Mistress Michelle from beginning to end

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I know to alot of people this thread sounds like I am self destructing, maybe I am. I really dont know what to say or do anymore, the feelings of not having rachel here anymore are so overwhelming, sometimes I can sit here and be ok, the next minute I am crying over something as stupid as remembering a look she had on her face once, or a comment she once made.
I dont think people realize how much time goes into a relationship like this. I have been spent an anormous amount of time with her, online, in person, every single morning, during the day and evenings, we learned everything about each other, I knew her inside and out, everything there was to know I knew. Thats what you have to do when you are committed to someone, when you are taking them on as Your responsibility. You have to work with them, you cannot just take a slave or a sissy and expect to enjoy this lifestyle for real without doing the work. Thats what I have always tried to tell everyone, if you arent interested in doing the work, the research to learn about Me then I have no time for you. That usually eliminates 99% of the wannabe subs and sissys that are out there looking for a quick fix. The same applies to the so called Mistresses you find online out there, if they are only interested in what you will do for them, what you will pay to get thier attention, they are not real Mistresses and you all know that but you flock to them anyway then you get discouraged because you fell into a trap.
I have seen so much in this lifestyle while I have been a participant, people getting hurt, people that dont believe in the realness of it anymore because they have been burned so many times, sissys that will say and do anything for the attention of a Mistress even when they have no intention of ever actually being able to do anything, they just need a fix. Mistresses that come here to mansion and spread a load of crap on the boards just to get your attention, and you read the crap thinking its real life, comeon, you know better. If it sounds like it came out of some Porn Book, its not real!

I take, or should I say 'took' alot of pride in the amount of work I put into all My relationships, and yes, thats what they were, relationships, I couldnt just 'play' with someone for the sake of playing, I needed the connection, the touch, the look in thier eyes, I had to have the true devotion. And its attainable, really it is. I could take rachel places that she would never have dreamed of, just by looking into her eyes. It was amazing what a connection we had, like none I had ever gotten to experience. Thats not an easy task, it didnt happen overnight, it took years of work, time, effort on both parties. I guess thats alot of why all this is so very difficult for Me, knowing all that time and its all gone. Is it possible to obtain that again, to start over from scratch with a new sissy, to try again, is it worth the pain, the heartache that I have now. I know all this pain is fresh, its not even been a week since all this happend, since the last time I saw her. But you have to realize that when you start a relationship with someone online or in person, its real, people get hurt. Its a chance you take right? Is it worth it to take that chance again? I dont know right now.

I have alot of friends here, friends that have stood by Me for a long time, and I am thankful for each of you. Mistresses, subs, sissy girls, a whole community of friends that I am so happy to have. Alot of you have written Me, called Me and cried with Me. As susie would say, "This aint my first rodeo", I have been hurt before but yet I got Myself right back in the position to have it happen again. But thats life right? I think the difference is, I dont live in the fantasy world, I live in the real world. I lived in the fantasy world for a long time, I got bored quickly. Is it more exciting in the real world, of course it is, but when you do that you will take a chance, sometimes it will work out, sometimes not.
 
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Mistress Michelle said:
But thats life right? I think the difference is, I dont live in the fantasy world, I live in the real world. I lived in the fantasy world for a long time, I got bored quickly. Is it more exciting in the real world, of course it is, but when you do that you will take a chance, sometimes it will work out, sometimes not.
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And that is what makes the risk so addictive and so worthwhile. THAT is the way to live life, but you have to be strong... and you have been, and you will be again.

We can all live the safe life, but who the hell wants to.

A quote I know we've all seen in various forms (rachael has a rephrased version on her signature) but it's so darn true.

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!"
— Hunter S. Thompson
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To be honest... he appeared to know quite a lot about living...

"So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?"
— Hunter S. Thompson
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We are not the kind of people who can sit by and let life happen. It's risky, but that's why we do it.

This too shall pass and you will all live to tell the tale. I promise x x x
 
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Wow Ms Emma how true and while your driving just don't do a driveby but leave a piece of yourself,a skidmark or something just so they knew you were there and leave the dent in the fender for a reminder,better call macco ,everything is repairable :chores001:
 
Dear Mistress Michelle,

inspired by Your last posting, i would like to add some thoughts that might be interesting for You.

Life is full of beginnings and endings, and the time in between. So why starting things at all if we all know that they might come to an end some day? i do not think we as humans start anything because of the fear of or even thoughts about the possible ending, or the risk that it might end with hurt. Beginning and ending are just points of time - the time in between is a span of time. And we all start things because we anticipate the fun and benefit during this span of time (that we all hope will not end at all if enjoyable), the return of invest so to say, while things are working out. Yes, this also means efforts during that time - but also rewards, although nothing is guaranteed. If someone just thinks of work and fears the hurt it may cause if it ends, he or she will never ever start anything - but thereby missing any reward or any good time in between or even without ending (besides our biological life). And in a situation when something ends against one's will, one is sometimes not capable to remember the good times without hardship or frustration.

Why am i writing all this? As it is my personal experience also to be just so filled with fear of something going wrong, thinking of the ending even before a beginning, that i was fully blocked to start anything near a relationship, and still am to some extend. And my personal experience is that while being controlled by such fear, life passes on and goes to waste - as there is nothing exciting happening any more, if no-one has the courage to start it. Yes, there might be further mistakes ahead, and i also faced them and learned from them. But do not plan on mistakes, but on success! At least this is what i can recommend, as anything else just blocks You totally.

my humble hint is: Let Your sorrow and fear not control Your actions in the future, thereby disabling You to start something else again that You might even more than enjoy. There were most probably very happy moments and good times in Your now ended relation. But what lies ahead of You, You cannot know. Be curious and full of courage! If You will start something else, good times will for sure wait for You. New experiences, different moments, but all with the possibility that You will enjoy them. Not identical of course, maybe similar, but however worth every try. "You've come so far, don't throw it away!" is a line from a song from the movie "The land before time" that literally saved my life some decades ago when i was very broken-hearted (Diana Ross: "If we hold on together" - really worth listening to, just search on youtube). And believe me, as there is another line in this song: "Wonders are waiting to start".

"Things will never be the same" is the title of a song from Roxette i really love. As there is a lot of truth in it. And it came to my mind as i read about Your experience. But while this particular song is much from the perspective of things ending, it can also be understood as general wisdom. Of course there is no joy in things ending that one does not want to come to an end (Btw, there is another Roxette song about this: So far away - i really like this one, too, and it nearly describes such situation that You face currently). But what is coming in the future, no-one can know. Future relations will be different, but might be at least equally good and fulfilling (without thereby destroying the magic of any past relation, but offering the magic of the present situation). And how boring a life would be if things would always be the same, by the way. Humans need development - and a new beginning will force them to develop and grow. The moment they stop developing is the end of life as such in my humble opinion.

There are always things beyond our own control, that we cannot change, even if we would really like to. But we have the choice how to handle them. And the way we handle them shows our character and inner strength. And You have a great and strong personality, from what i read of You. So i do not have the slightest doubt that You are capable to handle even such situation with grace, learn from it and grow even stronger. Not because of anger, but just because You continue to live Your life. So please do not waste Your enormous energy by blocking future chances for Yourself. Use it for taking such chances and move on!

Of course, there are also memories and emotions involved that are now simply part of You, and You cannot deny them. And these memories are precious and important. So they have to be embraced and cherrished. But You are so much more than just Your memories, or thoughts of "What if", resulting from living only from memories. You are a living person, and time goes on. Every second of Your life is of importance - as You are not able to repeat them. Once a second of Your life passed, it's gone forever. So also cherrish Your presence and Your future. Live Your life according to Your great personality. You learned such a lot in the past, and beware: There is so much more ahead of You. So again, do not be frightend, but curious. i do not have the slightest doubt that You will make it, and have great times again. But only if You will start again, taking courage, prepared to again invest all You are, as nothing just comes for granted (at least not normally, there might be single exceptions - that i hoped for myself, but only to be disappointed, as nothing such happened to me). Of course, again with all risk - but without taking it, there will be no gain at all, but only bitterness and frustration. And the latter is the least i wished for You.

i really hope these thoughts are of help for You.

Chaste regards,
Keuschling
 
From Mistress Michelle's post

sometimes I can sit here and be ok, the next minute I am crying over something as stupid as remembering a look she had on her face once, or a comment she once made.
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And You think i don't do the same. i miss you horribly. i know You will say and yet you are the one that left. Yes i left because i decided that seeing my granddaughter grow up and relationship with my daughter and a 30 year relationship with my wife was not worth throwing away for my selfish pleasures and at least 20 other reasons none of them having to do with the way MM & Rick treated me. i just couldn't bring myself to be that selfish. When i left here i wrote my wife a dear jane letter the last line of which went something like this. I am sorry to have fucked up your life enjoy the rest of it. i came there to stay and i tried i really did. What i didn't expect was your hatred of me for leaving because i still love you.

I have been spent an anormous amount of time with her, online, in person, every single morning, during the day and evenings, we learned everything about each other, I knew her inside and out, everything there was to know I knew
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Know one else ever will. You are the only one i trust enough to bare my soul and body parts too.

From Mistress Watchful's post

This too shall pass and you will all live to tell the tale. I promise x x x
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Aint worth tellin' without Mistress Michelle

No one will ever hear me even whisper a bad word about Her. She is still a Magical Mistress to me and i still love Her and all She has done for me but i will never be in Her presence again and that is the last thing i ever wanted. All i wanted to do was make Her happy. i sure as hell didn't want this. i took a shot at having it all it didn't work out and now i will never see Her again.

Life sucks then you die.
rachel
 
Hi rachel,

no-one died here, fortunately. So i do not really get your line: "Life sucks then you die". Life just continues now, maybe on different roads, but still it continues, for both of you, with yet unknown wonders ahead.

As i (and some others) wrote already, your decision is fully understood and respected. At least from the ones who wrote it. And it is accomplished that it was a hard one, in consequence for both of you. So there is no need to explain the same reasons for your decision over and over again. And i do not think this could be helpful in any way, especially for Mistress Michelle - although She of course knows better than me what is helpful for Her. You took a clear and meaningful decision that you stay for consequently, and it has never been questioned nor condemned - as no-one is in the position to do so. Quite to the contrary: i adore your consequence, and fully respect your decision. As it was surely not easy for you, too, to take such complex and ultimatively hard decision. As such decision never comes easy - but better be followed consequently, unless it is discovered that it was a mistake. What i really doubt from what was said, for your position at least, but also for Mistress Michelle, who is now liberated to start again and hopefully will do so in the near future, to again find the fulfillness She deserves.

Make it easier for Mistress Michelle and for yourself: Do not explain over and over again. Stay to your decision, and live with it. Even as you know that it caused hurt - but you valued the given reasons higher than the hurt it may have and indeed has caused, which i even so can understand, even if i am very sorry for Mistress Michelle. As i belive that you took this very hard decision without the intent to hurt Mistress Michelle, and that honors you. As i understand it, you just intended to sort your life right and continue to live it with the topics that were of biggest importance for you and your relatives, and not having to look back some day with deepest regret because of probable selfishness. Of course, such decision always comes with a prize, but you took it consciously. And i do not mean the prize of hurting Mistress Michelle, but your own substantial loss by leaving Her. Again, in my humble opinion you did not intent to hurt Her, but you from my understanding could not just live on far from your family, which everybody should understand and respect. And thus would have played a game with Her if you would have stayed, a big charade. So you have been fully authentic, and this is really adorable, as some other guys would have been too weak to take such serious but honest step. The only thing i could maybe blame you on is that you should have known better before. But this is very easy speech afterwards. Most probably you have not known better before. Humans develop, they make experiences and mistakes, and with time get better insight to what really is of highest importance to them. You learned, and that you did not the easiest way, especially at the end. And in this process it can happen that someone is hurting another one, to their deepest regret, expecially in retrospect. i myself can not think of any way to really ensure to avoid such, besides not to do anything (which i did too long by now - and still continue to some extend, as i really fear to hurt anyone, especially in their soul and feelings). But by not doing anything, there will be no experience, for all involved, and no good time to remember, even if it comes with hurt when it eventually ends.

But you know what? People can get over things. They even can grow stronger by it. i myself have been intensively hurt - but i did not die by that. It of course was a hard time for me, but i survived, and at the end i am proud of that fact. Nevertheless i still fear to hurt anyone else though. i think this is my personality, to accept more to be hurt instead of facing the danger of hurting someone else, as i probably think i can handle it better than any other one. This is of course arrogant and a mistake, and in the meantime i am very aware of that - although i could not change myself sustainably yet.

You had an outstanding experience during the time with Mistress Michelle, and so had She. Cherrish it, remember it in a good way, and do not fight it. And now that the decision is made to end this time, also go on with your live, according to your decision, do not explain yourself over and over again, but make the best of it. i wish you all luck of the world - as i wish the same for Mistress Michelle. Walk new paths, and enjoy every second of it, both of you. And of course, report how it is going.

Live long and prosper!

Chaste regards,
Keuschling
 
My dear friend,

Let me first offer you a very kind hug. I keep writing and then erasing every typed sentence, because it's actually difficult through the tears. I'm heartbroken for you. I feel your pain through your words.

There has been at least 10 times that I've read something and went back to read it again. So many of your words have rang so true in me ears, I want to scream them out so everyone can hear!!!

This is one: "I take, or should I say 'took' alot of pride in the amount of work I put into all My relationships, and yes, thats what they were, relationships, I couldnt just 'play' with someone for the sake of playing, I needed the connection, the touch, the look in thier eyes, I had to have the true devotion."

And this: "I couldnt just meet someone and 'ride the ride' I had to get involved, I had to care. I had to have a fucking connection with someone before I could get involved with them. That was My downfall I guess, if I coulda just fucking kept everything seperate, not got involved, there are Mistresses out there that do it every day, but No, not Me, I had to get My heart involved in it and look where thats gotten me."

Perhaps when someone figures out how to do this without getting involved, they will explain it to me, too. I have been accused on more than one occasion of caring too much for my pet(s). Um... sorry, but that's how I roll. All the chores, service, playtime, devotion, massages, cups of coffee fetched, or "yes, Mistress'" don't mean jack without a true connection. I've tried having subs in my life that I don't feel for, and it's like eating tofu for the rest of your life. Sure it keeps you alive, but it never quenches the thirst you yearn for.

Is there risk involved having such a caring heart? Abso-fucking-lutely. But what is the alternative? Life without the awe and beauty of love is worthless. You're hurting, because you loved and had it returned. You will trust and love again. I promise.

I'm so sorry for your pain. I hate to say I know how you feel, but truly, I do. I know how you feel when every corner you turn brings back a memory and then heartache. When the tears come, let them fall. It's all part of healing.

Lean on your friends and family for support. Take care of yourself. XoXo

ps... Read Lin's words again. Very wise and true. :-)
 
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Ok, first of all I dont know how to do the quotes thing so

To My husband, I love you, I always have. I dont want you to regret introducing Me to this lifestyle all those years ago. We have had our issues but in the end we survived. Yes I wish things had turned out differently, yes I think that everyone can get along, and yes I think theres ways for everyone to be happy. And you are never just 'put up with' because you are married to Me. Men just do not cultivate relationships the way women do. I spend alot of time cultivating My relationships here just as you do on facebook. If you spent the time to come here and chat, write posts and communicate after a while you wouldnt feel like you were Mistress Michelles husband but a member that has alot of friends. And you do have friends here, susie, rachel, Linda, tiff, Jen, Emma....yes I know I am leaving some out, give Me a break, I cant think straight right now.
So, to you disciplinedpet, I love you and I am sorry if I have Ever made you feel threatned.

Linda, Jen, Emma, I love you all. Thank you for your comments, its wonderful healing advice. As is everything keuschling has said. I know common sense will prevail, its just hard now, painful now but it will pass in time. I'm still in the amusement park tiffy, just watching for a while. ( Private comments )

And to My rachel, yes My rachel, I know that you are hurting too, I know that you are feeling alone and that you do not have the understanding there, but know that there is not a minute that goes by that I dont think of My angel being alone and sad, just as I am sad. Its not an easy thing to let go of what we had to go back, but you made that decision. I hurt because of it, as you do. We will somehow find a way to repair our hearts and move forward. I know its possible, we just have to work at it.

I started this thread to be able to talk and get My feelings out, to make everyone aware that when you are in this lifestyle you can get hurt, things happen that are unexpected, feelings grow, life changes. Yes you take chances, you get close and emotions get in the way. I have had two experiences of a lifetime that I wouldnt change for anything, would I like the outcomes to be different, hell yes, but I would never say that I wished any of it didnt happen.

I would like to keep this thread open for a bit longer, I think the healing process will be easier having a place to talk.
Thanks everyone for your understanding and patience.

Mistress Michelle
 
As I posted earlier, I'm little pet's wife. We are now separated, but I called him tonight to let him know of your situation, so I hope he has contacted you. I feel very bad for you and am glad your marriage is surviving. Mine did not, but I only want the best for him because he is a good person and I believe you and your husband are too. I couldn't adopt this lifestyle, but I understand and I wish you the best. Take care.
 
Cecelia,

I would like to thank you for your sincerity. I am sure this is not easy for you. You mentioned that you could not adapt to this lifestyle, its not for everyone and it certainly has its ups and downs as you have witnessed here in this thread.
I cant say that I was anything less than shocked when susie contacted Me to tell Me that you had made a comment in My status and frankly I wanted to say something, to respond in some diplomatic way but was speechless. I still am not sure what to say but I did want to acknowlege your response and thank you for being sincere in it. I hope things work out for you as well.
We never know whats around the corner in life, guess the best we can do is enjoy what we can and move on.

Mistress Michelle
 
My dear Mistress Michelle,just a lil shout here and have been thinking about you alot lately and speaking with you i know things aren't taking great leaps and bounds in the recovery of how your feeling and all i can offer are words of encouragement so heres a few more.Titled the rise and fall of a magical Mistress and all of us have seen you rise through the years,grow and become a fabulous Mistress and just a wonderful woman,wife,friend and all around great person in every aspect and in an earlier post you said many have stood beside me so getting to the FALL i feel one cannot when so many around to catch you so maybe just a stumble as i have many times,you and rick and many here prevented me from it.I hope everyday gets you abit closer to what i know exists in you....Love you very much and a giant curtsey to you Mistress :anim_37: Sorry i left something out you said to me yesterday that you wished you could be as some others,and hate to disagree with you but if we are not ourselves who in the hell are we,fakes,wannabe's liars and you being whom you are is what attracts me like a moth to a flame ,please never change it's what defines YOU
 
disciplinedpet said:
** I have to clarify a few things . i am doing better BUT will have FEET issues for my days here on this Planet , i was brought up to take care of the woman you chose for life! It hurts me that i cant provide for her like i was trying too do .I fully understand that women can take care of themselves ( please dont take that the wrong way ) My reference to taking care of her was instilled in me by my Father. He worshipped My Mother sooo much that after she passed away when i was a "pup" , he married 4 more times to find one like her . be back in a few
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Excuse me this writing. i know i have to "shut up",
but i"am glad to heer your voice, here my Wife and i questioned us about you this days.
Never forget those who are suffering in the shadow.
Admiring your patience and indulgence to support the situation. Take care of MM.
Perhaps "love" is only a pressure of a chemical processus in brain, for natural biologique surviving, what rejected role-playing, and occurs only suffering ?
 
Thinking about everyone. MM and pet even though I've been so busy I think of you too often. Miss you both. Pet, know I pray that you'll fully recover. So don't give up hope, miracles do happen. MM as I said in my private message to you, if you need anything I'm only a little over an hour away and you know the number.
 
Thanks everyone for your replies and concerns. I am still around just so ya know. I havent drifted off into nowhere land or anything although at times I wish I could.

susie, thank you for helping, I know its a sore subject for you but you have always been there for Me and I truely do appreciate all the support I always get from you.

So, I guess everyones wondering how things are going. I guess the answer is one day at a time. I am not going to go into all thats been said or discussed, rachel and I have talked and I am trying to move forward. I still have My moments, I am sure that will never change, I assume they will get easier but wont go away. When you have someone as long as we were together and as close as we were, both here and online, its not an easy task to start over. I still see her when I am in the store, I can still hear her in My head while I am trying to shop in the grocery store, all the things she used to say still cloud My mind when I am trying really hard to just suck it up and do what I need to do.

I think thats why I felt so compelled to write this. This is real life, you think so much of your thoughts are in fantasy but its not freakin fantasy when things go bad. I would have loved for this story to have turned out a perfect reflection for a sissy and her Mistress but it didnt.It was a fairy tale that didnt end so good. Alot of you during the past couple years may have thought to yourselves that all this was fantasy, all that you have read in My journel and in rachels, but it wasent, it was all true, every single word of it. All the visits, all the fun, all the punishments, all the rewards, All true.
That makes things even more difficult, knowing things will never be the same. I can and do still chat with rachel but it will never be the same, not like it used to be even before she moved here. Thats the hard part to accept.

I do believe it is possible to have a sissymaid that can serve as a housemaid and a sissy when I want it, someone that could be happy here with us. Someone who would fit in here with all the aspects of our family. Surely that is possible.

Its time I think to close this thread, but before I do I just want to thank rachel for the things she did and for all she taught Me while she was here. I know I will probably leave some out but I do appreciate everything although looking back on alot of it is painful right now.

Wireing the electric for the workshop, hanging My ceiling fan on the porch even though you didnt want to, fixing the tile in the shower 2-3 times, putting in a floor vent in the bathroom, building the silkies coop, building the gates for the ducks and goats,helping to fence it, planting a beautiful garden, laying the block for the walkway, relaying the block on the patio, doing the flea market, organizing the kitchen, helping to move My son, fixing the closet doors in the motorhome, fixing the fence so the goats would stop getting out, replacing the lattice on the porch with pickets, replacing the electric cord on the motorhome, and the hinges on the door, The list goes on and on.

Things I learned....How to roll up an extension cord properly, how to make a closet rod out of pvc pipe, you should always make a list when you go to the grocery store(which I will never do) How to stake tomatoes properly, to always use sand under block cause dirt will settle uneven, that even though sissys are afraid of heights they will still get on the roof and clean out the gutters, there is a difference in coffee makers, that baseball is still boring to Me, that lettuce should be hidden from the sun by bigger plants, that green fridge bags work, that boys should shave after thier shower so the hair on thier face is softer, the difference in ceiling fan brackets, you shouldnt shake fingernail polish cause it causes air bubbles, that Google can be very helpful, that cigarettes that you put out and then relight are worse for you than you would think,
 
I ran out of room.....but you get the idea.

I also learned alot about the sissy that used to call herself a sissy candy ass

That it is possible to take a sissycandyass and turn her into a pain slut, one that craved pain, that got into ball busting and torture, that if you hold a set of sissy balls really really tight then hit them with a hairbrush that it will cause them to bleed, and that while the sissy is yelling ComeOn shes really wishing for more. That when you hide BenGay in your hand and start to stroke the sissy, the look on thier face is fucking priceless, that if you look, really look into the eyes of your sissygirl you can see into thier soul. That you can control thier thought process by just a look, that if you want to fuck them you should have them on thier back instead of on thier knees, if you put nipple clamps on for over an hour them pop them off and suck thier nipples really hard they can use language you cant even understand, that they can get hard even through steel, that they look beautiful even when they arent complete in wigs and dresses cause thats all you see when you look at them, that having a sissy that looks beautiful in a bikini when you cant wear one sucks, that sissys love thier pictures taken, that sissys love humiliation, licking sweat and dirty feet come to mind. All from a sissycandyass that was My sissygirl, My angel.

Memories

So, thank you rachel, for being all that you were to Me, for everything you did and taught Me, for helping Rick and I in everything around the house, for all the delicious meals, for all the care you put into everything you did, and for taking Me to places in this lifestyle that I never dreamed of. It was a wonderful ride while it lasted. I dont know what will happen now but I always want you to know how much you have and will always mean to Me.

Rick and I are flying up to see tiff and Linda soon for a few days, we need to get away and I guess I am in need of some.....hummmmm well, most of you know how close Linda and I are ;)

I will return, I will get stronger, I will survive, So Look Out!

Mistress Michelle
 
Great couple of posts, MM. Of course you will survive, and you ARE getting stronger, I think. Hang in there!
 
All i can say is i am so sorry to cause You this and cry ALOT. i love YOU though i no longer no how to address You. You will ALWAYS be a Magical Mistress to me. i enjoyed every minute there and now can only wish to be Your sissy again.


Among the things You taught me. i can do anything with the confidance You instill in me. A sissy can go out in male mode even though they are in girls clothes. You can make me speak in tongues. What it is like to be valued, loved and cherished. How to do things for someone and really enjoy it even if at the moment you don't. Take care to shave better. Always check your make up before you get out of the car. How to go from rachel to randy in the car in 10 minutes or less. How to spend almost every minute of every day with someone even though you are miles apart. How not to swear because sissies don't do that. How not to drink so much but rather just enjoy a glass of wine at the end of the day. How to take care of birds and appreciate their visits. How to sit on a porch and just be. How to make really weak coffee ( doesn't mean i will). How to look into someones eyes and know that you are loved while not saying a word. How to have 100$ and not spend it all for a month. How to take a whippin just because the person doing the whipping enjoys it. That i love ball torture, though i will NEVER have that again w/o You. you need to REALLY trust someone to let them do that and You are the only one i trust that much.

i only wish we could go back to how it was before i came to then left VA. To the days when You loved Your sissy. i am sorry i failed You.

i love You
Your used to be angel, sweetpea and rachel

 
I will always wish for you to find your way back home rachel, I will always love My sissy and hope that she returns to Virginia where she is loved and where she is needed. Whether or not you make that decision is up to you.

Life decisions are not easy, but I have always believed that if you follow your heart, and do whats best for you yourself, not what you think will create the least problems, but what will make you happy in your own life, the rest will follow in time.

I have loved rachel since I first met her, shes always been My little girl and always will be, even if that has to be only in My heart.

Mistress Michelle
 
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