Introducing my long term girlfriend to chastity

[SubmissiveBoy]

Hi there, me and my girlfriend are in a long term relationship and have always been reasonably kinky in the bedroom together. She likes dominating me and I love being submissive towards her. We've experimented with fairly vanilla toys before like handcuffs and blindfolds but I'm wanting to take things to another level by introducing her to chastity.

To begin with I'm wanting to just have fun with it and take it casually, I'm not going into this wanting her to lock me up for months or even weeks at a time (at least not straight away ) and I think the best way of going about this is to just go slow and take our time.

The thing is, what in your opinion and experience is the best way to actually approach the idea of chastity initially? The way I've planted the seed is that I've suggested we should get each other kinky Christmas presents this year and she seemed to like the idea, so I've actually purchased a beginner chastity device and a book about male chastity called Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders by Lucy Fairbourne. I've read that it's aimed at complete newbies to chastity and it's presented in a non-threatening way, so I figured that might be a good place to start? But what do you think?

Do you have any other suggestions about how to approach chastity in this type of situation?

 

[richard]

It would be funny if she bought you a chastity device too.

You should buy her something too. That's a gift for yourself.

What you are doing seems a fun approach.

 

[Sipriotes]

Sounds like a great plan. It's similar to our journey -- we were already into some kinky stuff and chastity just came out of that. She ended up being very into both chastity and the D/s dynamic, and here we are. The only problem I can see is that once she has you locked it won't stay "fun and casual" for very long

If you want to get a present for her, I'd recommend a magic wand and/or a nice rabbit vibe. With one or both of those she will quickly forget that she ever needed your cock in the first place!

 

[Giles_English]

Do you have any other suggestions about how to approach chastity in this type of situation?

Dominant people don't necessarily want to be told what to do or have to read a book on how to do it.

You're already a kinky couple. Buy a cheap but functional device from Amazon now, and just reveal it to her next time you are about to do kink. That simple!

 

[MissyB]

I agree that your plan seems like a safe approach, especially if you combine it with the vibrator or toy aimed at her pleasure. I'd just have a hard time waiting until then to get chastity started. Good luck and enjoy.

 

[maid julie]

Being that your both into kink maybe put it on and give her the key wrapped up as a present a little before having some fun and when sho opens it and asks what it is for. Just tell her it’s to make sure that you get all the pleasure you want before I do

 

[amvetsb]

Although the idea is good, I would seriously, as has been mentioned, look at who the present is for... The key and contents of the device are hers, the cage and concept is yours...
That said... Chastity play doesn't mean it has to be a lifestyle. Exploring chastity in daily life doesn't have to be a lifestyle... Through my own experience, and what I frequently encourage, starting out, play and have fun.. Find the device that fits and functions as best as you can early, then, go through a realistic break-in period and work your way up to a couple of weeks being kept locked, then, repeat several times to make sure the experience and results of any experiments are duplicated... Once you have found your way this far, you can discuss the experience with your girlfriend and see if this is something that you BOTH are interested in and willing to keep up with, as a 'play' thing just for occasional use or something that will be a longer-term/duration thing...
Starting off early with a goal to reach a couple of weeks both secured and denied is very realistic and worth doing at least once. I'm not saying as soon as you get the device lock up and keep locked for a month right away! That ISN'T realistic.. Start off getting locked, and work up to a couple of hours, then all day, but not nights.. Then, when you have a couple days to work with, try the nights until you can 'get through' the nights without being sleep-deprived, then work up to 24-hr 'sessions' until you get the hang of it, then keep adding days and shoot for a week...
Keep in mind, the hardest thing to re-acclimate to locking back up after a break... Eventually, your mind will adapt to the mental side but physically, each time you relock, it's like starting all over again, a 'new' break-in...
Over time, you'll both find your ways... Just be patient with yourself as well as with each other.

 

[sandman9355]

I'd say buy a cheap and functional device and test it in private first. There's a good chance you'll have to go through more than one device before you find one you can wear for say two days plus, and I'd guess you don't want to get locked up and then tell your GF you can't actually wear the thing for more than an hour or two.

 

[King Hippo]

As long as both of you are honest and open to communicate it could work out for both of you. Trying it out short term to see if you both like it isn't a bad idea though.

 

[SubmissiveBoy]

First of all I want to say thanks to everyone for replying to me so quickly! I would have gotten back to you all sooner but work has been getting in the way. Anyway;

@richard I honestly thought that she might have been doing that because I was talking to her about what she might have gotten but after a few clues I don’t think she has. That would have been very funny though You’re right though and a couple of other people have pointed that out too, I’ll definitely get her something else too, don’t worry

@Sipriotes That’s reassuring to hear, I’m hoping that she’s into the idea of it or at the very least gives it a chance and doesn’t get freaked out by it. I’m pretty sure she won’t though, I’ve been saying to her a lot recently that I want her to control my orgasms and deny me whenever she wants to. So it’s all sounding promising, I just worry about this sort of thing.

If it doesn’t stay fun and casual for very long I would be completely fine with that! I’ll be looking into getting her some kind of rabbit vibe I think, she’s going to need something to replace her cock with when it’s caged huh?

@Giles_English I have been thinking of giving her the cage earlier than Christmas but I think it will maybe look better and like I’ve put more thought into it if I make it into more of a present. The book is a part of that too, I think it shows that I’m not just thinking of using it once and then forgetting about it. Also, I doubt she’s had any experience with chastity so the book will help her to grasp the basics of why I want to be in chastity and what she should expect from it. I know I could just tell her myself but it almost seems a bit more like she’s in control of it if she isn’t hearing it from me. I don’t know if that makes sense but that’s sort of my logic there

@MissyB Yeah, I’m most probably going to struggle to save it until Christmas but we’ll see. If an opportunity presents itself to give it to her earlier than I might see what I can do. It seems everyone is in agreement that I should get her a vibrator, so I’ll do that. It was selfish of me to not have done that anyway, but I think I just got slightly carried away

@maid julie No, I don’t want to just give her the key because I want her to have the satisfaction of putting it into me and clicking the lock shut. I want us to experience that part together. Don’t worry though she’ll definitely be getting all the pleasure she wants.

I will reply to the other responses later, I’m on a break right now

 

[SubmissiveBoy]

@amvetsb Yes, I’ve taken on board what yourself and others have said here and you’re right. I’ll be getting her something that’s entirely for her. I should have done that to begin with really.

I’m going into it with the mindset of it being laid back to begin with and if she likes the idea of it and enjoys me being caged we can work our way towards me being locked for longer periods of time. It’s entirely her decision though and I don’t want to be pressuring her.

Like you say if she wants to go ahead, we’ll take it easy to begin with and slowly build up the time with practice. I’m not expecting for it to be a breeze and to be able to go months straight away!

@sandman9355 I don’t know, I feel like maybe we should do the initial practicing stages of chastity together so she knows what’s difficult about it and we can work through things together. Even if I’m only caged for a couple of hours to begin with we can build up from that.

@King Hippo Again like with what I said just above, I’m thinking that it would be better to be doing the trial runs together as a couple? Maybe I’m wrong about that though seeing as that’s been suggested a few times! We are both open and honest with each other so I don’t think it would be a problem at all if I struggled with having it on for long amounts of time to begin with. All of this assuming that she’s into the idea of chastity to begin with!

 

[bondinchas]

All of this assuming that she’s into the idea of chastity to begin with!

Most partners need a little time to 'get into it', we forget that we've been thinking about it for weeks/months/years before we introduce it so don't unload it all on her all at once.
You'll be the same though, you'll discover things about her and yourself too, for most couples it's great fun. Take it slowly and all should be well.

 

[madams-sissysub]

I think you have done it just right, good luck and I hope it all works out for you!

 

[SubmissiveBoy]

@bondinchas Yes, that’s true. I don’t actually know for certain if she even knows what a chastity cage is! So I will do my best to not throw her in at the deep end because I would imagine that would be a bit much. That’s good to hear!

@madams-sissysub Im glad you think so, I just hope it all works out and she wants to try it out. Thanks for the good luck! I’ll need it!

 

[LesterBallard]

there are lots of threads already about this which may be worth reading through. You're right, though, take it slowly.

Good luck

 

[SubmissiveBoy]

@LesterBallard I figured that there would be, but with my situation being a little bit more specific with things like the book choice and not being involved in any kink scenes, I thought it would be helpful to create a thread.

I'll definitely be taking it very slowly, I'm not too confident with chastity yet either!

 

[Petey]

Sounds like you are taking a good approach and are being very level headed about it. Many men, me included, get too carried away in fantasy sometimes. My wife and I started with the 'fun' approach too. After buying a few other toys over the years, like vibrators and a cock ring, I then showed her a picture of a device in a non-intimidating way and we bought a cheap cage and took it slow. I upgraded to custom later on.
So I like your approach - just don't push the idea too hard after you get started. I annoyed my wife with constantly bringing it up in conversation and that ruined the fun for a while. I was trying to force the fantasies I'd read online, and it was too much too quick.
Also, one more piece of advice - the term 'long term girlfriend' is a pet peeve of mine. If you love her, just propose already! Take away her fears, and give her a ring that lets her know you'll never leave.
Good luck!

 

[Guest 8927]

My Goddess started into chastity with me introducing it about 2 years ago and had grown into it. Every woman is different in this regard.

In my case, I always present the information prior to just showing up wearing or doing something as a surprise. I tend to email non pornographic, information links from site designed for women by women, like badgirlsbible.com, and places that explain a submissive males point of view and "why" chastizing them is a good idea for a Dominant.

I like your idea, and would consider adding a magic wand or a really good plug in vibrator, to help paint the picture for her. The idea is that she gets to decide when you will feel pleasure, and she can engage herself in as much or as little as she wants. We started with a CB6000 silicone one that she now calls a toy, in a slow build up to a lifestyle situation.

Move at her pace. Dont push it too hard as a must. Play in short bursts. Draw out her need to control with it, rather than just jumping into bed with it on and handing her the key. Show her the how and the why, and the benefits, and she will latch onto it as her own at some point, usually sooner rather than later. Make it fun!

Good luck.

 

[SubmissiveBoy]

@Petey Yeah, I’m trying not to get carried away with the fantasy of this and take it seriously and consider how slowly we’ll need to go if we ever get to a stage where she wants me to wear it 24/7. To begin with (if she’s interested), I’ll probably just wear it every now and then though.

I’ve been trying out a couple of devices to make sure that when I show her one, I’m as comfortable as possible in there and there’s no complications in that area. But yeah, I’ve only been going for cheap ones for now, if she is really into the idea after we’ve been trying it out for a while, I’ll definitely be suggesting we get a custom one, but again, I’m taking it one step at a time first!

I won’t be pushing the idea too hard, if she isn’t interested at all I won’t be forcing her into anything that she doesn’t want to be a part of. That isn’t what this is about after all!

I agree with you about the ‘long term girlfriend’ thing. I have plans to propose but it’s been a bit backdated because of the pandemic this year! Next year though will probably be a different story

@Pretty Monnica That’s a good idea and that’s why I figured I would give her a book on the subject written from the perspective of a woman, so she can be eased into it and hopefully not be overwhelmed immediately.

I’ve actually now got a vibrator for her based on what other people have said too, so that base is covered now. I’m actually really looking forward to her using it.

That’s really good advice and I’ll be taking that on board. I’ll be letting her decide exactly how slowly she wants to go with it and I won’t keep bringing it up or anything like that. Like you said it needs to be fun! I don’t ever want her to feel pressured into anything.

Thank you!

 

[SergioUK]

A time-controlled way to store the keys like a K-safe could be useful. Explain to her that once it's locked you're not getting out even if both of you want it so you'd have to please her in other ways. There's a good chance she'll jump at this and enjoy teasing you and taking full advantage.

 

[SubmissiveBoy]

@SergioUK That could be something we think about in the future but to begin with, if she’s even interested in the idea, she’ll probably want to have the keys to herself.

I already please her in other ways too, in fact she’s started limiting the amount I get to orgasm even without a cage. I’ve been on my knees a lot recently...

 

[amvetsb]

she’s started limiting the amount I get to orgasm even without a cage

That's great! If she's into that, she's likely to enjoy the cage to take the pressure off herself, meaning, she doesn't have to work at or decide to do (or not do) something if your bits are already locked away.. Orgasm "control" is a very powerful thing for her to experience, the chastity device just fuels this and gives her a tool to make that more of a reality. For her, the mental awareness that she will control all that comes with the chastity device being locked on you.. yea, can be amazing to 'realize'....

 

[SubmissiveBoy]

@amvetsb That’s what I’m thinking too, all the signs are pointing towards her being very interested in caging me. I love the idea of her not having to worry or think about my orgasms anymore but to start with it most likely won’t be like a big lifestyle thing though. I’m really new to this too and she might have never even heard of chastity before for all I know, so I hope she doesn’t think it’s really weird (in a bad way) and get put off from the outset. But I guess we’ll just have to see.

 

[amvetsb]

@SubmissiveBoy Well??? How did it go?

 

[SubmissiveBoy]

@amvetsb I’ve been meaning to update this for a while now but this is the first chance I’ve had to do it properly.

So I ended up giving her the cage and a vibrator for Christmas and she seemed initially shocked but into the idea and was asking lots of questions like how long I’m supposed to wear it for and how it’s supposed to go on and stuff. She also seemed very happy with the vibrator so that was a good call, thanks to everyone that suggested that

She locked me up that night but she was worried it was hurting me or restricting me too much and I reassured her that it was very comfortable and she then made me go down on her while I was wearing the cage which was amazing. I was let out after bringing her to orgasm though because of her prior worries.

Since then she hasn’t made me wear the cage but she still mentions it every now and then and whenever she does I act very interested in it and say that I would love to be locked up. Just last night she said that I’ll be locked up when the time comes, so for now I’m just leaving her to decide when she wants me locked. It’s best I don’t push her and I just let her call the shots.

Another thing that’s been happening recently though is that she seems to have become even more dominant. She’s started saying she’s going to write a list of rules for me to follow and she’s been assigning me more chores and telling me to do little things through the day while reminding me she’s the boss. I love this by the way, she’s not forcing me to do anything I don’t want to!

From a sex standpoint, things have been incredible. I haven’t had a full orgasm since I gave her the cage. She’s teased me and edged me but never allowed me to actually finish. I’ve been satisfying her with my tongue a lot but the main thing we’ve been enjoying is the vibrator. I’ve never seen her climax so hard, it’s amazing. She even mentioned that she would like me to get her a dildo next and that it would be good to get her one bigger than myself, which I obviously immediately agreed to

So yeah! Basically although there hasn’t been much play with the cage itself, things have been going extremely well. I’m loving her more dominant side that’s come out and it’s making me even more submissive towards her which I think she likes. She’s even said she wants to spank me with my belt, but she’s yet to actually act on that...