First I am not certain where to post this, as I just haven't been able to fully explore and figure out "foyer", "powder room" etc so if this is on the incorrect spot I apologize. So I'm Wife, best friend, lover and key holder to ItsNvrEnuf (he's been on here for quite some time now) He had a P.A. done in March 2014. We live the "spicy" life part time with an ever growing chaotic but beautiful vanilla life! TIME, time...it's always slipping by, just like oxygen, so essential to our marriage, we notice the deprivation, we feel it's effect...it's a struggle. So it's not all doom and gloom, by far! We are so happy, just don't have a lot of time so this is why Im here and where you my online confidants will encourage, assist and advise me. With our limited time, strenuous jobs (husband), an ill-fitting device, schedules like two ships passing in the night, I need advice on how to keep the chastity "alive" since it's imperative that it's interim or period play ( I don't mean menses) pemanent yet temporary (that must be removed due to his job and replaced on during time off of work) and not 24/7. I can explain this further if needed. Any advice, tid-bits etc would be helpful. This my dear chaste friends and key holders is why I am here, for support and answers to real life marriage chastity...Thank you in advance for your kind outreach. A few key points: He wants to be locked I want to lock him I fail at the proper "mind" play and psychological tools needed to keep it going while he is locked...hey it's hard to remember to whisper or text those key "things" when you only see each other every other week basically and when you do there are little humans (kiddos) within ear shot. We are married and live together but work opposite shifts and see each other every 5 days or so for half days and get 4 full days a month together. It's life, I fail at this, let my husband down, so need advice from married couples that make it work amongst the household daily chaos. Thanks friends.
Welcome to CM Elle, it's a pleasure to have you here. Please come through, it's chilly in the Foyer. One of the subbies will take your coat, do come and look around. Everyone here is approachable and you are indeed amongst friends. Every individual here has different ideas as to how to go about things 9some to be taken with a pinch of salt) Members here are purely living in a fantasy world and some in the daily drudgery of chastity lifestyle, some complete beginners, lurkers and everything in between. The on site search facility is superb for research and please don't be scared to post threads in the wrong bits we can tidy them up by your request. Don't be worried about approaching any of the Mods if you have difficulties, concerns or questions. Amanda x
We have all been there ! Obviously new phones offer all sorts of possibilities provided you have strong password /screen lock. Quite easy to keep things interesting , though you would need him under lock and key. May we ask why he can't wear a device to work ? Xx Wendy
Hi and welcome rubber Elle first there is no right way and wrong way. You said you were afraid of letting your husband down( and I think that all the mistress will agree with me) that this is what make you happy not just u your husband. Remember he wasn't to be your sex slave, if you find yourself lost in been the dominant person you could try role reversal for a few night, and you be your husband sex slave for a few nights . Hi and welcome Hi
@Rubber Elle I can imagine how hectic your life must be, what with the difficult work schedule and the children, If hubby is needful of attention, which many are when caged, it may be best to wait until either your work schedule lessens or until the children get older. Tell him your time is limited.
@spider203 suggestion about the role reverse may not be far wide of the mark . Try it and see , poacher turned gamekeeper . Xx Wendy
In reply to Wendy's question, he is unable to wear his device to work for a few reasons: It's not made for a PA so we have to add a padlock around the PA and device for security. He has an extraordinarily physical job that also requires him to complete certain tasks within a specific amount of time. So, with every step he takes, the head of his penis and urethral opening are pinched repeatedly to the point of drawing blood between the padlock, cage and PA causing wounds. This is not in the erotic masochistic pain controlling think about me with every step, this is what would start a wound, lead to infection, keep him from work, not working risks family fiscal stability etc. BAD DOMINOE EFFECT. So this needs to be done when he's not working, I'm at work, that has a good dynamic, this is where I need your help. In response to the switching suggestions, I have submitted to my husband over the years, but the dynamic we both want is him in chastity and me key holder.... Just how exactly to fit that into the situation addressed above is the problem
me and my wife both have hectic lives with 3 younger children. It only takes a small comment or text message to make my day. Not asking for much, so if you are able to do just that, it can go a long way in his eyes. The weekends are the only time we get to play and thats fine with me, but something during the week is needed, so I no longer feel forgotten lol. As for his device, maybe you should check out the contendor from malechastitynow.com. Its not super expensive and with a built in PA its very comfortable. I have a pretty physical job also and can wear my contendor to work no problem and definitely NO pinching. I know how badly that can hurt.
Hi Thanks now we begin to understand more we can maybe help more. Also fully get that chastity cannot rule your life it's for fun , don't know how many times I have said that before. As you have worked out who is who and what you both want people know to target advice more appropriately. So the cage is more to do with design and I fully get how painful bad fit can be .There are several devices that are designed for a PA . Definitely not a good idea having padlocks and stuff tugging on any piercing expecially a pa. They are lots of fun but very sensitive also the thicker they are the better. There are lots of threads on devices for pa s. Xx Wendy
I would second @Wendygirl about the cage. I have a physical job that requires being in and out of cars with lifting and a lot of movement. (PM and I'll tell you privately - not public consumption!) I wear my PA cage to work and have had no problems with it. Your husband's pinching problems do sound like the wrong cage is to blame. I started out with the cheap import cage, as many do. Am now in a Steelworxx Securo cage 1, which has been worth every penny. I can wear it to work and hardly notice that it's there. I have some photos up on here if you and your husband are interested. Although they may seem expensive, custom built is absolutely the way forward if you two are serious about chastity. The difference in comfort and quality is just amazing.
Hello to my beautiful wife! I am happy to see that she is searching on her own. We make do with the device that we have which is a MM Jailbird. My capture ring is still in my PA, so we simply put the ring through the end & add a small lock. This keeps me from simply pulling out defeating the device on a whim. The trick was finding a way to tie the lock in such a way to avoid discomfort. I believe we have achieved this and I have now been locked for about 48 hrs. This will suffice until we can afford a custom tailored unit. So thank you to everyone in supporting Rubber Elle as she is a stranger here on CM but not in the fetish world. I won't chime bk here on this thread as it is hers. But would like to encourage everyone here on CM to reinforce her efforts to keeping me locked as she see's fit to make her happy. -I
Thank you Amanda for the warm welcome, thank you friends for the support and advice, I'm grateful. We do understand a custom device made for a PA is absolutely ideal, however, there is "always something" to fix at the house, to spend on kiddos, to repair on the vehicle etc... It just keeps getting shuffled down one on the "would really love to have list" if you know what I mean. In reply to ikneverknew, that is exactly what I'm struggling with. The lack of brain cells that I require to remember to text a sweetly captivating text, a simply whispered phrase in between all the "stuff" (kids, homework, work, chores, etc). It sounds horrible because my husband is so very important to me, but it happens that I get lost in time trying to keep up with the other stuff that I miss or forget these opportunities. I can make an excuse that its because we don't partake full time (it's on one day and off the next) but ultimately its up to me to CARE enough to make it happen right? I do care, but these other things just happen to take precedent at the moment then my moment (with my husband is lost or forgotten)...there's the time again Tick, tick, tick... Plus my little one liners intended to captivate his mind, reaffirm control in a sweet sadistic playful way, just doesnt quite "work". Alas I will of course keep trying please keep the suggestions and comments coming!
Perhaps you could set an alarm or reminder on your phone to go off around lunch time? That'd prompt you to ask a naughty question or make a suggestion? Don't worry if you don't quite "hit the spot" every time - it's not about saying exactly the right thing - it's about letting them know you're thinking about them.
Hi Elle, I'm new to FLR and chaste play, but not new to life. Here's my advice: You're only failing when you quit trying. Successfully managing a busy family life is challenging, and you need all the confidence and energy you can get. Feelings of failure sap these from any spirit. You both seem committed and in love, and your sex life has obviously come a long way. What's missing is that little mental jolt when you're apart that keeps you connected on your most intimate level, and transcends all the necessary daily work required to create a complete life for you and yours. Those little jolts keep me in the game, keep my perspective true, and make the worst days easier to get through. They remind me why I do what I do and who I'm doing it for, they lift my spirits and make me love her more. If you're in control, then delegate! Make him responsible too. If he really needs a jolt, he should find a light, fun, respectful way to remind you! There is a natural rhythm for these needs, and it's different for each of us. If he takes some responsibility, this will help you understand his rhythm over time, and soon you will be dancing to the same beat all the time...even when you're apart.
Thank you maff2k, I use my phone as a reminder for a "bazillion" vanilla things too thank you. LockedinLove, I certainly appreciate your perspective! The rhythm, I can see hindsight...20/20) just like a hormonal tide building, then rushing the beach...respectfully pulling back (yet in actuality it is gaining momentum for the next wave) and rushing the shoreline again...yes is see our/his rhythm. And yes, so true, I only fail when I quit. Again quite right, these feelings of failure do sap my spirit! These points hit home for me and I hope ItsNvrEnuf also pops over here and peruses this thread soon...your tid-bit on delegation and responsibility, great advice! Thank you!
[QUOTE="We do understand a custom device made for a PA is absolutely ideal, however, there is "always something" to fix at the house, to spend on kiddos, to repair on the vehicle etc... It just keeps getting shuffled down one on the "would really love to have list" if you know what I mean.![/QUOTE] I completely understand your situation @Rubber Elle, a new device is not a cheap option and the demands and expense of daily life can be a barrier to the evolution of an FLR chesty relationship. I do have a thought on how to keep things interesting whilst your other half is at work, in a situation where any device may prove to be prohibitive. Have you considered putting him in panties? This is something that drives me crazy although my wife is not interested at this moment in time. I would say that irrespective of how much wearing panties appeals to him or you, as an alternative to being locked up where the practical issues may make it problematic day to day, it will act as a constant reminder to keep the buzz alive, every time he feels them, goes to the loo, will be a constant reminder of you (i know my thoughts always return to my wife every time I'm reminded of my predicament), and all the time you know he's wearing them you will have a reminder. just a thought xx
We struggle alot with making time for this for the same reasons as you have mentioned. We have teenage kids, pets, work, friends and family all making demands on our time together and it can be an absolute nightmare task finding the time for intimacy even if were not trying to to live the chastity lifestyle. I can't answer for my wife but from my perspective as long as I can see that she is making an effort I will understand that real life can get in the way. Just do your best and if necesary don't be affraid to say you need a short break. Let the lifestyle fit into your regular life slowly so that you don't feel pressured to constantly perform. Be open with your husband and communicate why you are or are not doing certain things so that he understands and wont feel neglected. Remember it's your lifestyle. What others may advise works for them but wont neccesarily work for you guys so take what you want, Leave what you don't and be happy with the situations your in. Rome wasnt built in a day and your new lifestyle won't be either.
I am on board with coffe2sugars here. Seems like this is going to be a habit like we have both been bred from the same cloth. @rubber Elite, Just the fact that you are involved in a chaste lifestyle with all the distractions of your vanilla life especially with kids says volumes about you. Just think about what your sex life was like before and would be now without chastity. It was probably even more boring. Just relax. Really relax. You're doing just fine. Take your time, talk openly with your husband. Chastity isn't a marathon. It's a lifestyle. The two of you will grow into it the way you need to for the two of you and things will change and evolve as time goes on and situations change. My wife and I were empty nesters when we started several years ago and the first year was a bumpy road to say the least. We still had all the things with life like work and grandchildren, and our parents getting older and so on that challenged us greatly. We still do. The lifestyle has evolved for us so much that we aren't even close to the way it was when we started. And that's OK because most importantly, we love each other. We aren't in "on mode" 24/7. It's impossible for anyone to do that and anyone that claims they are, are full of it. Just seeing your concern here at CM makes me believe that you are caring enough to make it work for the both of you. Hope to hear more.....Over the years.