Locked

[Beck]

I am locked again. There is no release date set in my world. My KH just asks me to put it on, and after I do, there is to be no questions as to when it comes off. That can be tricky, particularly when in the first few days of wearing a device. Adjustment is always an issue. The skin is sensitive and needs to callus a bit for the device to become comfortable. This is a process, and it takes time. In our FLR it is understood and agreed upon that any whining, complaining, or asking for the device to be removed results in punishment. This can be a range of things, from spanking, to locked confinement. Needless to say, but our relationship is far from vanilla. But we did start out very innocently and without any intent of having BDSM as a part of it. Now, it cannot operate without it. My device, a is a 18a by Ms Lori. I was prompted to go and get a PA piercing to keep the device from ever being pulled off after some experimentation with one of those cb 6000 plastic devices.

We are years into our use of chastity. I have had the Lori device for almost 5 years. It has been on and off several times. Only a few of those times out of the device were due to some kind of unpleasant discomfort or pain that was too much. There have also been times when my KH was rather frustrated, and decided that I could be unlocked because that was actually more of a punishment than being locked. In our relationship, she recognizes the responsibility of key holding as somewhat of a burden, especially if I am acting like a whiny little pain. When she instructs me to put the device on, I am to never ask for it off unless the pain becomes dangerously unbearable. Only then do I mention it, at which point I undergo an inspection and possible release from the cage.

About my device. As I mentioned, it is a 18a by Ms. Lori. Ms. Lori is a great person to work with to get a steel device customized to your needs. It can be a bit of a process as it is done entirely through the mail and takes a considerable amount of time, but it is well worth the wait if it is what you really want, And of course, be careful what you wish for! My device weighs around 12 oz. It is polished 316L stainless steel, which I'm told is less likely to rust, and is secured by 2 hex bolts. One keeps a pin locked through my piercing preventing any pullout without painful and permanent injury. The other secures the cage to the base ring. The screws themselves are custom and cannot be replicated. They are also countersunk a couple mm to prevent any manipulation. Once tightened, the screws are as effective if not more so than any kind of lock out there. Because they are custom, you cannot go to a hardware store and find a tool to remove them. Also, the screws are easily stripped if tampered with. This did happen to me on one occasion where I was too eager and not careful when removing them. I had to use a drill and screw removal bits and very carefully extract the stripped screw to be able to remove the device without destroying it. Let me just say that in that moment, when the screw was striped and I was trapped in a device that could not be removed without serious efforts beyond the normal routine, I had a bit of a rush thinking my chastity was permanent. The rush was so intense that I actually orgasmed spontaneously without any stimulation other than the threat facing me. This all happened right in front of my KH, who almost couldn't believe her eyes. The process of removing the stripped screws is not easy and not for anyone who is at all nervous performing such mechanical tasks. It takes a skilled hand and an understanding of the material. If there is one downside to Lori devices it is that the screws can screw you! The weight is a bit much sometimes also, but if the device is fitting properly, it can be managed quite easily.

Anyway, I am locked again. My only hope now for release is good behavior and compliance. I can however usually expect lots of playtime with the device on, particularly if I am good. Should I cum while chaste, my KH enjoys seeing me have such twisted pleasure and doesn't mind because the days after are a constant and painful reminder of my state as her slave in chastity, which she loves. I don't mind the pain so much, but lately have been less inclined to try to force orgasm as the pain can be difficult. What I enjoy most is seeing her have pleasure. Watching her arch her back and shudder in ecstasy as I aid her in her pleasure, brings such a beautiful smile to her face. I am humbled by my chastity, waiting for long periods of time for her to reward me with mine. It really has brought our communication and love for each other to another level. Chastity is painful and cumbersome, but the emotional rewards alone make it worth it.

 

[Beck]

Just as quickly as things seem clear, decisive, ritualistic- they are not.

The monthly cycle of menstruation correlates directly with an absence of concern for our little agreement. Actually it nearly kills it. We tend to be very serious about the lifestyle, and keeping chastity as a part of it. But when she is suffering through her period, we both suffer for it. Her mood, if soured by the intense cramping and constant need for hygiene maintenance, causes mine to sour also. It cannot be helped. Short of putting a lot of physical space between us, there is no avoiding it. Because it is tied to hormones and is cyclical, it may be that even with distance there would be some disruption to the day to day 'expectations'... communication is key! that's what i get told by so many. When someone is just not in the mood however, communication is nearly impossible. It takes great effort to surpass the ongoing hormonal onslaught of the cycle of a woman, period or not.

I know better than to complain or be to a 'dick' --- but yet the torrent of testosterone i currently must deal with somehow dominates my inner monologue. Some things just agitate the living fuck out of me to the point that i cannot contain my sarcasm any longer. I press on minor issues that might be better dealt with post cycle, and start shit where i should not. I promise that it is not intentional, instead it is reactionary and unhinged. I need to get a handle on it. No single thing in the world other than witnessing child birth puts me in my 'man-space' more than her monthly 'friend'... I do my best to empathize, but no matter what level of understanding i obtain, or hormonal equivalence, it is hard to really understand.

we had a tiff. it ended with her handing the key to the device to me. It wasn't a bad fight, or even about anything that important. It just was what it was. It just happened. two humans, not disagreeing- just not happy for the moment- and the whole thing around our sex life, the 'expectations' the 'obligations' the 'commitment' all went to shit in that moment. instead of stopping to think, i just removed the device. and now i guess we'll see what happens next.

 

[Beck]

by all accounts there seems to be no return to chastity for me anytime soon, if ever again. maybe it is too soon to make that a conclusion but... anyway we are ok, and that is most important.

i cannot say exactly where we went wrong, but a quick synopsis would be that it is too much for me to be chastised. Without that certain access I become too dependent, and I think that freaks her out.

She is not a born sexual dominant. She is certainly dominant in her life and style of being, but it does not translate to the bedroom easily. she has a severe sense of entitlement and her expectation that things get done for her by me and those that care for her goes under appreciated all too often. this has a terribly chilling effect on me, I at least need some form of reciprocation.Some kind of contractual type of exchange. I would willingly put myself into chastity and she'd keep me chastised, teased, irreversibly feminine as i serviced her sexual needs into eternity. That is what i had hoped for when we started full time chastity. that was my expectation. that was our agreement and what i consented to and she promised. I need that validation of my changed status in our relationship.... i wear this chastity device and work toward being the most giving i can be to my Dom, and return I get exactly what i wished for which was to be sexually mitigated, humiliated, punished for my missteps and forever transformed from a spouse to a owned submissive servant. I am not sure if having needs runs contrary to being submissive, but in our sex life the restraint was not strong enough, i need reminders of my status because full time chastity wear quickly becomes too normal. I often wonder if these are the traits of someone who is actually not submissive at all. The fun and excitement chastity brought to our relationship has been replaced with this obvious sense of burden and apparently unfulfilled fantasy. it is all very strange because it worked so well at first -even the first few years. sex life of married couples can become after many years of monogamy stale and needs to be enhanced and reinvented. chastity helped us for a while a great deal. but it would seem our reality is the fantasy is to vast or just not of this moment, and because of that chastity has been abandoned by her and has become more of an after thought, or perhaps just not something we will continue to try.

I may post my device for sale very soon.

 

[Mistress B]

There will always be off days @beck don't rush into things.

 

[Beck]

Thank you very much @Mistress B for paying attention. I often feel after posting here as if I just wrote on the Berlin Wall. Moderators like you actually make this forum worth while. For all of us wearing devices, we desperately need the perspective of those keeping the key. I do understand your words very much so. It would seem however, that this is an ever growing problem between my Wife and I. I wrote a similar kind of complaint before and Ms. Amanda had responded:

I don't think you have any idea how much dedication it takes to be an attentive keyholder.
Sometimes she might not feel like putting in the effort, which is her prerogative being keyholder.
I really think you ought to learn to take the rough with the smooth.

It gave me a great insight to see that kind of reply and I was able to retool my perspective and adjust accordingly. My Wife and KH had a real heart to heart discussion about this. In the end it is obvious neither of us wants to just give it up, but the issues remain unresolved.

My main issue comes once I've submitted. There is a point at which normalcy replaces the excitement and she tends to let things go by the wayside. Her attention to some of the details we have agreed upon seems to disappear and I feel neglect. I do my very best to be patient, and see if things will change. These things I mention - to my point of view - aren't a very hard to manage but actually are a big deal. For example, she gets lazy with the key. She will leave it out in plain sight, or somewhere I am bound to come across it. She isn't trying to let me find the key, it just slips her mind and she has this expectation that I will of course just be obedient and not take my device off. I have many many times done just that. I obediently leave the device on and causally mention my knowledge of the whereabouts of the key, and she will take that into account and take it or hide it again. Another issue we've had - we have two keys - a spare and the main key we've used, that as far as I know mainly is in her possession or hidden somewhere. She has lost the spare. This makes me apprehensive to let her hold the last key, the main key, - not because I do not trust her, but because I'd rather not have to use a hack saw or drill to remove my device if it is to come off.

So that is one of the issues. The other stuff, is all matters of communication and knowing limits. We have become much closer thanks to chastity, and have really opened up to each other on these kinds of things. Or, at least, I have opened up. Another issue is she is still tight lipped on some things - things that turn her on - and she tends to like porn, a lot. She is very visual in what gets her off. I think she has built this mental image of what turns her on and doesn't share, but expects me to just figure it out. We still need to work on communication I guess. But it is difficult as she is supposed to be the lead, and I never want to seem as though I am forcing anything - not to mention that is the antithesis of my nature.

 

[guest 2942]

your not the only one buddy. I was in the same exact boat as you. Roughly a year ago I told my wife to give me the keys back, I didnt want to play anymore. It wasnt fun. She would lock me and it would be great for a week or two and then she would just forget or become lazy about the whole ordeal. I wasnt asking for much, at least I didnt think so. So we just dont play the chastity game anymore. And we dont even talk about it. And we dont even have any sex anymore. I just dont get her. I keep thinking that hopefully one day she will realize how much fun it all was and ask me to lock back up, sadly that hasnt happened. Her top priorities in life are work, the kids, working out, then if she has 5 minutes to spare, me. I dont have any solutions for you or myself but did want you to know its not all sunshine and lollipops for everyone on here

 

[Beck]

@ineverknew thanks for the understanding. if for some reason I come across some brilliant solution I will be sure to share. I do think that for any married couple with kids making time for intimacy is a challenge to say the least- and that is without the added dimension of chastity. Anyway, I really appreciate your comment.

 

[guest 2942]

@beck, hey no problem. I just didnt want you to think you were alone in the struggle we face. The desire for something for which our partners seem to have little to no interest. Its frustrating coming to this forum and seeing all of these people enjoying something that should be so simple and easy yet for me it just didnt work. But I would also like to add its not all doom and gloom. I think its just bad timing, or at least I hope. One day her job wont be so important, the kids will be older and then she may be interested in playing again.

 

[harddenial]

I wouldn't want to give advice as all our situations are different but I thought I could mention a few things that apply to us that may be relevant.

Giving her the key never worked for us for the same reason: she didn't hide it properly. Now the spare is in a keybox and the main one I carry with me to work etc in a tiny bag that my wife made and stitched, so that any tampering is evident. Our expectation is that I'm locked, end-of. A couple of months ago I had an unbearable in-growing hair in the cage and my wife was away a couple of days. I cut some stitches, and used the key to remove the cage and treat the skin. When she got back she said nothing but obviously noticed it was off. After a week the skin was OK, and I mentioned the cage. She just said I'd obviously removed it for a good reason (which I explained) and then she said that it was supposed to be on, so if the skin was OK now.... So back on it went. She then repaired the bag.

We have "sex" (cunnilingus) about once a week but there is no teasing in between. Chastity is unmentioned except rare occasions like above. I invite her to have "sex" and only rarely does she refuse. I love giving her oral and feel great afterwards through the intimacy and raw emotion. I'm flushed and tingly. She is aware of how much I enjoy it and does herself too, and she has an extra bounce in her step that day. I'm not usually unlocked for sex and the last time this happened was two months ago when she gave me a handjob to orgasm. I think she views this as maintenance, a bit of a drag but necessary once in a while. We are both aware that our real pleasure is the "sex".

With regard to the kids, I realised a long time ago that they came first, which is I guess what one would want from a good mother. It's of course hard to take after you've been no 1. Now they are young adults the amount of time involved with them is even more than as teenagers: relationship breakup, job advice etc etc. Never ending. My wife will drop everything if needed by them. So what am I ? Most importantly, emotional support for her. Taken for granted, yes, in both directions.

 

[Beck]

#neosteel arch looks terrible. yet i cannot stop thinking about it. the cable up the ass crack has to be hell. especially when defecating. I've read through many posts on the arch and other neosteel cb and there really isn't a whole lot of discussion around the back cable. Many have inquired- does ergo make #2 easier? or worse comfort wise? The question never really gets a full answer. It seems that many would rather not discuss that part ... the other thing that seems to kind of dead end is the issue of cleaning. I've read it needs to be removed weekly for decent cleaning. Haven't seen many other realistic or understandable takes on this. then there is the price tag. I can just imagine getting one, and defeating it within hours. I'm kind of like a bank robber in that regard. I will find a way. I think I may have been Jesse James in a past life. so yeah that would suck especially after spending the dough on a belt like that.

my thoughts that do not stop are as such: the full belt keeps your parts tucked, so there is very limited access. not much ability to move anything or grip anything. the style of the tube seems like it would be hard to utilize a vibrator also. with trapped ball devices one can jerk still. one can press a vibrator at just the right spot. the trapped ball design is more realistic for day to day it would seem. But if you can cum in a device what the fuck is the point? Granted it isn't easy, but it can and has been done. I've been over this before. Any chastised dick that doesn't find a way to cum just isn't trying. And who really believes that garbage anyway? "OOOOH my Mistress/Master has me so whipped I just worship them and would never think of being disobedient!" Uh huh. OK. Not even indecent thoughts either I'm sure. What a crock of shit. I just want to know, is a full belt really that much harder to defeat? Or are they just a pain in the ass? see what I did there? I'm trying to talk myself out of thinking of these insidious belts that cost a fortune. I'm not even sure I have what it takes to deal with actual real chastity anyway. Not to mention my wife, who although she can talk some great talk, she doesn't walk that walk if you know what I mean. For fucksake.

seriously just need this fantasy nightmare to conclude already. anybody?

 

[Nicoftime]

I have recently received my new device. Security wise, its as secure and orgasm proof as they come.

It's a rigid chastity model 05. It uses a pa piercing, almost completely covers everything, and even using the most powerful wand, orgasm wasn't imminent. I can't say if that will be true if I went a month or two, or if I was super riled up and then applied the wand. But really it's there to keep from casual wanking, not to combat magyver orgasm tactics. It does it's job as well as it is supposed to.

I am sorry you are not getting the attention you were hoping for. This chastity thing sometimes isn't always what we think it will be, it's that way for keyholders too.

Hang in there

 

[wLOCKridge]

#neosteel arch looks terrible. yet i cannot stop thinking about it. the cable up the ass crack has to be hell. especially when defecating. I've read through many posts on the arch and other neosteel cb and there really isn't a whole lot of discussion around the back cable. Many have inquired- does ergo make #2 easier? or worse comfort wise? The question never really gets a full answer. It seems that many would rather not discuss that part ... the other thing that seems to kind of dead end is the issue of cleaning. I've read it needs to be removed weekly for decent cleaning. Haven't seen many other realistic or understandable takes on this. then there is the price tag. I can just imagine getting one, and defeating it within hours. I'm kind of like a bank robber in that regard. I will find a way. I think I may have been Jesse James in a past life. so yeah that would suck especially after spending the dough on a belt like that.

my thoughts that do not stop are as such: the full belt keeps your parts tucked, so there is very limited access. not much ability to move anything or grip anything. the style of the tube seems like it would be hard to utilize a vibrator also. with trapped ball devices one can jerk still. one can press a vibrator at just the right spot. the trapped ball design is more realistic for day to day it would seem. But if you can cum in a device what the fuck is the point? Granted it isn't easy, but it can and has been done. I've been over this before. Any chastised dick that doesn't find a way to cum just isn't trying. And who really believes that garbage anyway? "OOOOH my Mistress/Master has me so whipped I just worship them and would never think of being disobedient!" Uh huh. OK. Not even indecent thoughts either I'm sure. What a crock of shit. I just want to know, is a full belt really that much harder to defeat? Or are they just a pain in the ass? see what I did there? I'm trying to talk myself out of thinking of these insidious belts that cost a fortune. I'm not even sure I have what it takes to deal with actual real chastity anyway. Not to mention my wife, who although she can talk some great talk, she doesn't walk that walk if you know what I mean. For fucksake.

seriously just need this fantasy nightmare to conclude already. anybody?

I'll keep this short when it comes to the arch it's the most secure belt I ever wore. Yes it is expensive, but properly fitted, you're not getting out of that thing without a key or a cutting tool. As far as the rear cable goes I used to just tie a string around it and pull it to the side when I had to do my business. Pretty easy actually. If it is security and quality craftsmanship that you're looking for, you cannot go wrong with neosteel.

 

[Beck]

I'll keep this short when it comes to the arch it's the most secure belt I ever wore. Yes it is expensive, but properly fitted, you're not getting out of that thing without a key or a cutting tool. As far as the rear cable goes I used to just tie a string around it and pull it to the side when I had to do my business. Pretty easy actually. If it is security and quality craftsmanship that you're looking for, you cannot go wrong with neosteel.

oh great! so it would seem that I will not be dismissing the arch any time soon. So I have a question if you don't mind... Do you still wear the arch? If not why? also, what is the longest you'd say you can go being locked up? In terms of comfort and/or cleaning routine?

 

[Beck]

I'll keep this short when it comes to the arch it's the most secure belt I ever wore. Yes it is expensive, but properly fitted, you're not getting out of that thing without a key or a cutting tool. As far as the rear cable goes I used to just tie a string around it and pull it to the side when I had to do my business. Pretty easy actually. If it is security and quality craftsmanship that you're looking for, you cannot go wrong with neosteel.

Ok read your bio. Good stuff. Sorry about the back, I hope it gets better. So the question that remains is regarding comfort/cleanliness. Were you able to sit for long periods of time in the arch?

 

[guest 2942]

I was pondering about this also after reading the first post. Do you hold the cable while wiping or does it pull to the side and stay there, cause if you have to hold AND wipe thats some houdini shit lol.

 

[wLOCKridge]

Ok read your bio. Good stuff. Sorry about the back, I hope it gets better. So the question that remains is regarding comfort/cleanliness. Were you able to sit for long periods of time in the arch?

Yes I was, I would have done better if the penis tube had been shorter. That was back in the days when I didn't know that shorter was better. It was very easy to keep clean and escape, without tools, was truly impossible. I still wear that belt from time to time and they are absolutely first rate when it comes to customer service.

 

[wLOCKridge]

I was pondering about this also after reading the first post. Do you hold the cable while wiping or does it pull to the side and stay there, cause if you have to hold AND wipe thats some houdini shit lol.

I used a piece of string, pulled it around the cable, and sat on it with my thigh, that kept it out of the way, very easy.

 

[wLOCKridge]

Ok read your bio. Good stuff. Sorry about the back, I hope it gets better. So the question that remains is regarding comfort/cleanliness. Were you able to sit for long periods of time in the arch?

Yes, sitting was pretty comfortable, the one cravat being hard chairs. You'll never forget that you're wearing it but, high security is a tradeoff. I don't believe a full belt will ever be as comfortable as a well fitting cage so it's a matter of what's important to you and fits your lifestyle. Cleanliness was amazingly easy however, I bathed in it, swam in it, and sat in the hot tub in it, no problem. I wore it for weeks at a time without removing it. It had the ventilated tube which helped also. Hope this helps.

 

[Beck]

@wLOCKridge yes that helps a lot. Thank you for your input. Security is of utmost importance. I think it is the central factor in determining what kind of commitment one has with the chastity lifestyle. That being stated, and writing with zero experience with a full belt, particularly a neosteel, there are obviously varying degrees of commitment. One size does not fit all. Each person has different perspective. However, and I am willing to bet you might be able to verify that a cage that does part of the job is akin to an open doors policy at a prison, which is probably not a great idea. No matter how expensive or secure if the chastity of the wearer can be subverted with an orgasm, what is the point?

 

[wLOCKridge]

@wLOCKridge yes that helps a lot. Thank you for your input. Security is of utmost importance. I think it is the central factor in determining what kind of commitment one has with the chastity lifestyle. That being stated, and writing with zero experience with a full belt, particularly a neosteel, there are obviously varying degrees of commitment. One size does not fit all. Each person has different perspective. However, and I am willing to bet you might be able to verify that a cage that does part of the job is akin to an open doors policy at a prison, which is probably not a great idea. No matter how expensive or secure if the chastity of the wearer can be subverted with an orgasm, what is the point?

I hear where you're coming from, and I partially agree. There is however, no 100% secure chastity device on the market. We started this over 20 years ago and I must own a couple of dozen different devices, a couple of very expensive belts, and I've yet to meet one that could not be defeated with a good vibrator or a pair of bolt cutters, and we've probably got between 5 and $10,000 invested in different devices. Chastity for the most part, takes place between the ears. You are absolutely correct about commitment and that's where it comes into play. You have to be committed to chastity in order for it to work. The other two C's are compromise and communication. It takes all three to make this thing work. It is sort of like a three-legged stool, take away one and the stool falls over. The most important security device is your commitment to the lifestyle, without that it does not make any difference how much you spend on a chastity device. Before I went out and spent a bunch of money, and I mean no disrespect, I would make sure that I had the commitment thing down because, the device maybe the barrier, but your own commitment is the padlock.

 

[Beck]

@wLOCKridge I think that is one of the most level headed, honest, and realistic takes on the chastity lifestyle I have read on this site. The three-legged stool analogy is a very powerful one. Thanks very much

 

[Mash2214]

I hear where you're coming from, and I partially agree. There is however, no 100% secure chastity device on the market. We started this over 20 years ago and I must own a couple of dozen different devices, a couple of very expensive belts, and I've yet to meet one that could not be defeated with a good vibrator or a pair of bolt cutters, and we've probably got between 5 and $10,000 invested in different devices. Chastity for the most part, takes place between the ears. You are absolutely correct about commitment and that's where it comes into play. You have to be committed to chastity in order for it to work. The other two C's are compromise and communication. It takes all three to make this thing work. It is sort of like a three-legged stool, take away one and the stool falls over. The most important security device is your commitment to the lifestyle, without that it does not make any difference how much you spend on a chastity device. Before I went out and spent a bunch of money, and I mean no disrespect, I would make sure that I had the commitment thing down because, the device maybe the barrier, but your own commitment is the padlock.

Very well said. Now is there anyway you can get everyone interested in Chastity to read it because you explained it perfectly.

 

[wLOCKridge]

@wLOCKridge I think that is one of the most level headed, honest, and realistic takes on the chastity lifestyle I have read on this site. The three-legged stool analogy is a very powerful one. Thanks very much

You're welcome my friend. Fantasy is great and a very powerful thing but I think we need to be careful that we don't let the fantasies that we read on the internet cloud our better judgement. I know I did when I started out. The chastity lifestyle has much to offer but it can also be hard and when the fantasy doesn't live up to the reality we can easily get discouraged. It's all good when our wives/girlfriends/KH's/Mistresses, whatever we choose to call them, are edging us, playing with us, or otherwise doing what we expect them to do, however, it get's hard when life, children, work, just general life gets in the way. Then we get sullen, sad, angry, and lonely. Those are the times that test our commitment and show us what we're really made of.

 

[wLOCKridge]

Very well said. Now is there anyway you can get everyone interested in Chastity to read it because you explained it perfectly.

Thanks for the likes

 

[Beck]

Thanks for the likes

Ditto!