Part 4 ~ Putting the "FUN" in DysFUNctional...

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pet is continuing to pamper me. :animal0008:

He picked me up from Brownies and brought me a Starbucks (which reminds me... not long till 1st November = Red Cups = EGG NOG LATTE TIME! I wait all year for it) and then he asked me to pass him some tissues from the glove compartment... but when I opened it, there in front of me was the Extended Version of Sex and the City.... :jumping0045:

So here we are back at home, baby has gone to bed, and we are almost too exhausted to climb the stairs to bed.

Starting to worry about University and how much work it's going to involve and fitting it all in. Being tired, it's not a good time to think about it.
 
Well we managed a quickie! :hump: I just felt like cuddly/kissy sex, but pet got all kinky, we had a minor argument and then just got down to business.

It was very nice business actually! pet managed to get me into a very comfortable position where my g-spot got plenty of massaging, so I was left with a warm, sexy feeling which sent me to sleep once he was done... but not for long!

Baby was up at 2am, by 3am we decided sleep wasn't happening again, so pet went downstairs to sleep and I tried to get baby to sleep in the bed with me.

After a few on-off snoozes and being kicked in the face, she finally headbutted me and gave me a fat lip, so I scooped her up and took her downstairs to pet (5.30am by this time) and asked him to take her for an hour.

He didn't wake me up till 8am in the end, and I still don't feel fully coherent!

pet has college all this afternoon, AND this evening, so I've sent him up to bed now to try and catch up.

We're still both pretty happy though, despite being utterly knackered! :indifferent0028:
 
So... I found my sleep deprivation limit! Last night I flipped out (but only a little) at pet.

It wasn't directed specifically at pet, but it was the usual "the house is a mess, I haven't finished decorating, I'm overweight, I'm scared of Uni" rant. :anim_43: :sad0147::sad0064:

Fortunately, and considering pet is just as sleep deprived, he reacted perfectly. He gave me the big hug I needed and reminded me that I was probably hormonal, and obviously VERY tired and that this was not the best time to be thinking about everything.

He was right, and I knew it, but just needed to be told that it was ok for me to have not achieved much today.

I asked if he wanted to have sex, and he said "yes and no" which was kind of how I felt too, so we laughed and fell asleep, hoping baby wouldn't wake up because we really needed a night's uninterrupted sleep.

As far as I know baby didn't wake up! Unless I slept through it, we got a full night's sleep, so hopefully will be feeling better today.

Baby is up and awake here with me, pet is having a little lie in but I need to go wake him up. Baby and me have our final swimming lesson and then pet is at college.

I see he didn't blog last night, but I'm not surprised. We really were exhausted yesterday.
 
Oh I so know the feeling of exhaustion. This is my busiest time of the year and with all that is going on it is really nice to know there are other like minded individuals out there who ask that question in the middle of the night and choose sleep.
 
I see pet has blogged, and I haven't, so I better catch up.

If you were to ask me when I last had sex I would say "about 2 weeks ago?" and if you asked me when I last had an orgasm I would reply "I really don't remember".

The scary truth is, it has only been 5 days and 7 days respectively. Which is still far too long in my book.

It's not that pet hasn't really been trying, but I'm really not in the mood. I'm in an odd place at the moment, I'm very scared of going back to University.

Today I am going in for a welcome meeting with the PostGrads, and then tomorrow with the people on my course.

It was the realisation that I am going back to Uni (duh!) that sent me on the horrendous shopping spree yesterday.

I decided that enough was enough. My size 16 clothes are a little too tight, I went to ditch everything in my wardrobe that didn't fit how I wanted it to and we were going to head for M&S (because they have fat sizes!) and buy me a new wardrobe.

I see pet says I made the effort yesterday and knew it, which is really funny, because I didn't. Lol. I didn't have time to dry my hair, so I pulled it up into a loose ponytail, and I took my least favourite top from the wardrobe so I would have a good choice for Uni if I didn't get anything when I was shopping! And I wasn't in a good mood, I was hiding my disgust at myself and the pile of clothes I was having to remove from my wardrobe... but I figured it couldn't get any worse, and we headed off to shop.

It's a HUGE shop. We went round every single area and took our time. I picked up 11 items in size 18, the next size up, which took about an hour. pet was very patient. We headed to the changing rooms so I could try them on, and I went in, ready to take most of the items home with me.

No... didn't go that way. After attempting to fit into 3 of said items I realised I haven't gone from 16 to 18 I am now a size 20. Which seems impossible. I can't believe I'm THAT big.

I stopped trying, took the clothes back out, looked at the pitiful look on the changing room lady's face and got out of the store as soon as I could before promptly bursting into tears.

It sickens me that I did this to myself. Yes I know, I ate the food, I don't do the exercise...etc, etc.

Anyway, not going to dwell on it too much.

The whole meltdown made me feel even less attractive, but I'm not that bothered because at the moment it's the least important thing on my mind.

I have switched into Student/Mummy mode and completely forgotten about Lover/Goddess mode. I know it's not fair on pet, and it isn't really fair on me. I can't begin to get my head around sex at the moment. Too much else going on for me to just let go.

Hopefully pet knows it's nothing to do with him or what he's doing. When I'm scared I get very protective in myself and don't like anyone near me or invading my space... I just want to be on my own.

Well I have to go, I am completely disorganised and I need to go through my horrible wardrobe and find something to wear that doesn't make me look like an old, fat mum!
 
MW, hope you dont mind me asking but have you got a close female friend who you can go and have a drink with outside of the site, d/s, sub dom etc etc and just have a girls night and get loads of your chest?

I totally empathise with loads you have said, years ago i used to box (was useless i hasten to add 2 x fights 2 x KO's both me) and do loads of roadwork skipping usual stuff, until i got my knee badly smashed. I then put on weight (i went up to 25 stone) dropped it all off again mid twenty's (went back down to 13.5 stone) then let it creep up again and currently at the 'fuck i have to get back to the gym mode'.

Honestly i think any person can carry off weight as long as they are happy and in a good place mentally, frankly i dont give two fucks what anyone thinks of me but what i think of myself and if at any point MV said me being portly was an issue i would lose it. But i have got one excellent tip for you that i use when im single or feeling uncomfortable, i basically went mad on the M&S count on us range and kept a massive supply of the low cal yoghurts and deserts for my sweet tooth, i rationalise that if you eat something that actually tastes nice then its not that bad i will add though i do tend to hit the gym at the same time, another thing i have used is pu yeh (sorry about spelling) tea that fastens your metabolism (posh spice tea if you want to google).

On the insomnia front i suffer from this terribly especially with the job i do i have been through every loop on this trying everything and unfortuntley only one thing works for me that i would certainly recommend. When i get bad insomnia im a total wanker full stop i let myself go i snap at everyone around me i have even got into fights over it so i totally understand how shit it can be totally.

I have got one slight tip and that is breathing exercises that i do which clear my mind and allow me to relax, i have also studied japanese culture quite in depth and can give you mind control ideas that allow you to compartmentalise events and stresses and bury them to allow you to sleep, i wont paste them here but no probs passing the very long explanations in a pm if you would like.

One thing i will say is fair play for coming on here and blogging i dont think i would of been able to myself.

And on the Uni front i bet you become a 'green inspector' and come and haunt me, no doubt about that, i must admit though im so jealous of you going to Uni aside from all the fears and worries must be an awesome experience, i had such a shit education and never had that experience or opportunity i say get in the mind set where your looking forward to it discuss it more, i for one would love to hear more about it and what your learning same goes with pet also.
 
I'd like to be a size 14 Myself, guess what???? It aint gonna happen!!
You, Mistress Watchful are a beautiful Woman, I know you know that deep down inside ;)
I know its easy for anyone to tell You to stop worrying, but trust Me, when the stress level You are under gives some, so will the weight.

Take some more pictures..........
We all love to see them!!!!

Mistress Michelle
 
Thanks to everyone for you advice... but the bottom line is, I already know most of it and I just have to put it into action!!!

I have eaten more healthily for a couple of days now and already I feel better, have a little bit more energy and feel slightly more in control. Also my stomach feels "lighter" not being filled with fatty crap, and I'm craving those "bad foods" less.

It's one of those spirals that you can build on, and barring any problems in the meantime, that's what I will do!

Yesterday was a more positive day. I managed to find an outfit I looked good in and was happy with and off I went to University. Turns out I drove 26 miles to have my photo taken! Not happy! There was a short "here we are, this is us" kind of meeting, which was no use to me because I've been there 4 years already.

I did get to meet 5 other students who are doing the same course as me. We briefly commented that the email went out to 9 and wondered who the other 3 were. I'm back in today for another shindig so maybe we will meet them then.

The other 5 students were 2 girls, one African looking (clothes and all!) lady older than me, and a young geeky girl. The other 3 were boys. I paid surprisingly little attention to them actually... well, one of them had caught my eye on the stairs. He is short, dark, had a lovely smile and was the only one to talk (well... joke) with me, apparently he is from Belgium. The other 2 I think were both geeky. All is good, I am the "hot" one LMAO!

I drove home, grabbed pet for a shopping trip to cheer me up from yesterday, and bought a few new clothes and a lot of underwear. We had a late lunch and coffee while we were out and it was nice being together.

In the evening I did my usual trip to Brownies to help out (making jewellery this week, was fun) and then came home and made a healthy dinner and we went to bed.

I felt like snuggling a bit, but pet was too engrossed in Duke Nukem, so I went to sleep.

pet got up at 5am which is a bit random. I know he's wanting to do revision for a test later and get on top of the laundry, but I'm sure I'll get it in the neck later when he crashes and burns!
 
Uni was ok yesterday. Social event with lots of very nice nibbles (salmon and prawns, etc).

I started to feel a bit out of place with the other students. They are all so charming and witty and I just felt back in "mum" mode.

The buggers have doubled my lecture hours and they totally clashed with baby's swimming lessons... fortunately we went swimming today (and baby did SO well it nearly made me cry!) and the teacher has shifted me to her Monday classes... phew!

Sexy Belgium Student was there again, and keeps catching my eye... then I saw his facebook and he seems a major player, so any little flirting I was going to do is now off the menu.

Today has been a bit emotional.

My husband sent me an email saying he is bringing his girlfriend to England next week and wants the kids to meet her, etc.

Shouldn't bother me but it does. After much soul searching today I think it has more to do with the fear of divorce, losing out on money and possibly losing the house.

pet tried to reassure me that he wouldn't turf his kids out of this house, especially now we're decorating their rooms and they love them.

I'm just feeling uneasy I guess.

I hope she's nice. I'd love to get along with her. I'm bound to be jealous because I know she'll be young, slim and gorgeous... shouldn't bother me... but I'm a girl, what can you do hey!?

On a brighter note, I'm going out tomorrow! Shock horror... me going out! Dinner and then the theatre with a group of girls and one guy.

I'm going to see Puppetry of the Penis. If you don't know what it is, hit Google!

Short story... it's origami with the penis! Naked men, stood on stage, demonstrating things like the Eiffel Tower and hamburgers with their penises. Should be interesting!

And it's in a theatre... so it must be art!
 
Oh My Word... lack of posting!

Lots of reasons for this. Firstly, things were going very well and we didn't want to curse it, but secondly, I am already snowed under with papers to read for my Masters. :anim_39: Oh and of course we were working on the site!

I will endeavour to get my butt back into gear and update you all.

I am also aware I have outstanding emails/messages to reply to... I'll get on it soon!

And if anyone want some fun... someone is trampling on my reputation over at Chastity Lifestyle regarding the Altairboy issue!
 
I've read that post over at Chastity Lifestyle, what an uber prick!! :animal0017: *makes mental note never to piss off mw* :innocent0002:

I'm glad uni is goin well for you, puppetry of the penis sounds fun!

Glad to see your back on the site
 
I have been told he posted here and the post *did* disappear. But there is nothing in the Admin panel, and only I can fully delete posts without a trace. :anim_43:

Ah well...

It is 6am and I'm up to finish my reading for today's 2pm lecture. I can't believe how overwhelmed I am already and it's only halfway through week 2 and we haven't even started any assignments!

Mayhem!

Sex? Wossat?
 
An Odd Couple of Days...

So, my husband and his girlfriend have been flitting in and out when we swap kids over, and he took her to the airport yesterday to say goodbye.

When he dropped the kids back with me he started the strangest conversation "She had terrible trouble shopping here, being a size 6". I tried to be helpful, saying that she should have shopped in the same shops as our 12 year old daughter.... and then realised how sick that sounded and shut up!

Today, I went to pick up my son's phone from hubby's house. The first thing hubby does is show me his camera and "accidentally" shows me a naked picture of his girlfriend. Bizarre!

It has opened up new lines of thought for me. I realised that I'm supposed to be shocked and upset... but I'm more amused and bemused!

Why on earth would I need to know her dress size? Why on earth would it be necessary for me to see her naked? Is my husband still upset about our separation? Is he trying to "get back" at me?

I felt a little guilty about that. Here I am, in a wonderful relationship with someone who completely understands me and appreciates me for the woman I am, and my husband at 40+ is still struggling with the need to have a partner for her looks.

My overall feelings are one of relief. How could I ever have been happy in the relationship with him? I never felt sexy, I always felt repressed, I could never enjoy myself in the bedroom the way I can with pet... feeling curvaceous and voluptuous and having FUN!?

Yes, I have my "fat" moments when I feel down... but a quick chinese takeaway and a tub of Ben and Jerry's followed by some kinky, slutty, dirty sex and I'm good again!
 
It sounds like a lot of bad relationships where the guy seeks a vapid trophy wife Gets what he (thinks) he wants and then realizes he traded down. His new wife is probably slightly less exciting then his right hand!

The best revenge is to live well! Keep doing it and STOP obsessing on your weight. Thems orders!!!

Oh and do the funky chicken since I'm in ordering mode...
:animal0048:
 
Ms Watchful,
Jimi's right, I've read all your posts and would bet large sums you are more exciting between the sheets than most women, let alone the trophy on his arm.
Living in the U.K., you probably are not familiar with NASCAR racing but I follow it like a Brit follows soccer. There is a popular and successful driver named Jeff Gordon. Several years ago he married a gorgeous model named Brooke. Everyone thought they were the perfect couple, beautiful, passionate, wealthy beyond dreams with a picture book future. They prayed together before a race and thanked God when Jeff won. Perfect, right? WRONG! About 7 years in to the marriage we suddenly learn Jeff is having an affair with an ex stripper who was working in the cosmetic dept. at Neiman Marcus. Jeff met her while Christmas shopping. Why would he risk it all for an ex stripper? Reading between the lines reveals the the cosmetics girl showed Jeff bedroom tricks Brooke didn't know or was unwilling to try. It cost Jeff $15 million to divorce Brooke but it must have been worth it.
So keep that in mind. Like Jimi, give me a wild woman in the bedroom over the super model every trip of the train. Besides, the super model types are way too high maintenance.
 
Lol @ the pair of you!

I know you're both right, and I know confidence is sexy (I'm working on it, I promise!) and I also am much happier with someone who loves and adores me (oh... and is VERY kinky!) than with the ex-2-b with money in the bank.

We will always have a great sex life, even if we do end up in a cardboard box... it'll keep us warm!

Oh... and I'm flattered you think I'm *wild*! I don't think I am, I just like a lot of variety! :sex022::hump::sex020::bj:
 
As one who suffered thru a divorce, I can honestly say that a lot of evil stuff goes thru peoples' minds. Yes, he obviously is showing you his trophy wife (as we say in the states). The funny thing is as you realized, it just shows how shallow he is. ANY MAN would be honored to be your friend or more and it would take an incredible dope not to see what you are, pretty, intelligent and a bit fun/kinky. WOW. It is good you can see him with objectivity.
 
It is good you can see him with objectivity.
Click to expand...

I guess I'm the lucky one, but I also have to thank pet for that. My whole life revolved around the next holiday, the next new car, the next shopping trip... and I was utterly miserable.

Once I met pet I struggled (very hard) not to fall in love with him because he had nothing material to offer me. After a while I realised he made me so happy that all the other rubbish didn't matter.

Even I would have said that this phase wouldn't last, but I'm still (for the best part) very happy, have a beautiful family, and appreciate the little things sooooooo much more.

Also when pet suffered from depression last year and moved back with his mum for 2 months I pined for him something awful! I never really missed my husband. lol

Funny old world.

Well, I have my favourite lecture today and I think we are going to visit an estate which is due for regeneration... should be fun!
 
Ms. Watchful,
Here's another perspective on the importance of material things. We were married in '65. We both lived with our parents at the time. I was an apprentice in the metal trades making about $3 an hour. We rented a one bedroom apartment near my job. I paid less than $300 for the engagement/wedding rings. We had $600 cash between the two of us.We were just 2 horny kids without a clue about anything except sex. We had sex ever morning, when I came home before dinner and when we went to bed. I often came home for lunch, guess what lunch was? Within 3 years we had 2 sons. In 1970 we bought the house we still live in. We started our own business in '83. My wife worked long hours as a seamstress until the shop began bringing in enough money, now we work side by side. She has more jewelry today but still wears that $300 wedding set daily. We are not rich today but quite comfortable and just as much in love today as we were in lust in '65. The shop and our marriage would never have succeeded without her hard work, morale support and,yes, her willingness to try and enjoy almost anything in the bedroom.
So, material possessions are nice and we have some cool stuff today but it's secondary to a loving relationship and it doesn't happen overnight. You and Pet, frankly, just haven't been at it long enough yet. It takes time and effort to get there. We were at about the same point in our marriage that you and Pet are right now about 5 years in. A wise older neighbor once told me that marriage has three stages; lust, tolerance and need. Lust takes care of itself, tolerance is the hard part, need is the peaceful part. We are in the need stage with a touch of lust left over. Hang in there.
 
Kris... I have moved into the realms that is Urban Sustainability! Basically regenerating towns to become environmentally friend and (more importantly) self sustaining as much as possible.

curious, I completely understand. I have expensive jewellery from my husband that means very little to me, probably because I made such a fuss to get it (so that I *knew* he loved me!) but the cookies pet made for me the other day... in the shape of Trilobites! and the fact that there is I (heart) you sprayed on my bathroom mirror, and the random little love notes... all completely free-of-charge mean millions more to me.

Actually, today was quite another revelation. The estate we went to was very run down, almost derelict, desperate for regeneration... a few years ago I would have dismissed it as a place for down and outs, druggies, etc. Today I saw a different world, I just wanted to cry. These people had very little and yet were so welcoming and so happy... it made me appreciate a lot of things today.

I feel very grown up all of a sudden!
 
Sounds like fun, makes me wish I’d gone on to further education. I’d like to think I’d be good at that sort of thing.

There is a debate at the town where I live at the moment about regeneration. Sainsbury’s is going to pump 1.6 million pounds into the town and completely regenerate the town square but all the old dears are protesting against it saying it’s too big and will ruin the character of the town, but to be honest it doesn’t have any character left, lots of 19th century buildings mixed in with 70s and 80s monstrosities. I for one am all up for it, architects have come a long way since the bad old days of the 70s concrete box. :anim_39:

Enough about that. Glad to hear things are going well. It’s amazing how the little things make such an impression.
 
I like doing things like that! theres a lil note on the frige which says 'i heart you' which i wrote for Kris just to let him know i do.

Sounds like the course is going well for you, i'm made up for you! :party0042:
 
kris... those concrete slabs are so depressing, they made me want to cry.

Thanks kris' Master...

Boy am I tired! But in a good way…

I buried myself in readings about the current financial crisis (not for fun!) until pet came up to bed last night. I know he’s been really horny and up for kinky play lately, but either one or the other of us has been tired, or something else has got in the way.

I was very tired after reading, but pet didn’t put the Xbox or TV on when he came to bed. I don’t like this, it makes me feel pressured into being intimate, so I explained that fact and the fact I was tired, so pet put on his Xbox and I found comfort in that. (I’m weird, I know!)

Because the pressure was immediately lifted, I started playing with his cock in a random manner. It’s something we both find relaxing and I normally fall asleep quite contented with my hand on his cock. Tonight though it was obvious that pet was desperate, his cock was so huge and hard that I decided I would snuggle up with my head on his tummy and give him a long, slow, blow job and fall asleep that way.

Nope… that wasn’t going to happen either. It was just one of those times where I was so enjoying giving head that I didn’t want to stop. I spent quite a while switching between my hand and my mouth, bringing him closer and then slowing down again.

At one point he just said “faster” in amongst his gasps, so I slowed right down and gave him a dirty little “whatever” look. That seemed to tip him over the edge a bit, so I started lapping up pre-cum and decided maybe I was more awake than I thought!

I stripped down naked and got back to the job in hand, pet started to pinch and flick my nipples, which drives me insane, and then slipped his hand between my legs. My dripping pussy obviously gave away the fact I was up for some fun and pet started feeding me my juices from his fingers.

By now I realised I didn’t want this to descend into a vanilla-quickie, and as pet was in such a horny mood I decided to give him a treat. He’s been working so hard this week I thought he would appreciate being given the freedom to do whatever he wanted at this point, so I told him to tie me up.

Straight away he asked if he could hood me, to which I replied “I don’t really have any choice!” Out came the hood and various other toys.

He then pointed out that he had removed his piercing, which signalled that my mouth was probably going to be fucked very hard… and it was. I love being used like that *sigh*

I also love it when he starts to talk dirty… and I got plenty of that!!! Now I completely lose what happened, because I lost myself in it, but I do remember being fucked with my favourite huge pink dildo, whilst having a vibrator on my clit. I remember cumming very hard and then not relaxing afterwards… there’s something about the hood which appears to stop me from going into post-cum mode, I just seem to shake and beg for more and more and more!

Then pet did something which I have a love/hate reaction to. He told me that he was going to watch my pussy as he made me cum again. There is something so dirty about being watched so intimately…(oh god, getting all horny now and I have too much reading to do!)

By this stage he decided it was his turn, and he fucked me hard, whilst telling me what a whore and slut I was (did I tell you all just how much I love him!?)

After all this, I just crumpled up in the middle of the bed, completely satisfied and totally happy. pet did his usual worrying that I wasn’t ok, but I was just spaced out…

So! I didn’t get nearly enough sleep, but I’m back in that wonderful, blissful world, where nothing can go wrong.

Those of you who read my blog will realise then that this is the point where I usually find out some terrible, awful secret about pet…. :animal0017: Here's hoping this time I don't!
 
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