Why don't more females participate on Chastity Mansion?

[Turma]

To quote my wife:

Why should I bother with it, we do our thing and the forum is actually only good if there should be problems with the cage.

 

[Guest 8927]

To quote my wife:

Why should I bother with it, we do our thing and the forum is actually only good if there should be problems with the cage.

Yeah. I get it. She gets to feel however she wants, and so do you. It's not to take you to task on it. Obviously, you guys have a working balance.

But that doesnt suit me. I think female involvement, non sexual specific, in conversations, and involvement is a good thing for all of us. It bothers me that for the females that do want to take an active role, they get driven back. My deal is "what things are we, the males here (a term used very loosely on me) doing that makes it hard for those ones who actually do care to be here?"

I hope that's not insulting, because it's not meant to be. It's just meant to say good for you guys. That's awesome.

The bigger point, and I would love it if @MrsBR_Saiph would chime in, is that she could tell you stories of rando pics, strange messages, weird dudes coming at her through messages multiple times. I mean, it's likely akin to legal harrassment every time she puts up so much as a post. Its creepy. It's super gross.

Some, not all, of the men here barely recognize they do it. In essence, the few speak for the many, who like hearing about her and her husband, and the devious little love affair they have. It takes away from the site, yeah?

 

[Turma]

The problem is always the same. Men have their fantasies that they want to live out. Even submissive men try to emphatically get what they want to have.

In doing so, you often approach "women" very briskly and directly and begin to annoy them at some point, to alienate them or to force conversations on them.

My wife, for all her strictness, is a person who is very compassionate.

Since we actively run a caption blog, we have received thousands of requests, whether you can not imagine a second key to call their own.

The news, in which directly a cage or a penis is to be seen, are sifted out anyway immediately, then you have many which are simply unintressing for our age spectrum and dreamer, many dreamer!

These see the cage as a free pass, so to speak, to be constantly horny and also feel it as the duty of the keyholder to do this constantly.

So you want to do that to yourself as a woman?

Instead, we have our couple profiles, which are also already very crowded and she has accounts where she goes as a "man" through the online worlds.

And just with these men's accounts you have managed to find loving people that you meet from time to time in real.

Because the "man" behind the account was just not from the first second to get his "sex", but was first interested in getting to know the person.

But that scares off many women. It is work and a good deal of empathy and "lust" required to do this as a woman.

As my wife says just write about it:
"With the man account I have found friendships and not some horny males".

So it would be best for the Mansion to set up a keyholder ONLY access that is completely separate from the Mansion.

And then a keyholder can invite interesting people to talk to her.

But the technical effort for this is often too much for the platforms, which I can understand.

This would possibly also contribute that women also once in contributions comment and participate, if they know that they are not inundated with a flood of inquiries afterwards.

 

[JaySaysYes]

She has better things to do with her time.

 

[MrsBR_Saiph]

Let me first say thank you @Pretty Monnica for drawing me into this conversation. I may not have found it otherwise as tbh I visit the mansion far less these days.
In your poll I voted other as I suspect there is a variety of reasons women do not participate.
Yes I get a variety of inappropriate messages from new and long term members with a variety of requests likely for the simple purpose of gaining my time and attention. Occasionally depending on my relationship with the requester in threads I may humor their request but often I simply shut it down asking they ask their questions in open threads and not private message, most respect my ask.
I could talk indefinitely about the reasons why women don't join but I think it has been mentioned as @Pretty Monnica is completely on point. I will say I am very glad I joined when my BR presented it to me because I was weirded out by chastity and kink, and CM and all the crazies that frequent here helped normalize kink for me and in our world that was a game changer. Please know I use the title of crazies with the utmost love and affection. I often promote chastity on twitter and and refer people playing with chastity to CM all the time. It is unfortunate women can't see this as a safe place to learn and grow. I will say the private messages I receive from male members have bothered my BR more than me and Infact have left him disillusioned with the population so much so that he has separated himself from the mansion and now rarely logs on. This isn't the only reason for his time away but the behaviour of some members is one reason.
At the end of the day there will always be people who cross a line and push boundaries. I guess I have decided the positives of this site outweigh the negative.

 

[Guest 8927]

Let me first say thank you @Pretty Monnica for drawing me into this conversation. I may not have found it otherwise as tbh I visit the mansion far less these days.
In your poll I voted other as I suspect there is a variety of reasons women do not participate.
Yes I get a variety of inappropriate messages from new and long term members with a variety of requests likely for the simple purpose of gaining my time and attention. Occasionally depending on my relationship with the requester in threads I may humor their request but often I simply shut it down asking they ask their questions in open threads and not private message, most respect my ask.
I could talk indefinitely about the reasons why women don't join but I think it has been mentioned as @Pretty Monnica is completely on point. I will say I am very glad I joined when my BR presented it to me because I was weirded out by chastity and kink, and CM and all the crazies that frequent here helped normalize kink for me and in our world that was a game changer. Please know I use the title of crazies with the utmost love and affection. I often promote chastity on twitter and and refer people playing with chastity to CM all the time. It is unfortunate women can't see this as a safe place to learn and grow. I will say the private messages I receive from male members have bothered my BR more than me and Infact have left him disillusioned with the population so much so that he has separated himself from the mansion and now rarely logs on. This isn't the only reason for his time away but the behaviour of some members is one reason.
At the end of the day there will always be people who cross a line and push boundaries. I guess I have decided the positives of this site outweigh the negative.

Thank you so much for taking a few seconds to respond, and sorry to just throw your name out there like that. I just respect both you and BR and what you have, and knew you could lend a voice to the point.

The fact is that when women come here they are already somewhat apprehensive and the treatment they get is at times, absolutely ridiculous, and super gross.

I guess, all things said, I do agree. The good does outweigh the bad, I just feel that an open forum, (and becoming a rapidly seen one more and more each day) pointing out these behaviours may change some perspectives and behaviours in those who consistently demonstrate them.

Take care, and thank you again. Of course, regards to BR as well.

M.

 

[MrsBR_Saiph]

I researched and found the thread you and your partner @Goddess Violet mentioned. I get it.
A little respect might have presented a much more welcoming environment for presenting new women.

 

[Guest 8927]

I researched and found the thread you and your partner @Goddess Violet mentioned. I get it.
A little respect might have presented a much more welcoming environment for presenting new women.

A bit of cheekiness on her part was what it was supposed to be. Sometimes the type of built in frustration from a chastized male can be a difficult animal to understand. Hopefully a one off, block and move on, type deal for us.

At least she didn't pull the chute and run afterward.

 

[Guest 2921]

I checked “other”.

- because this site is for men and their fantasies. (See purpose behind “Verified Female” ). It’s world wide. And it’s unregulated. If you can tolerate shark infest waters, have at it.

- because the site seems to get boring fast, and I suspect it gets boring at lightning speed for those who don’t have the fantasy.

But the benefit I’ve found on this site, unlike FL or Chastity Locked, are the insightful posts by some women who share their thoughts and perspective on all of this - Goddess Violet and MsBR_Saiph to name a couple. I appreciate what they post.

 

[Guest 6019]

If my wife made a profile on here and was contacted by any man in an unsolicited PM she would probably never come back. It's not vanilla enough for her anyway.

The constant call from men saying "contact Lucy, get verified" has really annoyed me for a while.

 

[Sissycaitlin77]

I personally feel it all of these things and alot more truly. People sadly don't have any respect anymore and it's all about them the entire time and truly frustrating to me. Then we add chastity into that mix it gets way worse. I always try to be polite and make everyone feel welcomed especially the females that enjoy chastity and this site aswell. Perhaps if more focused on respect and such instead of them and there locked privates more females maybe would be more incline to share/ interact. That's all I got to add/ share.

 

[King Hippo]

I won't speak for everyone, but my wife has used the site on rare occasion. She used it to look up other couple's experience with pregnancy & if chastity can significantly hurt your changes. Even though she didn't post anything, she was still met with request to hold random member's keys.

She said she really isn't interested in being part of a community for this, but if she changes her mind she has an account to use.

 

[sissydavenport]

It took me roughly 8 months of cajoling and nicely asking my Goddess to get her to join.

And that's what's so disheartening to the subs whose Dommes signed up / verified / etc. only to be on for about a month and deem it a waste of Their time. One glance at the site, and the initial reaction is "Oh, this is your space. Go talk to other subs."

I can only comment for O/our situation, but W/we joined to meet actual platonic friends. To the absolute credit of the site, we made this with two couples who live here in the Midwest, which is awesome. And I've made a couple way rad sub friends. They are amazing people who I am genuinely glad to know.

BUT, that was because I'm chatty and so was the sub and we just got to know each other a bit on IM and never actually the forum. Here are a few factors of why Governess isn't really on here so much:

• A lack of of long-term active female users (look at the slow posting in in the Keyholder's forum). There are a handful of these users, but to keep a site moving, it really takes a good chunk of posting at any point of a variety of positions in life and ages. For example, it's relatively rare that a Woman in Her 30s comments on here. I know this is a chicken / egg thing, but it's a major factor.
  
• Way too much fantasy. There is a huuuuge difference between "I tease My sub in their chastity belt so they're a horny mess" and "My Wife's sister was fucking me with a strapon while I licked the cum of Her lover out of Her vagina." W/we're Femmedomme to the bone, hardwired and together for 15 years, and that even took Her off-guard.
  
• On the flip side, too many novices, not enough long-term relationships. The novice is totally fine, but at some point you want a peer who just gets this kind of relationship, not a mentee who you have to teach.
  
• Many have this drastic fear of being outed which leads to "what's the point-ism." Like one errant message will lead to this National Treasure chain of events where your life is destroyed. I know everyone is at a different place, but it is hard to have pride about something when there are so many voices telling you about the possible shame. What's the point of getting to know someone if you're not getting to know them?
  
• Men are generally creeps. This is the reason why Governess will not correspond with anyone not verified as Female, and I don't fault Her. Think about it. After years of being in a Femmedomme relationship, You finally get on a forum to talk to like-minded people, correspond honestly with someone, and then You find out it's a man pretending. That would wreck so much!

I really appreciate everyone who puts a piece of their true self on here and who takes some time to connect with someone through chatting or a thoughtful response.

xo,
nancy!

 

[Nicoftime]

Being a member that’s been here forever, I’m not sure if I’m supposed to answer lol, but will chime in as my wife is a member but gave up visiting.

Number one, she would log in and there would be quite a few messages from people asking her personal questions or asking her to be their key holder. She could have turned her messages off, or restrict it I believe, but she didn’t feel like getting into it.

Number two. She once asked a question about ruined orgasms, or something similar, I can’t remember but she got quite a bit of unsolicited advice on how often I should be allowed to cum, what I should do when it happens etc etc. She had just become my key holder and it was a bit much.

Number three. She’s not very into online friendships or camaraderie. Maybe some women like other girls, like to chat about stuff with other women, she is not one of them. She doesn’t make friends in real life very well, and online isn’t any different. In fact I could imagine if I wasn’t locked, she would be a bit leery about me chatting online with people. Not that I would ever become involved with anything more than friendly chat, still it could become something she might worry about, like an emotional affair. Anyway, she has never felt the pull towards female friendship, at least not casually, she has very close friends.

Number four. Once she was familiar with being in charge, understood that I wanted her desires to be the priority, she had no reason to ask for help or need to understand. She was in charge, so she didn’t need help doing exactly what she wanted.

Number five. I do a pretty good job of communicating with her, so she doesn’t feel the pull of finding out about what I’m thinking about or feeling by reading it here. Plus whatever she discussed would be seen by me, and I’m sure if she was really having any real issues, she wouldn’t want to alarm or hurt me. She would be right too, I’m sure I would use it as a way to defend or explain myself. If she really wanted a venting place, somewhere I hang my hat wouldn’t be it.

I will say, she stopped visiting before Lucy started running it, started the keyholders only area, and made it more female centric which I’m sure she would have liked.

Although women are surely appreciated, let’s not kid ourselves, men are the driving force of male chastity. They visit, they join, they fantasize, post and leave. Some I have no idea why exactly they are even here. Some even say they like the idea but could never let their wife lock them up. Some are combative, some argue for the sake of arguing, some are just internet trolls that thrive on interaction. My wife is no push over when it comes to people getting in her grill, and can guarantee she would FREAK OUT if some random guy was combative with her on a forum.

Ive had several blow outs here, for the most part I feel pretty good about my responses, some I overreacted or probably got more upset than I should have. I sometimes have to remember this is an online community, which comes with online problems, to not let it get under my skin and to take it in stride.

 

[LockedPom]

My wife has better things to do than being on a chastity forum, simple as that.

 

[Guest 2217]

My wife has better things to do than being on a chastity forum, simple as that.

She does, but you don't? Curious... *She thinks*

I have tons of other ("better") things I could be doing as well. And not to insinuate anything about your wife, or anyone's partner here, but I choose to be here to support my partner/sissy, in O/our/her journey; hopefully share something that might help another couple or learn more about My roll from other Ladies here.

Joining, reading, interacting or posting here is an easy way to show support and be involved in what interests your person, and what has become (hopefully) a big part of your life. And that (!), is something I would rather do over nearly everything else, especially for my sissy, any day of the week.

Please don't take offense, or read my tone wrong, but if your Domme has better things to do, then you probably do as well. (I say this being cheeky, as I like to interject humor into my writing and don't want it to be misinterpreted.)

Perhaps you should help lighten her load so she has more free time for personal, pleasurable passtimes? (Which I'm sure you do in lots of ways.) I definitely don't see being here as a waste of my precious time, which I have very little extra of, and to my Pretty Monnica, I give that freely.

Kind Regards,
Goddess Violet

 

[Sissycaitlin77]

She does, but you don't? Curious... *She thinks*

I have tons of other ("better") things I could be doing as well. And not to insinuate anything about your wife, or anyone's partner here, but I choose to be here to support my partner/sissy, in O/our/her journey; hopefully share something that might help another couple or learn more about My roll from other Ladies here.

Joining, reading, interacting or posting here is an easy way to show support and be involved in what interests your person, and what has become (hopefully) a big part of your life. And that (!), is something I would rather do over nearly everything else, especially for my sissy, any day of the week.

Please don't take offense, or read my tone wrong, but if your Domme has better things to do, then you probably do as well. (I say this being cheeky, as I like to interject humor into my writing and don't want it to be misinterpreted.)

Perhaps you should help lighten her load so she has more free time for personal, pleasurable passtimes? (Which I'm sure you do in lots of ways.) I definitely don't see being here as a waste of my precious time, which I have very little extra of, and to my Pretty Monnica, I give that freely.

Kind Regards,
Goddess Violet

Goddess Violet,

That's an excellent response when people say oh they have better things to do. You hit it right on the nail by saying it's supporting your partner lifestyle and showing you care which is a very big thing alot of people take for granted.!!! Thanks for your reply here.!!

 

[bondinchas]

... So it wasn't about not wanting to sign up, just didn't have the need to at the time.
MissNikki

as it's men who more often initiate male chastity, and men who have to physically wear it and make the emotional changes to get the benefit, it makes sense that there are more men who need to find out what makes it work and sharing the experiences.

 

[Guest 8927]

Being a member that’s been here forever, I’m not sure if I’m supposed to answer lol, but will chime in as my wife is a member but gave up visiting.

Number one, she would log in and there would be quite a few messages from people asking her personal questions or asking her to be their key holder. She could have turned her messages off, or restrict it I believe, but she didn’t feel like getting into it.

Number two. She once asked a question about ruined orgasms, or something similar, I can’t remember but she got quite a bit of unsolicited advice on how often I should be allowed to cum, what I should do when it happens etc etc. She had just become my key holder and it was a bit much.

Number three. She’s not very into online friendships or camaraderie. Maybe some women like other girls, like to chat about stuff with other women, she is not one of them. She doesn’t make friends in real life very well, and online isn’t any different. In fact I could imagine if I wasn’t locked, she would be a bit leery about me chatting online with people. Not that I would ever become involved with anything more than friendly chat, still it could become something she might worry about, like an emotional affair. Anyway, she has never felt the pull towards female friendship, at least not casually, she has very close friends.

Number four. Once she was familiar with being in charge, understood that I wanted her desires to be the priority, she had no reason to ask for help or need to understand. She was in charge, so she didn’t need help doing exactly what she wanted.

Number five. I do a pretty good job of communicating with her, so she doesn’t feel the pull of finding out about what I’m thinking about or feeling by reading it here. Plus whatever she discussed would be seen by me, and I’m sure if she was really having any real issues, she wouldn’t want to alarm or hurt me. She would be right too, I’m sure I would use it as a way to defend or explain myself. If she really wanted a venting place, somewhere I hang my hat wouldn’t be it.

I will say, she stopped visiting before Lucy started running it, started the keyholders only area, and made it more female centric which I’m sure she would have liked.

Although women are surely appreciated, let’s not kid ourselves, men are the driving force of male chastity. They visit, they join, they fantasize, post and leave. Some I have no idea why exactly they are even here. Some even say they like the idea but could never let their wife lock them up. Some are combative, some argue for the sake of arguing, some are just internet trolls that thrive on interaction. My wife is no push over when it comes to people getting in her grill, and can guarantee she would FREAK OUT if some random guy was combative with her on a forum.

Ive had several blow outs here, for the most part I feel pretty good about my responses, some I overreacted or probably got more upset than I should have. I sometimes have to remember this is an online community, which comes with online problems, to not let it get under my skin and to take it in stride.

I've always enjoyed your commentary, and thank you for making one here. I had a bit of a disheartening experience, and what can I say, masc me stepped in. I was a bit over emotional about it. As with everything, there are a few members here that exhibit qualities that I personally detest, but I can affect positive change in the ones who are like me, or do exhibit qualities that I prefer to focus on instead. It's not on me to police behaviours, so much as to police my own, if you will.

Still, the results here have been positive and have opened up something to consider for all of us. The site is not regulated unless in more extreme circumstances, but by opening up an eye to behaviours, hopefully, positive change can be influenced in and of that.

I do maintain that female involvement here would be a positive step, but at the same time, some just dont see it as something they care to spend time on, but they are Dominant, wonderful, loving partners regardless, and that is ok too.

Take care.

 

[Nicoftime]

I've always enjoyed your commentary, and thank you for making one here. I had a bit of a disheartening experience, and what can I say, masc me stepped in. I was a bit over emotional about it. As with everything, there are a few members here that exhibit qualities that I personally detest, but I can affect positive change in the ones who are like me, or do exhibit qualities that I prefer to focus on instead. It's not on me to police behaviours, so much as to police my own, if you will.

Still, the results here have been positive and have opened up something to consider for all of us. The site is not regulated unless in more extreme circumstances, but by opening up an eye to behaviours, hopefully, positive change can be influenced in and of that.

I do maintain that female involvement here would be a positive step, but at the same time, some just dont see it as something they care to spend time on, but they are Dominant, wonderful, loving partners regardless, and that is ok too.

Take care.

I agree wholeheartedly, the presence of strong dominant women are a great resource and valuable asset. I too had a somewhat cranky few interactions, a few believe it or not were with the now owner of this site @L-u-c-y. I think maybe my masculinity was more dominant both mentally and physically back then I don’t know. I’m certainly glad we now get along, at least our last few interactions were very pleasant as far as I am concerned.

So I hope you both don’t lose faith, I think many enjoy and love hearing about your journeys.

 

[Guest 8927]

Of note, the members who's wives/partners don't come here for whatever reason, I don't want you to think I can't appreciate that.

A lot of people don't get that an FLR is not about BDSM. The bdsm is the fun, and for the male, a good reason to wholeheartedly submit to the FLR. (which is a need in a dominant female - to control)

These ladies are doing what female Dominance really is. They are saying "I don't want to join, that's why I'm not going to.". They are Dominating. They have final say, and the say on that matter is no. And yes, tell them a chastized tranny on CM told you to thank them for that act.

So, I just wanted to include that.

The ladies that do come here are seen as a very, very, beautiful and rare, majestic entity. We do even call them Goddesses. It's a big deal that the ladies that do endeavour to come here, do take the time.

My thing is, let's make it a better place for the ones brave enough to.

M.

 

[attistoC]

I was reminded of the words of a party therapist lady (years ago) and my own experience.
"Women go to bed with men to find love. But... Men show love feelings and court women to have sex at last."
"A woman wants to realize all sorts of fantasies with her partner in love whenever she can. In other words, everything with a partner.

A man wants to realize his sexual fantasy with the women available to him. In other words, that one (sex) with a lot of women. "

Cleanliness cage:

“It’s a toy for women to find love and keep it.
For some women: it is a manipulation tool to (for any possible purpose) satisfy the one-minded imagination of men.
"Men enjoy their one-minded imagination, and they lie a lot about reality to women and men and to themselves alike. Which man isn't like that,
and that man celebrates himself, that is, he is in vain. "

Of course, all this is an exaggeration ...

But the presence and reality of these stereotypes can be seen on the site, both in interest and in communication. They determine the presence of women and the presence of men in this virtual space. If there were more female souls in men, they would also have a better understanding of the reasons for women’s distancing (and pushing). Maybe men would change their attitude ...
Women know exactly why they are not here. After all, they get the same one-minded, all 1 case from every man. And it can be boring. There are women here just to see if they don't ...
And of course it's a marketing affair for some of them.

 

[Guest 8927]

I was reminded of the words of a party therapist lady (years ago) and my own experience.
"Women go to bed with men to find love. But... Men show love feelings and court women to have sex at last."
"A woman wants to realize all sorts of fantasies with her partner in love whenever she can. In other words, everything with a partner.

A man wants to realize his sexual fantasy with the women available to him. In other words, that one (sex) with a lot of women. "

Cleanliness cage:

“It’s a toy for women to find love and keep it.
For some women: it is a manipulation tool to (for any possible purpose) satisfy the one-minded imagination of men.
"Men enjoy their one-minded imagination, and they lie a lot about reality to women and men and to themselves alike. Which man isn't like that,
and that man celebrates himself, that is, he is in vain. "

Of course, all this is an exaggeration ...

But the presence and reality of these stereotypes can be seen on the site, both in interest and in communication. They determine the presence of women and the presence of men in this virtual space. If there were more female souls in men, they would also have a better understanding of the reasons for women’s distancing (and pushing). Maybe men would change their attitude ...
Women know exactly why they are not here. After all, they get the same one-minded, all 1 case from every man. And it can be boring. There are women here just to see if they don't ...
And of course it's a marketing affair for some of them.

I really like this.

 

[locked_top]

I don't find it strange at all that this site skews male.

Most of the dominant women that I know are not interested in administering or discussing device chastity. They find chastity devices to be more of a male thing. Instead, they prefer honor chastity, if they care about chastity at all.

 

[locked_top]

So my answer to your poll question is that most dominant women have no interest in device chastity.--it just gets in their way.