Love and denial

I just read your feelings in your own journal and I have to say that I am incredibly touched by how positive you are about my situation. I do think that if it has done this to my Wife, made her feel much more sexy, then there is no reason why it cannot work for others as well.

My Wife always knew that I found her attractive but she didn't really believe it herself. Now she totally thinks she is sexy. Her attitude and her confidence are rising daily and this just increases how attractive she is to me and the loop continues. It isn't the first time I have heard about this either, @Caged Wolf has described a similar change in his Wife who has become much more self assertive as a result of their rebalanced relationship.

I didn't set out to try and do this to my Wife, it is simply a result of what we are doing. I am not clever enough to do this on purpose. All I have done is respond very positively to her attention however small that attention has been. Just a smile is enough.

Something else to consider is what my Wife said about women approaching relationships more holistically. The biggest impact on my Wife has been my desire to paint her toes with nail varnish, to give her a face mask, to do things that have absolutely nothing to do with sex and with no expectation of sex. It is paradoxical that this has then made my Wife feel much more sexy and more willing to have sex of any kind with me. I am guessing that my desire to pleasure her with no reciprocation expected further reinforces her feelings about herself.

 

Yesterday, after our shower, after my Wife had made me collapse in the shower twice from her attention, I told her something.

I was still reeling from what had just happened, the way she pushed her fingers into my mouth, how she put her leg over my shoulder and held me down, and I am still relatively close to my most recent orgasm, just over a week ago, so I could compare the two. The feelings I had experienced in the shower had gone on for several minutes and were intoxicating. The orgasm was nice but was over in seconds. I suddenly realised how I prefer this feeling of submissive bliss to that of an orgasm.

So I told her that. I said that if she made me choose one or the other I would choose the shower. If she said that I could have a shower with her and be stimulated the way she now does, but if I had that experience I would not have an orgasm that week, then the shower experience would win, hands down, every time.

Quite an epiphany.

 

"No thanks, I don't want a blow job tonight."

Said just about no man. Ever.

I honestly don't know how my Wife does it. We share a shower, both of us get very clean and, in the process, very turned on. Then somehow completely alien to me she manages to say that she doesn't want to go any further. Usually for some incomprehensible reason such as 'I've got work tomorrow.'

Eh!? You have work tomorrow so you can't have an orgasm tonight? How is that a thing?

Apparently it is because she would be thinking about work tomorrow while I was licking her pussy. Suck a penis and the owner of that penis will definitely not be thinking about work tomorrow.

It is just as well that we are in the roles we are, her as the Mistress and me as the subby hubby. If I said to her 'right, no orgasms for you for an entire month!' She would say 'ok dear, I shall read a book' or something. And if I said 'right, I want a blow job, get to it' she would just give me one of her looks and tut before carrying on with her book.

If she ever said to me 'do you want to lick my pussy?' No matter where, when or whatever, she would only get as far as saying pu... Before her knickers were off and my head would be buried between her legs.

 

I am sooooo tired. I had to fly back to England to vote in the EU referendum. I voted to stay. The fact that I live and work in Germany, with Germans and many other nationalities gave me a much broader outlook than many from my country. To be honest I am ashamed of much of the vitriol that has come out of the UK recently.

Anyway, before I went I asked my Wife what she wanted me to do about my device. She was genuinely confused that I thought she would want me to do anything other than just wear it, another example of how far she has come. Last time I went through airport security with it on she was horrified as she had forgotten the key, but then she got turned on by the idea of me being caught. She did make sure I had a key in a sealed envelope though, just in case.

Another thing she has done was to tell me that if I work hard enough during the week and earn enough 'Brownie points' that I will be rewarded with a spectacular weekend. No description of what might happen, she even refused to tell me how many Brownie points I would need. It totally worked. During the trip back to England I focused on doing as many of the other jobs she gave me as I could, and did them as well as I could, precisely to earn those points.

We are going out for a date this evening as we haven't had a meal out in a good while. I'm looking forward to that. And I'm definitely looking forward to the weekend!

 

So do I. Nothing has been said yet, but she was happy with the amount of work I put in to the flying visit. The Brexit vote has knocked the stuffing out of us though.

 

Just had a wonderful date night with my Wife. We talked about stuff, mostly plans and ideas for our future and our take on the day's events. My Wife has said even if there is no serious aftershock of Britain leaving Europe she doesn't want to live in a country that is so bigoted, racist and isolationist. She went online, found out there is a expo in London for emigrating to New Zealand, Australia or Canada in October, and booked tickets for us on the spot. She is a highly qualified manager who has many professional qualifications so she has a strong hand to play. Interesting times.

We also talked about how I am feeling happy to be submissive to her but how I am improving in my support role as her husband. I am so happy that she is proud of what I am doing and wants me to carry on looking for ways to improve. She is happy with my level of submissiveness. It is a fine line between being a good sub and being annoyingly dependent. She doesn't want to micromanage me but she does want me to behave and do as I am told.

When we got home she washed then lay naked on her bed doing some personal admin. I kissed her back for a few moments but knowing it was late and not expecting any more I stopped and lay next to her. I was told in no uncertain terms that nobody had told me to stop and to get back on with it.

So I did.

The best thing about all of this is I am head over heels in love with my Wife.

 

I honestly don't know where to begin. Yesterday was an incredible day, one in which I spent almost the entire day with my Wife. One place to start would be that neither of us had an orgasm but both of us further explored our roles of Assertive and Submissive.

Assertive? Well, yes. My Wife us uncomfortable with the title of Dominant. She is, totally dominant, but not in her own eyes. Our partnership is too important to her and she definitely sees us as partners in pretty much everything. Yes, she makes all the most important decisions, yes, I am the one wearing a chastity device, but she would say she is becoming more comfortable with being assertive, not dominant. A fine line between the two I know, but it is something I am going to think more about over the next several weeks.

Anyway, the vast majority of the day was spent just being Husband and Wife. Walking the dog. Going to the garden centre and supermarket. Dropping my son off in town to go out with some friends for several hours. Yep, for the first time in who knows how long we were going to have the house to ourselves for several hours.

At home we started by having a shower. Another incredible experience where my Wife loves pushing me to an past my limits of stimulation. I had the pleasure of washing her back and bottom first. She loves it when I turn the shower head to jet and spray her bottom with it. This time I got down on my knees and watched as the jet hit her nice, tight arsehole. She makes little moans of pleasure as I do this and it turns me on so much. She turned around and I cannot remember if it was me who attacked her pussy or if it was her who pushed it into my face. It doesn't matter, I do know that I had the joy of licking it as water streamed down her smooth body and over my head.

During all of this I was caged in my Holy Trainer, straining to split the ring off of me. Now it was my turn so she washed my back and bottom thoroughly and then got to it, pushing me to the floor with her feet, almost standing on me to hold me down. She slid her toes between my buttocks and pushed her toes hard up against my ass, I started thrusting myself against her, fantasizing that I was being made to have anal sex. When she stopped I slid around onto my back, her foot now on my chest. She stood above me, looking down at me, all I could see was her smile appearing from above her stomach and breasts. I again slid myself up her legs until I could lick her pussy some more and she let me. She even moved a bit to give me better access.

She got out of the shower and laughed at how much of a mental mess I was in. I could barely remember how to wash myself. She loves having this sort of an effect on me and I love being the centre of attention.

Once we had finished drying we went into my bedroom. I was told I was not allowed to do anything. Confused I asked her if that meant I was allowed to lick her pussy and was told no. Her bottom? No. Could I use the wand on her? No. I was told I was allowed to lie down next to her.

What happened next was just amazing. I laid down and for the first time she used the under bed restraints on me, securing me with my legs apart and my arms stretched above me. She slid her body up mine and put nipple clamps on me enjoying my reaction as each one was tightened. Then she used the Lovehoney Wand Massager on me. Pulling my balls and holding it underneath and on them, squeezing them and pulling them about. She got me close to cumming three or four times but kept letting the feeling face away. Each time I managed to open my eyes she looked like she was having a great time.

I do not know how long this went on for. I do know that my penis slid out of my Holy Trainer. Luckily I did not know this happened as I would have been very self conscious about her seeing it, but I am glad it did. I have been telling her how hopeless the HT is now I have lost weight. The ring is far too loose and the result is I can easily get my penis out. She trusts me not to break the bond we have though but I do want to get a more inescapable device.

When she had finished she let me loose and we cuddled for a good while. She again enjoyed denying me. I asked if we could make love, explaining that I was not asking for an orgasm but just wanted to carry on with the fun. She told me she was still sore after her operation and not ready for sex yet. I was told to get her a drink and to be quiet about any more fun. She initially told me to go downstairs naked but then changed her mind. No, its a bit risky going down naked. Put a dress on instead.

I stood in front of her, stunned. This was the very first time she has told me to wear women's clothes in that way. She even chose the dress she wanted me to wear and helped me put it on. My head was in a whirl. My legs have recently been fully epilated so they are nice and smooth and felt wonderful as the dress brushed them. Soon tough it was time to get back into dad mode and go and pick my son up.

We went out for a walk in the evening and told her that what we are doing is so incredible. It will give you something to write about in your journal, she said. I can't write about all of it though, I told her, people will think I am making it up! That I am one of the fantasists we get in the Mansion at times. She laughed and looked pleased. I am glad you had a good time, she said.

 

Something else that happened yesterday was we finally had a chance to look at our shared Tumblr together. It was a wonderful opportunity to look at the things that turn us on and give her so many of her ideas. If you have not done this I highly recommend it. You create a password protected Tumblr and post things to it that you like. You can leave messages and add comments to things you like. I am finding out a lot about my Wife this way. I have been careful with what I post and so far she has not seen anything that pushed her limits. She did say that a few were right up to her limit this time, so we are going to look at them today so I can step back a bit from that line.

One of the things I shared was my journal post from a while back where she first pushed me down into the floor of the shower with her foot. She really enjoyed it and said it was really well written. I also read to her a few of the comments people have left praising her for how much progress she has made, wishing that their partners would get into this as much as she has. Understandably this pleased her a lot, we all like praise!

 

I too would love my Wife to talk to other women who are either interested in finding out what this chastity thing is all about or to experienced women who have ideas to share of their own. The one thing my Wife could help with is explaining just how much fun she has. At the beginning She too was worried that this was about domination and cruelty, also about how much effort it was going to take on her part to keep me in chastity. She does put a lot of effort in to our relationship but she is also very happy with what we do. She realizes that her effort in keeping me chaste reaps all sorts of rewards for her.

I am definitely submissive towards her and love the feeling I get when she acts assertive. We have tried being more switch in our sexual activities and it just doesn't feel right to either of us. For instance I cannot imagine putting my foot on her back and pushing her down. I tried spanking her with the paddle I bought her and it does didn't turn her on at all and just made me feel uncomfortable.

It looks like we have found our roles in our relationship and are happy about them. We talked a lot about how we feel at the weekend and things look like they are just going to get better and better.

 

I have an imminent period of almost certain denial through the simple fact of real life getting in the way ahead of me. First I am on a trip back to the UK where my Wife and I are unlikely to have any time or space to ourselves between now and the 10th of July when my Wife has to go away on a business trip. We will then have a few days together before I have to go away on a trip of my own. Then we are going to have visitors staying with us for a week before a week on holiday in Greece with a friend and her children. We get back from that in the second week of August and then we have more visitors coming to visit us for a few weeks.

So unless we get some time to ourselves I can see myself being denied until at least September! I don't mind the denial side of this, I loved how turned on I became during the two and a half month period of denial I experienced earlier this year. The fact that my Wife's teasing and playing with me is also likely to become difficult is what I will struggle with. I hope she does find both the time and the inclination for even a quick indication of her power over the weeks ahead. At least for the majority of the time we will be together.

 

You are more than welcome @ddh067 - I am happy that my ramblings are a positive thing for some people.

I find it funny how when I am in the experience of being with my Wife it feels like we are moving at a snails pace. Then I go back over my journal and realise just how much progress we have made in a very short time. And, like you, many of those steps have been completely down to my Wife and not how I expected or how I would have guessed they would go.

The best thing my Wife said to me recently was when I asked her what would she say if I said that I didn't want to do this any more. Her answer was that she would say no. She is in charge and she will decide if we stop, and she cannot see that happening. Doing this makes her feel more loved, more sexy and she is getting much more non sexual attention from me, not to mention about four times as many orgasms as she used to get before we started. Why would she want to stop?

 

We have made it to England but had a bit of a traumatic start to our holiday. We were told to drive our car into a shed where our passports were taken off of us and then we went through an entire day of driving to and waiting at various police stations. It was all ridiculously complicated but simple at the same time, linked to how we live and work in Germany. It seemed to us that since the EU referendum there was about three times as many border control officers as before and suspicion was ramped up to ridiculous levels. So what if we have been away for four months?

Anyway, it did give me one example of how much my Wife has changed. We were sat in a police station waiting for our son to be brought back from being questioned when all of a sudden my Wife leant over to kiss me. She got a glint in her eye and shoved her tongue right into my mouth. She giggled at the look on my face (later she told me I looked totally shocked at what she was doing, which turned her on and made her want to do it even more.) she then kissed me again and bit my top lip hard.

Before 'chastity' my Wife would have been too stressed in this sort of situation to do anything like that and wasn't comfortable with public displays of affection other than a quick peck or holding hands. The fact that she was displaying assertive control of me in front of police officers walking about was amazing.

That wasn't all she did though. She then stood up, parted my legs with her feet and stood between them. She then leant forwards, thrust her breasts into my face and pushed her body up against mine. To say I was turned on is an understatement.

What an amazing woman!

 

Driving back from the shops we heard a news story about how Zlatan Ibrahimivich could soon be earning £300,000 a week. My Wife commented how nice it would be to earn that a year. I said that I would definitely work for her if she earned that sort of money, I would even get a uniform.

"What", my Wife said to me, "a nice maids outfit?"

Driving the car suddenly got a lot more difficult!

Gnnnnnnn....

 

@KatyTwilight I would imagine that the maids outfit will happen, but not before October. That is when real life calms down enough for my Wife to carry out her 'threat'. She realises how much the idea of doing this turns me on, and the idea of having the effect she knows it will have on me turns her on. No doubt there will also be pictures.

I just read your journal about the incredible sex you had with your Wife. I am so happy for you! To have had such an amazing turnaround of experiences with your Wife is just wonderful. And I love your idea of me sharing naughty messages with my Wife. I shall mention it to her later today, we are off to a soggy garden party now. Soggy because it is absolutely horrific weather in England today lol.