FLRs when you have kids

Dear zack1981s

My advice to you is to be open to your children about the fact that their mother is the head of the family.

You should not try to hide it, because the children will find out anyway.
And when they find out that their family is female led, they will think that it is something to be ashamed of if you have tried to hide it from them.

In a typical patriarchal family, it is not hidden that the father is the head of the family.
Why should you try to hide the fact that in your family it is your wife who is the head of the family?

Perhaps you will answer: Because most families are still more or less organized in the patriarchal way, and it may make our children feel different from their playmates and schoolmates when it is their mother who is in charge in their family?

Here I will say, that Female Led Families, although still a minority, are growing in number- at least in the Western World - and not so uncommon nowadays as they used to be.

But I know the feeling of being different from other children all to well, because together with my dear little sister Ida and my mother, I grew up in a small Female Led Community in Denmark in the 1970s, founded my a group of feminist women in the year 1970, who back then in the "hippie-time" tried to create an egalitarian, but strictly Female Led alternative society.

In another thread on this Forum I wrote a lot about how it was for me as a boy to grow up not only in a Female Led Family, but in an entirely Female Led Community, even if it was small, and how my sister and I were raised according to the ideals of our mother and the outer women of our childhood community.

Perhaps it will surprise you, but the fact is, that with very few exceptions all we girls and boys, who grew up in our Female Led Community back then, still live in Female Led Marriages ourselves, as I do together with my beloved wife Larissa, who chose me to be her husband back in 1982, when I was 20 year, and she was 19 year old.
In our small community Female Led doesn't mean female dictatorship. Of course Larissa and I sometimes disagree, and then we try to reach an understanding.
But if we cannot, then it is always up to Larissa to make the final decision. I have to obey her. And I totally accept that.

We raised our boys Alex and Jason to respect their twin sisters Ariadne and Andromeda.
And after our daughters turned 13, our sons had to obey their sisters when Larissa and I were at work, or otherwise were not at home.
This also applied to Alex, even though he is two years older than his sisters, because teenage girls quite simply are far more mature than teenage boys.
(As a boy I also had to obey my three year younger dear little sister Ida, when out mom was not at home).

In return for having the authority over their brothers, it was also our daughters who were responsible for what happened when Larissa and I were not at home.
Among us, with authority follows responsibility. This is very important. And the girl who is given authorithy over her brothers and sisters are strictly forbidden to misuse her authority.
(Perhaps you have noticed, that the names of our children are not Nordic names. It is because being of Greek origin, Larissa chose Greek names for our children).

Of course, our children have always been aware that it is their mother who is the undisputed head of our family.
But unlike many other Female Led Families, we have had the advantage that our entire circle of friends have also been Female Led Families.
Therefore, for both girls and the boys among us, there is nothing strange in the fact that the mother is the head of the family, and that the eldest teenage daughter has the authority over her siblings when her parents are not at home. And that she, in turn, is responsible for them.

Our children always knew that even if they asked me for something and I said yes, it all the same always was their mother who had the final say.
But if I had given my permission to something, they of course used this as an argument against their mother.

All of that may seem strange to some readers.
But why should it be more strange that the mother is the head of the family than that the father is?

However you and your wife choose to raise your children, I wish you the best of luck with your Female Led Relationship.

 

My Domina (@MistressAMA) and i started out FLR when we had three small children. Thus the form it took was heavily influenced by what would work into our busy lives and would work alongside parenting.

That's why we ended up focusing on submissive service, with me doing (or managing the kids to do) cleaning and maintenance tasks, with Domina just doing the cooking, which She enjoys. We also did orgasm control and added in 24x7 chastity once they were old enough to not be jumping on me unexpectedly. i stated using honorifics for Her (Love, Dear, etc.) that passed a terms of endearment (which was true), but we knew the real reason behind it.

As they got older, we added in other activies that wouldn't attract attention and now that they are grown, we've really ramped it up. Good luck on Your journey!

asa

 

Ours is just like a regular family but reversed-

She sits at the head of the table
She decides on chores and responsibilities
She decides on punishments and carries them out
She handles the money and does the bills
Hubs does the menial chores (or the kids). For example, she doesn't touch laundry or put up or hang her clothes.
She drives the car (hubs rides in the passenger seat lol)
All important family decisions are hers
She sets the moral tone for the family and teaches us to be good humans
She takes us on vacations, etc

A normal school morning, she showers and gets dressed and does her makeup.

After I've assisted her with bathing, made the bed and made her coffee, I shower and get dressed.

After that I get the kids up, get them bathed and dressed, make breakfast, make lunches, water bottles, verify homework, get them all ready to go. Wife then drives us to school and work.

It's quite normal to us, visitors to the home can either be confused or love it. We had another couple visit last weekend. Once the female clued in I was the one that made all the drinks and snacks and did the serving, she loved it and vocally commented about how she thought it was awesome. Her husband just laughed and enjoyed another drink.

 

As an aside, an observation my Wife and I have made many times. The barriers to an FLR are not internal, they are external. And it's not men. It's women. Women that see other women large and in charge, being superior and being boss bitches, often tear them down. Women can be catty and jealous and bitchy. The biggest barrier to successful matriarchal families are bitchy vanilla women.

 

While we have never had a FLR, we have shared the duties as needed. Although to be fair, my Queen does handle the finances. She has never replaced the brakes on her car, but I have done my share of household duties. Our sons never questioned the situation, as it was normal to them. We are a team that does what needs to be done without a concern for society’s preconceived ideas. I believe many of our vanilla friends operate the same way.

 

My wife said more than once she would much rather have a woman boss than a female boss, for the reasons you listed . Other women we know have said the same thing. they seem to feel they have something to prove, and act accordingly.

 

I am somewhat dumfounded, and truly impressed that you two have managed to live a full on fem dom FLR lifestyle while raising 5 kids and running a successful business, in a small southern town no less. And administer what I imagine is real corporal punishment too, not to mention the recent addition of cucking. Kudos to both of you. How old is the youngest , and are all of the kids still living with you?
My wife also has always handled all the finances and taxes so much so that in the past I did not even know where all are money was, not that I could decode it or access it much better now. She still does most of the laundry, I have never touched a weedeater, she weeds a lot, and many other tasks, mainly because there is too much to do for just two people. We have property, and she has said many times one sub is not enough. She needs an inside sub and an outside sub. I also do all of the driving. A former work colleague did an expat assignment in St. Petersburg. I visited her in 2000 , and asked what she liked best. She said having a driver. As you know, all of the uber rich have drivers too.

You are an inspiration to me, and probably many others. It doesn't hurt that both of you are obviously extremely happy with your lives. Keep it up.

 

We led a non monogamous lifestyle filled with Fetish play, parties and sex with couples and women. P,us we moved a lot for my job so we decided no kids was best for our lifestyle. If we swung with a couple who had kids they left their kids with someone so they were never home during sex.

Quite frankly, in real life trying to live a D/S marriage 24/7 usually ended badly for the couples we played with. They all divorced . Even ardent slaves leave their mistresses after a few years. It is not like porn leads you to believe.

 

It doesn't matter who is in charge, a family is a team effort. What ever the dynamic, more traditional or more FLR, you have to support each other.
Don't need to hide anything, two parents that love each other and support each other is all your children will remember.

 

A testimony to how amazing Subsnuggler and his wife have bal

What you have said serves as a testimonial to the amazing marriage of Subsnuggler and Mistress 2and4you.

 

VinnyDfl says:

"Quite frankly, in real life trying to live a D/S marriage 24/7 usually ended badly for the couples we played with. They all divorced . Even ardent slaves leave their mistresses after a few years. It is not like porn leads you to believe."

Exactly.

I to some extend agree with you, because in the Female Led Community of my boyhood, most of the adult women had changing lovers.
My three year younger dear little sister Ida and I do not have the same father, but it did not bother us, because none of these men lived with us, and we never thought of them.
And so it was for almost all of the leftist and strongly feminist women, who founded our small community in the year 1970:
The young men, who were their lovers, came, stayed with us for some years, and then they went on.
These young men may have been fascinated and attracted in by the strong minded and independent women of our Female Led Community, but you should also not forget, that there was a strong tendency among young progressives on the left wing at that time to experiment with new forms of cohabitation.
But over time it might have been a bit too much Female Led for most of those young men, because it was not just the women who owned the houses and jointly owned the surrounding lands. It was also the women who made all the important decisions in our small community at their Women's Meetings, where men did not have access.

There were exceptions. For example Hanne, who once was my girlfriend. Hanne's mother Clara and her father Morten were among the couples among us who never parted, but stayed together.
The parents of Silas, a boy from our Female Led Community whom my younger sister Ida later married, also continued to stay together in a very happy and loving marriage.

Although our mothers founded a strictly Female Led Community, they never used the word "slave" for their male lovers. And the young men never referred to themselves as "slaves" either.
And although as told the relationships between our feminist mothers and their male lovers mostly ended after a while, they almost never ended badly.
Many of the men who had been our mothers' lovers came afterwards quite often to visit us, and they were always very well received. There were no ill feelings.

In the years around 1970, there was a strong urge to rebel among those parts of the youth who saw themselves as progressive and leftist, as our mothers did.
The capitalist society and ALL it's the old rules and habits were to be overthrown:
When, for example, eternal fidelity between wife and husband had been the ideal before, free love and promiscuity became both the ideal and and often also the lived practice for many of the followers of the hippie movement.
I remember from my childhood how the adults used to say: "Vi ejer ikke hinanden" (English: "We don't own each other") to justify their many changing sexual relationships.
I am convinced that this is also a significant part of the explanation for why so many young people from my mother's generation lived the way they did.
It was called "seksuel frigørelse" ("sexual liberation") back then.

I think it is well known today that this sexual liberation also had great costs.
Not least for many of the young women of the time.
They often became victims of sexual harassment or sexual abuse. And if they became pregnant, the man often let them down, because among the sexually progressive men there unfortunately often was a distinct lack of sense of responsibility.
I was only a boy back then, so I didn't know much about all this at the time.
But I am sure that when our mothers, who founded our Female Led Community, put so much emphasis on protecting their daughters' body shyness and modesty, and when they insisted so strongly on the rule which still applies among us today, that it is the woman - and the woman alone - who controls our sexual life, then this is also due, among other things, to bitter experiences from the promiscuity of the time.

But as said above I only partly agree VinnyDfl.
As I have told before, almost all of us, who grew up as boys in our Female Led Community, as young men married one of the young women from our own community, whom we had known from childhood, and who accordingly was taught the same values as we were, although her role as a future Matriarch in her family naturally differed from our role which was to be her strong male support and helper.
We boys were used to respect the female authority of our mothers and teenage sisters, and as much our sisters and girlfriends admired us boys for our physical strength and endurance, we admired the girls and young women for their mental strength, intelligence and unshakable self confidence.
To have to serve and obey one of them for our entire life was by no means embarrassing to us. On the contrary, it seemed fascinating and tantalizing.
It was all what we wished for, because this was how we were brought up. What we were used to, and what we considered to be normal, girls and boys alike.

Therefore our Female Led marriages - like for instance my beloved wife Larissa's and mine - differ markedly from those of the time of our mothers by being extremely stable.

It's a huge difference from the promiscuous times 50 years ago; but it also proves that Female Led Relationships are long-lasting, even through generations, because our children, who are now adults, are also living in stable Female Led Marriages, and they raise their daughters to take on the tasks and responsibilities which their early maturity makes them fit for, and raise their sons to respect girls and women.

This can only be an advantage in these "Me Too" times, I think.

 

I am on another site that is for FLR and women in charge over men. It has sons wearing dresses and listening to sisters even if younger

 

Which site is this?

 

That has not been our experience at all and I don't see how external people can be a barrier to your relationship. Be true to yourself and if someone is trying to tear you down, then they are not the type of people to hang around.

 

We raised two kids while in a FLR. We did not hide the power dynamic. It was just normal for our kids to see Dad taking orders from mom, doing the laundry, ironing, etc. We were very discreet with the kinkier side of things, often planning weekends without the kids, for the more kinkier things. Once the kids went off to college, my wife turned up the domination a lot and I love it. While we love it when they kids are home, we are also anxious for them to go back to school so that we can get back to our "normal" routines.

 

We're not in a full on FLR, but my wife does have a little more flexi. Our son just says that mom's bossy.