Solo chastity - a question for the self lockers

Celtic Queen

Celtic Queen

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Dec 14, 2009
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Hi All,

I am a relative late comer to chastity and my hub and I now practice 24/7 to the benefit of our Female Led Relationship. It has taken a lot of time and patience for me to get somewhere close to understanding what my sub hub gets out of his lock up and also more broadly out of a FemDomme relationship. I have enjoyed the journey tremendously and have seen our relationship grow. I have found this forum to be open, honest and very interactive in getting to grips with all matters chasitity - even in the areas that I will probably never understand so I thought I would pose some questions for the broader community out there on a topic that has puzzled me for a while.

Outside of a relationship, why would a man partake in chastity? If there is no relationship to benefit, why are there so many men out there who lock themselves up and seek keyholders that they have no actual relationship with? Do self lockers create a "fantasy persona" that they serve in order to make the experience more real or is the physical constraint sufficient?
 
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Celtic Queen,

I can speak to this some. My wife isn't into chastity play, so I solo play a lot. For me, there are several fun aspects. First, being locked in a chastity device is like long-term foreplay. Feeling constrained all the time is quite frankly, erotic. Also, there is a certain "bondage" feeling to it. The confinement rubs yet more erotic buttons. Of course, there's also the anticipation before the eventual release. I just get hornier and hornier as time progresses. It's a wonderful feeling.

Finally, on the fantasy side, the subby side of me craves the domination. Wearing the device simulates that aspect as well.

mikecb
 
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Hello Celtic Queen,

I was a self locker for the first few weeks after i purchased my first chastity device, i think mikecb has described very well the sensations you get from wearing a chastity device. I would like to add that i found it easier to pee sitting down, which compared to the zip, lob, spray method used by the average man, was such a submissive thing to do. The wiping of any excess urine after i had finished, gave me a sense of being feminine, which helps me to relax & generally makes me feel good.

Alas though, i wonder if the true answer is there is a greater ratio of submissive men to willing female partners, who would consider chastity as a part of everyday life. Maybe most female partners prefer their men to be strong & cannot bear the thought of them being submissive or maybe they have certain moralistic beliefs that anything other than normal sex is wrong, if the submissive is aware that his partner has either of these feelings or others, he may not want to pursue the subject further for fear of what reaction he might receive.

These are only my thoughts & certainly not factual, Mistress Locksmith & myself are facinated by the psychology of the D/s lifestyle & enjoy posts of this nature, so please keep them coming. :happy0158:
 
It is so helpful to hear that I am not in a unique situation. My wife has been my best friend for the past 20 odd years now and we are starting our 12th year married.

I have been playing around with chastity and orgasm denial since 2005. Unfortunately, my wife finds the concept abhorrant and refuses to keep the keys. She is a strong, independant and increadably smart individual, and has explained to me that taking control of our sex life is the last thing she wants to be responsible for.

I think of myself as a strong male type who is creative and handy. I have no sissy desires or wish to be held in submission; I just want to add a diemention of teasing and denial to our intimate moments. I also love the feeling of the CB holding my bits. The occational reminder that I can't simply toss off without her knowledge. The curious sideways glances by strangers while swimming laps at the local pool. It's all in good fun.

I just need to find a way to sell it to her as a game and not an added responsibility. Until then, I play alone.
 
Reading the question brought up a scene from "Pulp Fiction" from my memory:

Travolta was in the restaurants bathroom and was telling himself "now - go home, jerk off, go to sleep!" OK, the story behind this scene was actually longer but generally thats the story when You're single - go home, jerk off, sleep. (Yes, I have lived alone, too). No tension, no excitement - as soon as You masturbate, its all over. But imagine being locked up :D the tension and sexual excitement never ends. Until Your release day.

Another thing is, that giving away keys to Your penis is a submissive act. If You do not have partner, at least You can dream that You have relationship of some kind with your KH.

I'm sure there are more reasons out there.
 
hi a very interesting question i am sure you will get a lot of different answers.
i find it hard to answer i an not bless with the writing skills that you have however i will give it a go
sorry if it turns out a bit of a ramble.
i was married for 20 years and from very early it became a female lead relationship.
we both enjoyed bdsm however chastity is just something we never got round to.
our play as we called it started to become a part of our every day life.
rules were set punishment and rewards were agreed.
this worked very well we both enjoyed this maybe me more so.
i could go to work the alpha male and return home and become submissive.
as the years went on my wife took more and more control.
i really did not see it coming i had become so selfish all my fantasies were being satisfied.
i started to my wife for granted as soon as my sexual needs were satisfied i became a selfish pig
in and out of the bedroom.
i wish now we had introduced chastity. i feel sure i would have been a better person.
well to cut a long story short we grew apart and after 20 years decided it was over.
that was 9 years ago i miss the control i( thought ) my wife had over me.
i did not wish to look for another partner .
the only thing that would come anywhere near to what i craved for was chastity.
i could lock myself up and get the sensation of bondage.
i could leave the keys at home if i went away for the weekend.
taking away the control to unlock when i pleased.
i can only speak for myself here self imposed chastity is only enjoyed through fantasy.
the fantasy that some one cares for you and has locked you to keep as her own.
living in the hope that you will find that someone.
when locked i seem to behave better around female friends i become a better listener and more aware and less selfish.
if i am lucky enough to find someone i would hope this is something i could bring to a relationship.
so maybe self chastity is just practice for the future.
i hope you can make some sense out of this.
( i did warn you it might turn in to a ramble i typed as i thought )
 
Gentlemen

Your posts are really helpful in helping me understand (academically at least!) what is going on in the male psyche during chastity. In terms of self lockers then, it seems to me that there are two elements at play. Firstly, the tactile nature of attaching a chastity device is an erotic act in itself and is part of play when coupled with the delayed gratification / build up to orgasm - that would be true for all men in chastity. Secondly, the fantasy element is specifically about the submission to a Dominant partner if none is available.

Where guys are single, I suppose that this is just a matter of the skewed ratio of male to female in D/s but I do feel badly for people in relationships whose partner doesn't "get it" as anything other than a kink unshared. For my part, I did have to do a lot of mental chewing before I could understand why my husband wanted to locked up 24/7 - it's completely counter intuitive to how we understand men to function. There is no female equivalent to being controlled by your penis (just as there is no gender equivalent word for "pussy whipped"!) and to hand over sexual control does feel like yet another responsibility initially so I can see where your wife was coming from, Jibeset. Working through this though, once women experience the change in behaviour, the renewal of romantic male courtship and a return to old fashioned gallant behaviour, I doubt many women would go back to entertaining an unfettered penis on their menfolk. It doesn't make them any less manly - just a lot more respectful, considerate and thoughtful with the big head in charge.

Thank you for taking the time to post a response.
 
Dear Celtic Queen,

Only came across this thread late last night, but what you've said above is definitely on the money. As a 'Self-Locker' myself, I also concur with a lot of the comments already made by the majority of the weaker-sex contributors. What I find is the massive build up of increasing sexual frustration - once you've orgasmed that feeling has gone & then feel a litle deflated. From my point of view the longest I have gone on a DiY basis is 25 days - I would guess must be easier if getting release is out of one's control. Ironically when I do get to orgasm the most powerful orgasms I have are always accompanied by fantasising about being denied orgasm on a very long term basis.

Just in case you may be interested, the root of this came from a Lady I was involved with many years ago (about 20 actually) who discovered that she had an incredible 'hidden dominant streak'. Having made love (@ her parents home) & holding back from cumming - to ensure she had 2/3 orgasms. Now talk of 'Coitus-Interuptus' she said; "Quick my parents will be home any minute". From her point of view it was over! My comment "But I haven't cum" was simply ignored"!

When I quizzed her a couple of days later having a whinge about my not cumming - I asked how she felt about (thinking she might have felt bad/guilty) far from it. She told that it had made her feel wonderful & extremely Superior and Dominant. She then added, "But really when you think about it; It's NOT NECESSARY for you to cum". I remember being hugely turned on by this comment. So from then on she never let me cum when we had sex.

So these words have always stayed with me. After about a week I moaned saying it was not fair, so she came up with a reward scheme. She decided that She had to have 25 orgasms before I could have one. Sadly our involvement ended mainly because we were both in relationships when we had met - but before it did she had increased the quota of orgasms to 50! I think however had we stayed together this would have increased again, & again quite substantially. She loved linking the number of orgasms from Her to me, but equally also that my cumming once a fortnight/month was far too frequent. From Her point point of view She simply adored denying me orgasm & keeping me frustrated. So this was where my interest in Orgasm-Denial began. Keep up the good work - your guy is one lucky fella!

 
I have had emails with sub males about this, mainly those looking for KH and asking if I'd be interested! Which I can't do, certainly just now.

But one of the reasons they have for self-locking has been to get prepared and used to it, so that when the right KH does come along for them, they're all ready and the KH can (if she wishes) take his keys at short notice.

There are far more subbie wannabes than KHs so it makes sense I( think...


Joro

Celtic Queen said:
Hi All,

I am a relative late comer to chastity and my hub and I now practice 24/7 to the benefit of our Female Led Relationship. It has taken a lot of time and patience for me to get somewhere close to understanding what my sub hub gets out of his lock up and also more broadly out of a FemDomme relationship. I have enjoyed the journey tremendously and have seen our relationship grow. I have found this forum to be open, honest and very interactive in getting to grips with all matters chasitity - even in the areas that I will probably never understand so I thought I would pose some questions for the broader community out there on a topic that has puzzled me for a while.

Outside of a relationship, why would a man partake in chastity? If there is no relationship to benefit, why are there so many men out there who lock themselves up and seek keyholders that they have no actual relationship with? Do self lockers create a "fantasy persona" that they serve in order to make the experience more real or is the physical constraint sufficient?
Click to expand...
 
Throw it in some water and freeze it solid. then defrost in the fridge. This will require you to practice some restraint and not use hot water to gain quick access unless its an emergency.
 
Love this post... why do we self-lockers want to be locked? Well first off for me, its nice to know that I can restrict my orgasms, with a little more than self-control. My girlfriend, who I will more than likely end up marrying is not into this sort of stuff (or at least I don't think she is, but I will explore that more if we decide to get married) and for right now, we are in a long distance relationship (i graduated before her and went home to work, she is still at school) and she doesn't like knowing that I masturbate... (raised catholic, however increasingly turning more liberal about things). So the locked up keeps me from masturbating. I throw the keys in a timed lock box, and that's that.

Additionally, it for some reason gives me a sort of erotic sense, that I cannot at any given moment run to the bathroom and get my jollies.... so similar to above posters.
 
interesting posting and string! it has been dormant for some time... wondering if you are all still active members and how it is working out for you?
 
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