My husband gave me the keys to his cage and we are in a semi long distance relationship. He is caged while I am away 2 to 3 weeks a month. We both have iPhones. I never mention the cage or the keys when I am away or even at home and this seems to frustrate my husband. What exactly is he wanting from me. Does anyone know what I can do to participate as he put it. Because I am a complete begginer i need to know what to do to keep my husband happy.
Part of the idealization for many is that you will tease him about being locked, ask to make sure he is okay, maybe grope to do a "cage check". Tease him about not being able to get out, etc.... These are just thoughts i have from my own experience with my Mistress, but my best recommendation would be to sit down and talk to him about his thoughts, and counter with your ideas/thoughts and try to come to an understanding Just remember YOU are the one in charge and this is something he wanted. You are in the driver's seat as far as setting limits, actions, release, etc, adn he needs to comprehend and comply or he could be locked for a LONG time...
Hi welcome to CM any chance of a better nicer name to call you . Just can't get my head round calling a lady by your profile name x Lots of threads on the subject but why men want to be locked up could fill a big book . My guess it could be tease and denial but could be wrong. You could aske him does he have a profile on here so you might read the stuff he has posted. Or put a A4 pad in front of him and suggest that before you unlock him fill two pages with why as the question. Obviously toying with buttons on you blouse or adjusting your stockings would help speed the task ! Oh you are not a noob as a girl you have not got one xx Xx Wendy
You are not a "nob" ... the fact that you are taking the time to try and find out suggests just the opposite. Unfortunately though we can not read minds to tell you what he wants, we can only give you ideas of what we would want. 1st ... who's idea was the chastity? 2nd ... if it was his idea, then simply ask him why he brought the idea into the relationship. 3rd ... if it was your idea, then him giving you the keys is him saying "Yes" to you and what ever you had in mind. Dan
He brought it up. Because I am gone for weeks at a time he says he just masturbates too much. He learned that this messes with his dopamine levels and puts him primarily in prolactin mode. This makes him unmotivated. He suggested at least 7 days without climax because it raises testosterone over 45% of normal. He did say that that was just a suggestion and that I was free to do what I wanted. He was asking for texts telling him that he was locked up and possibly random cage checks. I am not sure what to say or why this is even nessisary. Because I don't understand the psychology of this I thought I would gain some insight into the reasons males would want this and how I could play my part best.
May I suggest the book "Strict Male Chastity - A Guide for Curious Couples" by Kitty Williams. You can find on Amazon or Kindle. It is a good primer.
In the simplest of general terms, I would guess that he is trying to trade jerking off all the time (and what every fantasy goes with that) with abstinence and the fantasy of you being in control of his orgasm. But to just abstain is like a drug addicted person quitting cold turkey. So he most likely is wanting you to make his times of abstaining a continual deny and tease so that he gets the excitement of jerking off without the orgasm. Which can be a very difficult situation for you to be thrown into! Because, it will take a while for him to get used to not having an orgasm and to mentally change his approach to sex / orgasm. He wants you to be part of this new sex life that means he does not have an orgasm. He still wants sex every day (or as often as he can get it) he just does not want to cum. So being the Key Holder for you means he is asking you to have sex every day even when you are away, and the way you do it is remind him you have the Key, that you decide when he cums, that you get to continue to have orgasms all you want, that you will use him for your pleasure but that does not mean he gets to cum (even if you are having his cock in you) unless you decide he can. Now with all that said it would be best if you sit down and discuss a basic starting point and what you are willing to do and what he feels he needs for this new way of having "sex" to work. Like everything it will grow and change and eventually be something that feels natural and is very satisfying to both of you. Dan
i would suggest to just be playful with him in the texts. For example: send him maybe a shot of some cleavage and ask him if he misses you. You can make them vanilla or hardcore depending on how your relationship is but the point is he is looking for sexual interaction, thats all. He wants to know that what he is doing means something to you. He is giving something up and wants to make sure its appreciated, in a sense. Its really quite simple. Can I ask how long you have you two been playing with chastity?
@Dogchasecats I would recommend investing in a beginners book. Preferably written by a female. Preferably within the realms of reality. Something like (and I do try not to plug peoples books so unless you are the OP please ignore this recommendation) http://www.amazon.com/Male-Chastity-Keyholders-Lucy-Fairbourne/dp/1905605145/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1444027487&sr=8-2&keywords=A Guide for Keyholders
I understand the lack of motivation and the depressing nature of lonely masturbation. It is one of the reasons I'm happy to be locked up. What I don't want either is to forgotten about. I look for my wife to remind me that she has the key and to be very disciplined about when I can get out. Apart from that I enjoy being intimate without needing a happy ending. Subtle texts about lost keys/extra days or how you wish he was with you etc.. should keep him on his toes. We are still finding our way, so far my wife and I are really enjoying all the positives and I have to put up quietly about any negatives
The good news is you are open to making him happy. My wife tries as well but she just does not have a high sex drive to begin with so she very rarely thinks about sex. On top of that she does not like to be in control of me. She tries to make me happy but bottom line is she will never do it full on to what I want be it chastity, bondage, puppy/role play etc. I wish she was built with a higher sex drive but I think that is partly do to her medical issues. Apart from that we were both brought up in a good Christian home, but unlike my family, her family never talked/joked etc about sex. So anything other then missionary seems odd if not wrong to her. Then she marries someone like me that has had many fetishes since I was a young teen without any outside influence driving those. I was just a sexual person and wanted to try all kinds of things. So I hope that you can find a way to enjoy the power you have over him, knowing that it is what he really wants. You are not being mean to be selfish because I think that is partly what he wants. If you can find a way to enjoy teasing him or any part of this it should mean a lot to him. It means a lot to me that my wife tries... I just wish she could enjoy some of it and it would make her happy, not her just Trying to do it for me.
Welcome! There's a lot of great advice here so far! I havent read any books on the subject, although doing so is definitely on my To Do list. (grad student here = little free time to read) My personal take is along the lines of @danleft1 's post. Given how much you travel, it sounds to me as though part of the appeal of chastity is a way to keep the sex life going between you two going even when you're away. In that way you can think of the suggestions of cage checks is a way of saying "hey, I'm thinking of you and want you." When my husband (then boyfriend) introduced me to chastity I had a whole lot of questions about it as well and what my role was to be. It's a fun journey with many variations and levels of intensity!
I think he is somewhat topping from the bottom, not IMO recommended, but sometimes the way it starts. What I think you should be considering is what YOU want from it/him for yourself. And be working out how to use his being locked as a lever. And while you are doing this, just let him simmer a bit.
It sounds like you're missing the Tease part of the Tease & Denial yin-yang. It doesn't need to be too involved or too much effort, just the occasional reminder that you own his cock, that you are what he desires, and that he is subservient to that arrangement. http://mistressivey.blogspot.com/2014/08/what-men-want.html
Ive always felt that chastity captions on tumblr were such a turn on. So many good ideas. Some of these ideas may turn him on, others maybe not. But at least it will give you some ideas. Most of these captions are written by men and just a warning, lots of these captions have naked women pics in them lol. Here is an example: http://onlycaptions.tumblr.com/. Alot of these suggesitons can just be fantasy, you dont have to really do them. But saying them to him can mean a world of difference. For example, you could tell him you put his chastity keys on a necklace around your neck and if anyone asks what they are for, you are going to tell them the truth. I'm sure that would turn him on and scare him lol, but you dont have to really do that. Its just fantasy. Like I said before, just be playful and have fun with it.
As we are also just starting I will sometimes send texts but I have found a new section in my local hallmark store that are sort of risky. I leave them periodically with instructions for my Darling and what I expect from him when I get home. You can play off the cards for different text ideas. Basically what holding my Darlings key means I am in total control any I get a lot more oral action. We made a contract for 3 months . This set limits on what we would like or not like to do. As a keyhole you are solely responsible for if he can or cannot organism. You can take him to the edge and not allow him to organism while you have as many as you like. I have ordered and read Mistress Ivey's FLR book and others she has written.