seeking advice and information on training a sub

My Wife read and enjoyed the books about Male Chastity by Mistress Ivey Green. I suppose it depends what you want to train your sub to do or to behave like. I know that in the past seven months I have begun to be much more focused on my Wife (I know that because she told me so!) but no real training has taken place apart from one thing.

My Wife is my sole provider of pleasure and sexual relief. Most of my sexual relief is received by me pleasuring her rather than the other way round. Simply by being denied I have stopped expecting anything reciprocal happening and have got to the stage where that is actually my preference as there is less pressure to perform.

 

This very much depends upon what your objective is. It also depends upon what your sub is suited for. In general, it does help to start with some rituals/commands. This gets them in the right frame of mind. Most importantly, you have to explore what your style is. If you have an actual sub on your hand, then you need to discover how you want to lead.

 

My advice would be to turn the porn based fantasy into a reality based on you. My Wife did this to me just through removing the ability to masturbate. After all if you cannot masturbate then you have little need of porn. I have read an alternative more powerful way to do this is if you are going to let him masturbate he has to do it while looking at you or only when he is being stimulated by you. This will replace the good feelings he gets looking at porn with ones he gets with you.

This means he has to promise to you that he will not masturbate. He has to look at you directly, with full eye contact and say and mean it honestly and completely. I will not masturbate without your permission. He has to say this regularly until he realizes how important this promise is to you. If he breaks the contract then the punishment has to be direct and severe. If I dbroke my promise then my Wife would give me the keys to my device back and refuse to continue.

There is actually a good deal of psychology in this. Educators have known for a long time that children seek any form of reinforcement and attention. If they cannot get positive reinforcement then any will do. Make the reinforcement positive and he will eagerly want more.

For me, after just seven months of chastity, traditional porn has literally no effect on me, unless I am watching it with my Wife and she is using what we are seeing to turn me on with teasing. That is another alternative you could use actually. He only watches porn with you while you compare what they are doing to what he can no longer do.

I now get weak at the knees just thinking about being allowed to pleasure my Wife. I am fully aware that I am being conditioned and I want this conditioning to go deeper. I have never been happier and more in love or more turned on by my Wife than I am now, and she is really only just getting in to the swing of her powers.

 

Another piece of advice is purely for you and it comes directly from my Wife. Make sure you have fun. Make what you do so much fun that it is not a job that you have to do but something you want to do. Remember that the fun is making sure you get what you want, not what your sub wants. Of course you can do things to make him happy, that is part of the bond between you, but your needs and desires win out 100% of the time. If you don't want to do something, if you are unhappy with something, then don't do it.

Next is to take things slowly, at your pace, not his. Get used to each of your rituals one at a time. If you like something then use it and move on. If you don't, then it gets put away. Not locked up forever as you never know, you might end up liking it later.

 

Its never a game its a way of life...a woman wanting to be dominant and the man wants her to lead...you either have that in your brain and reality or it will be only a fantasy or fetish..one thing I do know is men i have had under my control live it...Giles lives it..he is the perfect man for a woman of my fearful needs...he knows he will never escape my ownership as I take others just amuse me...

 

The chastity lifestyle we have integrated into our marriage has brought out my Wife's assertiveness and helped her to finally agree that she really is in charge. It was always there, my Wife hasn't fundamentally changed, she has just tweaked elements of her nature that for whatever reason were kept contained. I had always understood that when it came to big decisions she led and I followed.

So yes, for us what started as a game, one which she actually said we wouldn't do 24/7, rapidly became our lives. This chastity thing has thoroughly taken over and our relationship has gone from strength to strength and we still don't know where it is ultimately going.

 

There is a massive difference between the porn and the 24/7 life style that many lead on here, in fact it bears no relationship what so ever, trust and communication are the two most important things, along side the necessity to take things at a walking pace rather and believing everything has to take place @ a break neck pace, which will only lead to a disaster IMHO

 

If they have not already been recommended, I'd highly recommend "The Loving Dominant," Both "The New Topping Book," and "The New Bottoming Book", "Slavecraft," and "Living M/S".

 

Duplicated post by accident. This can be removed by a moderator if they feel so inclined. Thank you! And sorry for the duplicate.

 

@princess_alyssa's toy

 

My wife liked the Ivey Green books too. However my wife's long time girlfriend dominated me for most of our marriage and taught my wife how to do it. The problem is that a wife will not go as far as someone who you are not married to and would like to make your wife her primary lover. There really is no substitute for in person training. I have been into BDSM, mostly S&M, for 47 years so I have also taught my wife things. How to use a paddle, whip and cane as well as lots of other stuff. My wife's problem in any fetish we tried in that she does not understand the psychological aspects of sex play. Her girlfriend has two Masters Degrees and understood the psychology behind the various fetished we did. She could turn me on by just what she said and over the years I have found that to be the best. Anyone can beat you until you are welted and bleeding but it takes a special woman to understand what to say and could to make the experience much more than just pain or obedience. My wife has zero sexual imagination. She had never once suggested that we do anything during sex. If I did not have a good imagination, we would have had a lousy sex life.

You may want to find someone to train your wife in person. Showing her is much better than reading about it. My wife reads everything but seems to not understand why and only remembers the things she wants to and ignores the rest.

 

This is a great thread with lots of great advice from everyone, sounds like some new books I'd like to read too . @Mistress Meeshell I have found over the last 18 months that chastity, FLR, femdom etc... Is a slow learning process that involves a lot of patience, at least for my mistress and I. As @Jasmic68 said you need to make this about your wants and desires. That's not to say there can't be compromise but certainly don't allow him to use you to act act his fantasies. However his fantasies can become a powerful tool for you to wield at your will and through this you become the powerful one. I too was addicted to porn and maturbating but over time both those things have diminished. My mistress does not allow me to watch porn any longer as she has no interest in it. However we do have a shared tumblr account at the suggestion of @Jasmic68 and this allows us to look at mostly images of chastity related content. This is the the only porn I'm allowed to look at and the beauty of it is it just makes me think of my mistress more than ever because these are the acts in which I wish to perform with her.

Whether these acts ever occur or not is irrelevant because basically the tumblr account is a type of communication between us that can help us show each other what we want. I have made pretty much all the posts to the account but my mistress just recently found an image on there that she really liked and she shared it with me. It felt really special that she shared that with me. This lifestyle we are living is not exactly my vision of what I thought it was going to be but guess what... I LOVE IT AND WOULD NEVER GO BACK my mistress has laid her version of this lifestyle on me and I have come to submit to it and love it. That doesn't mean that it's not going to change because chastity is a long evolving process that requires patience on the part of the sub and the domme. You will find your way, just keep communicating and often remind him that you are in charge. Any time he questions you just say "I'm in charge, not you", that phrase is uttered to me fairly often