What do you do when a slave no longer wants to be a slave? My husband and I have been in some form of a sub/domme relationship snce the beginning. Several months back we decided to take it fulltime. Well he did well or so I thought One day he reuses to wear his device so I just blow it off. Well that was approximately two weeks ago and now he says he does feel like wearing it anymore and was tired of having to address me as 'Mistress' After trying to address the problem I have gotten no where!!!! I don't understand how he can go from being my slave that wore his devce panties and thigh highs almost daily to not wanting anything at al????? What do I do??? Someone please help!!!!!!
Hey, the D/s relationship has to be consensual - sounds like the only way forward is to sit down and talk and find out what's changed in his head, and why - if he knows. But unless some other folks here have any other ideas, I'd say it would be down to communication between the two of you.
I can´t say what you situation is. I am also not sure what I am personally, only thing I know for sure is that I am not dominant. So for me it is a process to find out what is fantasy and what is what I really want. So maybe it is the same with your sub. I also had many times a "flash back to normal". Means I thought all the SM stuff is sick and I have thrown away all my toys and gear disgusted with myself. And then I chilled a bit and my love for SM came back. Those "back to normal" flashes happended several times for me. They cost me some money since I had to rebuy all those cool dildoes, whip, cuffs, etc. ... but they were what I needed at that moment. Also the SM industry probably makes a living from people like me ;-) So don´t be too shocked by your sub. Relax and talk with him (don´t fight). If he is a sub, he can´t escape his desires anyway :-D
mistegp, D/s relationships are by mutual consent, and for mutual satisfaction. Apparently, your slave wasn't satisfied with what he was getting from his half of the relationship. As was pointed out above, the only way to address it is to sit down and have a level-headed conversation about your mutual desires and expectations. There must be a mismatch somewhere. Hopefully you can resolve it! Best of luck! mikecb
Thanks for the feedback everyone!!! I feel the same as you all but its very hard when he more less refuses to sit down and talk. It makes me feel like a failure I am at a complete loss. I was introduced to this lifestyle by my husband and I was transformed! Now that this part of our relationship is not there I feel needy. Its very hard to go from complete servitude and worship to nothing at all.
Hello mistegp, Maybe it is just a phase for your husband of not wanting to participate in the D/s role? For me, i love serving my wife & having to remain in my locked chastity for her, but there are times it is not practical. There could also be the need to take a break from it so it can remain fresh & exciting. It could be work related stress, family issues, & other things that can set or change the mood. For us, we have a young child & have very little privacy. There are other factors that also contribute to not staying in the D/s roles that will sometimes make it seem like it will never happen again. One big problem for me was an allergic reaction to an alloy in my device. It forced me to not wear it for some time. This led to a minor depressed state of feeling that i had spent a lot of money on something that i could not use. Money is a bit tight so the last thing i can do right now is spend it on a non essential. It took the wind out of our sails. Hope it changes for you.
Please don't feel that you are a failure! As you've probably already discerned, chastity play involves some complex and convoluted psychology and like all other areas in life, we ebb and flow in our moods. Perhaps (and this is only a suggestion) you should suggest to him that you enjoyed being a Goddess and as he doesn't wish to continue, you would like to control someone else's cock, and perhaps become a keyholder, on a strictly remote basis. I know that this could be a high risk strategy in some respects, but it might precipitate the discussion that you need to have. NotR
No you should definitely not feel a failure. Far from it. You've embraced a lifestyle at your husband's request, and have grown into the role he was looking for. We are all different - us men can be very strange and emotionally destructive and as NotR says, the phschology here is convoluted at best. Something must have happened and he doesn't want to/know how to talk about it yet? Maybe a little patience will be needed, but he clearly owes it to you to explain what it is. Not knowing the two of you, I feel it's hard (maybe actually foolhardy) for me to suggest anything else other than patience. Although NotR's suggestion has merit in forcing a discussion.
Simple answer - he needs a break. This is an intense lifestyle if rituals are applied and the edge wears off. You are not a failure Ma'am, if You stayed involved, but it sounds like communication time needs to be spent. We can all share our stories, but not for now. You have kept your end of the bargain. Maybe he comes back and maybe...it was just a phase. Talk it through. Can i recommend a couple's session with a Pro-Domme to get the spin back in the cycle?