Do Any Couples Use Short-Term Chastity?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by bringback, Jul 28, 2010.

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  1. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    In the short term. The post orgasmic "blah" where your interest is now 100% not about sex? This is (I think) a really good time to hug the Wife/SO/Mistress and sleep. By the time you wake up you ought to be starting (again) to have some normal need for sex. Part of this is (I agre) biology) but some of it is how you decide to act. Sending flowers the next day. Telling her how much it meant to you etc.

    I think the longer term aspects of this that you point out are interesting but again? Is there not some WTF moment when you either just loose your capacity for sexual needs, don't give a shit or get up buy a bolt cutter and find someone willing to have a more "simple" sex life?

    If you can "train" a man to be a better husband / lover with chastity can you not as well train them to be better post orgasm?

    Post orgasm SOB = More Chastity or whatever they don't like.

    Post orgasm love muffin = more orgasms?

    Then juggle until you find the best combo or until the guy really is "conditioned" and you put the chastity away unless its needed? Does anyone do that?!
     
  2. richard_derby
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    richard_derby Junior Member

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    My wife and I started using chastity because of our differing sex drives, she has a very low sex drive and my constantly pestering her for sex she said was putting her even more off sex, so upto the point just before we agreed on chastity sex was almost non existent and I was masturbating 3 or 4 times a day.

    We bought a cb6000s last October and I have been wearing it 24/7 after the initial fitting period. The only time I get out is when my wife requires sexual intercourse which is usually between 7 and 14 days, and for cleaning and I am not even allowed to touch myself, she has taken full control of our sex life and I have not masturbated since being locked.

    Although it was very hard for me at first when we do have sex my erections are so much harder, my orgasms stronger and the volume and thickness of sperm has increased greatly, making the experience far more loving and pleasureable.
     
  3. CumLess
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    CumLess Rejuvenated Member

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    OK. The article in the link does not talk about cuckolding. Yes there are further links from that page to articles that do. So what?

    My chastity arrangement does not involve hardware (well not the sort you buy, anyway [​IMG]). That's because my wife did not want to lose spontaneity - if she decides one night she wants me to fuck her, she doesn't want to have to fiddle about finding keys and unlocking me. So whenever she wants sex, she gets it and if she wants penetration she gets it. I just turned 63 and one advantage of old age is that I can last forever without coming, if I want to. So far this is also true even after 10 days of denial (my longest so far). So for us the arrangement works well - she has instant access to my body when she wants it, but I only get to orgasm when permitted.

    I can only say that in my own experiece I don't find that straight after orgasm I no longer think about sex. I often immediately lick my wife clean and give her another orgasm, not because she orders me to but because I want to. I cannot tell you if this is the result of using chastity, because of my age, or for some other reason.

    Also I have not got to 'WTF?' I want to continue this arrangement because I can see the improvement it has made to our marriage, to my enjoyment of sex and because it has calmed me down from a mad old man desperate for sex every night, and so usually frustrated and disappointed, to one who is happy to have sex only when my wife does, and who is very happy with what he gets.

    (A final point of interest. I started this arrangement at a very painful point in my life when I was convinced my wife was cheating on me. Why? I wanted to improve our marriage so she would choose to stay with me and not leave me for the other man. I now believe she finished her affair. So in this instance, chastity was not leading to cuckolding - quite the reverse!)

    That doesn't mean chastity is right for you. You will only find that out by trying it. I didn't know if it would work for us so we agreed to try it out for a limited 4 week trial period. We've now renewed that for 3 months with the adjustments I described in my post.
     
  4. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Thanks for the response. I guess I've done oral after intercourse to satisfy my wife and while thats really not my favorite activity I'll gladly do it to please her. Post orgasm I'm normally pretty spent and can't say I perform as well in the bedroom or as a husband which is my prime reason for being curious about all this. I'm not "awful" but as with many things in life I could be better. Is getting better worth locking my cock up and tempting my wife to do "whatever?" Thats the question I'm trying to answer.

    I guess my point is that when you go to the site and read what seems like a pretty vanilla version of male chastity the inclusion of all the links to cuckolding, hard core chastity, castration etc all put me off. As to your experiment in Chastity helping your wife and you to end her affair that is quite an interesting twist! The last part is one that I guess might be correct but I also think some of the folks who start with Chastity put things into motion that they loose control over so I'm not sure doing it is the best plan for finding out if its for "me" or my wife.

    My wife is not the "dom" type and for that matter I'm not the "sub" or "fem" type either. One of the thing that concerns me is that the idea of conditioning and how this might work is that we both might fit into those molds like it or not. *Which btw is my pet theory about why some couples seem to progress from this starting out as a marriage enhancement / kink and then progress to long term denial, cuckolding etc.

    Without prying too much I'm curious how this works for you both? It sounds like you practice a form of Orgasm Control. Does this involve a lot of tease and denial? Is intercourse (And your orgasm) a part of your life or is that taboo now? How much beyond the bedroom does this go? Is there any hints that this starting period will continue and if so with what kind of conditions or rules (If any?)

    You seem to like the new scheme? How about your Wife? Was you "bothering her" for sex a large part of why you did this or was it just to make her happier with the marriage and thus turn away from her Liason?

    Thanks for your comments and if this is too personal? No need to reply.
     
  5. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Different sex drives is a common issue. Have you even considered talking to a doctor about issues with hormones? Perhaps hers are low to none?

    "If" you could increase her drive would that be better or worse for you?
     
  6. CumLess
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    A lot of questions and although I explained some of this before in earlier posts I'll give you a full answer.

    First, my wife is not naturally DOM either, but we get to play femdom a few times each year. And that is not at all part of our chastity agreement.

    The main reason for suggesting this in the first place was that she was getting annoyed by my pestering her to the point that she felt guilty whenever she said 'no'. We had experimented with denial for about a week once as part of our femdom play and I remembered it made me more loving towards her so I got the idea that chastity could improve our relationship by taking away her guilt (nothing to feel guilty about if all she's saying 'no' to is an orgasm for herself) and making me more loving and attentive. Especially as I was fairly sure the reason she started the affair was that she was feeling neglected. So I quickly saw this as a way of competing against the other man, though I never explained this to her as she has steadfastly denied that anything has been going on. I was worried about whether I could stand it for a long period so we began with a 4 week trial period.

    How does this work? I guess it's a sign of old age that my cock is not as sensitive as it used to be. Maybe a younger man could simulate that with desensitising creams - don't know. But for some time now it's been pretty impossible for me to come during intercouse unless she plays quite roughly with my nipples. I've read elsewhere that this is not uncommon for men in general as the vagina does not generate as much friction as an oiled hand, for example, so maybe it's just just my age. So the control is easy - she leaves my nipples alone and I don't come. I did worry that with a long period of denial that might change and I might become more sensitive. Well that is the case, but I still don't come without nipple stimulation. What has changed is that I can come within a few seconds of her starting to pinch and twist. So for us, she always has her first orgasm through intercourse. She then normally plays with my nipples to tease me mercilessly (I have to stop thrusting as soon as I am about to come in order not to) and that is something she get a wicked pleasure from, unless she tells me this is my night for an orgasm in which case I just keep going. Does this extend beyond the bedroom? Well in the sense that I now find it hard to keep my hands off her whenever the opportunity presents itself, yes it does. But there is nothing else - she doesn't humiliate me or do anything else that is femdom.

    We both like the agreement (she no longer feels guilty about saying 'no' and loves the new attentive me; I love the better orgasms I get after denial and I also love the teasing and frustration) and although it states that it is valid for only three months at a time and can be renewed if we both agree, I don't see it ending for a long time to come. As I explained in my other post, our new agreement has a balance between periods of denial and two day periods when I can have as many orgasms as I like, so I get the best of both worlds. The basic conditions are that she has to deny me a minimum of 5 days and a maximum of 14. At least one orgasm during my 48 hour "free periods" must be through intercourse (and to date only one, because my wife doesn't usually want sex more than once in a 48 hour period) but she will assist me with my others when she's in the mood, or I can get on with them on my own.

    One last point, when we started she would just enjoy her orgasms and then go to sleep. I found that very hard and I got quite grumpy, I suppose. I felt used and objectified - little better than a sex toy that was put away after it had been used. Now, the sub types on this site would say they like that aspect, but I found I really didn't, especially as the agreement did not have a femdom element in it. When we talked it over and I persuaded her to use more teasing on me I felt much better. I felt I was getting attention in return for giving her orgasms and that she was taking an interest in my sex needs as well as her own. If you are not a sub type you might find this a help if you do ever try it out.
     
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  7. likes2blocked
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    likes2blocked New member

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    OK, so that's not for you. Doesn't have to be. If that's what he wants, and she wants to give it to him, it's all voluntary. Most people go for _much_ shorter durations.

    You're looking at it from the point that an orgasm is the only sexual need. There's a lot more to it than that. I'd a whole lot rather have amazing hot sex with my wife where she goes through the roof and I just get teased than to wank off in the shower. Orgasms are lots of fun, but there's more to it than just that, even if you just skip the whole chastity thing.

    Nope. If that's your kink to start with, then have fun. If it isn't, then no amount of chastity is likely (could be exceptions) is going to get you there. To start with, there's a whole spectrum of femdom. ranging from a little chastity play to 24x7 whips and chains. Humiliation isn't my kink and isn't going to be. I have no desire to put on make up or wear women's clothes, nor does my wife. Cuckolding, as opposed to simple polyamory, seems to me to be an extreme form of humiliation, and I doubt there's many women who are really into that. We've been doing this for years (off and on), and its a lot of fun, but we're still the same people with pretty much the same sexual preferences, kinks and all.

    Well, yeah - obviously some men do crave denial, hence this board and several others. Some people are also not comfortable being male to some degree or another. Therapists can really help sometimes, and I wouldn't discourage anyone from seeing one if they have problems that they need help with. However, let's not imply that just because you're a male who is somewhat feminine that you need medical attention.

    That's fine - you and your SO should go do what's fun for you. Talk about what you're doing, dial in the amount of time such that it's fun for both. Things can also change over time.

    My relationship is a lot better right now. I'm certainly more attentive, and she's having fun, so I'm having fun. That's what matters. I wouldn't put it as 'conditioning'. I really just don't buy the gateway drug argument. It's like saying that if you smoke pot, you're going to become a herion addict. Some do, vast majority do not. What is possible is that a couple starts off with a bit of chastity, and then discovers some amount of D&S play is also fun. However, I'm not going to be hung from hooks, stuck with needles, engage in blood play, and I'm damn sure not dressing up as a maid. Wouldn't turn on either of us. Letting her handle the finances is right out - she's not skilled in that area and doesn't like it.
     
  8. slave_nemo
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    slave_nemo slave to Mistress Ivey

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    I agree! I have been smoking (off and on) for over 40 years. So why am I NOT strung out on heroine? I have been into D/s for almost as long. I have done many other BDSM things as well, but I am NOT "hooked" on it to the extent that I cannot live (or orgasm) without it.

    As far as the chastity thing goes, I enjoy the teasing immensely! I also enjoy that fact that when I do get a full orgasm it's MUCH more powerful than I would normally have otherwise. I am more attentive to my wife (Mistress) when my orgasms are denied. It's just a fact. I don't try to analyze it. I just enjoy it. So if it isn't something that you enjoy, then, by all means, don't do it.

    There is something else that no one seems to have mentioned in all of this, trust! I trust my Mistress enough to know that she would NEVER push a hard limit. Knowing that, I am secure in the knowledge that she will NOT try to cuckold me. Just as I never cheated on her even though our initial agreement (when I was her Master) said I could. It all boils down to trust. Hell, anyone with half a brain could get out of ANY chastity device on the market. So you see, chastity is a trust thing as well as a fun thing. It's all in how you approach it. If I thought for moment that my wife were going to cheat on me, I would NEVER allow her to lock me up. I know there are those who will say that it is all up to her, but in reality, it is a joint venture... a mutual agreement. There fore, I do not fear what 'might' happen. If we all went through life with these fears of everything being extended to the ultimate possibility (heroine use, et al) then life would be pretty boring!
     
  9. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Thanks for your comments. Yes, I guess I'm not getting the wanting her to say no 100% so this is part of the problem. I think I understand the difference between a teased orgasm versus a daily wank in the shower (Which I don't do btw) I much prefer my wife to my right hand! ;-)

    Cuckolding / the appeal of multi guys having sex etc are in the very abstract sense interesting but? Reality wise ahh... No thanks. Like watching group sex on a DVD. Is it hot? Yes. Do we want to really DO that? Ahh.. no...

    I think you read into what I posted the wrong way. By suggesting Therapy and Doctors to people with GID I in no way am suggesting they are "bad" or anything like that. Instead I'm suggesting that they look into this for a safe way to deal with GID issues. Not to self medicate / dabble with internet hormones or castration drugs etc. And of course by talking to an expert they can find out if they really are GID and steps like hormone therapy / GRS etc are good choices. For guys who want to wear the wife's panties for kinks? Whatever...

    I'm glad that a couple of you say that Male Chastity is not a "Gateway" type thing. Part of the problem I have reading some of the material on the web is that it seems like so much of it is pretty insane level stuff that I've been told is often the jottings of people who are making it up as they wank. I do think however that Chastity done "right" can be a pretty strong form of conditioning however. And ok, lets just say it I would not be against some of the positive aspects of that. Someone posted a pretty vanilla picture of the "perfect husband" where the original courting / romance part of the relationship was re ignited and that sounded pretty good. The sub / slave / mistress aspect of this doesn't seem to fit into the same scheme and thats really where this gets beyond me.

    Anyway, one last question that I tried before and would really like to know.

    Lets assume that for those that have a low sex drive wife/so/mistress and your a high drive male that there is a magic cream, pill etc that turned her drive back on to 100%. How would you feel? How would the whole Chastity thing change if at all?

    As a side thing. Are some of you guys with locked up cocks "low drive" and if so have you ever looked into that with your doctor? *And I do NOT intend any sort of insult etc.



     
  10. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Thanks for your comments. Yes, I guess I'm not getting the wanting her to say no 100% so this is part of the problem. I think I understand the difference between a teased orgasm versus a daily wank in the shower (Which I don't do btw) I much prefer my wife to my right hand! ;-)

    Cuckolding / the appeal of multi guys having sex etc are in the very abstract sense interesting but? Reality wise ahh... No thanks. Like watching group sex on a DVD. Is it hot? Yes. Do we want to really DO that? Ahh.. no...

    I think you read into what I posted the wrong way. By suggesting Therapy and Doctors to people with GID I in no way am suggesting they are "bad" or anything like that. Instead I'm suggesting that they look into this for a safe way to deal with GID issues. Not to self medicate / dabble with internet hormones or castration drugs etc. And of course by talking to an expert they can find out if they really are GID and steps like hormone therapy / GRS etc are good choices. For guys who want to wear the wife's panties for kinks? Whatever...

    I'm glad that a couple of you say that Male Chastity is not a "Gateway" type thing. Part of the problem I have reading some of the material on the web is that it seems like so much of it is pretty insane level stuff that I've been told is often the jottings of people who are making it up as they wank. I do think however that Chastity done "right" can be a pretty strong form of conditioning however. And ok, lets just say it I would not be against some of the positive aspects of that. Someone posted a pretty vanilla picture of the "perfect husband" where the original courting / romance part of the relationship was re ignited and that sounded pretty good. The sub / slave / mistress aspect of this doesn't seem to fit into the same scheme and thats really where this gets beyond me.

    Anyway, one last question that I tried before and would really like to know.

    Lets assume that for those that have a low sex drive wife/so/mistress and your a high drive male that there is a magic cream, pill etc that turned her drive back on to 100%. How would you feel? How would the whole Chastity thing change if at all?

    As a side thing. Are some of you guys with locked up cocks "low drive" and if so have you ever looked into that with your doctor? *And I do NOT intend any sort of insult etc.



     
  11. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Hopefully I didn't hit a collective nerve? It sure got quiet here. If I can re-state that. I'm not finding fault with anyone. Just cery curious if there is any tie in to male sex drive and chastity.

    Maybe a more interesting question. On a related blog I read that Chastity doesn't mean less sex. It means more sex but just not so much male orgasm centered sex. I DO like my male Orgasms but if there was a shift to more female based orgasm and pleasure I would be more keen on trying this then if it was an experience with celebacy.

    So - If your cock is currently locked up do you still initiate things in the bedroom? ie offer to perform oral or so strapon sex, vibes etc? Wondering how it works in the real world. Please - - - no made up fiction replies.

    If your the female partner how does it work? Has it made your sex life better and exactly how?

    Thanks!
     
  12. CumLess
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    CumLess Rejuvenated Member

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    I'm not locked up, as you know. I have now read Sarah's blog and I can state that we use a similar system of orgasm honeymoons (48hrs) at the end of my denial periods (only around 2 weeks) and I calculate that I get only slightly fewer orgasms (per year) than I did before we started this. I DO like my male orgasms too!
     
  13. Wench
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    Wench Owned by Mistress Freya

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    Well the premise is slightly silly. Lets control a man with low sex drive by locking him in chastity and using denial to motivate him... oh hang on, thats not going to work, doh! ;)

    Most (and yes I am generalising) couples postings I've read here seem to indicate that the man has higher sex drive than his partner. Thats certainly the case for my Mistress and I.

    I would assume with couples that the "tie in to male sex drive and chastity" would be that over sexed men who like experimentation are drawn to chastity.

    In our case it does mean more sexual activity and slightly less orgasms for me. But the quality of our sexual encounters is much higher. Enforced prolonged foreplay leads to very intense orgasms. We experimented with edging before chastity. For me chastity is like edging taken to the extreme.

    I try not to initiate. Enforced chastity for us is part of Femdom role play. So in my role as a submissive I try not to initiate or suggest any sexual activity, letting my Mistress lead. This can be really difficult and sometimes I do ask if there's "anything" she needs ;)
     
  14. Spike's Bitch
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    Spike's Bitch Long term member

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    For the first while i was initiating while in chastity, but it felt really wrong being submissive yet trying to initiate sex?! It never works out to be satisfying that way for me. Luckily our marriage counseler agreed that it would probably work better if mistress sets up 'sex dates' for us and comes up with some fantasy we can play.

    Knowing me i am sure i will continue to provide fantasies but hopefully i wont have to initiate much :D

    As for chastity to save a marriage, cumless, you are not alone. The same happened between me and my wife. I think it helped with me not being so grumpy and uptight and more importantly to give mistress the control and domination she wanted. (i can be alpha male out of the home but not inside :))
    Though i can also really recommend marriage counseling if you suspect an affair because next to all the other stuff, rebuilding communication is really important.

    Though in our case its not really reverse cuckolding. I enjoy her enjoying other men. So thats something we both enjoy, just no affairs. That painful as hell. Sex is fine, relationships are not (in our case), because they create a lot of painful emotions and drama.
     
  15. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    [quote name='Spike's Bitch' date='30 August 2010 - 06:14 PM' timestamp='1283213654' post='52834']
    For the first while i was initiating while in chastity, but it felt really wrong being submissive yet trying to initiate sex?! It never works out to be satisfying that way for me. Luckily our marriage counseler agreed that it would probably work better if mistress sets up 'sex dates' for us and comes up with some fantasy we can play.

    Knowing me i am sure i will continue to provide fantasies but hopefully i wont have to initiate much :D

    As for chastity to save a marriage, cumless, you are not alone. The same happened between me and my wife. I think it helped with me not being so grumpy and uptight and more importantly to give mistress the control and domination she wanted. (i can be alpha male out of the home but not inside :))
    Though i can also really recommend marriage counseling if you suspect an affair because next to all the other stuff, rebuilding communication is really important.

    Though in our case its not really reverse cuckolding. I enjoy her enjoying other men. So thats something we both enjoy, just no affairs. That painful as hell. Sex is fine, relationships are not (in our case), because they create a lot of painful emotions and drama.
    [/quote]

    I do appreciate all the responses. I think Sarah said on her blog "Why do men have an interest in this?" and her answer ended up being "Who cares? Its great" I guess like many people I would like to understand but? Clearly a lot of you do this for different reasons and more to the point do it in different ways as well.

    I think that at the core is this. When your dating and have never been intimate the women has a lot of power. Treat her right, say and do the right things and you might get "lucky" - correct? Be a jerk, forget her needs and your sex life will suffer. In some marriages this power seems to reduce or even go away. Some form of either denial, chastity or even just basic "teasing" gives back power to the women and this can be positive for either or both. I certainly do get that. Does it require cocks to be locked up? I guess if nothing else it can help make the point 100% clear. ;-) Maybe the kinky aspect of this is the appeal and that helps some of the med adjust to a truly different plan.

    I can also see how a man who is used to getting his way when ever he likes and has become fat and lazy in his relationship will regret (At some points) the choice to do this. Women? I think the power they get being a bit absolute can??? Well if nothing else its very interesting what they do with it.

    S.B. When you do marriage therapy do you being up male chastity or tease denial? Or Femdom or Cuckolding? I am very curious what the therapist says about this?
     
  16. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    [quote name='Spike's Bitch' date='30 August 2010 - 06:14 PM' timestamp='1283213654' post='52834']
    For the first while i was initiating while in chastity, but it felt really wrong being submissive yet trying to initiate sex?! It never works out to be satisfying that way for me. Luckily our marriage counseler agreed that it would probably work better if mistress sets up 'sex dates' for us and comes up with some fantasy we can play.

    Knowing me i am sure i will continue to provide fantasies but hopefully i wont have to initiate much :D

    As for chastity to save a marriage, cumless, you are not alone. The same happened between me and my wife. I think it helped with me not being so grumpy and uptight and more importantly to give mistress the control and domination she wanted. (i can be alpha male out of the home but not inside :))
    Though i can also really recommend marriage counseling if you suspect an affair because next to all the other stuff, rebuilding communication is really important.

    Though in our case its not really reverse cuckolding. I enjoy her enjoying other men. So thats something we both enjoy, just no affairs. That painful as hell. Sex is fine, relationships are not (in our case), because they create a lot of painful emotions and drama.
    [/quote]

    I do appreciate all the responses. I think Sarah said on her blog "Why do men have an interest in this?" and her answer ended up being "Who cares? Its great" I guess like many people I would like to understand but? Clearly a lot of you do this for different reasons and more to the point do it in different ways as well.

    I think that at the core is this. When your dating and have never been intimate the women has a lot of power. Treat her right, say and do the right things and you might get "lucky" - correct? Be a jerk, forget her needs and your sex life will suffer. In some marriages this power seems to reduce or even go away. Some form of either denial, chastity or even just basic "teasing" gives back power to the women and this can be positive for either or both. I certainly do get that. Does it require cocks to be locked up? I guess if nothing else it can help make the point 100% clear. ;-) Maybe the kinky aspect of this is the appeal and that helps some of the med adjust to a truly different plan.

    I can also see how a man who is used to getting his way when ever he likes and has become fat and lazy in his relationship will regret (At some points) the choice to do this. Women? I think the power they get being a bit absolute can??? Well if nothing else its very interesting what they do with it.

    S.B. When you do marriage therapy do you being up male chastity or tease denial? Or Femdom or Cuckolding? I am very curious what the therapist says about this?
     
  17. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    I guess I was thinking it might be "easier" for a man with low sex drive to accept being locked up.

    Over sexed men would (I think) run screaming from Chastity. Or am I being way to simple about this?

    There is a long debate regarding men in chastity "must" be submissive. If a typical relationship is Male (Dom) and Female (Sub) I would not find it "odd" that the female initiate sex. But since this is different and locks are involved???
     
  18. Spike's Bitch
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    Spike's Bitch Long term member

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    We mostly practise communication skills and learn how to deal with relationship and life challenges in counseling. But our marriage counselor is a big believer in FLR (though she doesnt use that term) and called my wife a dominatrix before I did! In the early days she helped us do alot of excersises to get my wife to be in control instead of me.
    She does know and we talked about the fact my wife has had sex with another, but very little really because that isnt something either my wife or I have problems with. Our counselor once called the attraction to other people 'the spice of life'. Meaning, you can fight it till the end of time, but we evolved to spread our genes so its better to accept it and openly communicate about it. Mistress and I happen to agree. Doesnt mean everybody should go out and have random sex, but it means openly communicating about it can really help.
    We have not talked about chastity specifically, but i am 100% sure our counselor would support it if it works for both mistress and I.
     
  19. Mistress Spike
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    Mistress Spike Slettebak

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    I think it is the opposite. Men who masturbate often and who have a higher sex drive than their partners will like to go into chastity more so than ones with lower sex drives because they find that they can better use their sexual energy on something other than themselves.

    Although men may not like to read this, women have a more advanced brain. Don't worry, what women have in brain power, men have in physical power. This is one of the reasons why men think women are so complicated or why most women can easily multitask. Women's brains developed more so for social skills because women had to manage the home/group life which consisted of children and social networks. This could be the reason why more doms are women and subs are men.

    The reason why men who masturbate and have sex frequently lose interest in wooing their wives is because humans are not monogamous animals. After men have sex with their partners something drives them to loose interest in them and look elsewhere for sex. While humans probably had long-term relationships to raise offspring together, men had sex with multiple women to ensure that his seed is spread so his genes have a better chance for survival. This is even normal in animals that have life long partners in nature.

     
  20. Wench
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    Wench Owned by Mistress Freya

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    I guess it would be easier for a man with low sex drive to accept being locked up, but what would be the point? There's no power exchange in enforced chastity if the man is not interested in sex.

    I'm not sure, but I probably would be classed as a little over sexed. If I don't have an orgasm every second day I start to obsess about sex. After a week it's a little difficult to concentrate on anything else. After two weeks I'm going a little nuts. Running or cycling helps.

    I'm forty years old and I've been having vanilla sex for a long long time. Even though I love sex it's not quite as exciting as it once was (though its still damn good). So being a little obsessed with sex I look for kinks to add extra excitement, and chastity is just one kink. I could never cheat on my wife so finding excitement outside our marriage is not something I'd consider, I assume this is the more "normal" option for men obsessed with sex.

    We initially bought a CB6000 along with a bunch of other things while shopping for our toy box. This led to research and books on femdom role play while trying to figure what exactly you where supposed to do with it. We've found we both enjoy female dominance. I personally enjoy being both a Dom or a Sub (I think the term is a Switch). I suspect my Mistress prefers being a Dom. While role playing with chastity she is the Dom and so it is appropriate that she initiate sex.

    I can't see why a man with low sex drive would be interested in investigate things like chastity and femdom.

    Oh, oh, it's so hard to let that go. Must remember I'm a Sub... I'm a Sub... no not working for me. I don't know about more advanced. Different certainly, but not more advanced. My driving is a hell of a lot better than my Mistresses :p

    I must concede though that my Mistress does sometime make more mature decisions, not always mind you.

    I'm not locked up at the moment... can you tell?
     
  21. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Hi! Its a great pleasure to hear the ladies side of this and I do appreciate your taking the time to post.

    I might be truly the weird one because once we got married I have not spent any significant time masturbating. Maybe I feel its my "due" that sex comes from my wife and not my right hand? Most, I think part of it is that my perception (sorry) is very negative about "wankers" I don't know if I qualify as having a high drive I am pretty sure its not low however. ;-)

    Yes, your totally right about women multitasking and men who need to focus on one thing, move on, one thing move on. I'm SO 100% that way its silly. I agree that male and female brains are wired different. Take two types and you get totally different ways of working.

    The part about nake orgasm and loosing interest is I think hormonal. Men are wired with lots of Testosterone and only a little Estrogen. Women are the reverse. I feel that Testosterone is about the "need" and Estrogen is about the orgasm. Men are strong on the need and get only a short spurt (Sorry bad pun) of the orgasm. Women are much less about the chase or the need but the orgasm is much longer and of course is not a "conclusion" its just a wave. Male plumbing just doesn't work well past that first climax and can even be annoying past the initial orgasm. Women? Why any of you stop at one is totally beyond me!

    I know a guy who is on HRT and took too much of a drug to reduce his Estrogen. The poor guy totally lost his ability to orgasm and was nearly driven insane trying to get "over" Thankfully his doctor sorted that out before he hurt himself.

     
  22. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    [quote name='Spike's Bitch' date='31 August 2010 - 01:34 AM' timestamp='1283240044' post='52843']
    We mostly practise communication skills and learn how to deal with relationship and life challenges in counseling. But our marriage counselor is a big believer in FLR (though she doesnt use that term) and called my wife a dominatrix before I did! In the early days she helped us do alot of excersises to get my wife to be in control instead of me.
    She does know and we talked about the fact my wife has had sex with another, but very little really because that isnt something either my wife or I have problems with. Our counselor once called the attraction to other people 'the spice of life'. Meaning, you can fight it till the end of time, but we evolved to spread our genes so its better to accept it and openly communicate about it. Mistress and I happen to agree. Doesnt mean everybody should go out and have random sex, but it means openly communicating about it can really help.
    We have not talked about chastity specifically, but i am 100% sure our counselor would support it if it works for both mistress and I.
    [/quote]

    I really do appreciate your replies. We are about to do some therapy and I've been pondering talking about some of this. FLR? Female Led Relationships? I guess thats not either new or weird to us as some aspects of our life together is along that line but in a vanilla mode. Without hurting anyones feelings I just am not into some aspects of the lifestyles we've read about. For example anything violent is not even slightly on our radar. Raise a hand to each other and its "pack your bags and get the F out" Bad history and associations and its impossible to make that a "fun" kink. And I don't want to try.

    Anyway, FLR - In a general way women tend to be better at some things and we just accept that one of has skills the other does not. A few of these things are flipped around which is odd to our friends but I think you go with whoever has the skills.

    Your very straightforward comments on Cuckolding, male ego etc have all been... Interesting and kind of ahh... I want to say both hot and totally disturbing ;-) but I don't mean that as an insult. MMF porn is interesting to us but we both made up our minds a long time ago that fantasy and reality are not always best mixed up. That you two have found a way to do that is pretty astonishing. I guess the whole "Jerry Springer" type stuff makes it seem impossible but? You two have figured it out so I guess whatever works for you. I'll say this - your life is not boring!

    I do rather wish you two could solve the post orgasm blues because as hot as the concept of 100% orgasm denial is to some of you? Weow - Its not my dream.
     
  23. Mistress Spike
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    Mistress Spike Slettebak

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    It is totally hormonal. It is because of dopamine. Dopamine is the only chemical in our brain that brings us pleasure and satisfaction. It is why people have addictions, why we eat and love the taste of food, why we love to buy things, etc... People with no dopamine are generally depressed and sedentary. During the buildup to a orgasm, a mans brain is filled with dopamine, and once he's released, the dopamine is depleted. This makes him go through a slight depression and he looses interest in making his partner happy and is more self absorbed.


    After being locked up for a while, my sub would argue about the "short spurt"...Haha! I think his orgasms are longer and more intense than mine now.

     
  24. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Thanks again. Yes, that makes perfect sense and I think that Male Orgasm is exactly as you describe. A flood of pleasure and then its like the strings are cut and all energy, motivation etc are removed. I think this is a perfect time to just kiss, hug and sleep. We've tried to do sex "in reverse" where I orgasm first and then take care of her but that is much more difficult to do it. At least to do it well.

    One thing I think can be changed is the post orgasm "self absorbing aspect" I think that at least a part of that is by choice. The mood, the hormones etc all make it "easier" to be a jerk. One of the aspects of possibly changing our lifestyle is to change some of these sorts of behaviours.

    Anyway, appreciate very much your taking the time to reply.

    - Jimi123
     
  25. Spike's Bitch
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    Spike's Bitch Long term member

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    As for 'raise your hands on the other and get the f out':

    SM is NOT spousal abuse. Big BIG difference.
    I never touch my wife in that way (minus a little slap on the butt sometimes) unless she wants too. She does apply physical pain to me, but it is with concent (even though she chooses the time and place).

    We never even tied chastity to SM. Both developed seperate and for seperate reasons.
    She uses chastity on me to keep me focussed on her (sexual energy gets spend entirely on her and her needs) and it helps me be submissive to her (i am naturally very dominant, but she even more so, lol).

    She uses SM on me to 'snap' me out of funky moods or when she simply enjoys letting go of some frustration. Its like theraphy for us (our counselor has even hinted at uses this lol). Mistress always tells me during a good paddling what lesson she wants me to learn or what has annoyed her about my behaviour. And after the session she asks me to sum up what I learned. Somehow this works really well for us and i feel on cloud 9 after the punishment stops.
    Yes this is bizzare to me too, but why over analyze?! It works for us both.

    As for cuckolding. We dont do that. At least not in my description of the word. Mistress can have sex with other men, but we have a lot of boundaries (like not without concent, no relationships, i want to be there to see it etc etc etc). Plus i would never ever ever give up sex with her. Never! I enjoy it waaaaay too much. I also do not enjoy any humiliation by another men and do not feel submissive to them at all. I just really enjoy seeing my wife enjoy herself sexually. I cant explain it but its extremely enjoyable to me and i dont feel jealous at all as long as she respects our rules and boundaries. We like to call her more a 'hotwife'. A woman who does other men next to her husband. But thats just how we use the term.
    And its not like she goes out and does other men every weekend. A fes times a year is plenty to satisfy the need and the rest of the time we enjoy each other and the memories of her previous hotwifing and fantasies.

    The key really is to come up with a combination of rules, boundaries and fantasies that works for you both and non stop, honest and supportive communication.
     
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