I'll preface my journal by explaining a bit of who I am and how I got here. My girlfriend and I started dating 5 years ago in college while doing organizing work for various political causes. We are both in our mid-20s (though she is a year older), employed, and currently living together in the U.S. Thanks to our mutual curiosity and willingness to satiate one another's desires, our sexual relationship has deviated from vanilla sex and become increasingly kinky over the years. She is naturally submissive like most women, which is something I do not object to, we have a lot of fun with, and I am careful not to exploit. Soon enough, we had both decided, in a very organic and implicit way, to gradually explore her dominant side, which I'm convinced will be beautifully powerful once it has fully blossomed. We initially took small yet significant steps. The first was mild yet painful slapping of my balls. The second was less consideration for my pleasure (I still can't remember the last time I got a blowjob). The third, however, was something much more intense. We happened to purchase a leash, collar, cock and ball ring, buttplug, strap-on, and anal beads earlier this year. I say "happened to" because whereas some people plan their meals ahead of time and go shopping with a list, we are the sort of people who let our hunger, curiosity, and imagination pick for us among the things we find at the store. We are also the type who try something new whenever possible. So the same decision making which led us to trying haggis or hummus fortuitously led us to trying BDSM. Immediately after returning home from the shop, she constricted both my cock and balls with the ring, walked me around the apartment as her pet, gave my ass a good working over as I remained on all fours, and attempted to sound my pisshole with the sterilized and lubricated handle of a crochet needle. I then lapped up her pink slit like a thirsty dog until she climaxed as per her instructions. Needless to say, things got carried away. Yet it was an intense and formative experience for both of us. She was calculated and assertive as she corrected my posture, dictated my every movement, and demanded my obedience and gratitude. I was indeed grateful and wanted more of her degrading treatment. I eventually began to explore this dynamic of ours a bit further on the internet. I sought new practices for us to try out to keep things fun. In doing so, I had to suspend my moral objections to pornography in order to look for ideas. As it usually goes with porn, much of what I found was more fantastical than helpful. What piqued my interest, however, was male chastity and orgasm denial. I found a few Tumblr blogs dedicated to those subjects and, after some attentive browsing, knew I wanted to try it. I brought up the subject a few weeks ago, explaining to her that the thought of her humiliating or otherwise neglecting my cock was really exciting to me. She is delightfully keen, albeit a bit nervous, to try it. We both have our concerns. She is worried that she won't be convincing when she calls my cock "pathetic", "worthless", "useless", and "disgusting", because deep down (no pun intended), she does love my cock. Indeed, neither of us have any interest in belittling it (again, no pun intended) by calling it "small" or "tiny" since neither of us would find that very convincing. I worry about the long-term physical and psychological effects of wearing a cock cage and being deprived orgasms for lengthy periods of time. Thankfully, the experiences of others and the information on the Chastity Mansion community have been very helpful in alleviating most of my concerns, and she and I are both working together to create a sort of script for our first session to make us more comfortable and confident. The script is of course laden with physical and verbal humiliation for myself and adoration and worship for her. We intend to finish the script for our play* and purchase a chastity device for me on Thursday. I'm also keeping my fingers (and legs) crossed that she will want to contribute to this journal with me at some point. The next update to this journal will hopefully be a review of our performance. Also, apologies for the brevity. A lot of things I want to touch on will have to be explored in a later post. ---- *Double entendre!