How to submit to a woman and accept her dom role

Sorry I'm a mere amateur. Not sure how many professional therapists are on here. But good luck!

 

I’m sorry for being snarky, but the first thing you need to think about is the bullshit concept of a “real man”.

 

What is it that attracts you to Femdom/FLR?

 

I see no more reason for you to learn to submit then I see a reason for wives to learn how to be the Dominant partner to their submissive husbands when they are not inclined to do so.

 

No therapist here but checking the real man big ego stuff might be a great start. I haven't been here long but honestly don't see this going the way you think it will.

 

I'll be honest, I saw the length of your post and read the first part and stopped. I think it's all about you. You will never succeed in a femdom relationship if it's all about you. But good luck

 

A real woman has a real subbie, giggles.

 

I can sympathize as I have similar ideas about being a man and being assertive. But you must realize that to have any chance of a genuine femdom or chastity experience, you have to view yourself as inferior to her on at least one level.
It's very evident from your post that you're delusional about your willingness to submit.
Practice some genuine humility in front of your wife and women in general. My money is on you're too green to even give it a fair chance.
I would be thrilled to be in a session with her therapist of choice.

 

I may be stating the obvious, but it looks like you should just never have normal orgasm - only ruined, which will not change your state of mind, or caged - it changes it a little, but the cage is still there and you get the right mindset pretty quickly.

Disclaimer: Not a professionalist here.

 

Look I’m not therapist, but I think there’s something I might be able to realize. Everything you’re talking about is basically pretty simple because it’s just about your mindset.
First of all what’s the difference between men and woman today? Why should men make all decisions, and on the other hand why should women do all the decisions. What are you trying to say every femdom is different and everyone have to find his own style. Someone loves the complete control when domme Will choose what you will wear and what you will eat. For example in our relationship, we make decisions to get through every day we talk about it and we decide. Our femdom Start when there’s any kind of pleasure - Not only orgasm and teasing. Great example massage. This is where our femdom starts.
I think this is first part you should discuss your wife - where her controls of your start.
Back to the topic of real. Tell me what defines real man because with respect what you are saying is total bullshit. Try to look at it the other way, what defines real woman? Shouldn’t she be strong capable of making all decisions? isn’t this what you want real woman instead of some scared girl who can’t even make her own decisions? And I mean no offense to anyone. Just in the relationship, should everyone have the same right unless they agreed otherwise and it’s nothing bad.
From my point of view that I gave my girlfriend something I never gave to anyone before, and my way to show her how much I trust her because she can control my pleasure. It’s kind of expression of love definitely doesn’t mean you are not true man. And if you have problem with any part with that, I told you, you should discuss this with your wife because you still can make all decisions in your basic life. You just want any pleasure without her and I think she will love it.
I think the best you can do is to change your mindset. You don’t have to go to therapist you can write down what’s on your mind and I’m sure there’s plenty people who will tell you their opinion and if you realize they have some point you could change your mindset.
I saw it mentioned here before, and I definitely agree ruined orgasm doesn’t have full satisfaction, and it sometimes make me even or hornier than I was before or at least I am again in one day, which is short time so my submission doesn’t go fully away. it is my girlfriend’s favorite technique specially because of this.
So if you want to talk about this, try for us, define real man and real woman.
And something good iron from my parents just because they did it doesn’t mean they did it right.

 

Hello,

As an accredited registered NLP therapeutic counsellor with over 10 years of work experience what I can say here is that it appears you are looking to change your core beliefs to allow you to fulfill your current unsatisfied overriding and potentially obsessive fetish.
What you might be looking for is to ask yourself some questions about what it is you are seeking and why, not try to alter yourself to fit your goals but to find out why the goal is important in the first place.

The square peg will never fit in the round hole, you have to change the hole not the peg.

Goddess Jade.

 

Some of these answers here are so laughable btw.

‘just do what I did, it’s easy’
‘Yeah, do this thing and problem solved’
“It’s easy, just think different duh’

Sorry lol I can’t help being mean.

 

There is no need to be mean.
Just a friendly reminder: You may be someone's goddess, but you are not everyone's goddess.

 

first off if you can rip off the handcuffs she has the wrong cuffs.
2nd you touched on being forced to comply. a consensual non consent relationship may be what you are looking for, whether you are wired to give up control might need not be the issue here. the real question, is your wife willing and able to force her will on you? it requires real commitment, a lot of time and effort by the xx. not the life of leisure femdom relationship often referenced here.it is no cake walk for the subordinate xy either. yet, it can be an alternative to you being a willing submissive.

final note.... in a flr cnc agreement the contract is the one and only time the xy gets to negotiate the terms.

 

Maybe she shouldn’t allow you to cum anymore, problem solved.

 

Don't have an orgasm for many weeks at a time. See if your attitude changes

 

Bingo

SilentOne hit the nail on the head. Beautifully written by the way,

You seem conflicted between what you have been taught growing up and what you want and desire now.

Start by asking yourself why this is a problem. Start journaling it and get your thoughts and feelings out

Their is no correct answer anyone can give you.

This is an answer/ journey of self discovery you must complete yourself.

Your Wife will be their with you, but you must walk and discover the truth for yourself.

As always the Mansion will always be here for you with advice and support.

Good Luck in your journey.

Iso.

 

You sound suspiciously lucky Hot AND a Domme...maybe you should try buying Powerball tickets.

Touche!
The wife's will and her willingness to do the hard work of subjugating is the key.
I takes a very special lady to actually make it work.

 

Let’s start off with the therapist issue. Maybe I read it wrong, but it sounded like you think you are going to kneel in front of her wearing the device etc. I assure you, no professional therapist (that isn’t a pro domme) is doing anything like that. Therapist dealing with sexual issues or couples therapy will want to talk. Talk about root causes, what you would like to accomplish, and how you can be the person you want to be.

Let’s get in to what your issue is. Femdom excites you because it’s taboo to you. Acting the opposite of what you believe men should act excites you sexually. Sexually you are fulfilled after orgasm, and no longer have the desire to act out the taboo behavior.

The real question is if this is something you really want to do. It’s not for everyone, I’m not shaming you, but many men do not have the strength to submit on someone else’s terms. Just as it’s difficult for some women to take the lead. Culture and upbringing have a way of leading us around.

If it’s important for you to be able to let someone else lead, make that commitment and start. X plain your hesitation to your partner and ask her to work on it with you. Start with baby steps and build on success.

If this is a core portion of your identity, and you cannot fathom ever letting someone else making decisions or leading you, this isn’t going to work ever.

Im in agreement on square peg round hole analogy. I am however in disagreement on the simplicity of it. Some things are simple, do what she asks…will it make you feel uncomfortable? Smaller? Less “manly”, emasculated? Embarrassed? Silly? Probably yes to all of it, but if it’s something you really want, you can follow directions, we’ve all been doing it since kindergarten. Deal with your feelings on it with her in a calm fashion and I’m sure she explain her reasons.

 

But she's still a goddess

 

You could try searching the Kink Aware Professionals List for either online or local therapists:

https://www.kapprofessionals.org/

Good luck!

 

That's why so many people don't hold therapists in high regard

 

I love femdom too and even spent 30 years being sexually submissive to my wife and her girlfriend/lover who took pleasure in showing my wife why she should be my wife's primary lover. However, we learned a valuable lesson from a long time BDSM couple in the BDSM club our girlfriend belonged to. They told us to keep our fetish play confined to the bedroom or it will not last long. They pointed to all the BDSM couples we knew who no longer together. When we visited them they were just like any other married couple and no indication that the husband gets whipped before sex and made to do all sorts of things.

So that is what we did. In the bedroom the ladies and now just my wife is in charge. Sex was for the pleasure of the women and still is as I have not had PIV or anal for over 35 years now. Our sex is my wife paddling or caning my ass. Then clips on my nipples and my wife grabs her vibrator and squeezes my balls hard until I scream in pain which makes her cum fast and hard. Then she works on my nipples making me cry out in pain which makes her cum again. If I am lucky she will allow me to use my hand to make her cum a third time. She cums very fast. Her clit is prominent and very sensitive which is why oral is a special treat on our anniversary only. She cums pretty much as soon as I lick her clit.

Yet despite all this, tying me up, hoods, and other toys, once we leave the bedroom we are a normal couple and I am not submissive to my wife. I have a better education from private school gifted student programs while my wife went to a trade school. So, it makes sense, and she wants it this way, for me to run our marriage and she runs the household and sex. I will tell you now, you cannot go very long as a slave to your partner if you do so 24/7. The initial excitement does wear off and sooner or later you wake up and just do not feel like getting whipped or being a slave. It happens even to the hard core submissives who end up finding someone else. The excitement with that person wears off since you are doing it 24/7 and like all things you do all the time, can get boring and uninteresting.

For us it is always exciting because we only do it in the bedroom where sex is only for my wife's pleasure. Of course I still am locked at all times but after 14 years I am very used to it and do not even think of it most times.

 

I LOVE being 'friendly reminded' by a man, if I could have a man turn up at my front door in some form of daily service to remind me of what I am and what I am not, that would be so much fun!. I would literally cream my leggings at hearing the doorbell go ding-dong only to open the door and hear him say those perfect words to my ears.. 'your not everyone's Goddess.' ...Phew.. oh I feel faint...I need a man to catch me before I fall lol.

But on a serious note.

It is wonderful to see so many people care so much about helping others with their personal issues they are experiencing within our new post-lockdown (selfish-asshole/self-absorbed) world.

It will help to try and keep in mind that in the original post it appears that he talks about his core belief/value system being set by his father (as in most 'not all' of cases, your parent/guardian will solidify your belief/value/moral build) and that it is highly unlikely that at this stage any amount of parables/relatable examples will be able to affect this especially when delivered in a form that we as a group do not know the best way of working with him as the client.

Changework can be done at the base belief system level but it takes building rapport, trust and most of all the ability for YOU to listen, as in one paragraph can only tell us so much about a person. The first skill to learn when trying to assist someone with an issue is to close your mouth and open your ears.

You know I am right when I say that the best course of action would have been to ask more questions, not give advice or tell him what is wrong or how to fix himself.

Giving advice is often the last choice you wish to make as in the answers the person is looking for are actually nearly always inside themselves. With a little helpful steering and the right questions you can help the person find what it is they seek. The moment they come to a conclusion themselves and can see the way forward is when you recieve your reward.

What my previous post was trying to point out is that it isnt very helpful to use such forms of language that will often result in the person retreating, curling up into a ball and actually resulting in the opposite of your intentions.

I am confident that he will find what he is looking for x

'GODDESS' Jade.