I have recently hear that fetlife can lead to community. I need any tips or warnings about it. Any info that you have.
If you to go your own FetLife profile there and click on your city, you will find out if there are any nearby community events for you to attend. Kink community is pretty much like any other subculture: hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
It can. But keep in mind there are many who are very immature. So lots of drama can and does occur. IMHO FL was a great site when it started, but has become a lot like Facebook. The founder claims he wanted it to be the kinky Facebook. Sadly this has happened. So lots of bs and immature nonsense. That said, you have to shift through that to find the good folks. So keep your skin thick and ignore the assholes. If you do, you can make some great friends there. Oh and be patient. You’ll need patience.
As a recent FL member, I have been less than impressed with some of the asshole moderators. So I now avoid posting anything, and just read the posts of others. I wasn’t looking to hook up, I just wanted to learn and possibly pass on some wisdom.
I've been on there for over a decade, and it was a factor in meeting my last girlfriend. It has changed a lot, as there were some serious crimes committed by people using the site to find victims, and while I fully understand the pressure to change the nature of the site, what is left seems diminished to me. That said, there's still a lot left. It is not a hookup site, but there are a lot of events published there (depending on your location of course), many of them being "munches," which are informal public vanilla meet and greets at restaurants. These are definitely a good way to encounter people in yout local scene, and you can fish around for a group you match up with. Again these aren't hookup events, and most of the attendees are either already paired up, or single men. Demographically, heterosexual male doms/female subs dominate (no pun intended) but anywhere I've gone everyone is welcomed. Just be prepared for the assumption until you are familiar enough with people to have a frank talk about your interests. So, while I reiterate the site and most of the events aren't for matchmaking, what does happen is making connections and gaining trust/reputation. This leads to invitation to events that are not open to the public, or even openly publicized. Since BDSM is looked down upon at best by post of the population, subject to prosecution in many places, and carries the risk of negative outcomes from simple drama to injuries and fatalities, there is necessarily quite a bit of gatekeeping that goes on. It can take time to demonstrate trustworthiness and value, there are no guarantees of outcomes, especially as one's interests become more niche-oriented, but it's still worth the time to explore IMO. Besides munches, you might also see fetish themed dance clubs, and classes on techniques. Again, depending on your location, there may be public playspaces available, each with their own etiquette. Taking into account all of the above, looking over the list of local users or those who have selected given interests on their profiles can be dismaying. Chastity is a niche within a niche, and searching terms like "chastity cage" or "keyholder" annd any permutaions thereof show how small the pool we fish in really is. Irrespective of what site or tool you are using to search, it may ultimately be a matter of finding someone you click with, and introducing chastity to them.
My experience on Fet Life is that most of the women I met are more like cosplayers, just interested in likes on the cute outfits
^ I think this is solid advice. A few things... If desired, you can: tweak inbox settings to cut down on undesired messages. customize privacy settings to limit the specificity of your location. turn the "follow" feature on or off. There are groups you can join as well - they basically operate more like a forum compared to the rest of the site. I've found some groups to be pretty useful, especially when exploring my locality and its various events, workshops, and conventions. They're also good for researching new interests/kinks. I used to cringe nearly every time I logged onto FetLife because it sorta felt like peering into an abyss. I got countless messages from entitled randos and for a while, I didn't have much interest in logging on. However, investing more time and energy into the local scene helped curate and de-shittify my feed a lot. These days, I'm very happy that FetLife exists (despite some of its glaring problems) because it helped me find deeply meaningful community. Hope this helps. DMs are open if you'd like to chat more about this topic. Stay safe and good luck!
I just thought that I'd point out that if you are going to try to limit your location, be careful about the groups you are subscribed to. I constantly come across profiles where the location is set to "Antartica", yet they are also subscribed to groups local to a particular geographic location. That sort of defeats the purpose.
Yes, that would be important for folks that do not want to share their location info at all. To be clear, I'm talking about how specific the chosen location is, as shown on a profile (can limit to levels: City, State / Province, Country)... the above post is not related to choosing Antarctica, since I'm fairly certain OP is looking for community.
Yes, and I am not saying that you gave bad information or anything like that. Just that someone can do things on that site which can inadvertently reveal their location.
I was on a dating site in a hotel where the location was 1 metre. Had to turn my phone volume down. Seems they were below me but we both felt a bit weird.
I personally don't need it. Love my girlfriend to bits and don't need taken to any more extremes than what she gives me. Don't want any 3rd parties involved although I realise I'm talking to 3rd parties. But I'm in chastity and can't stop thinking about it and she knows I'm on here but doesn't need to talk about it like I do.
Not sure about that if its a scam or not, but I remember on grindr one day a sissy said, she will not meet anyone a metre away. My own experience one day was sitting in a maccers carpark and a utility truck pulled in parked next to me a metre away. I purposely looked at him and he looked me straight in the eyes. Nothing said though.
I'm not so sure anymore. When it started I'd 100% agree with you. Now I think it's more of a pornographic(ish) Facebook Much less kink and people who live the lifestyle now, and many more players and those who are more interested in identity politics and activities.