Apologies to anyone who has gone through divorce and has suffered the reality but this is just a fiction. The Alternative Divorce Service ======================= Sharon was talking to Susan her best friend in a cafe about divorcing her husband. She knew Susan had gone through it herself a few years earlier. "Listen Sharon" I know a firm that are amazing. "Here's their ad. " Sharon looked at the small brochure Susan gave her. It stated. "We use our unorthadox methods to win you more than you can ever imagine out of your divorce. We will teach your Ex a lesson he will never forget. We get surprising results. Call us now. " "You have to call them. They did wonders for me." Susan re-iterated. Susan continued to explain. "For me they organised a honey trap to get evidence against my husband. And after this honey trap was sprung, we had won, whatever I wanted. They hired a very sexy woman to chat my husband up and lure him to her hotel room. I didnt believe he would go for it. But the dirty bastard did. She enticed him to be tied up. She then rang me. I burst in with a camera. She posed in compramising positions as I took photos. When we were satisfied. She made another call and some nurses arrived. They sedated him. They then banded his balls and prepared him for some makeshift surgery. After an hour, they had totally removed his manhood. We took some more photos with his manhood obviously missing and his manhood resting on his chest. And off I went. The nurses left once he was coming to, and handed him the divorce papers. I didnt go home. I went to a friends house and waited a few days. I let the lawyers make contact 1st. He requested a meeting. So I went with my lawyer. He sat opposite me looking sad. I played it cool as I described his situation. 'OK, here's your situation. We have photos of you with another woman being unfaithful. The divorce is won for us. Also we have photos of your emasculation and I'm sure you want to keep it a big secret that you no longer have a cock or balls. So you have 2 days to pack your things and move out the house. You sign everything over to me and you leave my life.' 2 days later he was gone. I never saw him again. Except for his cock and balls." She opened her hand-bag and Sharon looked inside. "Wow, they are from your Ex?" "Who else" replied Susan. "And if you want your Tom's in your bag, give those girls a call. " :scared0016:
Pre-nuptual agreements Pre-nuptual agreements The girls who brought you the alternative divorce have now started a pre-nuptual agreement contract. This is like any other pre-nuptual agreement but includes one extra section. The sexual pre-nuptual agreement. The penis of the male partner, ........., is hereby for exclusive use of the female partner........... The male partner, hereby declares never to have 'unfaithful' sexual use of his penis. He will not orgasm without consent of the female partner. He will not penetrate any other female or male. Its use in any sexual practise is strictly prohibited without consent of the female partner. Violating this clause will lead to the male's penis, scrotum and its contents being included in the divorce settlement payment. The term 'unfaithful' sexual use of a penis was defined in an addedum as being any use which lead to an ejaculation via the penis. It also includes stimulation of the penis which although not leading to ejaculation, could be used to reach that means. The women using this company refused to relent on this clause. It was a pre-requisite of marriage for them. It was bandied in conversation as a way to ensure his faithfulness. Soon it became tradition after signing this and the marriage vows, the bridegroom would present the groom a little box containing a Chastity Cage. After the ceremony, a legal advisor for the bride would have a quiet chat with the happy couple in private. And explain to him the exact extent of the pre-nup contract. If he has at any point an erection and touches it, it will be breach of contract. So please secure yourself with the cock cage. The male was then expected to drop his trousers and pants and fit the cage there and then. And so as this pre-nup agreement became popular so increased the number of grooms on honey-moon in cock cages. :scared0016::scared0016::scared0016::scared0016:
My wife's friend Susan and Kate were visiting the other day. Susan was digging into her handbag trying to find a photo she wanted to show us. "Sorry I have to empty my bag on the table to find it" "No problem, go ahead" my wife said. She tipped it out, and in the middle of everything was a cock and balls. They were obviously real. My wife surprised asked "What are these?" "They used to be attached to my ex-husband. But I took them as part of the divorce settlement." Kate piped in "You used the alternate divorce service?" "Yes, you know them?" Kate opens her handbag and extracts another cock and balls set. She smiles and announces "This is from my ex-husband." My wife holds one in each hand. "Wow, nice pieces." Susan laughs. "Hey rich, you better be a good boy." :happy-halloween-118 :happy-halloween-118 :fighting0085:
The new service by the Alternative Divorce Group ok, we know that our company has been criticised as being underhand. Mainly by men I may say. We have decided to offer our approach to improving marriage. Something positive for society. We have developed our very own pre-nuptual agreement. No woman wants their relationship to go stale, flat, sexless and lifeless. And no man either. Now is the time for him to prove it by signing our pre-nuptual agreement. He will be signing up to keeping you sexually stimulated in your relationship. To pleasing you at your will. To keeping the romance and sex flowing. You can even specifiy the minimum number of orgasms per session you require and how often per week these sessions should take place. And how do we keep him focused. Simple. He will be underwriting your relationship both sexual and romantic with his manhood. From the point he signs the contract, his genitals are your property. If the relationship breaks down they will be staying with you, not him. He will be signing them over because he loves you. They are a symbol of his commitment. Modern women take the ownership of this love token in different ways. We do provide a choice of male chastity units for your partner after the agreement is signed if you so wish. We feel that male chastity helps him keep his commitment. At 1st it may seem harsh. But in fact it helps him focus. After all the price of his failure is now very high for him. Remember this is a legally binding agreement. Do not enter into lightly. Marriage is a lifetime agreement. Penises and testicles will be legally removed as a result of this agreement being broken. the legal team, The Alternatve Divorce Group.
I have come home from work today to find my Wife has left me taking with her all my BOB MARLEY records and my satellite dish " NO WOMAN, NO SKY":confused0068:
Relaunch of Company Relaunch of Company Divorce has such a negative sound and our products are increasing. As a company we have an aim to reduce divorce not increase it. Also the 2 founders, Sharon Evans and Tania Jones are both planning their weddings for later this year. The company is relaunching with the name "The Alternative Relationship Company" Our latest product is an engagement contract. It is intended for truely committed couples. Both Sharon and Tania have signed these contracts with their partners to publicise the launch. On 1st read you wonder why any red blooded male would ever sign it. He is basically signing away his manhood on his wedding day. John Williams soon to become John Evans explains to us, his level of commitment to Sharon. The most amazing thing he signing up to, which is a standard part of the engagement contract is the removal of his penis during the wedding reception. Until the wedding day he will be wearing a chastity device which will be removed at Sharon's bequest and at regular visits to the sperm bank. "It is a massive commitment and leap of trust I know. But it is Love. I knew who she was from our 1st meeting and that it would require an exceptional offering to get her. And this is it. I cant offer more than my male essence, my manhood itself, my penis. And between then and now I will be locked. That way I will be safe from temptation. There is a penalty clause of losing my cock at any point if I am caught using it for masturbation or unsolicited sex." Sharon explains that it is the way forward for a perfect marriage. It's not penis-less. She will still have his penis, preserved and erect like the day it was cut. It gives a new twist to the cake cutting ceremony. It will be preceeded by the penis cutting ceremony naturally. Some may think this is extreme and not for them. But both Tania and I agree that this is the way forward for todays young couples where the female is financially, intellectually, and sexually dominant over her male partner. Males are already submitting en-mass to female desires of them in the oppurtunity to mate and partner. This is the ultimate level of that and the formalisation of the female as the dominant partner in the relationship. The male puts his trust in the female to run his entire life. It is powerful symbolligy. He gifts her his symbol of manhood. I am truly looking forward to sucking and playing with his detached cock, whil e he eats my pussy on our wedding night. It wil be so good to know he can never cum or fuck with it. It will be truly my toy. There it is...another inovative product from the legal ladies at "The Alternative Relationship Company"
"The Alternative Relationship Company" launches a new product - Renew your Wedding Vows You are married and have been for years. Your love is going strong or you want to show the world your committment. Now you can prove it in the modern way. There are a variety of flavours to our wedding vow renewal ceremony. In essence the flavours are as follows: 1) Like our prenuptual product. A committment to sexually pleasing the female partner underwritten by his cock. We think this is more in tune with older couples who consider penile an important penetration part of the sexual process. This male usually has to commit to being in chastity device for the time when not penetrating. 2) As per the new wedding ceremony. The male makes a committment to his relationship by giving full ownership of his manhood to his partner. It is removed from his body in a way that she can still use it for her pleasure. Of course some couples choose option 1) and later renew again with option 2). We expect to become the market leaders in vow renewing in the same way we are market leaders in prenuptuals and engagement contracts. Though the vow renewing contract will be phased out eventually as we see all couples of the future making their committments via male chastity at the engagement, and enhancing that committment with the penis cutting ceremony on the wedding day. We are going to launch our new product with a free give-away to 100 lucky readers of Cosmopolitan. :love0038::kissass::kissass::love0038::love0014::gen085::gen085::gen085:
New Products For Christmas In keeping with the competition, we have launched our Christmas Gift Vouchers. Great gifts for your partner, friends and family. Surprise the one you are concerned about with an "Alternative Divorce Voucher" or "Renew Your Vows" voucher. At Christmas time, as the bells jangle make it the last time his balls jangle. Give a male friend you know a Christmas to remember. The last one he has with his man-toys. Think of the glee in the eyes of your female family member or friend as she realises she will soon be in full possession of her male partners man-assets. The ultimate gift for Christmas, an "Alternative Divorce Gift Voucher". Merry Christmas Ladies and Have a ball or 2 this Christmas.