What an unexpected start!

I love what you've achieved so quickly buddy!! I can only hope for something a fraction as successful!!

My wife has shown so little interest in sex for a few years - I suspect due to menopause. But we don't talk about it enough!! And I suspect she feels pressure and thinks if she shows an ounce of interest I'll want so much more than she's willing to give. So I'm hoping a caged life might be the answer to that fear on her part as we can use it to put her in the driving seat!

Have just bought her a book recommended elsewhere on here to introduce the idea!! Fingers crossed I get a little bit of interest! But clearly it's all up to her. I can only plant the seed.

 

You need to go with her requirements now. As a masturbator you know you've been depriving her with your low energy and desire. It's only fair that she receive pleasure now and that she be freed from any obligation to give you pity sex. As a masturbator, you don't deserve blowjobs anyway. Your wife is definitely on the right track.

 

I've just bought her a copy of "Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders" which was recommended by other guys on here. Maybe I should look up Uniquely Rika too!

Thanks bud - enjoy the ride and really hop one day I might get to join you.

 

My wife is somewhat the same. Although I don’t think she’d read a book on it. I saw an introduction that I thought was really well done. I’m sorry I don’t remember where I copied it from. It’s just in my notes which I’m pasting below. That’s a short read that might work for her.
An introduction


Masturbating - Talk to him.


Masturbation is a huge part of anyones sexuality. We all masturbate and taking matters into our own hands is nothing to be ashamed of. The problems come when masturbation causes conflict in the relationship. Problems occur when the masturbation of one partner gets in the way of the sexual or emotional needs of the other.


Male sex hormones are very different and cause different reactions and behavior. By its very design, the male orgasm causes men to shut down and become distant so limiting orgasms makes sense for relationships where emotional distance is a problem. For most men, masturbation is a daily habit that increases the amount of emotional distance on a daily basis. If this sounds like your guy, keep reading to learn how to bring communication and closeness back to your relationship.


For us women, an orgasm doesn’t have the same impact and really doesn’t have negative emotional consequences. If you go on a vibrator binge, there is some desensitization that can occur for your clit. If you are used to clitoral orgasms from your vibrator, you may not be able to orgasm as easily from clitoral stimulation during sex.


Try this, before you commit to having sex, ask him when he last masturbated.


As with every part of your relationship, communication is key to success. Why shouldn’t masturbation be discussed? When masturbation is hidden, it causes confusion and resentment. Before you commit to having sex, ask him when he last masturbated and gauge your sexual response accordingly. Below are some recommendations to help keep his sexual interest and give him the tools to minimize his masturbation habits. Rather than complaining that your husband masturbates too much, have a conversation with him about his masturbation and the impact on your relationship.


Imagine if you are laying down in bed and expecting to have sex and you remember to ask him when he last masturbated. He sheepishly responds and tells you that he masturbated earlier that day. You recognize that his sexual hunger is mostly satisfied and acknowledge that he will have very little sexual energy left for you. We’ve all experienced that half-hard guy who keeps slipping out and it certainly isn’t my idea of the perfect sexual experience.


The truth is, if left to his own devices, he will ejaculate every day. For many men, masturbation is as routine as brushing his teeth or showering. An orgasm schedule will ensure that neither of you give up stimulating conversation and lasting closeness that keeps the spark alive.


Control When he Orgasms


News flash, men do not need to ejaculate every time they have sex. You read that correctly. Just because you engage in sex and have been thrusting away for 10 minutes, he doesn’t absolutely need to get off. It's likely your man has faked an orgasm in the past if he was sexually spent and feels he cant "keep it up". So, separating orgasm from sex is important and “blue balls” aren’t a real thing.


I’ve been told that this can seem mean or controlling, why not just allow orgasms whenever he wants? The answer is easy. You want to have the best man that you can possibly have. You want him to be the guy that he was when you were dating and you simply aren’t going to get that with a guy who is orgasming all the time. If this is presented to him as a way to improve the quality of your partnership then it seems far more selfless than selfish.


Don’t allow it to cause conflict in your marriage this is about creating closeness. If your guy is one of the many that has a harder time limiting his orgasms and masturbation, there is hope. Most guys have been masturbating on a daily basis since their teens and changing that behavior is going to be difficult if not impossible without help. Chastity cages. This is where I risk losing you but stay with me here. A properly fitted cage is an easy way to help control his habit and retain the closeness that you deserve together.


In our relationship we use the cage because my husband doesn’t have a tremendous amount of willpower especially toward the end of his week or when we are apart or if he's alone at night. The cage isn’t a punishment in our relationship, it is simply a tool to help us both achieve the best relationship that we can get. We began with him wearing the cage everywhere bar his place of work or visits to friends and family. He now wears the cage 24/7 for 6 days and is permitted an orgasm/release on the 7th.


Now, before you decide to lock up your hubby’s penis, you need to ask yourself the following questions. Are you unhappy with how much attention he now pays to you? Do you think that at least part of the problem is that he is paying too much attention to pornography? Is he staying up late, tired? Has he admitted to you that he masturbates too much? Would you be willing to control when you have intercourse with him, especially if you got a lot more attention from him, including a lot more oral sex? Are you willing to take control and put in the effort (teasing) to make your relationship work in a new and exciting way? Does the idea of releasing him and seeing a firm shaft standing to attention everytime excite you? If yes, you should consider a chastity cage for your husband.


kYou must always remember that sexually you are always in command and that first and foremost you will always be sexually satisfied. This is the cornerstone to happiness for both you and him. Keeping you sexually satisfied is your husband’s job.


You may think that this works only to your advantage and that is a common misconception. It is just as advantageous for him. He must keep you satisfied to eventually get his release and every time he satisfies you he is happy because he has made you happy and therefore one step closer to his own orgasm.


So, how long to keep him locked the first time? I say two weeks minimum. But it's up to you. You might just want to trial it over a week or even over date night to gauge his reaction.

However, after two weeks of being locked up, trust me, your hubby would be willing to do almost anything for a release so in that sense the cage will have started doing its job.


A caged lifestyle will be hard on him initially and two weeks to a month without release will make your seriousness very clear to him. You will have put an end to his days of daily masturbating behind your back. Rather than pleasuring himself when he wants, he will have become dedicated to pleasuring you when you want it and how you want it.


You will need to be strong and keep up your end of the bargain. Tease him, request sexual favours, dress to impress, wear those outfits he loves. If you can do this, it will change the dynamic of your relationship in a way that sets you and him on the path to long term happiness.


Upon completing his initial confinement period I assure you that you can give him an experience like he has never had before, this is a reward for the couple. You will have a sense of strength for enforcing it and him for getting thru it. You should make his orgasm a slow drawn out one with lots of teasing. It will be all too easy for him to cum very quickly. You may need to tie him down to keep him on edge but when you finally do let him cum it will be almost too much for his body to handle.


Almost all the women I have talked with tell me their husbands become more submissive to them due to the cage but they are not wimps, far from it. In other parts of their life these men tend to be dominant A-personalities types who exert lots of authority and are often high strung and high earners. Once the caged is off, that beast is released! But don't falter here. Put him straight back in.


One of the best things about locking your man is the complete removal of pressure to have sex. Previously I would feel like we would flirt through the day and I would feel pressured that sex was expected that night. When he is locked up, the pressure is completely removed. The pressure would sometimes make me feel like I couldn’t tease him through the day – grab his butt, be overly flirtatious because he would then have expectations that night. Now, the GOAL is for him to have unfulfilled expectations with the looming reward being the ever-dangling carrot of sweet release.


These days I tease freely, constantly, short skirts, no panties, allow a nipple slip, spend extra time naked with zero regard for consequences, anxiety or pressure. I see his nice butt coming out the shower and give it a squeeze. I see his caged cock and smile, give it a nice tug to make sure everything is secure.


I wouldn’t call us an overly kinky couple, in fact we were fairly vanilla until we discovered the cage less than a year ago but it has absolutely changed things for us. Our relationship is now so much more fulfilling by harnessing one little thing and using it to take things up a level. If you’ve been on the fence about locking your guy, I encourage you to give it a shot

 

It was exactly the same with my wife. She wanted cunnilingus, but was reluctant to ask for it or accept it when offered because she hated fellatio and didn’t want to feel obligated to reciprocate. Enforced male chastity has empowered her to now frequently demand oral for her and feel absolutely guilt free about not reciprocating. I do miss it, but I much rather pleasure her orally and keep her happy instead; besides, she has said that she will administer a severe cbt whipping punishment if I ever ask or hint for it and she has followed through with that threat before. She has said that she may perform it as a treat once a year for my birthday, if I’m good all year, but only briefly and not to orgasm, half of which will be with the chastity device locked on, to remind me of what I’m missing out on now.

 

I''d love to know where you got that from if you ever remember. It's seems familiar but I can't find it via Google.

 

I looked too and through my notes and couldn't find the source.