Complicated start

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Jasmic68, Nov 16, 2015.

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  1. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I have been released and allowed to clean my penis under supervision. There is a slight area of concern on my scrotum, a raised area with what looks like a sore developing. I hope not. I have worn the Holy Trainer for two lots of 4 days plus a few days here and there and it appears to be the way things will be for a while to come.

    I was given permission to cuddle my wife while my HT soaked for about half an hour. It was so nice. She let me caress and kiss her back, but no lower that waist high. I got so worked up I was feeling dizzy and breathless by the time she told me to stop!

    Now I am locked again with a promise to monitor my scrotal issue.
     
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  2. Jasmic68
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    An open Letter to the Chastity Mansion Staff, members and guests.

    I was reading old posts and threads on Chastity Mansion last night and came across a criticism that, while written in the past, was squarely pointed at me. It criticised people who turn up on the forum and post like crazy spouting opinions everywhere. I have been a member of the Mansion for a glorious 12 days, and this will be my 149th post.

    The post also went on to say that there are not that many interesting things that can be written about chastity, or how long it has been since someone last had an orgasm. I fundamentally disagree. The fascinating stories that cover a breadth of experiences have been an eye opener and have helped me really come to understand what I am doing. They have definitely helped develop mine and my wife's experience of chastity and how it can be used.

    I have read incredible, detailed journals that cover years of peoples lives, enthralled by how twists and turns take them to places and experiences they never expected. I have begun to understand how so many different types of people use chastity as a grounding but then go off in so many different ways. The sissy, the slave, the cuckold and the self locked not to mention the Mistresses and Masters who we entrust. How can all that be boring? Each one brings their own story to the table and I have been drinking it all up.

    Many of those 149 posts have been opinions, but many more have been posts about my limited experiences but many problems. Some have been questions, or replies to questions. All have definitely been posted from the viewpoint of a new member, eager to learn and determined to not to judge, upset or demean any of the long term members. I do not doubt that in time my posts will slow down as I settle in to this lifestyle, but for now I will not expect my next 149 posts to take much longer than my first 149.

    With respect, admiration and thanks to everyone who has commented, liked and even just read my ramblings.

    Jas
     
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  3. allaboutHer
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    Hi jasmic.

    Don't sweat it. I think The Mansion is a great place to air the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions being kept in enforced chastity foists upon us. I do not have any "non vanilla" friends and enjoy having an on line community where I can go to discuss, ponder and share---even if all of these thoughts have been brought up before. We are all newbies at one point and each journey has its own nuance. As long as you are being respectful, non-judgemental and truthful I say your discourse is a welcome thing. ☺

    allaboutHer
     
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  4. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    yes and me
     
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  5. Jasmic68
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    I feel like a scolded puppy. I don't know what I did wrong but I got completely cut off last night.

    I picked my wife up from work and took her shopping. Everything was fine, we even had quick little cuddles as we walked around the shop. When we got home I made her a coffee and sat down with our actual puppy. My wife sat on the sofa while I sat on the floor. Our puppy nestled down on the floor between my legs. All of a sudden my wife got cross and went upstairs.

    I left her alone, I have learnt to not bother her. I did go upstairs to get my cook book I had been reading and tried to snuggle up but got absolutely no response. I cooked dinner then went back upstairs to ask if she was eating. She mumbled something I couldn't hear but came down to eat a few moments later.

    And that was all I got all night. She went upstairs, turned her bedroom light on and closed the door.

    I have hardly slept. It is 04:30 and I am wide awake. I had a severe depression feeling last night and very nearly came to the conclusion that this just isn't going to work. I thought about pulling my Htv2 off, I haven't tried but people have said they can do it, just not get it back on.

    I honestly do not know what I did. The night before when I was being told off I knew, but this time I was just sat on the floor playing with the puppy. She had said she wasn't going to join us because of the hot drink, so if it was the puppy was with me I don't get it. All she had to do was either tell me to move or come and join us.

    I am really confused, depressed and I don't know what to do. Last night, well, the night I am still in, is the worst I have had since upsetting my wife before I even started trying to use male chastity devices as a way of starting to fix our marital problems. I swear it was working, that we were tighter than we had been for a long time.

    Chances are she was tired but I have at least four hours before I find out. I am upset and worried with the impact this could have. She has asked me whether I really want to go down the FLR route and I am positive I do, but I do need to understand what I have done wrong if I have any chance of being the husband she wants.
     
  6. Shaggy
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    Shaggy Long term member

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    Not sure if you've already discussed this, but marriage counseling may not be a bad idea. A third party to draw out issues and elicit responses to hard to answer questions sounds like something you could use.
     
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  7. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    You might be right @Shaggy . This goes beyond what we are trying to do with our relation reset with chastity.
     
  8. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    It had nothing to do with me.

    I got up with our pup at about 06:45 (that is a lie in these days!) and waited for my wife to get up. She got up at about 08:30 and we had a conversation about what happened. I'm not ashamed to admit I broke down, I was convinced I had done something pretty awful. What I am ashamed about is I didn't for one second think that maybe my wife was upset about something else.

    Some things have to remain private, and while I am happy to put in this journal all my own thoughts and experiences, some things are up to my wife to write about. What upset her is one of those things. She assured me that she was really happy with me and yet again reassured me that she enjoys our exploration of chastity and wants to continue. She is really pleased with the effort I am putting in to our relationship.

    I almost broke down again with the relief. I was totally self absorbed, utterly convinced it had something to do with me. I need to remember my wife is affected by things in different ways to me and responds to them differently as well.

    The rest of the day has been wonderful. We had a walk around Hornbach, a German hardware store. It was great going for normal stuff but realizing all the opportunities that were available for buying kinky supplies. We are both members of a local Gym so we also went for a workout and obviously had to have a shower.

    That was fun! We are really exploring each other at the moment, so when my wife took down the shower head, turned the jet onto fast and pointed it at my bottom I nearly collapsed with pleasure. She has never done that before and it was exquisite. I'm a bit of a bum virgin so I definitely want more of that.

    She let me give her an orgasm with my tongue and fingers, this time making me stay in my Htv2. Although I was swelling as much as possible it was only uncomfortable, not painful. When she reached her climax and we both calmed down I showed her a video of a guy being put into permanent chastity with a skin stapler. She didn't get off on the pain but the control and loss of control did excite her. It might be too intense a scene to recreate but who knows!

    When I stood up to go down stairs and leave her to have a nap a huge pool of precum was dangling down from my HTv2. I collected it on my fingers and was laughing, playing with it. It has been 27 days since my last orgasm and that is the first time that has happened.
     
  9. Jasmic68
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    Further developments.

    We are both new to this, finding out what it is we want. As it is a Saturday I have started several conversations about chastity and our sexual explorations with some interesting results.

    One is that my wife has wanted PIV sex a few times recently, but has denied herself because she thought it would upset me being released. I explained that was the point, she got to have sex in the way she wanted when she wanted. That said she is having more oral sex from me than usual, and I think that I am getting better. Hopefully. Anyway, the problem is that after not having sex for so long I'm not going to last long the first time I get released. This means planning and the use of ruined orgasms. Problem is my wife is spontaneous and won't know when this will be necessary.

    We had a brief discussion about contracts. I want to have as a minimum at least one ruined orgasm a month, I don't have any demands at all about how many orgasms I get a year. My wife does not want to completely deny me, so we are thinking of finding ways for me to earn orgasms. I like the idea of increasingly hard task lists or even some kind of game of risk and chance.

    My wife explained how she felt that the chastity removed the chance to be spontaneous with having sex. This came about because she has told me that we are having PIV tomorrow, something she has never ever done in the entire time we have been together. We discussed how the spontaneity can come from the teasing aspect. She could remove me from my device but not let me know what is about to happen. Edging, ruined, masturbate, nothing, PIV with or without cum, the list is endless. To me the opportunity is greater chances for spontaneity, not less, and all with her getting the power trip as well.

    Finally we discussed plans for chastity devices a bit more. Absolutely nothing is happening short term. She likes the HTv2 and my body is definitely getting used to it. She likes me wearing it and wants me to carry on. Some time next year we will look at getting the Steelworxx Looker 2 custom device as a way of taking this chastity exploration into a long term thing. I think she is ready to ask for that level of commitment. Once I have really proved this is long term and will remain part of our lifestyle for good, we will look at getting me a Neosteel.

    Oh, that wasn't the final bit. That is she has decided that she does actually like being called Mistress in private. We still have our 18 year old son living with us, so it will be confined to when we are not around him. Hopefully he will pass his A levels and go to Uni next year. Then things can get even more interesting.

    My depression of last night and breakdown this morning are symptoms of how up and down my head is at the moment. I am writing this to give me something to read when the doubt hits and I feel low. My wife is very much into this, I need to really start believing that, and stop worrying so much. I am not pushing her I to something She does not want to do. She loves the positive effect this is having on our relationship and like me does not want to go back to how things were before.
     
  10. Shaggy
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    Shaggy Long term member

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    Glad things worked out. I was worried.
     
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  11. Caged Wolf
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    Caged Wolf A Wolf, even caged, is still a Wolf.

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    Jasmic,
    You just hit the roller coaster stage! Now it really gets interesting, your way of thinking is changing, thinking more and more of your Mistress and what you may or may not have done, looking to Her for confirmation or condemnation, and feeling the intensity of the Mistress/sub connection rally beginning to grow.

    I frequently have moments of near panic when i will have to ask Mistress Wolf if i have done something wrong, and if so what, only to be told "No, it's just stress from school, etc...". Other times She is just preoccupied with life, school, etc, and i feel like i am being left behind. I have laid awake overnight only to be told later that everything is fine....

    Glad to hear you got through it, and that you are learning to trust and serve your Mistress to the best of your abilities. Just remember to ask Her what She likes and dislikes about how things are, and what you may do differently to please Her or better meet Her needs.
     
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  12. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Thanks @Shaggy I am glad I wrote that post about my crash as it does illustrate both how up and down my self belief and confidence has been these last few months and also how I have fallen into a trap of thinking everything is about me. The follow up shows how supportive and amazing my Mistress is. And I can actually call her that for the first time, last night she told me that she does like being called that and I am so happy.
     
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  13. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    @Caged Wolf I missed your post this morning (in my defense it was 04:27!) so sorry I did not respond earlier.

    It is exactly how you describe it, I did indeed feel a sense of near panic. This shift in our relationship has finally got to a stage where it is moving without my influence, so instead of being the instigator, researcher, teacher and encourager all of a sudden I have become the one having to relearn and shift attitudes and expectations. I really did feel that I had done something horribly wrong and while I felt better for finding out it had nothing to do directly with me it actually made me feel worse. I had never considered that it could have been something I had no influence over which meant I really did not understand how bad things had got for my wife.

    The high of the rest of the day was in stark contrast from the absolute low of the night and morning before. Roller Coaster is indeed a good analogy.

    As for serving my Mistress that was something she let me do in the evening. She was going out for a meal with work colleagues, so after she had a shower she let me pleasure her orally. I stayed firmly locked in my HTv2 which was good, the last twice I was pleasuring her she had to let me out.
     
  14. Jasmic68
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    The Fundamental Shift.

    It was my idea to start this and I was pleased that my Wife said yes. Up until now it has been me leading her, telling her what I read about the Mistress/sub relationship, or the one between the Keyholder and chaste male. Last night there was a shift in our relationship that has again given me a huge amount of confidence that what we are doing is right, that my wife is in this for the long haul and showed me that now my own real education begins.

    My job last night was to drive my Wife the 30 minutes or so into the City we live near in Germany. She was going out with work colleagues for a meal as one of the people she works with is leaving. On the way in to the city the first of two events took place. We were chatting about what we are doing when all of a sudden my Wife said that she would actually like to be called Mistress, that the term pleases her. She had been unsure at first, self conscious about this shift and the obvious reference this has to our positions within the relationship.

    This took my breath away. I was really surprised, pleased beyond belief. Another click moment happened in my brain, the realization that things were moving now beyond my control. I have to start handing over where this goes to my Wife instead of just telling her that is what I want.

    I dropped her off, drove the 30 minutes back home, waited an hour and a half before driving back. We had arranged for me to park our car and wait by the Christmas Tree in the City center for her to call me and tell me where she was. I waited a good 25 minutes before the phone rang and I was told to meet her near the restaurant she was in. When I met her we kissed and started walking back. Apparently some of the people she was with had realized I had been waiting for my instructions and were surprised she had made me wait that long. She had calmly told them that I was doing as we had arranged and I knew I had to wait until she was ready for me.

    As my Mistress told me this she had a real glint in her eye. Then, the second event. "And anyway," She said, "they don't know about Our Arrangement." She was pleased that I had done as I was told, really pleased. She has always been someone who wears her emotions clearly and I could easily tell she felt pleased. I swelled inside with pride and happiness.

    Our Arrangement.

    What a brilliant way of putting it. What a brilliant evening.
     
  15. Caged Wolf
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    Caged Wolf A Wolf, even caged, is still a Wolf.

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    And THAT is how you Serve your Mistress... it's not all about the sexual pleasure, but in doing the little (and sometimes not so little) things to make Her life better, more comfortable, or just to show Her you understand She is the one in charge.

    You are off to a great start!
     
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  16. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    It's funny isn't it @Caged Wolf . A few weeks of taking things slow and now things are starting to accelerate!
     
  17. Caged Wolf
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    Caged Wolf A Wolf, even caged, is still a Wolf.

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    Yes, it is. And, as you know, you are doing so much better than i did at the same point... Congratulations!

    Just let things happen as they do from here, don't push, but communicate with Her about what SHE wants and needs from you.
     
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  18. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    The difference might be I have had several years of your story to read and digest, @Caged Wolf. I made my own mistakes, still make mistakes, but I did listen to both your implied and direct advice. I am sometimes nervous about what I have started but I am also excited.
     
  19. Caged Wolf
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    Caged Wolf A Wolf, even caged, is still a Wolf.

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    Glad my journal may help someone... Being nervous appears to be normal, as i am still nervous most of the time, and continue to make mistakes, etc.

    Seriously though, so glad my experiences are of use to others.
     
  20. Nesbo
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    What a pleasant story to read, congrats !

    I hope your Mistress will now feel more and more at ease with her position in your relationship.
     
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  21. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Thank you @Nesbo (One of my favorite authors!)

    She is taking this really well and at her own pace. She is contemplating making a profile for this forum as I have read to her some of the posts and talked about how supportive many people here are, but she is doing exactly what you just said, getting used to what we are doing, what she has decided and what impact this will have.
     
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  22. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Something has literally just occurred to me, as I wrote that last response.

    When we started this and I explained to her how some people live a real FLR relationship 24/7 my Mistress Wife was not particularly interested in going that far. She was happy for it to be a part of our lives, a bit of fun that helped us improve our relationship.

    I get the feeling this has already changed to it actually becoming a 24/7 commitment. She is still getting her own head around how her decisions are affecting us, working out where she wants to go with it. But this is definitely not a game to her, this is real. She wanted me to prove to her it wasn't all just a fad, I think this week I have done that. I am only guessing but handing her both keys is probably the main reason for this shift in her attitude.

    For instance she unlocked me from my HTv2 after we went swimming and gave me time to clean and relax so that she could use me later on in the day for PIV sex. I was a bit tender after the swimming due to all of the lubrication washing off so she has decided it is best I don't wear it again when we swim. She trusts me not to do anything whilst unlocked and I didn't. After all our other activities she took me upstairs, washed me and told me to massage her back. This developed into a veritable feast for me, I just wish I was able to help her to orgasm licking her tight little ass, but I can't. (Any tips?) Eventually we made love and she had a great time, quickly having an orgasm.

    The interesting thing is despite letting me continue, and despite the incredible feelings I was having, I did not cum. My day count since my last orgasm continues.

    The 24/7 aspect comes in because after she helped me shave around my penis and balls she has not allowed me any other play time and has locked me back up.

    I now need to relax and see what happens next.
     
  23. Jasmic68
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    I have been practicing calling my Wife Mistress. I haven't gone mad with it, just the occasional use, when we are alone and it feels right. If she tells me to do something I reply yes Mistress. Actually she is getting better at telling me rather than asking, which is another good sign. She will never get me to do everything around the house, it isn't in her nature, and some jobs she likes doing. One of the few times she has got genuinely cross with me was when I tried to do one of them without being asked, she definitely put me in my place and that was before our FLR journey really got going.

    Having sought this shift in our relationship actually calling her Mistress is taking some getting used to. She obviously likes it which helps. I did however ask her this morning whether I was still allowed to call her darling, as that is my most common way of addressing her. She told me she would be upset if I didn't! That is a relief. I think I will ask if I can call her Mistress Darling. That would make me really happy.

    I don't have a Sub name yet, not sure what it would be. I suppose that is my Mistresses job, not mine. I don't mind, this is still very new.
     
  24. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    3:17 AM
    One of the surprises my wife has heaped on me recently has been her reaction to me showing her @Andrew K 's Gallery and how he looks in his Neosteel Arch. I was expecting her to not really like it or more likely to veto it due to price. Neither of those happened, she does like it and likes the idea of having even more control over me, and the way it would completely hide my penis.

    Here's the rub though. Using body mass index readings I am obese. Only just, but enough that I do need to lose weight. I am currently 107kg and to just be overweight I need to get nearer to 100kg. My ideal weight would be 88kg.

    I am not going to even send for a measuring device until I get somewhere close to my ideal weight. I doubt I would ever get to the lower end of that target, down to 80, but my first target of 100kg is very achievable.

    My Mistress had already started me doing exercise to improve my core fitness and that has worked really well. I went swimming for the second week in a row yesterday and we go to the gym three times a week. The final part is to change our diet.

    In the meantime I am going to continue being kept in my Holy Trainer until next year when I will get the Steelworx Looker 2. I will then be expected to go a full year in chastity (not going a full year without an orgasm though!) before being allowed to get a Neosteel device. Obviously any of this could change but only if my Mistress says so.
     
    Caged Wolf likes this.
  25. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
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    Occupation:
    Early retirement
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
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    3:17 AM
    Things are going well. We are still very much getting used to me wearing the device and working out what it means to both of us but there is no doubt that it has created a new level of intimacy between us.

    We have not really done much yet apart from have me spend time wearing my device on a day to day basis. We are getting into a routine of three to four day lock up periods with a release for cleaning that usually involves a shower and a few hours out of the device for me to rest. I do not ask to be released, my Mistress is already very much in control of this and decides when I need a clean. She is confident that I am comfortable wearing it. I fully expect that when (if?) I have a comfortable metal device the periods between release will extend considerably given how they allow better access for soapy water.

    The one development I have noticed is my Mistress is getting very playful with my bottom now she has limited access to my penis. I am quite enjoying the attention! (I know that because of I am enjoying it she should limit how much attention she gives to that area, but she really enjoys the way it makes me bulge in my device! That wicked side of her is definitely becoming more developed.)

    I have been calling my Mistress "Mistress Wife" in various posts on the forum because I don't really know what else to call her. As I mentioned earlier she has decided she likes being called Mistress, so I am now getting used to it. She has been my Wife for 25 years and in my life for 28. I have just decided to drop the Wife part in the forum not because it is unnecessary, she will always be my Wife, but I think I have come to think of her as my Mistress and I like the way that makes me feel.

    Last night my Mistress and I were unpacking boxes of our belongings that have just arrived from England. She opened a box and found some candles. She held them up to show me what she had found and looked at me with a wicked grin on her face.

    Gulp.
     
    Caged Wolf likes this.
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