Hi All, I have been reading posts on this website for a while now and it seems that a lot of locked men cum about once a month or even less frequently. To me this seems a very long period of time without an orgasm. I am 33 and don't consider myself as having a high libido - normally I would orgasm about 2-3 times a week, but around day three I really need to get my rocks off. I can go without an orgasm for a week then I am facing a lot of stress at work, but this does not happen very often. I really want to be chaste and be submissive to my partner sexually, but I don't want to end up having two orgasms a year (or less). That would be very depressing and I probably would have problems to manage my daily life - lack of concentration etc. So my questions are: Why lockup periods are so long? Is this related to low libido? Why keyholders increase lockup periods over time? Why men don't lose interest? Thanks!
Hi and welcome to CM Why lol something for you to explore it's not life threatening . The longer periods are because you get used to it. Also the longer you go if you do cum the let down gets tougher. Give it a try see how you feel things do change. Xx Wendy
@AlmostVirgin A noticeable improvement in attitude and behaviour usually occurs when the chaste period is lengthened. A period of a week has little effect but because certain male habits are rather addictive, then gradually increasing the time length is considered to be the best way. Some males get so used to being chaste that they become rather fond of it. Perhaps a regular draining or milking could help you.
My releases use to be once a week or so. This year I told my KH that I wanted less frequently so that when given permission to masturbate the experience is even MORE special and I enjoy the moment a lot more. More frequent makes me less anxious to behave and earn my release. Less frequent keeps me so super obedient. I do not even consciously think about serving in order to masturbate but I do not dare ask for permission if I think I might have done something wrong. Now my releases are approximately once ever other week or every 3 weeks. I do hope to go about once per month as the year progresses.
Welcome AV, I have also wondered if I could handle such long periods of denial. I see a lot of guys here able to endure it, but I'm not that strong-willed. My view is that if I am willing to be a good bitch each day, my reward should come at the end of each day. If I screw up, forget something, show attitude, etc. then I should expect to be punished, and my L knows that the most effective punishment She can inflict is further denial. I know this may be heresy to some Chastity-Lifers here, but that's how we play and it's working well so far. Good luck in your journey.
You really should give it a try,,, I used to play with myself way too much… more than I want to admit… now it has been almost a year since I turned all that control over to my Queen… at first, I like you, I looked for excuses for release so I could play with myself like a pathetic little whore….. then my locks ups went from days.. to weeks.. to months… As suggested above it takes well over a week to submit .. and truly surrender! Now I am so much more relaxed… and I live to serve.. I no longer get all anxious about the next time I get to 'get off'… I have learned my place as a 'Pussy Eating Tool' who simply adores her wife and Key holder… YES I do have a high libido… and often like now ache in my cage… but I just focus that energy in a healthy direction of service.. not self service ! Good Luck & WElcome to CM! PET
Thank you! I understand that this is not life threatening, but I am concerned that my quality of life will reduce. Also, if I would have a physical job or I would be a stay-at-home husband I think that would be easier, but I can't afford to think about my locked penis at work all the time. I am certainly willing to try, but I don't have a partner at the moment. Anyway, thank you for your input.
Thank you for your reply. "A noticeable improvement in attitude and behaviour usually occurs when the chaste period is lengthened." That is another thing I don't understand. Then I go longer without an orgasm level of testosterone increases dramatically - I become less patient and more aggressive. "A period of a week has little effect but because certain male habits are rather addictive" I think three months with being able to orgasm once a week would have a dramatic effect on me. I am not sure if I would be able to cope with that at all at this point. If I may ask, when you have started with chastity how quickly lockup durations have progressed to 30 days or so?
If I may ask, how old are you? Was transition to longer lockups easy? Shouldn't keyholder decide for how long you go? I think giving away control is very important. Thanks for your reply.
Thank you! I am glad this works for you. The fact that both of you have found that middle ground is awesome. Again, for me giving away control is important.
Thanks! How quickly have you progressed from unlocked to nearly 24/7 chastity? For a first three months how often you were allowed an orgasm? I understand how you can focus your energy in a healthy direction, e.g. doing more chores etc., but you are still very horny all the time. How do you keep focus at work?
I am 36. The transition was and still is frustrating but it is more of a personal goal. It was not easy to try to not ask and I appreciate, sometimes when she denies me because she enjoys it and it frustrates me. She DOES decide how long I go. I just tell her my goals and she does or does not have to accept them. Her goals for my chastity is more important because it is for her entertainment, my frustration and a control aspect for both of us. Master just loves to control my releases. She does not seem overly concerned with duration between them. Before her and I negotiated control, I was a daily masturbater.
Me too Zapper. Part of our deal was I would stay locked at her discretion, when unlocked I was forbidden from masturbating to orgasm. Before we started chastity play at the new year, my favorite way to play solo was sitting in my steamshower with cloverclamps and lube, with a hot femdom scene playing in my mind, for a nice 15-20 minute session before my shower. I've enjoyed my steamshower maybe just a half-dozen times in the 12 weeks since, trying to avoid the temptation. Of those, I've crossed the line twice, felt like a complete ass both times, owned up to her (after the 2nd time) and offered myself up for any punishment she saw fit. She kept me locked for 4 straight days, 2 per infraction, and expected nice footrubs, massages, and orgasms each night. Let me tell you, each night was more excruciating than the last, and by the last night I was in tears. In the 3 weeks since this ordeal I've been in my steamshower twice. I couldn't get past half-hard, remembering that agony. Talk about an effective punishment!
categoryAlmostVirgin, post: 128616, member: 38514"]Hi All, I have been reading posts on this website for a while now and it seems that a lot of locked men cum about once a month or even less frequently. To me this seems a very long period of time without an orgasm. I am 33 and don't consider myself as having a high libido - normally I would orgasm about 2-3 times a week, but around day three I really need to get my rocks off. I can go without an orgasm for a week then I am facing a lot of stress at work, but this does not happen very often. I really want to be chaste and be submissive to my partner sexually, but I don't want to end up having two orgasms a year (or less). That would be very depressing and I probably would have problems to manage my daily life - lack of concentration etc. So my questions are: Why lockup periods are so long? Is this related to low libido? Why keyholders increase lockup periods over time? Why men don't lose interest? Thanks![/QUOTE] Hello AV. I guess I fall into the "less frequently" category, not by my choice or design mind you. Yes, I am older than you, but I did not embark upon my foray into chastity much past your age and it is only just over the last 3 years I joined the category of "less frequent". I feel like my libido is every bit as strong as it was pre-chastity and before the last 3 years. From the time I had my first orgasm on (early teens, self-inflicted LOL) I was good for at least one orgasm per day until I introduced chastity to our marriage 11 years ago. As I stated in another thread that was frought with starts and stops due to my incessant topping from the bottom and her general overall misunderstanding of the whys, wherefors and hows of chastity. I am a tightly wound kind of guy and tend to internalize anger and stress and I used to relieve that stress with daily masturbation. I got to the point that I really disliked the process. If all of the women with whom I had imaginary sex stepped forward they could probably fill the lower level of a generic pro sport venue. I can't believe I have not had an orgasm in over 500 days, but it is what it is and it makes my Wife/Mistress/Keyholder happy to know I am no longer focused on when I will have an orgasm. If anything, I think she gets a kick out of knowing how highly sexed I am and that I am a prisoner to my primal male instinct of admiring the beauty of the female form yet unable to do anything about it but look longingly, leak, drool and pine for her attention with my services to her. She even will occasionally point out a woman to me for me to ogle...very cruel. The farther away I get from that last orgasm, the more my mind glorifies the 5 to 10 contractions and pulses of ejaculation...but it is an explosion and it is over. I think chastity borders on Eastern principles of Tantric sex and the Kama Sutra...an energy...a burning energy...a fire that roars at times but never quite goes out. It is like revving an engine in neutral. The stretch and fullness of an anal plug pushing against and teasing my prostate with the tactile sensation of nylon/Lycra/spandex upon my skin as I heatedly suckle my Wife/Mistress/Keyholder's breasts while she grinds upon me surfing through several orgasms puts the very idea of having an orgasm of my own out of my mind....FOR DAYS. I never felt like that after the best, kinkiest sex that ended in an orgasm in my life. ...and honestly, I find myself not fantasizing about having relations with other women which would lead to my own orgasm but actually scenarios of oral worship of their bodies. Perhaps I have been rewired? Whatever it is, I am still a man. I still admire women. I still want women. I still fantasize. I have more stress in my life with family and career than seems possible at times. An orgasm is a small part of a big picture though. I am more in sync with my Wife/Mistress/Keyholder than most of my surely vanilla, ejaculating buddies. Nothing works right for everyone. This seems to be working right for me and for us. We have gone outside the box (no pun intended). I can focus at work, I do relieve my stress in more constructive ways. I never would have thought it possible...oh how I fought with my first wife about lack of sex! Anyway, think it over. For those of us in the "less frequent" subset, it is not necessarily all about cold denial and being ignored nor is it about being teased or denied, but for me, IT IS "all about Her", my love of life and soulmate. allaboutHer
...a quick addendum...I cannot tell you how much stress melts away as I focus on the performance of a meticulous pedicure (removal of old color, base coat, 2 top coats and clear coat, sloughing of all callouses, cream application, foot massage afterward) on my Wife/Mistress/Keyholder's feet...of course I am harnessed and plugged and in my nylon/Lycra/spandex while doing so...my stress goes a million miles away as I labor in a highly focused yet erotic haze...and nothing feels better than seeing her feet in the light of day and hearing comments from her friends in open toe weather...saves a lot of money too! ...ANOTHER stress reliever! allaboutHer
As a lady, and I don't speak for all women on here, but I want my husband in the much much less frequent category. Why, because his submission to me is so very sexy. Once I pushed him over the 1 month mark and his expectation to be giving release was denied, I saw an immediate change in attitude. I don't think it was the chastity as much as it was a realization that he wasn't going to get what he wanted. He resigned to his place. It has made home aware that though he may have expectations, there are no guarantees. His focus is now on other things to endure. This is where many of us women want our men. In the place where what we decide to give you is a gift.
@TheKHW: Your attitude shows you to be a truly dominant woman...my respect to you. Your husband must be very special. The thought of my wife adopting your attitude frightens me.
@AlmostVirgin Increasing the time locked would greatly depend on the subject but hopefully it could be increased a week at a time.
The most days I've been locked up consecutively is 10. Normally we'll do 2-3 days or if she's really enjoying it 5. My Wife and I are less extreme about the lifestyle, partly becuase I work a physical job and I'm an active Dad, I enjoy being with the kids and playing with them (rough housing ). But being caged restricts what we can do, affects my focus also and as kinky, or fun as it's real life comes first. However, she does get cranky if I want out earlier than our agreed time, why? It ruins the fantasy aspect of control, as much as asking to put the device on. I like wearing it, but that doesn't compare to the fun of her making me wear it. I think I should add that My Wife and I had no marriage issues (Yes, I masturbated a lot, like most here), or were lacking sexually when we began chastity. Go only as far as you enjoy it. I know some guys here like to give everything over and up. I can't and nor would my Wife want me too. I'm her best friend and husband, but not her pet. Jay.
We started off with 3 days, then a week, then a month, then 3 months. 3 months was terrible because we didn't know what we were doing and how to play. We have had about four 60 day lockups which became our norm. Currently I am at 6 weeks having only had a ruined in cage orgasm after 2 weeks. This time she has indicated I will be locked for the rest of 2015 with 4 days out for a camping trip, 4 days for a surf trip and 2 weeks while overseas with her. The rest of the time I am to be locked unless she takes it off for play (which she doesn't see much merit in, she loves seeing me straining in the cage until the pain is greater than the pleasure and I beg her to stop) How did we get here? The first reason is I finally have a very comfortable MM Queens Keep that fits perfectly so there is no need for removal. I can run, swim, do gardening, chores and pretty much any other activity apart from surfing. So she is not at all concerned about long term wear. The second reason and principle one is that when I am locked I cook, clean, do all the laundry and dishes, make the kids breakfasts and lunches, keep all her clothes ironed, organised, do all of her handwashing and still find time to give her a foot massage every night. We have incredible sex at least four times a week and I relish talking to her about fashion, shoes, dresses and all the things she likes to talk about. When I am not locked, I wank 3 times a day, have little interest in sex and only just pull my weight around the house. So when faced with these choices it is of course clear which option she will take. Having said that, she works very hard at keeping my level of interest high. She allows me to be devotional, which I am sure can be a pain in the arse sometimes. She teases me at the end of every day if not by hand, then at least instructing me to give her a backrub while she falls asleep and telling me how important it is that I look after her. She has accepted that our role as partners is to make her life as blissful as possible as she understands that makes me happy (and horny). We have one day a month mid week, no kids which can be a day of shopping, lunch and an afternoon delight or it can be a day of her being treated like a very demanding queen and me in 6 inch stillettos and lingerie worshipping her. We are working it out but if we can keep the interest going then permanent chastity is on the cards.
Please read my post http://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/a-step-towards-permanent-chastity.13882/ I think there cannot be anything more realistic than what I am experiencing / enjoying
Wow, an interesting read and an idea I would never entertain. I find it intriguing (and in my opinion, disturbing--- I have no wish to debate this thought as it would prove pointless) how many here see permanent chastity as the end goal. In the end to each their own. Jay.
For me I asked to be locked up for longer. I was masturbating at least once a day and I really wanted some physical help focusing more on her. We're not much more physically intimate than we had been, but she also knows that if I cuddle and snuggle, I'm not looking to just try to jump her because now I can't. I asked her flat out to help make 2015 orgasm free for me and she's agreed. I don't know if I'll make it, but so far I'm nearly 100 days from my last one, and I've survived just fine. Wearing a device gets easier. You notice it quite a bit the first week or so, but living with it becomes the norm after a while and less noticeable. Tell your special someone no matter how much you beg or cry you want to try a month just to see if you can, and give her the option to extend it at that point if she likes how it's going. If it's out of your hands, pun intended, it's no longer your choice. For some folks, though not all, that's the point of the lock.
So I walked into our bedroom last night after shutting the house down and Mrs K was lying on the bed in very sexy new lingerie and killer heels. I lay down next to her absolutely mesmerised and she laid it out for me. No more orgasms this year with the possible exception of our overseas holiday. I am to be locked up for the entire year except as I described in the previous post. One pair of boys undies needs to last for the year. (She will give me two pairs for surf trip and camping. Any lunches or boys nights out I am to wear pink lace panties. ( i have a function tonight and she checked this morning to make sure I obeyed If I decide I really want out I have to explain why and wait 3 days to see if I really do want out at which point she will do her best to talk me back around. Allowed out for medical and surfing. All laundry, hand washing, cooking and dishes and morning lunches for kids are my responsibility. She will leave things like clothes, shoes, handbags etc wherever she drops them and I am to make sure they are in their correct spot within 5 minutes. She checked to make sure I really really understood what she wanted and then I agreed. So now we are on the road to a full year of pretty much unbroken chastity with an attempt to keep my orgasms under three for the year.