I have been into sm for many years, but have only become enthralled with the chastity lifestyle in the last three. I am married, but although my wife and I are close friends, we haven't had sex for the last 6 years and she knows nothing about my love of sm, chastity, etc. She has recently said that she feels we have an accommodation, an implied agreement that we don't intend to have sex. She says she has come to terms with the idea that we will never have sex again. Most of the time we sleep in separate rooms and her inclinations, in any event, are entirely of the vanilla variety. I completely accept that I am living in bad faith, because my wife does not know that I have a dominant mistress, with whom I have entered into a chastity contract and who financially dominates me to the limited extent that that is possible in present circumstances. I have never felt so happy than when I am with Mistress. I also know that it is up to if I want to take the next step and be with mistress all the time. A number of troubling incidents have occurred, however. My wife has found a text message on my phone addressed to 'Mistress'. I explained that it must have been an autotext error and she ultimately appeared to accept that. Some time later, she found an artificial nail (which I had been wearing) in our bedroom and it was with difficulty that I persuaded her that I was not having an affair. Last night she found a pair of my panties and now she is very suspicious that I am cross dressing and I am considering tell that I do cross dress. Part of me wants to come clean with her, although I know that I would then lose her. Part of me wants to tell her part of the truth, i.e. limiting my disclosure to the fact that I wear panties. A large part of me wants to still be with Mistress and a growing part wants to be with Mistress all the time. I'm not asking for advice or answers. I'm just sharing my predicament with you. Dorothy xxx
Wow. I thought my relationship issues were tricky! I think you have come to the right place for help advice and support, this forum has helped me immensely. I cannot think what I would do in your position but I do know that coming clean with my Mistress Wife has helped our relationship immensely. I thought my Mistress Wife was pretty vanilla too but having had several very detailed conversations it turns out nothing could have been further from the truth. That said we were still having sex, so we did have a base to start with. Personally I find keeping a journal massively helpful. Every now and then I get a comment that really makes a difference and you never know what help you might get. Good luck.
Perhaps the crossdressing is something she could accomodate....with a sincere apology and an honest admission that you're not sure if you could stop but truly don't want her to leave you. She might understand that you were hesitant to tell her something so embarrassing and maybe you could convince her to read about crossdressing a bit before she makes a decision. You may even be able to connect her with another xdressers wife to talk about things. If all THAT works out you might eventually get around to chastity. Just thinking out loud here in sympathy with your situation.
Not to be rude, but if you're not reading the original post properly, how can you give meaningful advice? OTOH, why post if you don't want replies?
I didn't say I don't want replies, just that i'm not asking for replies, if you see what I mean ... maybe I didn't express it very well.
i don't know what to tell you to do but its never very good to lie to your Mistress cos they always finds out you has after a bit and then you be in lots of trouble.
I read the post 100% properly. As @dorothy just clarified they weren't asking for replies, they didn't say they didn't want any. They are obviously in a tricky situation and I stand by my statement. On the whole this forum is a supportive, helpful and supportive place. Passive Aggressive nonsense like your statement is very rare (saying 'not to be rude' followed immediately by being rude) so well done, make a new member feel unwelcome when they obviously need to be shown sensitivity.
Dorothy, I can't really give you any advice. From my personal experience, my wife and I first had "The Talk" about my crossdressing more than 5 years ago. It took almost a year before she came around to accepting the idea that I am not gay, I still loved her, I am not having an affair or personal relationship with anybody else. Then, she began to slowly take advantage of my feminine side and that has progressed over the years. My point is that I think you can expect the situation with your wife to take a pretty long time to work itself out, should the two of you elect to move forward! I wish you well in handling that!
Why weren't you having sex with your wife for 6 years?! Is she asexual? Are you not able to satisfy her? Do you two have an implied open relationship?