@MistressG and I are still in the early days of chastity and having returned home from yet another business trip away tonight I had a few beers, played the keyboard and didn't go to bed with her. Not very submissive or FLR I know but I work my bollocks off in the week, and we are fortunate enough that I am able to support @MistressG and our kids to allow her to develop her own business in IT support. I think she's pissed at me because she's away with friends tomorrow night so we haven't had much close contact over the last 48 hours. We were both waxed within an inch of our lives by our lovely waxing lady on Wednesday (paid for as a treat from @MistressG) and all I can think about is my goddess, wife and key holder who I am devoted to. I am so turned on, so horny its driving me crazy, I mean really every time I am reminded of my chastity (still locked up in my CB3000 all the while) I can think only of @MistressG. But now I feel totally crap that she's all tucked up in bed, I've stayed up drinking and I'm thinking that I am a shit husband. Whilst I am totally in to being locked away I still feel the need too express myself and do things that I want to do. I'm curious to know how other guys, new to this lifestyle and for the more experienced, maintain their identity and cope with the ideals of an FLR, and their own interests.
Hey Eillydray, I know the feeling. If you look at my recent posts, you'll see I killed the whole chastity thing a few weeks ago. I introduced the lifestyle and she did way better with it than I did. It's hard giving up your individuality and focusing just on your wife, I know I had a lot of trouble with it. We're starting to get back into it now, after a lot of talking and arguing. I'm still reluctant. We've never had a very active sex life, her drive has always been low, so agreeing to have even less sex was hard for me. I also like to do some manly things, have a few beers, shoot my Ruger, go fishing, etc...things that don't reconcile well with the submissive lifestyle. Anyway, you're not alone, many of us have been there, I'm still there. Best of luck, Jeff
I guess this is why I will never agree to a FLR. I am the person I am and would never want to change my identity because if I did I would not the person my wife fell in love with and agreed to do this with. I would never feel comfortable in my own skin if I was always repressing my own natural personality. I am lucky that my wife doesnt want that either. she likes the bits that annoy her as much as the bits that don't and they also give her the reasons she needs to get the whips out lol. Don't try and live what other people say the lifestyle should be lived like. We initially made that mistake, Did a lot of research and tried to fit into others ideas of how a chastity lifestyle should take place. It led only to depresion for me and a put alot of unneeded pressure on my wife to perform in a way that was not natural to her. In my view you should take your time and let the lifestyle evolve arround you as a couple. If you feel you need a night off to drink beer and play some games then explain that too her, You might be suprised to hear that she also wants a night off to spend time with that pain in the ass she has got used to over the years and calls a husband. At the end of the day your human and you will falter, She is human and so she will falter too. The important thing to remember is that your your married and you have each other to talk to and work things out with. Don't sit there feeling down, open up the communication and have a night off. she might enjoy that as much as you or least understand better whats happening.
@Eillydray I agree with @coffee2sugars I have just read his post out loud to @Mistress Deborah and she agreed with what was written. We have 4 children in our household and both work hard so I frequently fall off the flr wagon but you clearly love your wife you just need to concentrate on her more. Regards Lucy x
fantasy battles with reality yet again. no matter what people say, when the stresses of daily reality combat with the kinky few moments of awesome almost fantasy that we are rewarded with from day to day, reality wins and that sucks. it is a daily and focused mind set, commitment, respect and love for the lifestyle by BOTH parties is when true bliss is finally discovered. Eillydray was completely selfish and should be punished or have its selfish fantasy taken away. This takes work and a 24/7 conscience effort before it can become . .. . daily reality.
@coffee2sugars hit tha nail on the head. We are all human so there will be mistakes made. Chastity isn't about living the lifestyle this way or that way. It's about what works for the couple involved. @ Mistress_Sonia's-slave, Don't you think that it's unfair to make a comment about Eillydray having to be punished without knowing the complete picture or what type of agreement they made when they started. Maybe he is realizing that what they have started isn't exactly what he expected and some changes need to be made. The important thing is to talk honestly to each other about their feelings at this point in their lifestyle. My wife and I have made several changes over the years until we got things to be exactly where we BOTH want them. We are not in a FLR or D/s relationship nor any other kink besides chastity. I am still my own man with all my previous interests and she is still her own woman with all her previous interests. The dynamic that has worked for us is sharing everything in our lives together as possible. Things such as me cooking or cleaning with her and she with helping with yard work etc. plus sharing our outside interests now when applicable instead of separately. Obviously some things can't be shared like my night out with the guys or her with the girls, Everybody is in this for different reasons. Some are in it as an added kink to other kinks. Others are in it as their only kink. Some are in it for long term others for fun weekend play and the list could go on and on. For my wife and I, it's for the intimacy and relationship building. @Eillydray, I do not know and don't need to know all circumstances that led to you and your wife to enter chastity, but I do know that you are having some internal struggles. I think that even if you weren't locked in chastity, the scenario you wrote could still be applicable. You would still have a beautiful wife sleeping and you could be sitting there drinking and horny thinking you are piece of &^&% for acting like this. Talk to her and express your feelings. I'm sure she loves you and will listen. And most importantly, listen to her.
Thank you all for the feedback, some interesting and well made points in the responses. We did discuss FLR at some length having both carried out some background reading on various sites and decided that the reality is, its probably not for us in many of the areas that sites like, aboutflr.com for example, gives as "food groups" that can be negotiated and controlled. We are both very strong minded and I am very lucky that she is naturally "bossy" in the nicest possible sense, and I am naturally submissive sexually. FLR does feel like something that we can develop over time in some areas of our lives, but I certainly don't want to pressurise her in to fulfilling a "role" that she is not comfortable with or doesn't come naturally. Prior to wearing my CB3000, I would joke with her that she would get bored if I was a "yes man" as I will challenge her when I don't agree with something as I would fully expect her to challenge me in a loving and equal relationship. I think for me, being primarily sexually submissive, (although we do switch as we she also enjoys being sub) chastity is a way of reinforcing my devotion to her, acting as a constant reminder of her feminine power over me, exploring the ways in which she can use her femininity to manipulate me to fulfil her wishes, but fundamentally, reintroducing the spark we had when we first met and blew each others minds! In that respect it is working as we have definitely been closer since setting out on this journey, she is finding it easier to get out of "mummy mode" and I can see that she is becoming more confident in the way she dresses and feels about herself after having two children. I have taken on a lot more of the chores around the house since being locked up, which was also spurred on in January when she had an operation and I took a fortnight off work to run the house while she recovered. This episode is by no means a massive issue too either of us and we are very open with our communication so no major relationship problems, more of a blip and I think you have hit the nail on the head in saying that no matter how much you read about how other people integrate chastity and FLR in their lives, you have to develop it to work for you. We are both enjoying the ride so far and I see no reason why this could not become the norm for us. In fact I have been tasked with writing up an amended version of the black balled game rules and points system for her review and comment, as she wants to start playing from Monday, the marbles were delivered this week!
Life is life how you lead it is up to you and in this case your wife . Life changes day to day so writing rules I never think works as you can never see each and every problem. So you work it out as you go along and trim this t week that and try see how it works out. Changing things is just that and can take some time to get used to . So done fret though I never think alcohol helps much ,especially the next day. You do not need to loose your identity at all as you are always the same being just changed your behaviour a bit . Xx Wendy