First of all, I apologise if this is the wrong forum and second of all, I don't know what I want with this post really - vent I guess. Anyway, my husband Might_be_crazy and I started this journey about a week ago and it's been a wild ride! We've had intimacy issues, mainly due to his usage of internetporn... (He wrote a lenghty post about our start and I'm way to lazy to write a new). So he brought up the idea of a chastity belt and me as Dom. Wowsa. I'd never seen it coming since all the earlier bdsm-play we've had, have always been with him as top. But now he's not sure he wants to continue, and after a kind of a row yesterday, we don't know anything about how we're gonna continue this but I'm not sure I can squeeze "Domina" back into her cage again. I really enjoyed being the Dom tbh! Again, don't know what I want with this post. Anyone else start and stop within the week? Newlyfound Dom's that suddenly have to give that up again..?
I would suggest run with it! Like most men here, if he even hinted at chastity and you being the Dominant one, he probably desires it much more than he's letting you know. No more jerking to internet porn for him! Good luck
Hey there, Trust me you are not alone. Many times when male chastity has been brought into a relationship it is the male who brings the idea to the female. He has probably been thinking about this for many months and had many fantasies about how things will work. Some of them pretty detailed. When these fantasies don't turn out to be quite as fabulous as he had been fantasising, he can get disheartened and doesn't understand why it is not being all he dreamed it would be. The best way to even think about continuing is to talk - I know that is easier said than done, and very few want to sit across a table and talk. Go for a drive, then you are not looking at each other and it is easier to talk. Find out what you both expect and what you both would like and what you don't want. Good luck, if you need to talk any more, give me a shout.
Thanks for the answer, but I think you missed the keypoint: "But now he's not sure he wants to continue, and after a kind of a row yesterday, we don't know anything about how we're gonna continue..."
Thank you! Yeah I guess that kinda hit the nail on the head - but gaaah! I never ever thought I'd be that, I guess disappointed that our game would end. I wasn't prepared on my own feelings I think.
No - but after not being in chastity for a while, and then locking up again, it takes me about a week before I want back out. If I hold on with it, then I'm glad I did after only a few days more, and after week 3 I cant imagine not wearing it. I suggest you are firm with him, but kind. Tell him that it's not negotiable, and that he'll feel better soon. Keep communicating together, and if it isnt better in 3 weeks then you can renegotiate things, but one week is not nearly enough time as a starting lock-up. Have faith in this, and in yourself.
Not at all. We started this journey together and he was in "charge of" the cage to start with, since it was he that wanted to use it - I didn't see the point at first
In that case it is going to take time. He will not be able to lock for weeks or even days until he has got settled with the device and is wearing it correctly, using the correct lube for him etc. For many they have to start being locked for hours, then progress to a day, then to a day and a night. You cannot just go into being locked for any length of time. This build up of time locked is a great time to practice tease and denial without it becoming all encompassing. Slow it down and make it fun for both of you - no preconceptions, find out what you both want
Ah - yup. If he's not worn a device at all before then I'd go with Ms Jules advice above. It takes some time to get used to a device, and some will just not work for any number of reasons, from trapped and pinched skin, to chafing that only gets worse.
try withholding something from him (like sex) until he agrees to another trial. Then maybe practice some serious teasing and arousal. He will find that a huge turn-on and become more likely to want more.
Quite. It's got to be you in charge, absolutely, or it won't work. If he still dithers, suggest a trial period of one month, renewable, or to continue on basis it needs a period of notice to end it?
I will post entire story later but my wife decided she wanted to try this chastity lifestyle. I always felt that she was not sexual enough and because I love her, was willing to give it a try. It has basically just become another way to deny sex without any real benefit to me. I am so angry I am looking for ways to make her PAY.
After being out of my cage for over 2 weeks now I also have mixed feelings about getting locked up again. On one hand I love the freedom and ability to get off whenever I want, on the other hand I know how much my attitude and behavior change when I'm locked 24/7. When I mentioned this to my K/H she was firm and said I will be locked up again this weekend and told me "I know you'll crave the way you felt again". She is right and as an incentive told me I can top her this weekend before I go back in my cage (we are BDSM switches). That's all it took and I willingly agreed since its been months since I've had the chance. It has to be a two way street with both parties wanting chastity, there's no question she wants this lifestyle as do I, and knowing what it does for our relationship makes it much easier when I think like that. Being only a week in he may not have been able to really experienced what chastity can do and how it can make him feel. Like others have suggested a properly fitting cage is important as well as you taking charge and letting him know you want to continue. It does take some time for both parties to find their way with this and a little incentive never hurts! It's also possible he's just not into it and never will be, only he can answer that. We are only a few months into this lifestyle ourselves, it has been an interesting ride with some bumps along the way. With good communication and a willingness to overlook and/or correct any mistakes we have made, it has done wonders for us. Good luck!
As Mistress Jules and SubVerity wrote, most important is communication and to talk. Communication, communication and again communication. Why he wanted to use chastity belt and why he wanted that you will be Domme? Was it one time fling with chaste? Or is he confused and uncertain with new mixed feelings? You both should help each others. You can not be like a child in sweet shop who wants to have all sweets and now. If you will get all sweets now what will you do in the future? You should not push him and yourself to go too fast. You should to start wearing chastity device with a quite slow pace and it should be fun for both of you! Of course you should have plan and goal what you want to achieve. At least in general direction. WBR john
Before I involved my KH in anything I had ordered a device, and self locking for 3 weeks. I wanted to make sure the fit was right, I could wear it overnight and for extended periods before giving her the keys. Besides a good fit I was also testing myself. Can I do this, do I want this, am I prepared to deal with this. Once I was ok with all of that, the hard part was deciding to ask her about it. we don't really know what your fight was about, being caged, not cumming, being ignored, loss of control...we don't know. If it's lack of control, all I can suggest is that you show him how worth it, it will be. Make a fresh start explaining how much it means to you and how much it gets you off. I can't imagine a man not into hearing what satisfies his partner or not into trying to make it happen. Good luck to you both, I hope you find a path back.