Permanent or bust?

Your definition of permanent sounds like my definition of full time. I'm locked 24x7, and only out per her desire or approval.

If it comes off for any reason, it's not really permanent is it?

Most of the time, I do OK. I keep myself busy in her service and that helps. Sometimes, my sexual frustration really boils over. It can be unbearable. I do my best to work through it without burdening her. If she detects frustration, she may use the opportunity to ramp up the frustration.

 

Hmm. We didn't "decide" to do this, we just sort of ended up here... kind of like how nobody ever decides to go to Denny's, you just sort of end up there.

That said, even though we've been headed in this direction for a couple of years, the *actuality* that it will end up permanent is fairly recent. I haven't really digested it.

Note that for us, chastity is not punishment, I don't have an uncontrollable wanking habit, we don't have a BDSM relationship. It's just fun.

 

The cage my keyholder (and my wife) prefer, just doesn't suit "permanent" in the sense of "never coming off". Partly because we never found a way for peeing to work in every situation, and partly because neither of them is into supervising me when I wash myself, and because they trust that it goes right back on in either case. There's also a couple of sports and riding my motorcycle that are compromised by wearing it, so I get to unlock for that, and re-lock when I get home. Other than that, I wear it day and night, and never allow erections or use my genitals for pleasure. I prefer to be locked, and don't actually like having to unlock, but we don't follow a "You must stop doing anything you can't do locked" lifestyle. The state of chastity/denial is permanent.

Permanent locking often seems more like a form of predicament bondage, where for us, the cage is a collar, representing my commitment to chastity for my wife and my keyholder. Nothing wrong with enjoying predicament bondage though. Everyone gets something different from chastity, however they approach it.

It's difficult. It's frustrating. It's not as much fun as you'd imagine. It's rewarding. It re-wires how you view yourself and sexual interactions. Some of it will depend on the style of cage you choose. Different cages create different realities, and situations. Each has pluses and minuses.

Some are great for short term, some for long term. Some are great for play sessions. Some are stealthy. Some are obvious. Some are comfortable. Some are uncomfortable. Some are good for sleeping in, some are not. Some will chafe skin or leave cuts. Some (plastic) need more frequent cleaning. Finding the cage that suits is half the battle and can take forever.

 

I have been in chastity for 8 months now. Because of the nature of the device, it does not need to be removed for cleaning so it just stays on. As yet, nothing has been mentioned about it being permanent. So I haven't had to reconcile that.

is it right for you?
I don't think you can be sure of that until after a few months in.

Physical changes; I don't get erect anymore. This has happened before during long lock ups. I gather this is not unusual. Even if I'm ultra turned on I just get a bit puffy and leak more.
When I orgasm it's in a locked and flaccid state which has taken a while to accept and is still a bit unnerving,
I have wet dreams sometimes and I hardly ever did before.
in got used to having the insert in me but it still reminds me that I'm being fucked by it when i walk or sit down or stand up.

Mentally, like many others here, I have begun to feel a need to cross dress. This time, after being locked for about 4 months I found myself pining for it. Thankfully my KH seems to have accepted this . We only see each other now and then at weekends so it's not in her face and I do my best not to confront her with it. I would hate for her to reject that side of me so even though i dress at home pretty much all the time (I mostly work from home) she's not here and I havent wanted to brag about it to her. I keep it low key.
i think its made it easier for me since I joined this web site because i can share and understand this side of me more easily and openly with others. i didn't tell her about this yet and so I feel a bit like I'm cheating.
I'm not sure.
I've got so used to being this way now that I even recently caught myself driving to town in heels to get groceries. i decide to just go on and do it anyway rather than turning back.
Having said all that, I don't regard myself as a sissy.

i feel as though my thoughts are becoming all joined together with emotions.
i feel perched on the brink of arousal almost all of my waking hours.
I miss having erections.
I spend more time browsing for dresses and accessories than watching football and drinking beer.
I've begun appreciating pictures of big strong cocks and wondering about them.

 

Been playing with chastity for many years here and like many we have gone through all the plastic cages early on before finding the right high quality stainless steel cage My wife and key holder has grown very fond of me wearing chastity for her over the years and lock up times have gotten longer as well over time
I have been locked in my steel cage 3 years now and the last 2 have been without any breaks at all except for my yearly physical and it’s back on when I get home. I’m still allowed minimal orgasms (3-4 a year) but the cage is never removed it’s done with her wand She tells me she wants permanent and is very serious, we both love this lifestyle and I’m happy to be caged permanently for her. I know there are a lot of different (permanent) chastity here but this is ours and it works for both of us

 

Oh no, not this argument again!

 

They can smell fear, and use it against you.

 

Are you sure you don't have a BDSM relationship? Maybe it doesn't involves a bunch of leather gear and being tied up, but chastity is "bondage" in that you sure seem restrained. Chastity also requires a lot of "discipline" even if there is no punishment or even impulsive sub behavior to be given up. It might not seem "kinky" to you if you have done this long enough, but it seems like at the core of your lifestyle.

My wife sometimes says I am her "lifestyle sub". We do some very kinky things on occasion, but 99.99% of our time is spent doing things that are very much vanilla. We visit dommes and sex cubs maybe a couple times a year. We even go through some prolonged droughts were there is no "kinky" action at all. But even then she is adamant that I don't wank. Is it a lifestyle if we only play once in a while?

I can see why the "permanent" debate touches a nerve, given what you might be facing....

 

Tom, I’m shaking my head.

Denny’s is the least romantic description I could possibly think of. I think your wife might appreciate a more apt metaphor.

 

This "permanent" word is the source of many debates here. Realistically, the answer is "full time 24/7 except when she permits otherwise with the expectation that it will be part of our relationship indefinitely into the future years." That's where we're at.

 

That defines it for me also

 

You’re talking wearing chastity as much as possible, always supervised, never let out just for an erection, let alone pleasure for the penis. Being kept locked consistently and indefinitely. Giving up your penis as any source of sexual pleasure. Keeping it, but caged as a source of persistent frustration, and a way to be controlled.

Zero expectation of ever getting your naked cock fondled, stroked, kissed, licked, sucked, or entering a silken wet pussy. Never again. Never again being alone to slowly feel and grip your own warm hard erection. No holding your cock for pleasure and pumping out loads of cum.

Perhaps you’ve shrunk a bit in your cage after so much time without full erections. It helps you fit more nicely. There no need to worry about shrinkage. No one will ever grip or fuck your cock.

How do you deep clean? Do you get to touch yourself with your soapy hands? A wash cloth? A scrub brush? Does your keyholder handle it for you instead?

Are you ever allowed to wrap your hand around your cock anymore? Or must you keep your hand open.

You don’t ever mention orgasms in your post. Are you looking for permanent orgasm denial? Not even a vibrator against the cage? Or pressed against your taint to stimulate your overfull prostate? Do you get to play with your ass? Can you be milked? Are there any types of orgasms for you?

You are physically prepared for this. You have a device that fits well and you can wear indefinitely. It’s the mental acceptance of never again that’s difficult. Shedding all expectations forever. The submission to this is difficult.

ok. I haven’t crossed the threshold into permanent chastity. I’ve fantasized about it. Obviously.

Before that happens, my wife would want to reliably peg my ass on a whim, and transfer my ability to orgasm to my nipples or verbal teasing.

She’s told me the following over this past year (practically verbatim with minimal rephrasing, but compiled in one paragraph):

“You don’t need to cum. You don’t need to be unlocked to spill. You can stay caged. You can gush in your cage, you’ve done it before. I’ll keep you like this. Forever.

You can stay locked up in your little cage.
You have to be my good boy. I won’t let you be any other way. You can stay locked. I’ll keep you forever.

I don’t feel guilty. I don’t feel guilty in the slightest, and I never have.
Your cock head isn’t the most sensitive and responsive part of you. Your brain is. Don’t worry, I don’t miss you thrusting inside of me. I’m ok with you being caged. Your penis is a small part of you. I don’t miss your cock. You’re not denying me.

Poor boy, all tight in there and can’t get hard.

Poor boy. This is your life now.”

 

Because you're new around here, I'm just going to warn you about the word "permanent."

Everyone around here knows *exactly" what the word permanent means. Except that nobody seems to agree on it.

We seem to have a number of levels:

"I wear this all the time, except my KH removes it when she wants sex. I have an orgasm, and then she puts in on the next day."

"I wear this 24/7, except once in a while, my KH removes it to tease me. Maybe I'll h ave an orgasm if I'm good."

"I only take mine off for bike rides, motorcycle rides, when the kids are home, or when it gets itchy."

"I wear this all the time, although my KH removes it to give me a ruined orgasm once in a while."

"I never take this off, except for work."

"It's been locked on, and I only am allowed to remove it for airline travel and doctor's visits."

"My KH makes me keep it on even when I'm flying, and my doctor has seen it all."
And then there are varying degrees of what "counts" as chastity.
Does chastity mean just wearing a device, or does it also regard orgasms?
Is coming allowed?
What about ruined orgasms?
What about planned orgasms?
What about accidental spills and leakage?

In this thread you're going to see a wide range of guys, all talking about what "permanent" means to them. They're all wrong, of course, since they don't do it like I do, but it will give you some things to think about as you go through this.

 

This is actually a valid question. Enforced chastity is a kind of bondage; Mrs Edge and I are, in a certain way of looking at this, playing out a very, very long scene.

That said, though, Mrs Edge does not self-identify as kinky, nor does she really have any interest in any *overt* or intentional BDSM interactions. So, if it's not intentional, can it still be BDSM? It's an academic question, but for the purposes of general conversation, it's easier for me to just say "Nope, that's not us."

 

Really long term orgasm denial is usually a hot concept for except a couple of times:

1) "Refractory period" right after an orgasm and for a few days

2) When we have gone "too long" which doesn't have to do with me feeling "too horny". It's more like I'm already past that point, and things seem stale. Like a fruit that is dying on the vine. It then seems like time to "start over".

3) When there are too many "real life events" or stress or illness that make things seem like not much fun

4) When my wife and I aren't really connecting (maybe because some of the above) and it seems like something tedious I am enduring, rather than spice.

5). Sometimes, spontaneity rules the day, and fucking just seems like the absolute right thing to do in the moment. These moments are harder to find when you are older, have a lot of responsibilities, work, kids, etc., and just can't be passed up sometimes. Can't pass up intimacy, romance, and good fucking when the chance presents.

So, we fantasize sometimes about "permanent" orgasm or intercourse denial, but the reality of the above is usually sets in at some point.

 

Do you know other people who are in a "BDSM relationship"? It's possible to analyze any other couple, lifestyle, or relationship and say "that's not us". It sounds like there are other BDSM practices you would like to try, but don't for whatever reasons. When we go to munches or play parties, we see all kinds of other couples where it is easy to say "that's not us", yet there we are in the room together.

Thinking of this issue, one of the biggest things that has changes over the last few years, is the various times we interact with other kinky people, and feel more comfortable socializing over it. We have yet to meet people who seem "just like us" but we've learned a lot from others.

 

Most of us perverts worry about the drams of getting rejected by a partner at one point or another. We also fantasize about our partner loving our kinks as much as we do. The reality is usually somewhere in between.

Food analogies work great. I hate the idea of wanting to take my wife to a new restaurant, and her reaction being "meh, I'm not that hungry and the Denny's is right over there". We play with chastity because I am wired to love it, and over time, she's gotten a little bit of an acquired taste for the control and fucking with me.

During prolonged spells of playing with this, I can feel deeply insecure when I ponder that maybe we are playing with denial because her libido has been too low, and then I feel deeply insecure that her libido is too low because my focus isn't in the same place that hers is.

 

Your pictures are stunning and you need to do whatever makes you happy . If it’s working for you be happy . Take care

 

Most of my friends don't even seem to tell dirty jokes, so make of that what you will.

I'll concede that it's possible to define what we do as BDSM, but as I mentioned, for all *practical* purposes, it's more like extended, kinky bedroom play. There's not much point for us (Mrs Edge and I) to label anything.

 

This is a good description of real life. I've referred to it as "long periods of boredom interrupted by brief moments of sexual excitement." That is, while I do think about it (generally when I'm waking up and spooning my wife), the day-to-day aspects really haven't changed.

We have sex more frequently than we used to; it's mainly missionary, bedroom sex, but wearing a harness and dildo, along with the device has made it hotter for the both of us. Sometimes I get so worked up that I'll have a spillover (like a ruined orgasm or something) right in the cage. Sometimes Mrs Edge will intentionally trigger one, just because she can, and it makes her feel like a sex goddess to know that she can make me come even in a tight steel tube. And while they never feel "complete" ( I can't describe it any other way), after a couple of years, they at least feel... okay. The idea that I may never have one like I used to is both scary and erotic at the same time.

But still, we have kids and grandkids, work, social events, the usual winter colds, pulled muscles, or just periods of ennui that are just like, you know, *not* being in chastity. So, for the most part, our life hasn't changed - just a little bit in the bedroom.

 

Keep in mind that BDSM covers several categories, much like LGBT, but as with that, you don't have to be (or you can't be, obviously) all those things to fall under that banner. I know plenty of people who are in the BDSM community, but only practice the D/s part. There are plenty of people who are into the B/D part, but not the D/s. A female led relationship is by nature, a D/s relationship. Enjoying the suffering that comes from long term chastity is definitely masochism. A woman (or guy) who enjoys the control of enforcing chastity, but isn't aroused by the suffering, is still enjoying Domination, but not Sadism. You don't have to use whips and rope to have a "BDSM" relationship.

 

Long John Silvers?

 

I doubt permanent is viable or desirable for very many people. Congratulations to those who achieve it. To those who don't - don't worry. Do chastity the way that suits you. We're all different.