Intrigued

I had the same issues in our marriage. I took the plunge, and introduced her to chastity. Its not that sex picked up, but our sexuality certainly did. My wife respected that I was coming to her not wanting to masturbate so much. She has come around to the idea of chastity, and now instead of a couple rarely having sex, we are a couple that chooses to go without sex for periods of time. I am MUCH happier with this way of life, and my wife really understands that the only way I get stimulated is through her. Take a chance, just be careful what you wish for!

 

Hi PerthGuy,

Being pretty new here too, I was glad to see your intro because it struck a chord! It's easy to get addicted to masturbating, and it does have a negative affect on regular sex - frequently making it irregular.

My experience is that wearing a chastity device made me horny every time I had a trigger (similar to giving up smoking when you're accustomed to smoking father food or sex). A way of dealing with this is to please my partner sexually, which normally ends up with cuddling. On top of revitalising our relationship, there are other marked benefits, including no post-orgasm blues and spending time doing things I should be own instead of shaking hands with the infrequently employed

We don't intend to make it anything more than that, e.g. Sub/Dom, sissy or likewise.

Born free!

 

PerthGuy,

And I thought my wife had a low sex drive (once a week is plenty for her). We tried chastity, which makes me much more horny but it didn't affect her desire for sex. Well, not really. Sometimes when I get super-horny and super-attentive, being extra nice to her she does get turned on resulting in sex. When it happened the sex was better, but the frequency didn't change at all. She likes me to be horny all the time, so it kinda/sorta works for us.

In your case I'm not sure it would help. Sounds to me like you need to talk with her about it. Telling her you have/are considering chastity as one option could help. I guess it would demonstrate that you think its a significant problem, and that you are willing to make a considerable effort to fix it. You might want to consider seeing a doctor or therapy options too.

Personally I think this stuff is 95% about good communication between the two of you.

If you do decide to mention chastity, you could mention the website keptforher.com. That site has lots of "testimonials" for couples that have benefited from it... its a less "frightening" intro to chastity than most other sites, I feel.

Anyway, good luck. And talk to her...

-d

 

Hello Perth Guy,
Welcome to the site. We hope it will help you find a more satisfying relationship.
When reading about the lack of sex drive of your wife, I am not sure we know enough to advise talking about chastity.
Is she in good health, and not feeling depressed? Ihad the experience of a partner that lost interest for a couple of years after medical problems, had been prodded by too many doctors.
If her physical and mental health is good, is she interested in physical contact of a less sexual nature, like cuddling or massage? If so, chastity can be a great way to channel energy towards these "soft sex" activites.
In any case a good dose of open talk about the differences in your sex drives, and how stressful you find masturbaation, will yield some good ideas in your couple.
All the best
f

 

Have you talked about her lack of interest? If not, you really need to do so. But it needs to be about wanting to be intimate with her because you love her, not about sex and wanting to get off. Is she happy with the way things are, or does she feel like something is missing too?

There could be lots of reasons she isn't interested, including:
- She's too tired (Help her with housework, kids, etc.)
- She needs more closeness with you to be interested (Give her lots of hugs, kisses, cuddles, back rubs, foot rubs with NO expectations. Do housework together, talking and teasing while you do it. And plan date nights, as below.)
- She hasn't gotten much satisfaction from sex in the past (IF she will give you a chance, you need to focus on her pleasure... and read up on your oral and manual skills, be willing and ready to use a vibrator on her, etc.)
- She's been sexually assaulted. (This can take a long to heal, but she needs to be talking to you about it, and you need to be extremely patient.)
- She's stuck in some mental programming about how dirty sex is. (You need to show her how much you love her and how beautiful it is, but she probably also needs to be talking to a therapist about it.)
- She's sick, dealing with health issues, etc. (Hold her hand, love her and give her as much support as you can. She may not be interested often because her body won't let her be, but you want to be there for her, and things might change.)
- Her hormone levels are low (This is something she needs to talk to the doctor about. And she needs to say she's unhappy because otherwise the doc is likely to say she's fine in order to comfort her. Normal levels vary widely.)
- Speaking of hormones, birth control pills can really kill your sex drive.

There are a lot of these circumstance where you should NOT bring up her being a keyholder - if she's already tired, sick, etc. - then it could easily just been seen as more responsibility that she doesn't want.

On the other hand, is she was raped or otherwise sexually assaulted, she might really benefit from the feeling of safety and control that having you locked would give her.

Regardless of anything else, unless she health won't allow - and your schedules are NO excuse - if the two of you don't have a "date night" once a week, start scheduling them now. Take her out to dinner and then something fun/easy/exciting, and make it clear that there no expectations beyond relaxing and spending time together - just the two of you.

 

Mistress Magick, Your insight and advice is timely and wonderful. I hope intrigued looks at your reply and seriously looks at each point and communicates not only his needs to his love interest, but lovingly looks to her needs as well.