...and why would you carry such insecurity?!? From what little we have chatted, the postings you make and the fetching and tasteful glimpses you have allowed to the masses, you seem like an intelligent, bright, funny, with confident and generally overall fun
    person. The kind of female that guys like me want to fall to our knees for, surrender our souls for and protect you like a chivalrous knight if ever needed.
    Anyway, in the long rung, chastity seems to be finally enhancing our relationship (because I gave up all control as my name says). When I tried to make it fit my tableau, it was a disaster. I introduced chastity to rescue a sexlife ruined by manic pressure (moreso from my Wife/Mistress/Keyholder) to procreate due to fertility problems...we finally got the first child we wanted and I purchased a device and surprised her with it on...she had a very tepid response and the way I tried to shape the lifestyle led to many stops, starts and heated misunderstandings...fast forward 7 years and the baby bug bit again, and this time the fertility issues had worsened. That said though, this time she decided she could have fun treating me like a stud service imprisoned by my fetishes sending me off to the clinic with pantyhose on under my clothes and a pair of her sexy, day worn undies to use as an aid for me to produce the seed for several insemination attempts. One finally took and our family was complete. That was 3 years ago and I have had a mere 2 orgasms since. NOT what I expected, BUT she is increasingly into the dynamic and reviving things (like light crossdressing which she introduced when we met) that at one point bothered her because she was afraid I would like it too much. Anyway, I now find myself sleeping in hosiery, silk boxers (sometimes panties or thongs) and skimpy tee shirts 3-4 nights per week. She is more bold now and less hesitant to TELL me what she wants, (get me a drink, make dinner, go to the store, give me a foot rub, give me a backrub, paint my toes, slough my feet, pick up more wine, I need more batteries etc.). She wears one of her key charm necklaces daily now (one is dressy, one is casual).I see the dynamic deepening too---I don't know what is in store for me
    but I am ready to serve as I continue to hope my unquestioning behavior leads to some of the things I have been dying for in our lifestyle (more teasing, edging and the introduction of strap on play). We will see what 2015 brings.

    allaboutHer
     
  12. DevilsDesire1
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    DevilsDesire1 Member

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    Chastity is both a physical and emotional state for the submissive whether male or female and I have found the presence of the device reminds them constantly during their day of what and who they are, property is also a feeling of security for many. It provides a sense of security for the submissive and a sense of belonging. The actual presence of the device should not be underestimated. I appreciate that the device should not be necessary from a dominants perspective but it is more a security and sense of belonging issue from the submissives view point. Often this sense of belonging is overlooked by the dominant which I have learned over the years to appreciate.

    This lifestyle is a two way street with the dominant compromising on the presence of the device and the submissive requiring that device in return for which the service of the submissive is given willingly to the dominant which is the submissives compromise. What that service might be is dictated by the dominant hence the mutual fulfilment of both parties.

    I often think of it as dominating from the bottom. Who is really in control? That is a vexed question but one that is intoxicating.
     
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  13. Sunny
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    Sunny Long term member

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    I found male chastity lifestyle about 2.5 years ago
    The reason was that I wanted to prove my loyalty towards my KH wife
    And to give her confidence that I do not / will not / can not have affair / sex without her knowledge
    After reading various blogs, sites & experiences, she was convinced
    She locked me in a steel cage about 2.5 years ago,
    And today we are more than happy couple
    I serve all her needs & desire to her satisfaction
    Thanks to chastity!!!
     
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  14. She decides
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    She decides Member

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    I've always been kinky and have wanted a fem-dom lifestyle, and my wife was vanilla but fun. I was always unfulfilled in my sex life. In the summer of 2014 my wife read all 3 Shades of Gray books. I won't comment on the books as I didn't read them, but the content blew the doors of the world of BDSM wide open for her. She jumped through the newly opened doors and didn't look back. Sometimes my desires had scared her, now she fully understands, accepts, embraces and uses them. Our marriage and sex were mundane.

    She seems very happy now and our marriage has been rekindled and is burning brightly. She enjoys her newly found Dom role. I love finally being accepted by her for what I am.

    The chastity and orgasm denial is a fun and exciting part of our fem-dom dynamic. Our marriage and the fem-dom doesn't revolve around the hardware in my crotch. However, the lifestyle coupled with the chastity has surely enhanced our marriage.
     
  15. Kasaru
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    Kasaru Active member

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    Paul and I met through bdsm, so we already knew we both wanted me to have complete sexual authority over him. I am big on obedience full stop but sexual obedience is really important to me. I made it clear that he must be able to commit to obedience as I see deliberate disobedience as a form of disloyalty and lack of commitment.

    I don't have him in a device all the time, but he is always in his MM jailbird when he is away from me, so at work or if he goes off to do stuff without me, the exception being cycling as it really can't be accomplished comfortably with the jailbird on. Our relationship has been enhanced not only by the chastity and sexual control but by my knowing I can trust him implicitly, so whether he wears it or not, he is obedient.

    We have a strong and loving marriage which I believe is sustained by my being in sexual authority over him. I have never been happier in a relationship, and ours is a very intimate and sexual one, which is also what we both wanted.
     
  16. fabricator
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    fabricator Active member

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    We have played with chastity for a couple of years.I like it much more than her.We have been married 29-1/2 years,and I am wanting to keep thing fresh.She is happy doing the same thing 2 or 3 times a week forever.I noticed soon after we started playing this way,I was a much better husband.I do more for her,pay more attention to her and am happy just to cuddle up and hold her.After few times in lock up she has noticed I am a much better husband as well.It seems to take around 10 to 14 days after I have been locked in the device for me to start being more helpful.The problem is,she is weak and wants me inside her when she is in the moment,and I am unlocked.It's been fun for me,but the longest I have been locked is 36 days.Most of the time less than 14 days at a time.This time I have been locked since 1/17/15,but it is because I resisted last week when she was ready.I make orgasim a few times a week,but not always what she wants.For me it has made our marriage better.For her she could let it go and never think about it again and do the same thing we have done for the last 30 years.
     
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  17. BlueEyes
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    BlueEyes The lifestyle pumps in my veins...
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    Honestly, I think that too much gear, playtools and setups would have killed it for her, even before it really took off. I think that one of the biggest reasons for it to work is her focus on minimalistic physical expression and full focus on mind control.
    Well, being ordered to pierce myself and now having a permanent heavy cock ring on , is perhaps not so "light", but I think she enjoys that her cock is not locked away . It is exposed and even emphasized. Her being dressed and me - and Anne - being naked and nothing much more than that - is a strong power statement on its own, and not much more is needed.
    I did in the beginning dream away about heavy setups - and even punishments sessions, pegging and all - but I have managed to defeat that urge and replace it with something much more - unconditional love to her leadership.
    The fact that her libido has blossomed has od course helped me out in my "transition", and made it easier to embrace my position - on the floor - giving her divine service.....:)
     
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  18. Deleted member 38179
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    It has enhanced our marriage much more than I thought was possible. Like so many other wives, she was shocked and couldn't understand why I wanted her to lock my penis up and control my orgasms. She looked online and read about male chastity and realized that it is all for her pleasure not just mine. She agreed and started helping me look for a device. Stating that she read that many men have to try several before getting it perfect. We ordered a silicone cb6000s style and a metal birdcage style that is closer to my 6" flaccid length.
    As soon as the silicone one arrived I put it on. The rush of positive emotion filled me up. I never felt so happy about my penis! After almost 2 weeks it had to be removed as it was tearing into my skin too much and causing a lot of blood. For the few days I was out healing and waiting for the other cage to arrive. I was moody and went back to chronic masturbating. I went back to ignoring her needs. My wife noticed it all. Once my new cage arrived we locked me up and I have been so much happier and attentive to my wife. This one fits so much better and is easy to get fully clean without removing it.
     
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  19. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    @Mychastitylife coo, 6" when you soft. How big is it when its all hard, please.
     
  20. locked17
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    locked17 Locked17

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    I have always been interested in chastity since my early 20's. My ex wife thought I was a freak for asking her to lock me up in chastity. She never warmed up to the idea. My current wife / KH took a little while to warm up to the idea. She did some on line research and after about 4 months of off and on play she started requiring full time chastity. It has really enhanced our relationship and she would never go back to the old way. A couple days of no orgasm and I am putty in her hands doing whatever she wants. We have even progressed into more kinky bedroom scenes. I'm loving every minute, even if she has most of the orgasm in our house.
     
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  21. Eillydray
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    Eillydray Slave at my wife's feet, MistressG

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    Having been married for 5 years now with two young children the recent addition of chastity in to our marriage has definitely been an enhancement.

    We are thinking about each other and texting all the time like we used to when we first met. The device is a constant reminder and whilst I have always been attracted to my wife, I think it's giving her more confidence that I am devoted to her. We are in the early days of longer term wear so I am no expert by any means but the experience has been very positive so far and I see no reason why it cannot continue.

    Ultimately the success or strain on any relationship is down to communication. I have seen marriages and relationships of friends and family break down because one or both partners are pissed but dont actually talk about it. This only causes negative feelings.

    I am blessed to have found someone who is very open minded, as I am, and very open to communication when we have issues. I think approaching the subject of chastity is an extremely intimate and private affair which will only work if both partners put all their cards on the table.

    If both partners are communicating openly, and assuming they are on the same page I think it has potential to be a wonderful thing for any relationship :)
     
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  22. Lucy
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    Lucy Lucy X

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    Hmmm....

    There is no option for neither.?

    Shortly into our relationship I mentioned to Mistress Deborah about chastity as we lived some 75 miles apart and saw each other at weekends. She had no desire to lock me up at that point and tbh I have never been a constant masturbator (I did when I was 13-16). But that was it...

    But we experimented and both liked the results - it made me more eager to see her :)
    But we didn't do it all the time.
    And even now - there is no device - I am denied orgasms's and can go for as long as required until Mistress wants me.

    But I would never say it made our initial relationship - it is part of the mix.

    What is important to our relationship is the Mistress and Slave and playing as kinkly as possible - this is the maker!

    @Mistress Deborah - Do you agree?

    Regards
    Lucy x
     
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  23. thefunone74
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    thefunone74 Banned

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    Great question mascara snake, i think as long as both parties are open to it, and enjoy enhancing their relationship, chastity is a great way to do it. I was initially introduced to it by my ex Gf after about a year of being together. We had already explored lots of very fun and kinky play, with her taking the lead as the dominant one behind closed doors. I forgot to mention this was a long distance relationship, ie over 1000 miles apart. While we were looking into other toys we could experiment with, came across chastity cages. At first i said no, a few months later she mentioned it again, since i had complete trust and a love was growing, i knew she would not steer us wrong so i agreed to try it. We had been doing the honor system for both of us the week leading up to each visit, which was about every two months, when the first plastic cage arrived i wondered what i had got into. It went on right away and the usual problems figuring out fit etc was painful, we got that figured out and began to enjoy all the positives that came from the chastity play. As it evolved, we decided to upgrade to the Mature Metal, (MUCH better than the plastic) and it was used more often than just the week prior to each visit. So to answer the question, yes, in my opinion, and for her and i, it certainly made our relationship stronger. I am glad she introduced me to it! Sadly we parted ways after 3 years of dating. In my next relationship i am hoping that i will find a Woman that is open to the idea, and will enjoy all the benefits that it brings.
     
  24. Andrew K
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    Andrew K Guest

    For me it is more of a maker than a breaker.

    If I date someone that is not in to my kinks I usually move on as I consider that person too boring for me.
     
  25. Mascara^Snake
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    Mascara^Snake Banned

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    Thank you for all your input. It makes very interesting reading :)
     
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