Hi All, Have you ever wondered what pressures you wanting to be in either a FLR or chastity based relationship does to the other person? I have thought about it several times, but there is a fine line between you asking for things and getting things. I have gradually learnt not to ask for things - but at some point this can go wrong. Mistress has been feeling not connected to me - and this is not from me not spending time with her, or doing what she asks of me - but in a normal relationship you connect through sex, love and other ways. If the pressure is all on your Mistress or partner then who do they go to when they want a time out or time to reflect or reset? I think it's important that as a sub/slave/sissy/baby/whatever? we watch careful our leading Lady/Man as our requests and desires can make their lives hard and while we may feel that we are being good by being locked up or not orgasming we could be damaging what is important to us. Mistress told me she wanted to stop being Mistress for a while and just to be us and she was worried how I would re-act. My answer was if that is what she wants then it is ok with me, but you could say that is the way to answer. I did not answer this way because I felt it was the right way - I just feel sometimes you need to take stock and my love for her and our future is very important. When we are old and grey and the kids leave home will we still be playing - I don't honestly know - but it is important to know who you are. I have multiple personalities - I am a Slave, I am gurl Lucy and I can be a baby or I could be me - this is a lot of variations - I was asked once before by Mistress who do I think I am - and I could not really answer - as what is left of Phil is disappearing - so this is another reason for a reset. The road can be very slippery and if you don't apply your brakes sometimes you will crash! I love my wife with all my heart and she is more important to me than anything, chastity or denial is there to serve a purpose but if the purpose is doing harm then you need to think carefully. I am sure that a lot of you will now post - that you don't have this problem - or that's not what FLR or this type of relationship is about - but have you ever thought about your partner and what it means? especially if you are now thinking of cuckolding - have you looked carefully at the underlying reasons.... I am not saying chastity is off the menu for us, far from it, I have still not come for over a month - but if my wife wants me to I will. We are ordering a new belt, their is a cot on order - things are progressing. But at our pace Congratulations if you get to the end of this rambling. Thanks for reading Phil @Mistress Deborah I love you darling so much! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
We are not in a FLR,and been married 30yrs in June .I am not locked all the time,but it seems I am locked more often as time goes on.This is the only change in our marriage .However she gets more of the things she wants when I am locked.I tend to listen better ,make the bed and do dishes for her when I am locked,Otherwise we live as we always have.She does get to have more orgasms than I do,which in the past I was the leader in that department.Don't get me wrong I still get released often,but I let her decide when,I don't ask.If I did ask,my wife would unlock me,I am sure,so I don't ask.The longest I have been locked with no release is 36 days.Then I was not locked back up for a while.This time I have been released Once a week but she ask me to put the device back on after our play time.This is a 1st.And I found it was not easy to put it right back on,as I wanted to play some more,but did not say so.
I don't think there could be any "pressure" on my owner Talking about mental pressure, - I never ask / expect anything from her - I give her little opportunity to ask for anything, as I know most of her demands / wishes and I fulfill them before she realizes Talking about physical pressure, - How could that be? I don't even remember when I was on her for the last time!! - I give her oral sex sitting at and massaging her feet
@Mistress B It was written from the heart and is all true - not written using the other part of my body ;-) @Sunny - Interesting - I thought the same - hence the post..... I would like to thank you all for the likes, this seems to be a very popular post. I would ask that you all think and take note of it... Your better half/keyholder/Mistress/Master is the most important part in the equation.... Regards Phil
I can certainly relate to this..., and I really feel the need from time to time to be sooo Vanilla - but soon I jump right back in;-) I think this could have been a real gamebreaker if BlueEyes ( and Anne for that matter ) had been to absorbed in the the lifestyle. That could have scared me a lot. But they are not. We can be Oh so ordinary from time to time Phil , I'm sure that BlueEyes has had the same concerns as You express, and I feel confident that he has handled it with the same care as You seem to have Well Done!
We've been practicing male chastity for nearly a decade. It is our only real kink so our situation is quite straightforward really. Initially my wife's main concern was me being padlocked in a metal device when working away and what could happen in an emergency. When I had my last device made, Mr MM made it lockable with a plastic numbered lock and we have stuck with that since. She sees me running in the device and so has no concerns on visibility or removability in emergency. She and I both understand that I only get to orgasm two or three times a year and I never ask her for an orgasm and she never mentions it to me. So she is under no pressure in that respect. She gets all her (preferred) oral orgasms she wants and benefits from my improved helpfulness and mood. I can't see her wanting to change things but I like to think that if she did want to I'd learn to adapt without too many grumps.
I like to see you have slowed to and began to take stock of where things are going. This is not something that you blindly blaze forward into and not think there are extenuating circumstances that may come into view that you "did not / could not have foreseen that would/ could have negative implications if not addressed. Most professional therapists could not so it is VERY important that you ask each other what your expectations are going into it as well as time goes by. Each person is making sacrifices to maintain this relationship. Key word being "maintain". Just the same as a car needs scheduled maintenance to check oil and put in gas, so does the complicated lifestyle of FEMDOM/ MISTRESS/KEY HOLDER chastity slave/sub/ sissy when you stop to check the level of love and commitment (oil) and re-assurance to the commitment to lifestyle/each other (gas) to continue down the highway of life when there are so many off ramps to distract you. Its Okay to stop at a wayside (reassessment) as long as both are wanting the other to be there for the right reasons. I have been there and everything fell apart when my mistress /key holder / cuckoldress passed away. I was never so happy before in my life, doubt if I ever will again.
Just a little update. Yesterday we had a nice afternoon together - I was given a massage , some new shiny toe nails and finger nails and we went out for dinner and last night we had sex (proper PIV) - it felt so good to be together and wonderful. I was allowed/told to orgasm - which after 6 weeks of nothing left me quite easily (always the problem) - so it was ruined :-( But I have been told to expect a proper one soon. I love my wife with all my heart, and I have been finding it very difficult to operate in a vanilla way, but whatever happens will happen - as long as we are as one Regards Lucy x
Oh, yes. It's a burden for her sometimes - I have a good-sized member which she is now almost entirely deprived of. I wear diapers almost 24/7, which she supports but cannot always indulge. Like harddenial, I try to alleviate her stresses with little, practical things. I also encourage her to cuckold me, and she's happily non-monogamous.
@Neapolitan7th thanks for your post. I wear diapers fairly frequent when I'm Mistress Deborah's baby but out of interest why do you ? Regards Lucy x
You're welcome! I've had a diaper fetish before any other, and so it bleeds into all of my sexuality. For a while, when my girlfriend/mommy-domme took to being dominant in the bedroom, diapers served as a sort of 'lite' chastity before I bought a proper cage. I wear them for the humiliation factor as well as the constant reminder that I am under her control. She enjoys making me wet them, teasing me, etc. so it works out for both of us. I wear them when I am her baby (boy/girl), sissy, and/or cuckold. On the more practical level, diapers help with all of the leaking due to chastity lol. I hope that answers your question!
LucyX, So you had PIV sex, how was it ruined? I also suffer from going too soon after being locked up or denied but did she order you to pull our right as you were going? Glad it was a good night to reconnect.
Lucy and Neapolitan7th, I also enjoy Diaper play a little bit. I have not been brave enough to let my wife know about it. So it is mainly if she is gone for a week or more, or when I go on business trips. I both like the feel of them but I also like the humiliation of not even getting bathroom privileges that everyone else gets. But they are also great for extended bondage sessions which I really enjoy. I like the idea of my wife having complete control over me, anything from my movement, to my erection and Orgasm, and my ability to go to a bathroom. My wife is reluctant and does not really enjoy any of my fetishes so I tread very carefully because I know it is a burden to her. We have been more open lately and she allows me to tie myself up more often both when she is around as well as when she is gone, I don't have to hide it anymore. But she also allows me to Lock up my dick and give her pleasure until she says I can have an orgasm as well. So I don't ask often but occasionally ask for a fetish weekend only a few times a year. God topic Lucy!!
I thought this would be a good thread to make my first post on! This issue is at the heart of my concerns about the impact my sexual desire has on my partner. I am someone who has always felt strong sexual desire for female dominance and control. For many years, I kept this a secret even from my partner. Not quite a secret - I would make the occasional hint, but it was never something that seemed to interest her. In the end, I had a choice, either tell her my desires, or allow myself to behave in a dishonest way. As I love my partner, it was only fear that delayed me. The eventual conversation did not end in my fantasies being fulfilled. My partner is not excited by the thought of being a "Mistress" or me her "Submissive". Nor did she leap at the chance to cuckold me or live a female led relationship. Equally, I was defensive about my desires and couldn't understand why she wouldn't want these things - after all, I was offering her so much! Luckily we talked, and keep talking. I began to understand more about how the way society is unequal for women impacts everything she faces in life, how talking about her dominating me sounded like another pressure in a world far too full of them. What's more I began to hear about the ways I didn't live up to my own fantasy- like forcing her to remind me of things I should have done and regarding this as 'nagging'. Like not doing my share at home and letting her take the burden of managing our social life. All things she did because she loved me, but which were an imposition and a demand on her I barely noticed. As a result, I'm trying to address these things, not focus on my fantasies. This is what she really wants me to do, and doing them is uncomfortable and challenging for me. I'm also trying to focus all my sexual energy on her, not on porn etc, while trying not to put pressure on her to have sex just because I'm aroused by her. Which led me here. I have no fetish for chastity. It's never turned me on. I've never looked at devices longingly. Don't own one. I suspect my partner would find a CB-6x ludicrous. Perhaps she might admire the design of some of the metal worx devices, but really she has no interest in controlling my orgasms. That would be just another pressure on her. Yet I am trying to deny myself, mentally and physically, because I find it helps me stayed focussed on her needs, and our relationship. It is, and I often am, hard! Still though, I kind of feel that although there are no whips, no strap-ons, I am, somehow actually getting what I want. Most of all, I'm making her happier, and that reverberates through our lives. On top of that, maybe I sort of am getting a female led relationship - it's just nothing like my fantasy.
It is tough when she won't see things your way. Though some of it may be how we try to get it across or not being able to explain our feelings behind it. I allways wanted to be either a maid or a house boi if it was a guy . I know it's complicated but that's me. Even though I did all the cooking and lots of other jobs I allways had an anoying time on a Saturday. She had to work Saturday mornings I did lots of chores . I could not see what the problem was if I was in some kinda uniform . Even though I craved the black satin and white lace I could concede that a little impractical. So offered the idea of short black shorts and white teeshirt with black heels in the house. I even typed up a form with all the jobs I could think of and a column for marks out of 10 and a total and percentage boxes . Then there was a bit for how I did with my performance indicators. Which I hoped would not be good enough so I would be caned or tawsed , and thus a bit for punishment required and delivered. I could not see any disadvantages for her an immaculate house and she could relax in her bath and stuff. But it never really happened beyond a couple of half harted attempts. I might post the boi version in another post or thread not sure which section. Xx Wendy
I would imagine it has rather a lot to do with interest and motivation. Imagine the reversal of the typical or more usual scenario. If the denied one was not really into it but consented to denial and being locked to please their partner how do you think that partner would feel both most and a little of the time? If the guy was allowing his relationship to be female led just to keep her happy I can't see that working for long. I can only imagine that there will be difficulties beyond mere challenges if you are not both mutually motivated to regard the same aspects of your relationship with the same importance. I would think that any relationship that has something other than basic standard stuff going for it like MC, S&M. FLR B&D etc then then the partners both talk and communicate more which usually strengthens their relationship. If you were in a good relationship before you started out on the MC thing then it would tend to follow that you did so mutually and you keep open the lines of communication that allowed you to embark on TTTWD then neither one of should be feeling that MC puts any unwelcome strains on the relationship.