OK, better start at the beginning. My wife was a doormat. She's Japanese, and behaved submissively towards me instinctively. I had my work cut out for me. We started out on our little journey with a little light BDSM. We switched: sometimes during a play date; at other times staying in one role for the whole time. It was great fun for her discovering what she liked. I did a lot of topping from the bottom though. I have experience in this previously with a long-term friend and slave. Chastity was a long-held dream of mine, but far away at this early stage. Then, when she was pregnant with our first child I thought about introducing the idea to her. I would leave her alone if I was locked up, was my reasoning. She didn't exactly warm to the idea, but she did agree to have a go, and see what happens. She never asked for sex. It was always up to me to initiate intimacy. It was the same when she was pregnant, and when I was locked up for the very first time in a CB3000, she simply forgot about it! I went a week on my first time locked up, and when I reminded her, she apologized! Damn, did she miss the point! Still, it was an amazing week for me.
We agreed that this chastity thing was good, for both of us; and that I would stay locked. At first, she didn’t believe she had control, because I would suggest lots of things, too many things. If she was going to do this, it would not be from my perspective. Though she did like the fact that I was more experienced, and was happy to learn from me in other aspects of our play; this was new to both of us, and it was going to be done from her perspective. This wasn’t about a tease and denial fantasy. We wouldn’t be counting the days. She was more like: if you want locked, then locked it is. This wasn’t about me being a good boy, and being rewarded; she likes cock way too much to deny me - it would be denying herself. This wasn’t about getting permission to be unlocked; I knew where the key was, and I could take it off for cleaning, or for work, if there was a risk of discovery. She knew that I wouldn’t abuse this, and I didn’t. We upgraded our chastity device to a Mature Metal Jailbird, and I stayed locked 24/7. This was the time between babies, and she was often rather horny, especially while breastfeeding our first child. Although, the perpetual tiredness of living with a newborn limited our opportunities somewhat! I got used to wearing the cage. The feeling of being constantly enveloped in warm metal, I think, was a bit like being inside a warm vagina. At least, that’s the way my mind was working!
Having control, and seeing how it worked on me, brought about changes in her that I was beginning to enjoy. She was becoming more assertive generally, but in our playdates she was less likely to want to be the bottom. This was progress. We decided I should get a Prince Albert piercing during her second pregnancy. At about the same time, she decided that we would not have sex until well after the baby was born. This hit me hard, for two reasons. One: I was not expecting it. She likes sex, and was horny all the time during her first pregnancy, and the longest I went without then was about a month. Two: this shit just got real! I made a fairly feeble attempt at negotiation, but she simply said she was the key holder and it was her decision. And she hid the keys. It took awhile to sink in; no sex for a year. Funny thing about chastity, and being locked up long-term, is that there is very little to write about! I stopped shaving my pubic hair, I used a million litres of moisturiser, I had the most psychedelic sex dreams. The device came off only a few times in that year: to enlarge my PA gauge, and to scrub the cage clean. During that year, something else changed. I like to be caned, and I discovered it was a way to manage my many years fighting with the black dog of depression. I asked my wife if she would oblige, and she agreed, although rather timidly. Not everybody’s cup of tea, to be sure, but it works for me. In order for this to work for her, she would need to be in control. So I am cuffed to the wall, blindfolded. I don’t speak. I just let her go to work. It’s not supposed to be sexual, so we try to make it as clinical as possible. But, of course, it is…for me anyway. I am really proud of the way she took to this, and I think it really helped her a lot, in finding her dominant side.
So far so good. For the arrangement to work to full potential, you need to be in a situation where she's got you by the balls every which way, enjoys it, won't now let go under any circumstances, and there's nothing you can do about it. So if, when, where, and how you get any sex (or anything else she decides) can not be decision, only hers.
So here’s my wife taking control; of my sex, and of my mental health. And then I tell her I’m gay. After my brother’s suicide, I sought help to get out from a blackness I didn’t think I would survive. Caning wasn’t going to help this time. Long story short, coming out diminished my depressive episodes considerably. She was very matter-of-fact about it. At least I wouldn't run off with another woman, leaving her with the kids! We’ve been together for nearly two decades; this was way beyond any simple notions of attraction to the opposite sex. We are also best friends. We both have needs, and we talked about what might work in our changed circumstances. My libido is way higher than hers, but it is not satisfied in conventional ways: I like pain, and sex with men. She offered take a completely dominant role in our playdates, and I the submissive; that way, she could do everything she liked, when she liked, how she liked. There was one proviso: I do not get to have or use a ‘safe word’. Otherwise the deal is off. Gulp. This is where online forum alarm bells start ringing, and they are right to be concerned. But her journey into administering pain is a slow one; she’s not a mean person. She enjoys watching my reactions to her work; that’s what gets her off. I said yes in a shot. Ten years I’ve been waiting for this! And I am free, in her words, to ‘do what you have to do’, to sometimes satisfy my other needs. Our business and our children generally fill our days, but we manage to schedule a playdate twice a week. I still wear the cage 24/7, and must ask for the key if I need to be out. A playdate could mean anything, or nothing. I never know what is in store; we could have a full-on session, or she just holds my lead and sits on the sofa and watches TV, while I sit at her feet. So I prepare the room with all the ties, tools and toys. I am collared, cuffed and blindfolded. And I wait. Home.
While I was neither as vanilla as your wife, nor am as into BDSM...I appreciate the transformation it seems she's had since your first introduction to her. It is also interesting to hear your chronology as a couple across time and life events. Enjoy!
Epilogue So my wife was mulling over setting a date for my release and orgasms; something which we had never done before. She said that even though she was in charge, she still felt a little guilty and obligated to let me have an orgasm. (And to be honest, I didn't fight it) I suggested a contract with a release date, which would relieve her of any obligation to let me orgasm before that date, unless, of course, it was what she wanted. It would mean that I would have no expectations before whatever date she decided. Too clever by halves, I wrote up a simple document: I agree to be locked and without orgasm until..... She didn't think I was serious, so I signed it before she completed the date. Where I expected the date to be, she wrote NEVER!
I can ask, but it won't do me any good. We schedule a playdate together, but that's where my input ends. She is in complete charge of what happens during a playdate. But thanks for the suggestion!
What a wonderful post! Thank you for sharing. Gives hope to all of us with UN-involved apathetic keyholders. Good luck to you and your beyond wonderful bride!