I hope someone will listen to my problem

C

Curious

Junior Member
Jan 18, 2010
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Hi Everyone;

I hope someone will listen to my problem ad tell m if it is just me or if I am justified in my feelings. Please feel free to comment, good or bad, it's important to examine the situation from all sides. Thanks.

Background;

I met master just over 1 year ago. We met on-line and from there an amazing energy was established between us and we fell into being a couple pretty quick. I love my master; truly truly love everything about her. She is smart, kind, compassionate, expressive and she has NEVER not been there when I needed her. It's scary to think how in love I am with her, sometimes I am , literally, short of breath when I think of life without her. I have been what I thought was in love before, but it all pales in comparison to what I feel for master. She truly completes me, my missing piece of myself.

And She also fell in love with me. A deep as I fell, she is right beside me, it's like we exist only for each other. I am her knight, she is my queen. We are old souls. Together we are Oak.

The problem arises from our situation. I knew master was married and Poly when I first met her. (I am long Separated) And I did hesitate at first because I didn't know how I would "fit" into the whole dynamic. Master does not involve her spouse in any way with me, it is only she and I. But when I finally did write her that first time, I truly thought to myself, what the heck, a little fun, a little company, remember she's married, remember she won't be yours, but maybe we would be right for each other. I had no IDEA how right for each other would would end up being.

And now, 1 year later, we face hard choices. Master wants to leave her husband to be with me. I want her to leave her husband to be with me. My hearts simply wants what it wants, no heart is to be blamed for what it wants. And just in case you were wondering, I never pressured master, I never gave her ultimatums, she brought up the subject first. Yea, I often said that I wish she were mine. I often begged her for one more hour late on Sunday night. She knows how I feel because she felt it to. But I never told or hinted that she should leave her husband. But once she breached the subject I NEVER discouraged her.

Now the problem. My Marriage of 20 years ended because of infidelity of my spouse. It destroyed me. Almost destroyed everything before I could recover and turn it all around after the separation. I simply don't know if I can be the other man and turn around and do it to someone else. I know how much it hurt, I know how close to the edge it took me. How, knowing all this, can I do it to someone else? The guilt is killing me...truly. Sometimes I can't even look at master because I simply can't tell her after all the times I begged her to stay just that little bit longer, now she can't be with me because of my guilty conscience.

I need to get over this but I am simply trapped. I can't look forward to a future with master because that sword of guilt will always be dangling over my head. Regret over how in order to get what my heart wanted more than anything else it ever wanted in my life, I had to stab another in the back. Someone who's only crime was trusting me...

I can't, I simply can't. I just can't. But I have to, or I will never have my happily ever after. I am so messed up right now, I need to make a decision but right now, I am dooming myself to loneliness if I do. I feel like I am on the edge of suicide. I love my master and need her so much, I can't loose her, but I would if I have to... I would if it changed me from someone I could live with to someone who would never be able to look himself in the mirror again...

Please help me, what should I do, what on God's earth CAN I do?
Curious
 
Now the problem. My Marriage of 20 years ended because of infidelity of my spouse. It destroyed me. Almost destroyed everything before I could recover and turn it all around after the separation. I simply don't know if I can be the other man and turn around and do it to someone else.
Click to expand...

Well - if her spouse don't know about her and you you already did it to him and the breakup would be her first honest move towards her husband
 
Hi you are certainly in a tricky place right now but it is only you who will know what is right for you. Life is short and sometimes we have to take what is on offer when it is on offer. Supposing you do nothing and lose the love you seem to have found how would you feel if a year on you find out they broke up anyway and she met someone else?. I have been in the husbands position and i know that when i found out about my wifes (friend) i was devastated even more so as we had two young children. It took a lot of patience to realise there were problems which i had not been really aware of in our marriage and it all sort of brought them to the surface. My wife chose the friend over me which shocked me but i agreed to meet him face to face to make sure he would take care of her and the children but he decided he could not do it and broke it off with her going back to his wife. We are still happily married after 34 years so my point is if you dont go for it you will never know! and who knows the husband might realise it is for the best for him as well. There again she may back down and choose him over you when push comes to shove. I truly believe there is someone for everyone out there and you can only find them if you are looking. Good Luck mate
 
Well friend i sure wouldn't want to be in your shoes as i was the stabbed in the back person myself from a 31 year relationship and it about killed me.The stabber was a friend i knew longer than my wife whom i had helped out more times than i can count and as much as i hate to say this it hurt so badly killing them both crossed my mind more than once (not kidding) but i do agree at times if happiness is within reach maybe grab ahold of it but you know everything comes with a price to pay at great cost to some.I would take my time in this one,let master leave him and before commiting to something you may both regret that way your not in the picture and go from there.Master may change her mind in this and here comes your pain once again so i would tread softly if it were me.... Guns are fun but if on the wrong end run lol ,good luck and best wishes
 
Hummm...this is a tricky post for Me seeing how I am still having issues of My own, similar issues I might add.

Heres My opinion for what its worth,

Everyone in this life has choices to make, but in making them you cannot always make everyone happy. You have only one life to live, only one shot at finding what you consider to be happiness. The two of you need to communicate and talk about this and then make a decision based on both of yours happiness and desires. Not telling your Masters husband or making him believe everything is ok and theres nothing to worry about is the same as lying to him. She needs to talk to him and tell him whats going on if She wants only you. If Shes made that decision, to be with you, then you have no guilt looking in the mirror, neither of you went into this relationship with the intention of breaking up Her marriage. But continuing to hide the facts will only cause more issues in the future.
As I was told once by a very wise friend, This lifestyle can be the most wonderful thing in the world, but its complicated. In the end, if you are the submissive you claim to be you will follow your Masters lead and trust Her to know what is in your best interest and allow Her to handle the situation. Thats what submissives do, they trust thier Masters and have faith that They will make the right decisions. Even more so when its hard to do so, its very easy to follow your Masters lead when you agree with everything, quite another to be submissive enough to trust when you are allowing yourself to question Her.

I hope this all works out for you, but you have to trust Her and allow Her to take the lead. Its Her marriage, Her husband, and you are Her submissive, thats simply the way it is. Let Her do what She feels is right for all 3 of you.

Mistress Michelle
 
I agree with Mistress Michelle also but here comes a whippin,i agree to a point and in your statement from the wise friend'gets complicated in the end' i feel it is there in the begining more so than the end.I would love to say follow your heart but it can make worse choices than the mind at times hence using both before taking a leap,everyone feels differently towards something. Mistress was wonderful enough to share her recent pain and feelings in her journal and alot can be learned by reading it and by doing so it explains choices made things not working out and the aftermath that follows and i've said this before ,it's at the top of the site page,be careful what you wish for,not saying don't wish for it or not go for it just be careful and again the best of luck,Curtseys to Mistress :)
 
susie...I know what youre saying but what I said was

TRUST your Master to make the decisions.

If everyone would sit back and let the Women in thier lives lead and make the decisions you would all be alot better off. Why do you think we are the Dominate ones? Because We lead, We make the tough decisions. Not all Women are dominate, not all can live and understand this lifestyle, so, if you happen to be one of the lucky ones that has managed to find a Dominate Woman that has taken you to be Hers, allow Her to do what She feels is the best for all of you. you are around to please Her, honor Her, take care of Her and to make Her happy. Thats your job, you chose it when you became Her submissive. Ultimatly it is Her decision to be made.

Mistress Michelle
 
Well here comes an unpopular opinion... ;)

Your first mistake was getting involved with someone that is married. Appears you knew from the start. If it is straight up adultery then you made a poor decision. You should have cut off any contact when you found out the person is married.

IF she has children at home then you two should stop being selfish and end it now.

Some people think the grass is always greener on the other side. Afraid that is seldom the case. Slipping away to have sex once a week is not the same as living together. Every relationship is going to have issues. You have injected numerous issues into your current adulterous affair. If you two get together it is not going to be eutopia.

Another thought, When she met and married her husband she was probably just as in love with him as she states she is with you now. She eventually cheated on him at least once that you know of. Do not be shocked if she does the same to you at some point.



.
 
I agree with Mistress Michelle. Do what your dominant woman tells you to do. You do not have a decision to make. She makes decisions. You obey.

And this is different than before because before you had what I assume is a vanilla relationship. This is a D/s relationship, so the responsibility isn't the same. If you want to have a female-led relationship, let the female lead. You aren't doing anything to the married man. She is.

I wonder more about whether you will be willing to accept her polyamory and not equate it to your ex's infidelity. My advice is to put all of your past behind you. That was your old self. You new self has fallen into the female-led relationship and will accept it wholeheartedly. Don't do it halfway. If she wants to leave her husband, that's her choice. If she wants lovers other than you exclusively, that, too, is her choice. Let her be the leader. You only need to follow.
 
Tricky decision. I wish you all the best with it and hope you come out of it feeling good at the end. Remember not to blame yourself too much in the end, for rarely is any decision 100% right. You can only go with what you feel is the better choice.

I am also very curious which site you met her through, because your story is also a success story in as far as you managed to meet someone you have a connection with.
 
Right now you are the fantasy; the escape from the drudgery of her everyday life. With you she has no demands, no responsibilities, just the fantasy of your relationship together.

When she dumps her husband and you become the primary partner in the daily realities of life, the bloom will be off the rose. When she starts looking for other lovers, submissives, whatever, to take her mind off her real life, and using the "I always told you I was poly" mantra, then the pattern will repeat. To many people "poly" is just an excuse to look for something else in their lives, and for those without a very strong primary relationship, it just means that they move on to the next "best thing."

Sorry, but the whole "FLR" thing in this context is just wrong. If she was truly a dominant female in control of her own life she would have acknowledged that her existing relationship was over and moved on, without consulting you about it. From the little information you provide it sounds like she isn't ending her current relationship until she knows that the next one is ready and waiting. And that's not the behavior of a strong, confident individual, of any gender or lifestyle.
 
Ten years ago I met the woman who eventually became my wife. She had been in a loving relationship with another man and engaged to be married. There was something that resonated between us. I had no desire to go after her; being with socially from time to time was enough. We were friends. But over time, more began happening between us ...kisses, some dancing and physical intimacy.

After a time I finally told her, look I can't do this, either lose the fiance or I can't see you any more. Well, within 3 weeks, the fiance was no more and sudenly her dog moved in with me and then she moved in and 9 years later we've been together ever since. She's the love of my life and my Mistress. We hold hands; kiss at odd times unobtrusively; I serve her however she wishes and life--I mean the bond with her is virtually no different than it was when she moved in. ...After 8 years we are still very much, quite actively in love.

The point is, each of us needs to be sufficiently "submissive" to allow a relationship to gain its own personality and direction. When it is insistent and demanding and generated by both partners, NO ONE with any sense and any respect can say no. The only reason your Master is focused on you is because the relationship with you DEMANDS it. The is a rare and special time when you must not say no, because if you do you will regret it for the rest of your life, and from what you've said, this is that time.

"Let your bending in the Archer's hand be with gladness..."
--Kahlil Gibran, excerpted from "The Prophet"
&
"The dark thought, the shame. the malice,
Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
Because each has been sent as a guide from beyond."
--Rumi, excerpted from "The Guest House"
 
At the end of our life, we will only juge ourself. Feelings like "guilty" are related with "desire", and very subjective: we have all to learn to control our emotional body also on earth. Mistress Michelle said right: we have to make choices, and every choice means a change, and means pain for somebody. The thinking that there is only One with who life is possible is wrong. The difficulty is to measure if life is possible, or will be better (be care fore egoism !) or is a destiny: that last one we make our self, we are free here to make choices. And making choices is so difficult. Looking fore to be happier can be interpreted in 2 opposite ways: egoistic, and jour are slave of jour own sentimental body, or realistic: when we decided that "to be happy" is destination of life. There is no judgement possible, so no guilty feelings neither. In both cases the circumstances asked us to go thoroughly into our emotional body: to grow is the destiny. So if you feels that you cant grow anymore in your ancient life, look forward, and go ahead, take your responsibilities, but yesterday is dead.
 
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