how to encourage yourself to be locked in chastity?

My current issue is the opposite. I want her to want to lock me, but she's losing interest in it. I could tell her "hey I stole the key, watched porn, masturbated and had an orgasm" and she would say, "oh bad boy, very bad" but not really mean it. It's like she's doing it because it's what I want, not because its what she wants. She could care less really. So i envy you, that she likes it.

 

I can relate to your frustration. My wife enjoys keeping me locked, but only because I want and enjoy being locked. She isnt one to initiate the scene and does not strictly enforce it. I find that communication is key to letting her know that she is not "mean" and should not "feel bad".
I also work very hard to be the best husband and lover I can while locked up so it will encourage her to keep me that way.
It is important to remember that it does require energy and effort on her part to keep me locked up and although I think about nookie 500 times per day, she (most females) only thinkes about it every 5 says or so.... so when her effort seems lacking I try to remember its just not as much a priority to her as it is to me.

 

Well said. We are relatively new to it as well, so I'm being patient. To be honest, I'd rather be locked and she paid not that much attention to it than go back to the life we had before where we were practically roommates and I just had my the internet and my hand as my wife. She has mentioned how much happier she is knowing that every time it is touched now, she is involved. I guess its selfish then for me to say its not as frequent as I would like. I gave her the control, and she is doing what she wants on her terms. Maybe she'll get "meaner" as we go, maybe not. Only time will tell.

 

"It is important to remember that it does require energy and effort on her part to keep me locked up..." Yeah Hap, I've tried to see it that way too but you know what? It takes a lot more energy and effort when I mow the lawn. I don't think we're asking for too much. I've pledged her absolute fidelity, and offered her absolute control over my orgasms. This was not done lightly... I like my orgasms. But I love her and trust that she wants to make me as a happy as I try to make her. I trust that she loves me enough to listen to what I say I like, and want to provide it for me. That's what I've been doing for her for 25 years.

So exactly how much "energy and effort" should I expect? She's my wife... I have always expected enough to make me happy, just as she should expect. The wires cross because the ways she wants to be made happy have nothing to do with sex...while the ways I want to be made happy have only to do with sex. She likes when I cook, it makes her happy, so I cook a lot. I like when she strips me and spanks me, it makes me happy, so...well, in 25 years, she's stripped me and spanked me maybe twice. Am I really asking for too much to expect it maybe twice a week, a month, a year, when she knows it makes me happy? No, but I've pressed on. Hope kept me in it, and 5 kids, and my love for her. Now the youngest is off to college in the fall, leaving just us.

What happens now? Do we plant a vegetable garden together? Buy a boat? Take ballroom dance lessons? Yes to all of these and anything else she may want to do. As long as she's keeping me interested sexually, I don't give a shit. That's what I need to keep ticking, and she knows it. The problem is she doesn't understand it, so she can't relate. She listens when I speak, she says she reads the femdom fiction I send her, she says she understands why I need this. But underneath, it just doesn't compute, so my happiness will never be as important to her as hers because she can't grasp, and has never tried to hard to grasp, what mine takes.

My actual requirements, what it would take to keep me happy, are actually pretty simple. Something every day...strip and spank, crossdressed maid service, naked (heels only) maid service, a little bondage here and there, enforced chastity and earned orgasms throughout. Games. Fun. Intimacy. All revolving around and contained within the love we share, and the secrets we keep between ourselves. A vibrant, thriving marriage in which we live a sex life that makes time for real life, instead of living a real life into old age in which our sexual relationship slowly shrivels and dies. We all know our brains are our most critical sex organs...I think as we move through our 50s, 60s, 70s (if we're that lucky), our brains - our minds, our imaginations - become even more important, as our physical selves diminish.

Like you said Karen's Boy, only time will tell. I pray that my love for her will continue to provide the patience I need to live with her without my sexual needs being fulfilled, until they are. Until she gets it. If she does.

 

So true! LOL

 

The core of this game we play, regardless of how serious you take it, really boils down to one thing . . . . placing each other first in the relationship. She generally likes the closeness and attention she gets from us, serving / anticipating her needs, The fact that we may be helping more around the house with mundane duties that no one really likes to do, but they must be done. That you now listen and hang on her every word when before her opinion may have not counted for much. We like that fact that she thinks of ways to lovingly torture us and drive us mad. That fact that she is on our mind more than before because life and careers get in the way. The fact that you may be in a more constant heightened state of physical arousal and mental awareness aids and feeds this in us.

The focus on each other is the driving factor here, just like when you were dating and couldn't wait to be with them, doing anything or nothing.

 

This post really sums up what I am going through as well. I brought this idea up to her roughly a year ago, so maybe it just takes a long time for vanilla type people to warm up to it and embrace it. Or maybe they never can, or maybe only some of them can. It scares me quite a bit because now I wonder if she never can/will/wants to warm up to it, can our marriage even survive.

I am definitely not willing to give up any time soon. Hope is very much still alive, and I keep trying to re-enforce to her the benefits that she can get by being the absolute best husband I can be during lockup. But, this weekend she is going out with her friends shopping and will be back Monday. I wake up, and the key to my lock is just sitting on her bedside table. It's that sort of thing that re-enforces to me that she just doesn't take it nearly as seriously as I do.

 

@LockedInLove
I can totally relate. I love my wife more than I can explain, and would do anything for her. And all too often I am upset about what she doesn't do for me, but at times like that I need to remind myself what she does do for me. for example, she will on occasion wrap me head to toe with plastic wrap, put clothes pins on my nippleas while we 69, then ride me to orgazm. That is pretty frigging sweet. But she refuses to allow any cross dressing, heels would be out of the question, she refuses to discuss pegging, and she has a small fortune in latex clothing I have bought her that she NEVER wears. So, I have to remember, You get what you get, And you dont get upset.

 

A very interesting thread. I can relate to a lot of the points made by LockedInLove and Karens Boy.
Empathy is always a key idea in a relationship. You have to see it from her point of view as well. After x years of marriage she is suddenly surprised by your expressed chastity kink and may feel threatened or inadequate or just hope it is "flavor of the week" and will go away soon. Imagine she said to you that she thought she was bisexual and would like to have sex with women as well. That could be her "kink". How would you react? Outright hostility might be unreasonable but a range of other feelings would follow. In my experience the best way to pursue male chastity is by getting on with it yourself and hoping that she gradually gets onboard. It took several years in our case. You could try using a plastic lock and write down the number for her, that saves worrying about the key which is just an unhelpful distraction compared to everything else. When you are locked get on with your life as normal, don't bother her or expect anything particular and see how things go. My wife has grown to love oral (and I love giving it), and she commented recently that in the early years of our marriage she concentrated on giving me good orgasms, now the tables are turned; in both cases it was mutually enjoyable but for different reasons. So from the sex point of view she is definitely appreciating the effects of the chastity device. She also knows my moods are more even and that only this morning she said that our marriage has evolved from her pleasing her man to her man pleasing her, but she didn't mention chastity, she didn't need to. Last year when I had to work she went abroad with our daughter leaving me locked up (already 10+ weeks). I don't think she gave it a thought. Is that good or bad? Who cares. Intimacy needn't be complicated, it's really all in the heads of the two parties involved, the shared secrets, telling glances at my device when I get out the shower...

 

i can also relate to alot of these responses. Me and my wife just started last year and while I threw alot at her she says its confusing what I want. I kinda thought it was simple myself lol. But she gets into it every now and then and its exciting and then BAM she could care less for a month. Seems like we are all over the place with this. Recently we came do a basic understanding to make it simpler. She doesnt want me masturbating, period. That is one thing she really wants from me, to be saved just for her when she is ready. So whether its one week or a month I will be locked up. She is also not very good at all when it comes to teasing. But I can live with that. Even though its hard to stay denied for say a month with no teasing, it really is the best thing for our marriage if i'm not running off and jerking it behind her back. I just need to change my mind set from some kinky chastity fetish being teased all the time to the fact that my orgasms are her treat and not mine. I just need to stop obsessing over my wants and just put them aside until she wants me, whenever that will be.

 

What you said about making it simple, and her basic want of not masturbating behind her back really is the common thread with us as well. I remember a conversation in the beginning, where I was trying to explain it to her. One of the first things she did was look at my kind of cynically, and ask "so if I agree to this, you are going to really not take it off and never masturbate to porn anymore?" So I think when she gets home I'm going to talk to her about it and focus more on making it simple for her as well. I think harddenial's suggestion of using numbered locks is also a good idea. I think in the beginning i made a mistake in throwing to much at her too soon. I made it a chore for her, when it should be making her life easier/better. I can use a plastic numbered lock and text her a picture of it so she has a record on her phone with time/date etc... Thanks to everyone for all the great responses, and the OP for the post. it has really helped me tremendously.

 

@Karens Boy , yeah i think keeping it simple in the beginning is key. She probably hasnt done as much research on the subject as us guys have . Keep it simple and let it grow from there. I like to think of it as a journey, not a race. I think all women can relate to the not masturbating side of things and saving yourself for her and only her. It makes them feel special, as they should.

 

You boys have one track minds. The OP was asking how can he get used to a chastity cage and now all the comments are about how to get your wives and female k/h more interested.

 

Apologies, you are absolutely right. Originally I wanted to just point out to him how lucky he was and it spiraled out on a tangent.

 

Well said!!

 

It takes getting used to.

The biggest problem is having any sense of choice: instead of thinking, "How shall I cope?" you're thinking "Shall I start pestering my wife now?" This is agony!

The solution is to put the keys out of reach. Do this by leaving them at work over the weekend, or posting them to yourself, or using a combination lock and timed encryption. Or you could invest in a time lock safe.

 

If you put enough effort into making it worth her while so that she wants you locked for her you will not have to worry about whether you want to be locked or not and she'll get to love it.

You may love hating the fact that you love hating being locked but want it anyway. Then, and if all else is good in your relationship. you have got it made.

I know when I'm locked I often wish I wasn't but will feel let down when she lets me out.

I just love the headfuck of it all.

 

@ filltee: What it's all about.

 

Certainly was and would be for me.

 

How can you know if you like it or not after 8 hours?
What I would do first if I were you, is share my feeling honestly with my wife:
"Look darling... Right now, chastity is like a fantasy for me. Sometimes it really excites me, but it also scares me."
Then listen to what she has to say, and why she wants to lock you up.

After that, you guys can decide on a trial period where she takes control for a certain period of time with no release.
A week or so could be fun. It should be clear that she is in charge, and that she won't give up to your begging.
I could personally not lock myself for more than 24h. It would annoy me, frustrate me, and I would unlock it.
But if I don't have the choice, everything becomes totally different.

Once it is clear that your penis is locked up for a week, and that you don't have any say about it, you will have a better understanding.
After a week, you will have a good idea of what it is about. You will probably sometimes feel warm and fuzzy, and it will be good.
You will sometimes feel sexually frustrated and it will drive you a little mad Sometimes you penis will move around in its cage and it will make you giggle, and some nights it will be rock hard at 4am and you won't giggle that much

And after the trial period, you will know that either it doesn't work for you or it is actually super hot!
... or that you need another trila period

 

Trying being locled for a week seems a very good idea becuase it will give you an opportunity albeit rather short that you can more than keep her sexualy fullfilled as well as do all the other things for her. She will take some convincing right now she is thinking any one or any combination of a number of thoughts;


you are wierd and have been hiding it
you do not want to have sex with her
you are wierd and have been hiding it
you want her to help fix something she did not lnow was broken
you are wierd and have been hiding it
you don't enjoy sex with her
you are wierd and have been hiding it

IT IS YOU that wants something from her. now we have established what you want full on FLR, just chastity play, long term short term have your initial goal clear. NOW you need to stop thinking about you the task is now to make particiapation in this by your partner appealing and worth her while.

Very much worth her while...if not very very much worth her while.
You need to give her all you werre doing before and then very noticably a lot more and no matter what you have to convice her that you want to do it because you want to do anything for her because you appreciate all that she does for you.

This is the hardest bit for most guys to start. And guess what ...and she will know if you are faking it ....so you had better mean it .. you will need to start communicating with her and only ever about anything sex or chastity related when and if she brings it up. Start getting to know what makes your partner tick, what she wants, how she likes it and when, then try to anticipate all that and meet those wants and needs in advance it shows that a) you care and b) you were listening and then all the same in the bedroom as well.

If she asks you what it is that you want its time to be concise and truthful ...communicate... then switch it around and make it all about her again.

If you have done nothing for her outside the bedroom since you carried her over the threshold or passed her the remote she is going to take a lot of convinvcing that you now want to do things for her before she knows she wants them and that you are doin git because you both want and enjoy doing things for her.

It will take time. you can't just give her control she has to take it for herself and want to do so because she enjoys being in control if only in the bedroom. .