The real feeling of Chastity

My wife and I had a really good conversation today. She really got me talking about what was bothering me, and just took it all in. She was asking questions on things that had happened, and when I brought up something that didn't feel right, she'd ask me to give her more details.

As it turns out, I think the real problem I was having was being ignored so much. I mean, when you get down to it, after being ignored for so long, then being slapped and demeaned, it was taking its toll; but it really wasn't the slapping or the downtalk, but havng that happen after being ignroed..Does that make sense?

I told her that when I'm doing all these things for her, I want the attention. I thrive on the attention, negative or positive. And she got it. She wasn't defensive, or whatever, just dove deeper for me to talk more about it. I felt really good.

Toward the end, I brought up where we are going with this, but she didn't have an answer. She said she needs to think more about it. But either way, I'm feeling better as I was able to identify what was causing me the problem. ;-)

Anyway..We talk tomorrow.

M
 
I’m glad things are progressing well.

I think Shimone hit the nail on the head when he said that Ms Suz is not properly educating your wife. From the little reading I’ve done this is glaringly apparent.

Several examples that stood out. A Dom never acts in anger. A Dom is always in control. Losing ones temper is losing control. The other example is the cane. A Dom would never use an instrument on a sub without trying it out on themselves first to know its effect. Your wife should have given herself a light tap with the cane on her bottom in order to gauge the pain level it can impart. Ms Suz should have told her that. If your wife doesn’t know what an instrument can do to, you can be harmed. And then the aforementioned shopping trip where she essentially had a Macy’s clerk evaluate your performance. And you said she ignored you when you said you needed to eat. A Dom should always take control. She should have responded to you, not ignored you. She could have said, “Wait, we’ll eat in an hour”, or “Ok, get something to eat and meet me back here”, or even “I’ll let you know when you can eat” and then later she gives you the ok, when it’s her decision. Some response was needed to deal with and control the situation.

Some of the statements your wife has made indicates she doesn’t really understand how a Dom should act. This isn’t surprising as being a Dom is hard work and it often takes a few years before couples figure things out and settle into a routine.

As far as resolving your difficulties, no time limit should be imposed. You need to take as much time as needed to find a resolution. It’s not a true resolution if one party feels they’re forced into an agreement due to time constraints. Sounds like a Ms Suz “take or leave it” attitude. Not good.

It’s obvious that you both want the same thing but some of the disagreement comes with the timing. Your wife needs more education (from other Dom sources as Shimone mentioned) and trust needs to be built up before your wife assumes total control. This control must be given by you freely when you’re ready, not taken from you. Otherwise things will eventually fail.

The whole thing here is that her training should increase your submissiveness, which should increase your happiness. Otherwise, what’s the point. What she does should be carefully planned to achieve more submissiveness from you. This takes a lot of skill on her part. If you are getting angry rather than submissive, something’s not right.

In the initial stage, the training should be for your benefit designed to increase your submissiveness. As you become more submissive, your wife can then start to exert more control. If the training is done well, at some point you will feel submissive enough to let your wife do anything she wants, and accept and enjoy it. Then both parties can feel the joy.

Dennis
 
dboy said:
She could have said, “Wait, we’ll eat in an hour”, or “Ok, get something to eat and meet me back here”, or even “I’ll let you know when you can eat” and then later she gives you the ok, when it’s her decision.

...

As far as resolving your difficulties, no time limit should be imposed. You need to take as much time as needed to find a resolution. It’s not a true resolution if one party feels they’re forced into an agreement due to time constraints.

....

The whole thing here is that her training should increase your submissiveness, which should increase your happiness.
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Some very insightful statements there, dboy. Excellent post!
 
I'll agree with dboys posting except 2 things

1st) the 'training' thing - I just hate this expression. I don't need to be trained to be submissive, because I AM submissive ! and if there might things I won't or can't do - so be it, but nobody would be able to 'train' me to do so. If she wants me to do anything withing these limits I do so, just because that's what she wants. Would you really call that training... ? I wouldn't... ;)

2nd) Not merely about expressions or and objecion to something dboy said, but rather a clarification.

I think Shimone hit the nail on the head when he said that Ms Suz is not properly educating your wife.
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That's not exactly what I said / meant - at least at how I read dboys sentence.
I tried to explain that Mrs. Suz might have missed to mention certrain aspects or missed to point out their importance in a D/s relationship (especially if it's tpe /a flr...).
In the end the result is the same - that there are other people much better suited to show your wife how a 24/7 D/s relationship works, what's important and how to avoid / solve certain problems, BUT it doesn't mean that meeting Mrs. Suz furthermore (if your wife should wish to do so and if you agree) would be necessarily a bad thing. To say so there are too little infortations (at least for me).
 
Hi Shimone,

I, too, hate the word training. I'm sure there's a better one but what I meant by training are the actions taken by a wife towards a husband. And since these actions are organized around and have a purpose to further some goal (submission in this case), the word training seems to be the one used, so I used it, too. In many cases, the sub wants to have their limits pushed and well placed 'training' can do this. Many have done things they never would have imaged doing a year or so back. So the actions taken by their wives (with their permission I assume) trained them to accept these things. Each to their own.

Dennis
 
Saturday night my wife called me late, and we spoke a little more before she came home. She told me that I had a few choices, and that it was up to me to choose which one I wanted.

The first was to call it quits; I could go to Ms. Suz house, get the key, and when she got home, I'd just give it to her.

The next option was to just go back to Chastity only program. No other rules except she holds the key and decides when I get to cum. If that was the case, she told me flat out, not to bother getting the key from Ms. Suz, cause it will be there for a while. "Heck, if your into being chaste, then lets make it be a while".

The final option was to re-commit to be her slave without reservation as before. She would work with me on the way she treated me, but it was her way or the highway (figurativly) She told me that if I chose this option, she wanted me naked, hooded, and bowed down to greet her at the door when she got home. She told me that she really did hope that I select this option, as she really would like things to continue the way they where.

I wanted to post, and get opinions, but the site was down; hmmm..;-(

Anyway, I chose to keep going as a slave. I trust my wife to do the right thing, and if she doesn't, then I trust our relationship to sort it out as we move forward.

And man, when she got home she looked like a million $$'s. literally. Hair done, beautiful dress, make up wonderful. Topped out! WOW.
She accepted my greeting with a hug / kiss, and then, after putting her things away, we had some great sex; though I wasn't let out.

The really cool part, at least for me, is that her dad gave her a Visa Black card. :_))) No limits, have fun dear! Its too bad that she's responsible! ; -(

M
 
Well - it's your choice... going on as if nothing happened...

I wouldn't accept a time limit or any kind of pressure when there are real problems. Especially when nothing is solved. Till now you don't even know what conclusions your wife draw from all this, what she believes the problem is if she even realizes that theres an 'essential' problem and what she'll change if...


What's left to say... ? Good luck !
 
Another ultimatum. Always on her total terms, none on your own. This is not consensual. This is not the way it should be.You are still her husband and you have rights (whatever you may have 'given' away). Your marriage is between you and your wife, not between Ms Suz and the two of you. It seems like she has your wife brainwashed. You think things will get better? I sure hope so but I suspect you'll be back here complaining again about your treatment at your wifes' hands. You both are supposed to enjoy this. This isn't for her benefit only. Your wife sounds very selfish and is not taking your needs or feelings into consideration. I can hardly believe a wife can act like this towards the one she loves. But I know nothing of your wife other than what's been said here.

And as far as the board being down so you couldn't get opinions, you got a lot of them but haven't or weren't able to follow any. And your wife gave you three choices. Did you want us to 'vote' on A,B or C? If I can speak for the others posting here, none of the choices would be advised. So what's the point of getting opinions your wife won't let you follow.

You say as things move forward, you and your wife (and I guess MS Suz) will iron them out. If this didn't happen before what makes you think it will happen now. If anything, I think things will get worse for you.

You need to have a long talk with your wife as husband and wife. I don't think you've done this yet.

Has your wife read this thread? I think it would be very beneficial to her to get some insight into your feelings (if she cares about your feelings) and perhaps even follow some of the good advice offered here.

Good luck.
 
After everything you've written and all the invaluable advice you've got, you're choosing to make absoloutely no changes whatsoever?!

You're a human being with human rights - why not add in an opinion D, E and F?

I feel really sorry for you now. *shakes head*
 
I applaud your decision to submit to your lovely wife and meet your commitment. What a lucky boy you are!
 
How can you applaud someone being treated like a doormat - someone who seems a really, really nice guy - because he can't see that he has other options?
 
It's fairly easy actually. He is happily submissive, She is happily dominant; I strongly doubt that this will change. People's sexuality goes to their core and it is not easily changed even with the greatest of effort.Like many other (vanilla) relationships the roles are set, these two are simply working out the details as any other couple needs to. I always will support someone strong enough to stand for their beliefs. The only other option available is to live a lie and create a false personality that will propably turn ugly, because falsehood always creates ugliness. We often waver but our committment to be ourselves is of utmost importance, and frankly the only thing that will bring us true happiness and fulfillment. " To thine own self be true" fortunately this man has a partner willing to support and promote his desire to be who he is. People working together to promote each others need to be fullfilled. I call this love, and I'm thrilled when ANYONE can achieve it. But hey, it's only my opinion and of course i could be wrong!
 
Geez..looking at some of the responses it seems that there isn't much understanding of what is going on between my wife and I. This is actually pretty amazing how I wasn't able to explain what has happened these past two weeks.

We are not going back as if nothing happened! We spent hours on the phone talking this through. She completely understands what the issuers where, and I also, believe it or not, understand why I was upset; At first, I couldn't put my finger on it, but after hours of conversation with my wife, I finally came the realization it was about being ignorned, more than anything. Yes..there are other times that I felt abused, but it wasn't so much that; it was being ignored for my efforts.

So again, we are not going back to before..We are moving forward after resolving an issue!

And it was not an ultimatum. It was 3 choices; Stop, Tone it down, or move forward. I chose to move forward.

I enjoy the submissiveness of this, along with the worship that goes along, the sexual frustration, the chastity, and most importantly, servicing my wife. Putting this in her hands is exciting. If we have another problem, we'll resolve it.

As for what she'll discuss with me, i.e. duration, Ms, .Suz, etc.., thats her call..She gets to decide. Thats her role. Again, if I have a problem with any of it, I need to decide if I want to bring it up..Then we resolve.

I hope I'm clear on this. I don't want anyone to think I'm not going into this eyes open. There was a lot of advice given, and I appreciate it. I used much of it. I don't want to go backward. I like forward..I am excited about what she has in store for me..She's a mischeavous person, and very sexual. All is good in the world. ;-)

Breezy

M
 
Maybe you should reread your former postings. You said you had good conversationts, but in the end you just wrote about you talking to your wife, you thinking about what your problem was – not the other way round. Didn't say at any time anything about her saying what she thinks about anything, what she (you both) wants to change. That left out and at the end writing about her giving you three options what shall one think ?

Talking about options. Of course in te end everything comes down to look what options the both of you have and how you could go on, but in most cases it won't work if one puts down options on another. That's something that should be figured out together. Something I couldn't read from your posting either...

But no matter how I read your postings – it's you who has to make the decision. So no harm done ;)


All the best,

Shimone
 
Thanks for pointing that out, Shimone, I usually don't go back and re-read what I wrote, but ramble on and on.

To clear this up, my wife and I did talk about why I was having problems with the way I was treating her. She did say she would go easier on me in those regards, but her position is consistantly that she will decide how she will treat me. She will not accept anything less. On the other hand, I need to trust that she is now aware of these issues, and if she is 'ignoring me', it is a choice on her part, knowing how it makes me feel, and not an absent minded thing. There is a difference. Course, if it goes on too long, then I can bring it up, and ask her to chagne the behavior. And again, her position is its her choice to do so. Finally, if I'm fed up with the treatment, its still within my rights to stop. I mean, no one is holding a gun to my head.

Meanwhile, this past week has been sexually frustrating for me to the max; at her hand. Apart from a little time out on Monday, I've remained in the device all week. And she is forcing an erection on me by playing with me while in the device, rubbing it up against her and the vibrator and teasing me verbally about how I'm in this for a while, with no end in sight.

Ah..Life.

M
 
I have a little time tonight before my weekend really begins. My wife is downstairs talking with Ms. Suz, and I've been asked (told) to go upstairs, and write my dedication. Its all about punishment. Looks like I'm going to pay for my little two week vacation. I'm not exactly sure what it will be, but I'm a little nervous, while at the same time excited. Well..Very excited. I really love it when she takes charge over me. To make sure I'm not missunderstood; This usually ends well for me at the end of the evening. I'm hoping I finally get out of the device for a while.

M
 
A very erotic weekend, though Friday ended with 14 wacks to the tip of my penis with her crop. After Ms. Suz left on Friday, my wife called me downstairs, and asked me (yes, asked me) if I was willing to take a penalty for my days off. Not actually punishment, she said, but payment. I agreed to it, without knownig what was in store. She told me to lock my hands above my head in the kitching ibolt, and then she undid my device; oh..relief! She then told me she wasn't going to ignore me, but she was going to get ready..She really was taking it easy on me. I dare say I didn't mind.

About 45 mins later, after hearing shower, hairdryer, etc, she walks down, and she's amazing. She has these tight black leather pants, leather bra, and black high heal shoes; Her hair all straighted, and her makeup perfect. And in her hand, she had the crop. She looked HOT!@

She got me to half mast, then asked again if I was willing to take my licks. I nodded, and she snapped me once on the tip of my penis. Man that hurt. I visably reacted. She rubbed me getting me hard again, and did it again. I've never seen my wife get so excited by the sight of me squirming. It was very erotic to me, seeing her keep looking at me down there as she took aim. She was completely absorbed. This went on about 10 times before a blood vessle popped. I was in a state of excitement, so when she asked me if she should continue, looked questing at me, I told her I wanted her to finish. And she did. 4 more very painful times; with the hardest one being the last. After it was done, she undid me from the ibolt, and we went upstairs. She was horney, and I took care of her for an hour. Then she did something I didn't thinks she'd ever do; she let me go to sleep without putting the device back on. (She did keep the cuff to one of my hands). She didn't want me to wear the device with my brused penis, and we both knew that I wasn't going to masterbate that thing. Oww..

But in the AM, she asked how I was, and as I was fine, she put the device back on, and we had a great day together shopping. I got some new clothes! I love visa black.

Saturday night was rather frustrating for me though. I can't explain how crazy I am about her, and to have her so close to me, and not be able to make love, or touch her beautiful breasts is wacked. These past few months, she has been working out constantly, and she is tight; now a hard body. I've never seen her look the way she does now. She is just amazing. I so much want her. I'm driven by lust.

I strapped the 'clone a willy' on my waist, and she rode my willy dildo for about 30 mins, while she reached around and played with the device, getting me so hard. It is so so frustrating. I had to ask her to stop, not because my dick hurt, but because it was just too much to see her riding ontop, having me move my hips, and not feel anything but her moistness.. Then, after she orgasms, I get the typical, you need to wait before you get anything!

Tonight, I was hoping to have an orgasm, but she just had me worship her. I dare not ask, and I know she's just waiting for me to..

And so I'm not miss-understood, she treated me with respect this weekend..we both had a great time. Even though I'm completely dying to get this thing off me and make love to her, Its an urge that has been with me all week since she's gotten back. I'll probably work in that its coming up on a month without an orgasm tomorrow or tuesday. Good weekend!

M
 
I can't explain how crazy I am about her, and to have her so close to me, and not be able to make love, or touch her beautiful breasts is wacked.
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I've been gone and haven't caught up on the thread, but I'm betting you wouldn't want to touch her and just be able to make love to her normally. I mean, always, without the dominance and orgasm control. Good you're communicating and working things out, and keeping it consensual though. Isn't that what you want, her being in control rather than just playing at it to satisfy you?
 
I feel like I've lost ground with my wife since she came home. I evidently wasn't fast enough obeying her command, so she's put me back onto a training program. Down, Up, Kneel, Stand, Bend Over, etc, over and over.

My daily dedications also go back to "I am a piece of property, to be used however my princess decides".

I don't mind as I like the attention, but its still been over a month since I've cum, and I'm not getting a tease yesterday or today as she's not let me out of the device. I've not asked; but I probably will bring it up. My balls are killing me.

Strict Sir; What you said ; I'm not sure..I sure would love to lay on top of her and have my way with her..At least for a bit..She's just amazingly hot that she literally drives me crazy everytime I see her. And she's just showing enough cleavage that makes me almost stare.>Its very frustrating. I'm getting hard in the device often, and I'm feeling the spikes, and they hurt.

Oh well..I better hit the sack; I've gotta get up early.

M
 
I think I'm getting where my wife is coming from as it relates to ignoring me.

Tonight, after dinner, she locked my chasity device into the i-bolt and put my arms in the arm binder. Then, after playing with me a bit, she said "I'm going to take a shower now" I looked at her like wtf...and she said "I'm not ignoring you, I'm locking you here because it excites me that your downstairs, ready to serve me while I do my thing. I'll be down in 20 mins to check on you, and then will give you a reward".

She went upstairs, and I heard fussing, then when the shower started; It was incredible knowing that she was thinking of me all locked up and getting excited. All I could think of was her showering, thinking of me. I got amazingly horny. Then, after the shower ended, as each passing minute went by, I finally heard her coming downstairs. She had her bath towel wrapped around her.

She looked at me for a second, then opened up her towel showing her amazingly tight body. I quickly averted my eyes downward, but got a great image of her engrained in my head. First time I've seen her naked in I don't know how long. She said "You can look, this is your reward" so I took her all in, and immediatly felt the chastity device bite in. She then said "I'm going up to change, You need to stay here. Now I'm not ignoring you, I'm thinking about you the whole time", and with that she left me with a completely trapped hardon.

About 30 more mins passed, and she came down again. She leaned in, kissed me on the head, and thanked me, then sat and watched TV for 30 mins while I just silently locked in the floor.

She finally undid the cable, led me upstairs and laid me down for an amazing 30 minute handjob, that didn't end as I'd wanted. But I finally got out of the device for a bit, and was able to 'stretch my legs' if you know what I mean.

Good times.

M
 
I'm glad things are getting better for you. It's amazing what a little sharing of feelings can do. After your wife shared why she left you 'waiting', everything took on a different light. It can be hard to really know what you're feeling. Takes practice.

I think it's great so many people posted and were concerned about your 'plight'. It really seems like your wife is getting the message and is showing more concern for you.

Sounds like you're headed in the right direction.

Best wishes,

Dennis
 
Its been a long week, but a fun one. My entire time at home has involved sitting around, and waiting on her. Literally!

When I get home, she's has me kneel, stand or sit in a position, and stay there while she does stuff. Then, every 10 to 60 mins, she comes over and plays with me, getting me all excited...then she has me wait while she does something, and does it again! And, the longer I wait, the more exciting the play is; for example, if she has me sitting around for 5 or 10 mins, she'll just come over, and stroke me a few times to get me hard. When its been 30-45 mins, she'll bring me close to an edge. Yesterday, she had me sit in one spot for a whole hour, and when she was done, she came down and blew me until I about to spurt. I'm sort of excited now when the time goes by, I know that the longer I wait, the more I'll get. Its very cool.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to get a suprise with Ms. Suz coming over, I don't know what it is, but I'm hoping its an orgasm, cause its been a very long time since my last one. I sort of wine a little now because its been so long. Pre cum is everywhere. I even drip a little when she gets me hard, then stops. Freaking me out!

Anyway..ttyl

M
 
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