Intro to my chastity journey, getting my partner involved and sleeping while caged

Welcome to our community. Good luck and enjoy.

 

Hi there and welcome to the mansion!

 

I’ve gotta start with the basics here. Have you asked her what she would like or enjoy?

 

Yeah. Have you explained some benefits for her? Do you have a “why” outside of personal excitement

 

Hello and Welcome to the Mansion and our community, hope your enjoy your time here, and hopefully you'll receive plenty of good advice to help you and your partner on your journey through your new life ahead.

 

Sounds a lot like my situation at the start. Struggled to get my other half to engage in it as she thought it was weird and why?!

used it a couple of times during sex, where it was more of a denial for me and to just please her and would eventually come off afterwards.

however after a few times of this play, it stayed on over night. The next extra I made so much more effort with her around the house and with affection towards her. Couple of days went by like this then one day she was asking why I was like this. I advised well if I am nice she might take it off. She was shocked she had totally forgot I was in it. I wasn’t making a big deal about it. She was like well if you are like this it can stay on. I think it came off later that day or a day or so later.

then nothing for a while, then once again it goes on whilst we are playing and stays on, again I am doing everything around the home being me perfect, in addition I make her come multiple times. We had an event on that weekend and was like it has to come off for that as she was worried people would see find out etc. the event came and one thing led to another and she forgot about it. Later I reminded her and was like see no one suspects anything.

another 6 months went past with not much happening.

however recently one night whilst playing she order it out and said put it on. This time she’s been bossing me around do this, run this errand, whilst all the time making comments like do you want to come out.

I think she just needed some time to come round to the idea and see the benefits to her.

i am sure it will come off again shortly. But it’s all steps forward.

 

Every woman is different. The real question is, what really do you need her to do? The best answer to that, of course, is nothing, or very very little. And you can have a very successful experience with chasity without your wife really doing much. Can you trust yourself with the key? You might say, "sure, but what fun is that?" That leads to the second question. "Why are you interested in chastity?" Is it for fun, or self discipline? Doing it for fun with an unwilling or uncooperative KH is an exercise in frustration and is demeaning to the woman. So, if you're looking for fun, she has to be onboard. A word of caution. Most women are not into male chastity. Read through this site and you will find many guys frustrated with their KHs. Doing it for self discipline is a different story. It can be rewarding, but you won't get the kink that you may want. I am in the self-discipline camp. Sure, I'd love my wife to be kinky, to lock up my cock, and make me bark like a dog to get released. Not going to happen. Based on your intro, I'd say if you really want to practice chastity, consider the later. In which case, you can hold the key. But be honest with yourself and commit yourself to never ever release yourself to jerk off. Don't go there. Do it once, and you'll always have the excuse. You can wear the cage 24x7 until you guys decide to be intimate. Then you can unlock. When done, go right back. What do you get out of this. A lot:

- You will be amazed how horny you can get. Learn how to control that too. Never be a pest. Learn to live with horniness as a state of being. You will always be horny. It's great to feel horny.
- Your wife will find you have become different. You are sweet, helpful, attentive. You will desire her and she will notice that.
- You will be more focused, you will get more done, you may be happier.

If you want even more, you can combine it with semen retention, where you no longer cum. This is a challenge because it can be difficult to not orgasm if you are having sex. But it can be done. You can have sex but you can stop when you're about to cum. You can do more oral. And there are exercises but I have never been successful with them.

How to sleep? That depends on how well the cage fits. If it fits well, sleeping isn't really a problem. Learn to love the presssure that an erection will cause while in the cage. Yes, it can feel
uncomfortable, but at least for me, it's never too bad. That ache is a reminder that you are locked up. It may wake you up, but if you can overcome the discomfort, you will simply roll over, and fall back to sleep with a smile on your face. Sometimes strapping the cage closer onto your body will relieve the strain on your balls.

Good luck.
b)

 

atxmtb makes some great points

Are you being selfish? No, you are not being selfish for having a [kinky] desire

Have you let your fantasies get the better of you? That depends - if it's become an obsession and excessive priority in life, it might.

Is it wrong to drag her on a journey that she's not interested in going on? Yes, that is wrong. But articulating your desire and negotiating with her to find a way to fulfill it is a good thing to do, for both of you. You will be happier, living a life of integrity, and she can learn how to help make you happy, which in turns brings a better you take care of her.

Our journey has been one of tremendous learning about ourselves and each other, developing closer intimacy, understanding of each other, exploration of desires and ways to play with and make each other happier. It's a fantastic journey to embark on...if you do it right.

And specifically watch how they go about it...and then don't take that approach.

Most women are into communication, intimacy, feeling safe, and provided for so they CAN let their inner kinkster out to play. You have to understand and meet her needs, articulate yours in a way she can understand and support, and help the new dynamic evolve. It's all totally possible, even with the most vanilla woman.

Totally all of this!

You have to practice and get better it, but totally worth it. To give her tremendous pleasure and orgasms, and you just get to enjoy the feeling and energy between the two of you. Then when you're done, it felt great, and you're in a blissfully charged up state and ready to go again...instead of being drained and all you can think about is sleep. And you learn a whole new way of being by being focused on her pleasure and letting her find (and own) her pleasure. Much more balanced than orgasm-focused.

I agree, the ache is definitely a thing, then there is the cage twitch sometimes when you wake up. That's when you wake up and your body isn't trying to have an erection but is kind of twitching against the cage, which results in being horny and very aware of the sensation, but not enough to hurt or anything. Just maddeningly horny. It's all fun!

 

One of the things this site has made me aware of, is how many couples fail to communicate their needs to the one person they ought to have mastered it with: their partner.

I'm genuinely surprised by it.

 

I tend to agree with this. Spill their guts be honest and open with strangers. Yet can't have a honest conversation with one person that matters in whole thing.

 

Yeah but to be honest, he doesn't live with us. We don't usually hold grudges. We won't get the kids. We don't usually break down and cry hysterically about how he doesn't find us attractive. And we also don't withhold sex. So, it is a lot easier to be honest with us.

 

I agree it's easier but the conversation that needs to be had, with the person it needs to had with it is not. Nearly every guy with a kh here had the conversation as awkward as it may have been. In end we don't, she's only thar does.

 

Yep, you have to overcome the shame, self judgment, thinking your weird, it's bad, she won't like it, etc...understand and own who you are. It is likely the most difficult thing a guy can do in life. But the path to success.

 

Yup, what a great post. The barrier to communication isn't her, it's us, our own shame and fear, our own difficulty accepting ourself as a beta male who wants our erection and ejaculation limited and controlled, our own fear of revealing ourself to our wife, our own fear of intimacy.