Well, I am late in year 3 of my wearing a device at my wife's discretion. She took me slowly telling me that when we get to where she is most comfortable it will stick. I started locking a couple days, enjoying a release every 3 or so. Now I am down to around 3 unlocks per month; October will be a full month for the first time. Post October, she has told me to expect a full month around every other month moving me toward monthly only by early next year, with exceptions for her whims (brief and rare). Her ideal is no more unlocking outside her whims; perhaps special occasions only...releases to match. I do not think she will go this far but it is not impossible; monthly only seems very likely my new reality now (or soon). I am quickly becoming her erectionless and cumless husband. I only hope I am allowed to worship her with my mouth somewhat often as it will be my only real outlet. Funny how my near constant locking has created a great desire in me to become excellent at giving her head so that she may desire to use my talent more often. I adore the concept of knowing I can be relied on to provide an enjoyable tonguing on demand. My biggest trouble is not having a release in my cage while performing on her once it has been a few weeks without release. I have gotten better. Sadly, the secret is for me to not be so into it but to do it for her. I get less aroused and thus do not lose control. She has seemed to enjoy telling me that counts as my release and perhaps someday I will only get to release with a full mouth. We do practice FLR. However, i am simply not submissive by nature so it has its limits. She would like me to be what many here see as FLR; perhaps she will train me to be someday. I am moreso than I used to be.
I appreciate you posting this, and sharing your somewhat ambivalent feelings about being in chastity at your wife’s pleasure. I don’t have any advice to offer other than to consider what aspects you BOTH enjoy and focus on those. Like any aspect of marriage and especially sex, you have to find the intersection of where your two circles overlap and work in that space.
@BarbCD is definitely on the right track by focusing on your inner circles and where they over lap. Communication with each other is vitally important in any relationship and even more so in an arrangement where you are Locked in Chastity. As for moving towards a more FLR relationship it can be very difficult if as you say your not submissive. Working out the specific details of your perfect relationship still comes back to Communication between each other. What others do isn’t important what is important is your relationship. If you build your relationship on Love Honour and Respect for each other the other little details will fall into place. Take Care
It comes down to I am crazy about my wife and will do anything for her...as evidenced... I would say I am more resigned to my chastity than ambivalent, but I am not bitter about it and do find aspects to enjoy. I know my accepting the cage full time makes my wife feel loved, and I enjoy making her feel that way. It does not hurt that my wife is smokin' hot and that is not the husband in me talking. She is charming, smart, loving and gorgeous...I am very lucky. Most of this resolves to libido differences.
I have found that over the 3 years I have been locking that I have become more sexually submissive. Perhaps that is not the correct term, but instead of wanting to fuck my wife for an hour or have my cock sucked, I now desire to go down on her, to have some breast time, etc. It is strange how the fantasies have fit my locked lifestyle. Unfortunately, the full time locking has not caused me to be a truly submissive husband...but I do defer to her as part of our FLR.
Now that I am on a monthly schedule (my wife enjoys calling it my time of the month), I found I crossed a point where I prefer to be in my cage. I told my wife this and she immediately lit up; a huge smile. She said she knew this would happen eventually and really likes my schedule. She told me that she feels that if she can ensure I get to service her weekly that she will not have any problems keeping me locked as long as she wants (she means without it being too much of a struggle). She said that she believes I need a sexual outlet and that if she can create a weekly schedule of cunnilingus, I will have my outlet and the cage will just be. While admitting she fantasizes about keeping me locked until I beg for an erection (and then making me wait longer), she views this as more extreme than she is interested in (for now). I do get to release more often than I thought I would, but it certainly keeps me from being needy. Fortunately, my wife understands I need closeness and is giving enough to sometimes unlock me for 10 minutes for a hand wielded maintenance release. Her kisses and touch make me feel loved and I am happy to put the cage back on for her for however long. I would much rather have the sex life we once had, but that is not available. Male chastity seems to excite her and while not my preference, it is nice to have my wife excited about sexual things again. I wonder how many marriages would be helped by chastity if they only knew to give it a try.
I guess it happens to many men here...but my wife told me last night she really prefers me locked now. Instead of a monthly schedule, I should expect to be moved to a seasonal schedule soon. She stated she would like a fuller commitment from me and that I will have no trouble. I will be unlocked for playtime. However, as she stated...I only last a few minutes even when playtime is light...so unlocking will be brief and infrequent. Most of my releases will be caged and eventually mostly while I am providing her oral (I can cum in my cage during cunnilingus, without any touching at all). I guess I do not have much of a reaction to this. Now that I have been on a monthly schedule for awhile...no amount of locking seems daunting.
Your journey sounds like it has taken you and her to a place that works for your marriage. Differences in libidio can cause lots of martial discord, so this solution seems to avoid that. Thanks for sharing.
Chastity for us is really 100% about a mismatched libido and what comes from that. I love my wife enough to even embrace chastity...but the truth is...I would prefer a more "normal" sex life.
And now on a seasonal unlocking schedule. For us this means I will get a longer period unlocked once per season. Beyond that, I will unlock for playtime which will not be longer than overnight.
I, like you, can cum in my cage from pleasuring my wife with my tounge or the strap on I wear while locked. It is better than no release but not as good as a real orgasm. When I am locked I of course miss feeling her pussy, mouth, or hand around my dick instead of it not touching anything but the cage. But I am thankful I can cum in the cage while pleasuring her.
It is nice to know there are others. Honestly, it is exciting to be giving my wife oral and hearing her encourage me to lose control in my cage...without a touch.