So, after a short/ long 6 months apart my ex and I have gotten back together. In those months I stayed single and just had fun and he ended up dating another girl. Things apparently were serious because they were planning on getting engaged but didn't work out. We've been back together for only a few weeks but it feels like we never even broke up (side note: we've been off and on for about 2 years now) today he told me something very disturbing about his ex which was that she made him feel so ashamed of his kinks that he stopped indulging in them even though he hated not being able to freely express himself. I told him it wasn't shameful and asked him to put his chastity belt back on which he was thrilled to do for me and handed over the keys when I saw him after work. I'm worried though that what his ex said and did to him will continue to haunt him and he will eventually begin to feel shameful again and repress who he truly is. Any advice on what I can do aside from encourage his expression so he can again be comfortable with himself and his bedroom desires?
She sounds horrific. Keep encouraging him to be himself. There are no rules to life apart from not hurting others. It was his ex that was in the wrong not him.
If I ever see her I'm smashing her fucking face in, no qualms or hesitation about it. He told me today that his likes were "weird" and "unnatural" my heart about shattered. I love him beyond words and just want him to be happy again
I plan on moving back into things at whatever pace he feels comfortable with! He does seem to be thrilled to be back in his cage and what not, I just can't help but worry about the possible negative impacts her words could have on our future in every aspect of our relationship. I feel like she broke him..
This sort of thing makes me even more thankful about my Wife and how wonderful she is. She is encouraging me, having fun herself. Some people are just so screwed up they have to screw up everyone else around them. As a relatively new to chastity male the one thing I crave are just the small indications that I am doing well, that my Wife appreciates my efforts for her. I also crave her to tell me when I mess up, to let me know firmly how to do things that she wants without being too brutal about it. I know we are all different but if I was in his position that is what I would be needing.
Maybe tell him his cock is in its cage cos it pleases you. And that's where it's gonna stay from now on. Make sure he knows he's not alone in it and you want it too.
Oh the concept of chastity is far from new to him (he actually introduced me to it) its just after being with a psycho cunt he felt bad for it
missdanae, I believe you need to forget psycho woman and comfort your man. He has handed you the keys not only to his cock but also his heart. Take care of him and the of the power you hold in your hands. In my opinion with respect and understanding you will be rewarded 10 fold. It might take time from both sides but worth it in the end. Be well and best of luck to the both of you.
is he a member of this site? If not, you might encourage him to join. That way not only can you reinforce that chastity and various other kinks are wonderful and natural, but he can also meet many other males who share similar interests in chastity. I very much agree with @richard that so long as his (or your) kink is not hurting anyone, then it's all good. Best of luck to you both! Although, I do wonder why you and he have been on and off for two years rather than just on? No judgement or anything, just wondering.
fear is difficult to handle. humans could be very tearing if they didnt understand something. time and love, will be open a new door. just give him the time to feel that everything is allright and you be comfort with is. words which goes to tears, cant be even the way out
Hello ma'am. I wouldn't worry about it, in time, he'll forget all about her. I would simply keep reminding him that you're in control now and that he's staying locked up regardless of how he feels, so he better just get used to it. That will help alleviate any of the reservations he might have when he knows it's not just his choice anymore. Just keep focusing on being the loving, yet very strict key holder he needs and he'll be okay. I wish you guys the best of luck. He's a very lucky man to have such a beautiful and loving woman like you in his life and I hope he realizes that.
@MistressPhedre no he isnt a member! In a stronge way this site is kind of my thing but I'll definitely encourage membership if needed! I'd love to answer your question about why we are so on and off but I can't in all honesty. all I know is for the past 2 years we always have ended back with each other no matter what. @Afflated i'm not sure what you were implying by that but it seems to me like you were pulling some condescending degrading bullshit so in that case: fuck you, stay out of my business and go give a woman an orgasm for once in your life To everyone else, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words. They mean more than you could ever know
Diane, I've been kinky my whole life. I'm 50 so I came of age before the internet and the ability to find other people with the same kink. I didn't know there were other poeple like me. My kind parents, out of concern that I grow to have a full, healthy life, sent me to therapy. I grew up with a sense that I was weird, out of the normal. In some way unacceptable. I think this is common, though the exact feeling unique to each person. I think there are two stages of healing. First is self acceptance. Acceptance of myself for who I am. The second is to be able to be seen by others and still feel OK. I'm pretty comfortable with myself and my kinks. I can feel strange when showing them to others. For good reason: some people will be accepting and others judgemental. I guess the final stage of self-acceptance is when I could show myself to anyone and should they judge me my response would be a wish for them to learn more tolerance and acceptance. Here are a couple suggestions. I heard a great "Sex with Emily" podcast where she interviewed Dr Chris Donaghue. He has written a book: Sex Outside the Lines. He says that the most common question people have is "Am I normal" and that no matter what their kink is the answer is "Yes". There is no normal. I really appreciated this message. I think everyone has some sort of kink - some deviation from normal. And this "normal" does not exist. It is something we imagine but you can't find it. Listen to the podcast and check out the book. I have not read it. If you think the message will help direct your partner to them. While we work on self-acceptance it can be very healing to be accepted by others. Your boyfriend needs to learn to accept himself but your accepting him can help him with that process. You can't do it for him but you can give him support. The most helpful support I've found is when my partner tells me she is enjoying playing with my kinks. So, tell him that you enjoy keeping him locked. There must be some honest basis for this on your part - and I assume there is. But it may help him to hear of your enjoyment more often than you would think to say it. Tell him every morning. Tell him when you meet him for lunch. Tell him in the evening when you are going to bed. Tell him when you are playing. For me they can be simple mentions. They remind me that my partner knows me, sees me, accepts me, and enjoys me - particularly that part of myself. The more I hear the less room for my doubts. You are being very kind to him. P
People are incredibly narrow minded and ignorant when it comes to kink. I don't know your BF but I think if you stay positive about his chastity and you let him know how much you like it or support him that should be enough for him. Nothing is more of deal breaker than when you are judged so harshly for being who you are. He isn't hurting anyone, in fact all he wants to do is please his parter in submissive ways. Screw that other bitch, I'm glad you, the more open minded person is back together with him.
I honestly don't know you, like at all, but I feel like I have to be clear about what I think. You could say "none of your business", or "I don't care about your opinion", just to be clear, it's ok, but re-reading everything it seems like he considers you like a "second option" (sorry for the bad term), because -6 months apart-, -getting engaged- and so on.... Are you totally and completely sure you want to be considered like second choice?? It's really clear you really love him, but does he really love you like you do, or it's just a game, sexual and fashinating, but simply a game?? If not for his kinky side, they could've been engaged by now, so serious he was. If i were you, I'm not sure i would accept someone like him, expecially if he had a chance to know you, and he decided to let you go (again, i know about nothing about you/your relation, so i'm not here to judge) not once, but several time for several year (2). Are you really sure this situation will last, or will just be like a couple of months, till he found someone else?? Is he totally devoted to you?? Onestly don't think so... Your life, your choices! Sorry if I offended you, or someone else, expressing my personal opinion!
Thank you for your opinion lovely! I'll definitely take your advice to heart! Good vibes sent your way in the mean time
I feel the need to make a comment about the on/off nature of certain stages of some peoples relationships. It's ok. Sometimes 2 people will be off and on for a decade and more, seeing other people in-between and still meeting up as friends and talking about life and how each others relationships are going and generally just taking time to grow as people themselves. Sometimes there are things you can learn better without being so close to your prime partner. And so it goes. Sometimes after however long a time those 2 people will settle down for good, and sometimes they find that what works better is to stay off/on. It can last a life-time like that, and it's ok.