The real feeling of Chastity

Guess so;-) I hate to say this, but I rarely read other threads. I just use this as a dumping ground, though I really have to read yours.

I was just cleaning up my profile..waiting for the door bell to ring.

 

I finally have some time to get this week down on screen. Her Majesty (the Princess) is downstairs getting breakfast.

Let me start with the trip out there. FIrst, money did come in from the craigslist, but it didn't stay in my hands. When my wife came home, she made me bow down on my knees and offer it up the cash to her with my head down. "Remember, your property. You don't need money!".

I write this down, as this is pretty much defines how it felt all week.

Travel to the airport, parking, getting to the airport; getting tickets, checking bags..all normal. Then, before security, she hits me with it. "I'm going to give you the key to take that off, but before I do, give me everything in your pockets; including your wallet, watch, keys, cellphone, and any money you have". I give her everything in my pockets, and she stuffs them into her purse, then hands me the key. I'm thinking this is about going through security, but when I make my way through security (chastity device off!), and she doesn't give them back, I'm thinking its until I put the device on, and give her back the key...But no. I put the device on again, and hand her the key, and she just clips into the combo lock box, and tells me to carry it. Naked.

No; I don't mean no clothes. I mean I felt naked. Shorts, shirt, underware, sandels. and the key to my chastity device in a lockbox in my back pocket. Thats it. It is a completely helpless feeling not having cash, a watch or whatever. I felt completely reliant on her. She even had my ID. I was nailed to her side.

And she quickly made it clear that I needed to stay in my role as her property. As we waited for the plane to board, we walked around a mag store. She selected several magazines, and I grabbed one, and a soda. She took my magazine with hers, but told me to put the soda back, "You can get one on the plane". Naked!

And thats how its been going all week. Walking around the airport, going into the hotel, going shopping, going to dinner. Nothing. I'm a passenger, a guest, or more clearly, as sex slave that is just tagging along on her journey to visit San Fransico.

I'm not used to relying on people like this, anyone; not even my wife. When I'm out, I always have some purchasing power. It is a very humbling experience. And my wife, I must say is responsible for making me feel like this. She's pushed all these buttons just far enough to make me cringe, but not too far to break me.

When we went out to dinner that night, she just covered the cost, by midweek, I had to ask permission to order what I wanted, and last night, she ordered for me.

I'm going to write more on all this; I've got to run now. Today we play in the city one last day, and tonight we are heading over for another night with the bitch; Therisa.

M

 

Another week almost down. The trip to San Fran really turned out to be a lot of fun. Apart from the time we spent with her friend, I enjoyed much of the trip. My wife kept me at the highest tease level, and I don't know the last time I've been so darn horny. It is really driving me crazy, and she's kept me there the entire time.

We visited several of the finest b/d shops in San Fran, and she picked up a whole bunch of new toys. Her favorite is the strap on, and mine is the arm binder; Its so much better than cuffs! Its one of the leather ones that hold your arms straight behind your back. When I wear it, I'm completely unable to do anything with my arms. For the strapon selections, she got leather harness that goes around my waist, and one that goes on my leather mask. With the med sized dildo, I get to use it on her, and she's been making much use of it. For me, when its on my head, my neck gets tired, but I must say it is very weird to use the waist harness on her. I'm not sure I like 'fucking' her like that; She sure seems to enjoy it though.

She also got a 'clone a willy' kit that will let us make a cloan of my penis for use in the harness' She's said we'll do that on Saturday. That should be interesting ;-)

I was very worried that she would 'out' me to her friend, but it didn't happen, thank god! I must say It was strange interacting with her in a normal setting. There was a comment on my shaving though, as I wore shorts / t-shirt, and there was no mistaking that I had no hair on my arms or legs. My wife handled the question about 'how weird it was', but blamed it on me, saying it was for biking. Bless her heart!

And being treated as a complete piece of property feels normal now. She is a good mistress, though she loves dearly to tease me and not let me cum. In the hotel room, she just tease me for hours while she watched tv, telling me she wants to bring me to the edge then watch me eat my cum; then the horrible moment when she decides 'thats it', and reaches for the device. I literally beg until she slaps me, and then puts the device back on. So freaking frustrating! Its been over a month now.

Worse, since monday, she's not taken me out of the device at all. Every time I get ready to say something, she seems to know, and just says 'no play time for you tonight, maybe tomorrow". And thats it. I'm going crazy.

But the weekend is upon us, and I know with the clone a willy, at least I get to have a hardon for a while.

We missed Ms. Suz party last weekend; I'm sure she'll be by tomorrow. I need to cut her another check; very humbling to give money to someone so your mistress has a threat over you.

But as for today, this is one content, very horny slave.

M

 

Arg..Every time I want out of this thing, my wife seems to know what to do to keep me in. I'm not sure what is more frustrating, being brought to the edge over and over, or getting to orgasm, then having it put back in even after begging to keep it off (if only for the night).

And thats my day!

Arg...

M

 

Can't sleep. Rolling around, and figured I'd come online. My wife let me cum yesterday. I think it was 5 weeks. Maybe longer. I loose track. It was a long time.

The willie thing was wild. It is so weird to see an exact copy of my penis...After we made it, I got to wear it around in the new harness. Weird. Looks just like mine; Funky is all I can say.

Today was ok. I'm a little tired of servicing. I really would like a break from this.

Anyway..I'm going to browse around..

Later M

 

Thanks for responding, msn_jrd. I think your timing is interesting, given the day today. I'll try to answer your question though. I meant, I really want a break from everything; I sort of want to be able to come home, relax, and do what I want, vs. be at her beck and call. The closeness with my wife is one thing, and the fantisy another, but the reality of being abused isn't fun. Being so sexually wound up all freaking time sucks too, not being able to do anything really does take its tole on me. I don't think it helps that she's become very skilled at bringing me to the edge and leaving me there for a long time, then joking about how I don't get to have an orgasm in a bitchy way; Especially after letting me think I was going to get one. Watching her get off on it was fine the first few times, but it became very unbearable to me, and worse, when she finally does let me cum, then tels me not to hold my breath for another one anytime soon as she forces me into the device locks it, and drops the key in the safe, chuckling.

Sorry if I'm long winded but I'm pissed. UP until a few days ago, I was all over this. And I'm not one to have a bunch of friends that I hang out with. My friends all live a while away, so going out for beers isn't something I do anymore. And I chose to be with her for the vacation, rather than hang out with my friends for the week; and that was fun as hell, so these are my choices.

But when my choices are taken away from me so blatently, with such disregard for my opinion, I get resentful. She's changed, dramatically since this started, but more so since our trip. Maybe I'm looking at it through different eyes, but I really didn't feel like following her every whim today, and she became even more of a bitch. Its like she thinks she's completely entitled, its her way; period, and "there is no two way street here, your here to service me, and you'll do it right, and right now!!!". Today, she was just like that; demanding and demeaning to me. Its one thing to make her dinner, or lick an unwashed pussy on demand, but to be slapped repeatedly in the face and being called worthless when you get tired after 30 mins; it not only kills motivation but makes me want to end this. ..I"m sure your getting how my day went!!!

I'm guess I'm getting tired of being a whipping post..and the stress about having to talk to her about this is even more so. Its not cool.

M

 

I'm actually fretting about going home. I'm 'working' late, but guess I gotta go.

This morning I slept in,and grumbled all through the am; No service for the princess, and she's pissed.

Yes..I'm pushing back.

And we need to talk..

I'm freaking nervous. argg...

M

 

Ha. Well, it actually didn't go as bad as I thought it would. When I got home, she wasn't there, which was a relief, but later, around 8pm, the garage door opened, and my heart started pounding....(I was still clothed; I thought this would make the bigest statement).

She walked in, and eyebrow raised with my clothing, just stood in the hall. I sheepishly went over, and said 'hi'.

SHe asked what was up? not upset or anything, just cuirous I guess, and I stood there in front of her, telling her that I needed a break; that I did like the ride, but I needed to get off of it for a bit. I let it all out quickly, in a jumble of words, telling her I sort of miss just being able to come home and relax, veg out, whatever.

I guess I had expected all pissy or something, but her reaction completly off the cuff.. She just unbuttoned her shirt, dropped it on the floor, then undid her bra, and dropped that on the floor too. I was speachless; Looking at her breasts for the first time in a while was amazing; she was amazing. then I just stampered; like 'ah..ah..ah...", then dropped my eyes to the floor automatically. Without missing a beat, she said "down", and I fell right back into my submissive behavior, dropping down to my hands.

She reached down, and started putting her shirt back on, giving me the "You know your only allowed to bring this up while I'm teasing you" lecture while I'm just trying to figure out what the fuck? Next thing you know, I'm naked, hooded and gagged, then following her around all night on my knees. I'm totally whipped.

Do I really have no freaking backbone? And no, I didn't get teased tonight, no talking at all. Gag came out about 2 hours ago, and I've not been able to sleep. I've got clothes back on, and the feelings of wanting to stop this is still there, but I feel like an alcoholic who can't stop drinking? Do I need an AA meeting (giggle).

I'm loopy sorry; Anyway, just rambling on. whipped I tell you!
M

 

I awoke this AM, and I still feel strongly about this time off, and while I got ready to work today, I told her that we need to talk about it tonight.

She told me ok, but the rules still apply about when and where we have the conversation.

She wasn't mean, or angry or anything; just like my normal wife; just mater of fact.

So I feel less stress now.

M

 

Anduin, I really appreciate your comments;

I just watched my wife/princess go to sleep. The day went pretty easy, and when I got home, I went into the same routine as normal. I really don't mind this too much when she's cool to me, which she was today. She even gave me a fun dedication, which was to write down the top 50 things I love about being a slave. RIght after 15, I have to really struggle, but after a bit, I got into it, and found I had more than 50 by the time we were done.

After she readied for bed, she called me into to lock me up, and then unlocked me ..then we settled into a pretty nice conversation; after of course, she got me very very hot. I think its actually pretty cool to have a conversation while getting stroked! There are moments of silence when it gets intense, but she stops before I get a chance to really get anyplace, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I told her that I just wanted a break from the day in/out slave routine..That I guess I needed a vacation. She asked if I wanted to stop, but that isn't realy it..Anduim, I'm not sure it is making me unhappy, its just a little much to be in the role all the time. And that is what I explained to her.

She was cool about it..The conversation was really one sided, and after I said all I had to say, she just echod back to me what I said, telling me she understood my position. I probed her a little, asking her what she though, but she just tapped me on my thigh, and said she wants time to think it through. Then she put the device back on, uncuffed me, and laying on her back, told me it was her turn. And I really enjoyed giving her an orgasm. After that, she thanked me, and I stood by her as she went to sleep.

I'm having doubts now, but I still want to push through, at least for a bit of a chastity slave vacation.

Anduim. It really isn't as simple as just stopping it. She will not just give me the key, and let me out. All throughout these 7 months, she constantly reminds me that although this was my decision to go in, its her decision to let me out. I understand that. Its a hard thing to describe, but I put myself in her hands, and gave her this authority over me. I can't just say 'Let me the freak out'; she won't listen. And its not like I can take this thing off; I've tried! If I push her too hard, she will go to Ms. Suz. She's done it before, and I've paid Ms. Suz good money to keep me in; I have zero doubt she'll do her job. So I think I just need to do this in a softball approach. To hard, and I'm going to break a trust, and I'm not sure how we will recover from that. This is completely my doing, and I take full responsibilty. There is a lot of time, efforts, money, love and trust invested here..I can't believe its been 7 months. Wow.

Well..Thats enough from me. Lets see what tomorrow brings..

M

 

Fair enough, Andium. A break I want, a break I get. With rules though, as she has decided that on Saturday, she's heading back to her dad's for the week, and I get to play all by my lonesome. Very cool. M

 

So here's the story.

Yesterday evening, after she gets me all hot and bothered again, she tells me that if I want a break, she'll give me one; but there are conditions. If I don't want to abide by them, then, well, we are going to have some problems. So I'm nodding, and she's stroking, and says, first, she will give me the time I want, but she doesn't want to be around. She says she's finally used to the idea of me servicing her, and she doesn't want to go backward; and she doesn't want me to go backward either. I just keep nodding, listening, enjoying the pleasure. Second, the device stays on. 'OK" I say, I'm used to the device, and dont mind it at all, really. Its the constantly being used and abused I want a break from. And thats it? Err..No. Ms. Suz keeps the key while she's gone. If I have an issue with the device, I have to visit Ms. Suz to get the key. Fair enough (There is always the key in the lockbox for real emergencies - She texts me the combo if needed).

So today, when I get home, when I stand tall infront of the ladies, my wife tells me to go get the keybox, and hand it to Ms. Suz, which I do, and off she goes. My wife has me make her dinner, and the night progresses along. Tonight, I gave her a backrub, and we fooled around with my cloneawilly.

She was supposed to go tomorrow, but instead is scheduled for the early bird in the AM on SUnday. Then I get a whole week to myself. I'm very excited! And actually amazed that I was able to pull this off. Just a week ago, I didn't mind, but its crazy how quickly things change. I'm just glad I have such a great woman.

Yea..

M

 

Well..I'm free for the week. My father in law had her fly charter to San Fran. Jeez..its must be nice to be rich...He wanted to go out with her tonight, so off she went from Stewart. She's excited, and I guess so am I cause all I'm going to do is sit around and watch TV, go to a movie, and eat some really good food! ;-)

So, if I don't post for a bit, you'll know why!

Enjoy the weekend; M

 

Life isn't fair. My freaking wife took the laptop I have all my porn on, and now she wants the PW to get in. I doubt she'd find the movies, as they are buried deep in the file structure, but I will freak out if she sees all the stuff I've downloaded over the years. I know I cleared the browser history (I do that regularly), but not the realtime history.There is some pretty rude stuff in there.

I have no idea on how she'd react to the stuff I have in there.

I'm freaking out..I am going to ignore the text right now..but this just throws a complete freaking wrench in my relaxing week..

Why do I put myself in these positions..???

M

 

Thanks Rita. Thats all I need..LOL.


But It feels different then being caught for having porn..its more about being exposed to having so much. I don't think my wife realizes how men really are; or at least how I am. I have some (well..for this audience, probably not so bad) but pretty raunchy stuff. All the femdom you can imagine (englishmansion/clubdom, etc), some of the older insex files and cockold/cbt stuff.. lol; course lots of chastity /tease/denial stuff too.. but that I can deal with. I guess its embarissed(sp) by it more that worried she'll use it on me.

Anyway, .I sent my wife the PW in a state of WTF;


Oh..BTW: as I have some time, I'd like to be able to sound off some things..Do you think its normal for a top to treat their sub the way my wife was treating me? She really was starting to get pretty demeaning; Its one thing while your 'talking dirty' but she really was treating me like dirt, I felt. I think thats why I wanted the break? And was it wrong to take a break? or should I just accept it as how she wants to treat me and take it? I appreicate your thoughts.. Thanks!