Thanks everyone! I have been getting closer to talking to her about it. I have my thoughts. One big point is that I have a hard time keeping myself from masturbating, and for 2-3 days after I really don't feel closeness to her. The times I'm able to hold off for several days all I think about is her and how I want to do nice things for her. Is it a fantasy of mine? Sure, but I also believe it would be better for our relationship to give it a try. I feel guilty when I masturbate because I am getting pleasure and don't really seem to care afterwards whether or not she does.
Wife Found my secret box!
- Thread starter lidman
- Start date
I have made a decision to talk to my wife. I will probably do it in the next couple of weeks. I haven't masturbated in 25 days. My longest stretch since I was born! Anyway, I am dying and can't make it much longer. The only time I have a chance of having the courage to talk to her about it is when I haven't masturbated in at least a couple weeks.
I'm pretty sure I know what I am going to say. It's going to be short and sweet. Basically this: I love you and want to stay with you the rest of my life. I have a problem with masturbation. I can't stop and when I do it I really don't have any interest in you or your feelings for at least a couple days afterwards. I have tried to slow down how often I do it but I can't. It makes me feel guilty when I do it. I would like to try what is called a chastity belt, that thing you found in the box that day. With you in control of me it will direct my attention towards you and bring us closer. It's something I would really like to try.
I don't think she is going to like it at all but you never know. All I know is if she does agree to give it a try I am going to really focus on her and help out a bunch hoping to show her the benefits.
Man I really hope I don't wimp out on this. I am really scared.
I'm pretty sure I know what I am going to say. It's going to be short and sweet. Basically this: I love you and want to stay with you the rest of my life. I have a problem with masturbation. I can't stop and when I do it I really don't have any interest in you or your feelings for at least a couple days afterwards. I have tried to slow down how often I do it but I can't. It makes me feel guilty when I do it. I would like to try what is called a chastity belt, that thing you found in the box that day. With you in control of me it will direct my attention towards you and bring us closer. It's something I would really like to try.
I don't think she is going to like it at all but you never know. All I know is if she does agree to give it a try I am going to really focus on her and help out a bunch hoping to show her the benefits.
Man I really hope I don't wimp out on this. I am really scared.
I did it!!!!
I hadn't masturbated or had sex in 37 days and I could feel the courage building up inside. We watched a show tonight and I decided to talk to her after the show. As the end of the show approached my anxiety level was off the charts! I was so afraid of telling her and wimping out at the same time. So the show ends,we have a little small talk and then she turns to me and says, "do you want to have sex tonight? Or we could wait until tomorrow night." I wanted to have sex so badly but knew that would end my chances of talking about chastity for months. So I told her tomorrow and then said I had something to talk to her about.
Basically I told her that I have a masturbation problem and how it has negative effects on my feelings towards her. I haven't been successful stopping on my own. I told her that is why I had bought the CB in the first place. She ignored the CB comment and went on how we could set a schedule on when we would have sex and then I would know when to 'hold out'. I told her it made a lot of sense and was disappointed she obviously went past the CB comment. We talked a little more about how to improve our sex life.
Then she brings up finding the CB. It took me by surprise. I told her that I had read that it was a way to control masturbation and that I was embarrassed when she found it because I never had this talk with her before. She said she did actually look it up online that men use it to help control masturbation. She said men also buy it to prevent themselves from having an affair. She said that they give the key to the wife to hold. I told her that I'm not concerned about me having an affair. I realized she was a little quiet. I said 'Are you?' She said it has crossed her mind like it has with other wives she has talked to. This completely shocked me since we spend 99% of our time together unless I am at work or working out.
I can't remember all the specifics after this because I was kind of in shock that I actually grew some balls to talk to her and also that she has had some thoughts of me cheating on her. But the conversation didn't last much longer. I did mention that I bought the CB meaning to have her lock me up for a few days to build up the anticipation of having sex. She didn't look disgusted or upset by the comment, nor did she look excited by it.
We are going to have sex tomorrow night. It is going to be incredible. She gave a hug and kiss before heading upstairs and I said, 'so are you going to lock me up if I am a bad boy?'
She said, 'Yep, and throw away the key.' Holy cow!
I don't think she is into the chastity idea but it is out there and we have now had a talk about it. Her father is coming into town and they are taking the kids away for the weekend, leaving me home alone. I am thinking about offering to be locked up for a couple days while they are gone so she doesn't have to worry. Also, it might build up a little sexual anticipation for when she returns!
I think I need to go real slowly here.
Any thoughts of where to go from here?
I hadn't masturbated or had sex in 37 days and I could feel the courage building up inside. We watched a show tonight and I decided to talk to her after the show. As the end of the show approached my anxiety level was off the charts! I was so afraid of telling her and wimping out at the same time. So the show ends,we have a little small talk and then she turns to me and says, "do you want to have sex tonight? Or we could wait until tomorrow night." I wanted to have sex so badly but knew that would end my chances of talking about chastity for months. So I told her tomorrow and then said I had something to talk to her about.
Basically I told her that I have a masturbation problem and how it has negative effects on my feelings towards her. I haven't been successful stopping on my own. I told her that is why I had bought the CB in the first place. She ignored the CB comment and went on how we could set a schedule on when we would have sex and then I would know when to 'hold out'. I told her it made a lot of sense and was disappointed she obviously went past the CB comment. We talked a little more about how to improve our sex life.
Then she brings up finding the CB. It took me by surprise. I told her that I had read that it was a way to control masturbation and that I was embarrassed when she found it because I never had this talk with her before. She said she did actually look it up online that men use it to help control masturbation. She said men also buy it to prevent themselves from having an affair. She said that they give the key to the wife to hold. I told her that I'm not concerned about me having an affair. I realized she was a little quiet. I said 'Are you?' She said it has crossed her mind like it has with other wives she has talked to. This completely shocked me since we spend 99% of our time together unless I am at work or working out.
I can't remember all the specifics after this because I was kind of in shock that I actually grew some balls to talk to her and also that she has had some thoughts of me cheating on her. But the conversation didn't last much longer. I did mention that I bought the CB meaning to have her lock me up for a few days to build up the anticipation of having sex. She didn't look disgusted or upset by the comment, nor did she look excited by it.
We are going to have sex tomorrow night. It is going to be incredible. She gave a hug and kiss before heading upstairs and I said, 'so are you going to lock me up if I am a bad boy?'
She said, 'Yep, and throw away the key.' Holy cow!
I don't think she is into the chastity idea but it is out there and we have now had a talk about it. Her father is coming into town and they are taking the kids away for the weekend, leaving me home alone. I am thinking about offering to be locked up for a couple days while they are gone so she doesn't have to worry. Also, it might build up a little sexual anticipation for when she returns!
I think I need to go real slowly here.
Any thoughts of where to go from here?
isnt it funny how in our minds we are taking things slowly and not pushing to fast and yet without even thinking about all we just said about taking things slowly we almost instantly start planning "what next"? we make little quips and hints and then if we get a little response we pounce on it and wonder if that is a green light. You have achieved a great deal by talking openly to your wife about your fantasy she listened and it never ended in an argument, be happy with that and now just accept it and wait to see if and when she brings the subject back up again. The biggest mistake by far you will make is if you try to subtlely(in your mind)at least! bring the subject back onto her agenda. As others have mentioned you have had years of fantasizing about all of this spending hours of your time dreaming of it, now it is her chance to possibly give it a thought or perhaps not that is just the point it is now totally in her court.
I can relate to the issues mentioned. I just spent 4 days loose and cheated 3 times. She's holding the keys but didn't really care. I enjoyed the orgasms (and to make sure it still worked) but I am so bored not being in chastity. I enjoy the Lust and have become addicted to it. I finished my Irene cleanup (another reason to be loose-too much activity for device) and locked myself back up today.
Today is my 30th wedding anniversary and I'm still working on the situation. I'm too selfish and she's so nice that she is not selfish enough. I'm glad to have a keyholder but there can still be some changes.
Aren't we a funny bunch?!!
Today is my 30th wedding anniversary and I'm still working on the situation. I'm too selfish and she's so nice that she is not selfish enough. I'm glad to have a keyholder but there can still be some changes.
Aren't we a funny bunch?!!
First, I want to thank everyone who has posted here. I read it all and take it all into consideration before acting. I agree that I want things to progress fast and sometimes need to step back and relax. I am just worried that this is the perfect situation to bring it up and if she doesn't go for it I will back off. I am pretty good at reading my wife's feelings and it seems like she might actually be open to it.
I will see how the next couple of days go.
Thank you for the advice and support!
I will see how the next couple of days go.
Thank you for the advice and support!
Sometimes the easiest thing to do is just straight out tell her you want her to hold the key to your penis for the weekend. You can position it that you go in on friday, then she can take it off, and have sex with you on Sunday night; she'll know that you didn't masterbate. Don't go with the 'don't let me out no matter what I do" just suffer in silence. If she has it in her, she'll do it for the sexual curiosity, and for the fun of it. During the weekend, I am positive she'll notice the changes in you! This gives her a little time adjust to the idea, and feelings will start to stir in her; I'm sure.
If successful, after your sex on Sunday night, tell her how you thought about making love to her all weeknd long, and ask her if she wants to do it next weekend too. What woman could resist? If her response is positive, your in for a long haul. Pretty soon, you can feel much more comfortable discussing the finer sides of chastity, and move the lockup day to Thursday, then Wednesday. Soon, discussions over her having "completely control of your penis" will make their way in.
But small steps; little ones, and get through one weekend without asking to be unlocked.
If you can bare it, and take those small steps, a few months from now you'll want to be let out, and she'll say no, then put you to work on her..
M
If successful, after your sex on Sunday night, tell her how you thought about making love to her all weeknd long, and ask her if she wants to do it next weekend too. What woman could resist? If her response is positive, your in for a long haul. Pretty soon, you can feel much more comfortable discussing the finer sides of chastity, and move the lockup day to Thursday, then Wednesday. Soon, discussions over her having "completely control of your penis" will make their way in.
But small steps; little ones, and get through one weekend without asking to be unlocked.
If you can bare it, and take those small steps, a few months from now you'll want to be let out, and she'll say no, then put you to work on her..
M
This sounds like a very good idea in your head! lol :smilies_xxx09: but i know for sure if it were my wife she A) would not like to think i was suggesting anything B) would not like to think i was making any plans C) would not like to think i had offered her the chance for sex on sunday if she locked me friday!. By all means ask if she would consider locking you for a weekend and hope for a favourable outcome but dont try doing it on the pretext that it is for her benefit any woman worth a jot would see straight through that.
Here's the update. I didn't get a chance to talk to my wife before she left about locking me up while gone. I went out and bought another CB3000 and am wearing it now. I just want to make sure it will be comfortable while exercising and sleeping. Who am I kidding? I just couldn't stand the thought of not wearing a CB this weekend. Hopefully I'll get to talk to her more about it soon....
Hi Stroppy,
I didn't mean to imply that that the suggestion for weekend lockup was only for the benifit of the wife. I assumed that since there was an earlier conversation, this was a way to move it a little forward, and also show 'some benifits' to her.
This is the approach I took with my wife a few years ago to break the ice. Discussing masterbation, telling her it takes away from her, and suggesting that this is a fun way to play, and she is assured that there is no materbation.
My wife was concerned about my masterbation taking away from her weekly sex, so the selling point was of interest to her.
she will be doing you a favor, and If I'm off base, and a suggestion like a weekend of play gets a no, then your probably not going to get any chastity play from the girl.
M
I didn't mean to imply that that the suggestion for weekend lockup was only for the benifit of the wife. I assumed that since there was an earlier conversation, this was a way to move it a little forward, and also show 'some benifits' to her.
This is the approach I took with my wife a few years ago to break the ice. Discussing masterbation, telling her it takes away from her, and suggesting that this is a fun way to play, and she is assured that there is no materbation.
My wife was concerned about my masterbation taking away from her weekly sex, so the selling point was of interest to her.
she will be doing you a favor, and If I'm off base, and a suggestion like a weekend of play gets a no, then your probably not going to get any chastity play from the girl.
M
I have been in your position Lidman as have most of us here and i remember how desperately i longed for my wife to see that MY fantasy of being in chastity and being in bondage would be of huge benefit not only to me but also to her. I have been over the years very careful how i approached her about the desire for these things and have never tried to force or co-erce her into adopting them into our lives. I have bought several devices including a full steel tollyboy belt all with her knowledge but having them and getting her to want to use them are completely different things and barring a few fun play occassions things were pretty much going nowhere. I sold the tollyboy and in a gesture to her that she meant more to me than any fantasy i actually threw ALL my bondage and chastity items into the trash. My dreams of realising my wifes dominance over me was over and stayed that way for about 6 months until quite by accident and unnoticed by me my wife had been looking at my messages on my mobile phone and on one of them my Manager( a female) had sent me a text telling me when to come into work next and had finished it with her name and a X. I had not even noticed it but after all hell broke loose my wife pointed out it had happened on lots of other messages, i tried to reassure her that it was just something some women innocently do and meant nothing but she was adamant she was flirting with me. Talk about a change in a person my wife said we were going to sort things out and we would make sure that i could not be tempted even if i wanted to, she had drawn up a list of items she wanted me to purchase immediately and once they had arrived we would be making her plans for our future. Once they had arrived and were put to use she had me where she wanted and drew up a contract of sorts which i had to sign, she took several photos of me in compromising positions in my items and said if i disobeyed her or made her angry she would send these pictures to family and friends. She had listed all the benefits such as tie ups and treat days i would recieve as long as she was happy and i behaved but also all the punishments i would recieve if i failed to please her. I left the job shortly after there was never any intention on the managers part to flirt with me but my wifes insistence that she was after me and her demand that i always be in the cb device when at work with her made it both physically and emotionally uncomfortable to continue there. My life has changed dramatically for the better with my wife so much more the dominant force in our relationship, and it all happened as a result of nothing i had done but as a result of my wifes one big failure JEALOUSY !. I had tried everything from subtle hints of benefits ,from books to read, treats to be had by her but all to no avail until one innocent X on the bottom line of a nondescript text from someone stirred her feelings of jealousy. We live now a fantastic life i am given a treat day weekly as long as she is happy with my behaviour, but i am also left in no dissilusionment if she is displeased by her use of the many wonderful items of punishment should i fail. Sorry to go on about this in your post i just wanted you to realise that i am speaking from some personal experience here and in the end the only thing that changed my wifes opinion on all the things i dreamt of was her own in built flaw. Good luck finding your answers
Thanks guys!
I am planning on talking to her about maybe a friday lockup with a sunday night release for sex and see where it goes from there. Also, my birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I may hint that this would be a great birthday present.
I'll keep you posted....
I am planning on talking to her about maybe a friday lockup with a sunday night release for sex and see where it goes from there. Also, my birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I may hint that this would be a great birthday present.
I'll keep you posted....
My wife is going out of town for a long weekend again. I am hoping to talk to her about chastity again in hopes of being locked up while she is gone. If I work up the balls again to talk to her I will get a good idea of where she stands on the whole chastity issue.
MAJOR UPDATE!!!!
I just spoke to my wife on the phone to confirm that we will be having sex on friday. She said yes and then I asked her if I could be locked up from tonight until then. Without hesitation she said 'Yes'. No odd sounds in her voice or telling me I didn't need to do that. She only asked if I could wear it under clothes. I said that you are supposed to be able to but we'll check it out tonight.
She goes away for a long weekend next weekend so I'm kind of hoping she'll lock me up for it. I will offer it to her.
Holy crap I'm so excited and terrified at the same time!
I just spoke to my wife on the phone to confirm that we will be having sex on friday. She said yes and then I asked her if I could be locked up from tonight until then. Without hesitation she said 'Yes'. No odd sounds in her voice or telling me I didn't need to do that. She only asked if I could wear it under clothes. I said that you are supposed to be able to but we'll check it out tonight.
She goes away for a long weekend next weekend so I'm kind of hoping she'll lock me up for it. I will offer it to her.
Holy crap I'm so excited and terrified at the same time!
Better keep an emergency key around the house when she's gone though. A CB-3000 can cause some serious pain until you're used to it.
I am locked! Around 9:30pm I told my wife I was going to get suited up. She kind of smiled and I headed upstairs. She tried to get into the bathroom but I had locked the door. No way I could get it on with her watching. I would have a huge hard on. When I was done I let her in and she asked me to show her. I took down my shorts and she had a big smile and said 'Boy that looks uncomfortable.' I told her it wasn't bad at all.
Later she came downstairs while I was watching TV and asked me how it was going be restrained. I told her I really didn't notice it much because I wasn't really moving around. I said I only notice it when she is around because she gets me aroused. She seemed to like that.
She then informed me that I would be locked up whenever she went out of town. I told her thank you for playing along and she gave me a weird look. She said 'It doesn't matter to me you're the one wearing it.' Wow that was hot. She doesn't seem to be having a problem at all with this.
Which brings me to my next thought. I can really see her being ok holding my key and having me in chastity long term. But is it really what I want? I don't know. I am scared and excited at the same time. I feel great wearing it, almost like it is supposed to be this way.
I am in a CB3000. A couple of issues are that I am very large. Even soft. Soft I measure 5" long and about 2.5" diameter. I tried a curve but it didn't work out at all. The CB3000 is comfortable but the ring hangs about 2-3" from my body, making it a bit bulky. I would love to find something that would hold the ring closer to my body. Also I am afraid of breaking the plastic when I get hard.
This morning I woke up with an attempted hard on and thought my left testicle was going to explode. The pain finally subsided.
Supposed to be released tomorrow night. I now it's a short period but a start! Be interesting if I go back in after we have sex.
Later she came downstairs while I was watching TV and asked me how it was going be restrained. I told her I really didn't notice it much because I wasn't really moving around. I said I only notice it when she is around because she gets me aroused. She seemed to like that.
She then informed me that I would be locked up whenever she went out of town. I told her thank you for playing along and she gave me a weird look. She said 'It doesn't matter to me you're the one wearing it.' Wow that was hot. She doesn't seem to be having a problem at all with this.
Which brings me to my next thought. I can really see her being ok holding my key and having me in chastity long term. But is it really what I want? I don't know. I am scared and excited at the same time. I feel great wearing it, almost like it is supposed to be this way.
I am in a CB3000. A couple of issues are that I am very large. Even soft. Soft I measure 5" long and about 2.5" diameter. I tried a curve but it didn't work out at all. The CB3000 is comfortable but the ring hangs about 2-3" from my body, making it a bit bulky. I would love to find something that would hold the ring closer to my body. Also I am afraid of breaking the plastic when I get hard.
This morning I woke up with an attempted hard on and thought my left testicle was going to explode. The pain finally subsided.
Supposed to be released tomorrow night. I now it's a short period but a start! Be interesting if I go back in after we have sex.
Well, Friday around noon my wife and I headed for the bedroom. She told me to take off the belt and meet her in the bed. I told her I would rather keep it on to start because once it was off all I would be thinking about would be sticking it in her and I wouldn't properly tend to her needs. She seemed to like this and pulled my pants and underwear off. I stood there naked except for my CB while she was still clothed. It was so hot I can't even explain it. We kissed passionately and she ran her hands over my body. It was incredible.
We headed to the bed and used her massager to bring her to orgasm. Then we unlocked the cage and had some fun. She commented on how purple my penis looked. Not sure if that is a potential problem. It was mindblowing to say the least. I didn't put the CB back on because I was a little nervous about the purple color.
I did not like the feeling of being out of the belt and told her later on I wanted to try a different ring size. I put it back on Saturday night with the largest ring and wore it until last night. It fit much better except the ring is rubbing the inside of my thighs. It is too bulky. I wonder if the metal ones are thinner?
She is leaving this Friday for the weekend and I'm not sure if she is going to have me locked up. Not sure what her whole take on the experience is.
We headed to the bed and used her massager to bring her to orgasm. Then we unlocked the cage and had some fun. She commented on how purple my penis looked. Not sure if that is a potential problem. It was mindblowing to say the least. I didn't put the CB back on because I was a little nervous about the purple color.
I did not like the feeling of being out of the belt and told her later on I wanted to try a different ring size. I put it back on Saturday night with the largest ring and wore it until last night. It fit much better except the ring is rubbing the inside of my thighs. It is too bulky. I wonder if the metal ones are thinner?
She is leaving this Friday for the weekend and I'm not sure if she is going to have me locked up. Not sure what her whole take on the experience is.
I know I should and I will. But I am still scared talking to her about it. I don't want to press her too much. I did call her from work today and tell her that I really enjoyed our Friday encounter. She did mention last week that she was going to lock me up while she is gone for the coming weekend. If that is true, then I really need to try out the CB again for which ring size to use if I want to make it 3 days.
I told my wife last night I wanted to try out a different ring size. She doesn't seem to care if I'm in it or not but I want to keep her informed and part of the process. So I'm back in. I can't seem to figure out which ring to use. The largest is the most comfortable but rubs against my inner thighs.
I also asked my wife how the chastity experience went for her. She said it didn't really affect her since I am wearing it but she wishes I had bathed before sex because it had been encased for a couple of days and she won't give me a BJ without washing it. I told her a BJ really isn't necessary. I would rather be locked up until the last second.
I brought up getting ready to be locked for the weekend and she mentioned her period should be coming any day. I plan on wearing the CB from tonight until sunday when she returns, but what do I do if she is on her period? Should I tell her it is up to her when to unlock me? Is there good site to have her read about being a keyholder. I know there is a book but it take 2-3 weeks to ship.
She seems ok with the whole thing and I don't want to scare her away with going too fast. But it also seems like the best time to get her hooked.
Not sure where to go from here. I don't want to screw this up!
I also asked my wife how the chastity experience went for her. She said it didn't really affect her since I am wearing it but she wishes I had bathed before sex because it had been encased for a couple of days and she won't give me a BJ without washing it. I told her a BJ really isn't necessary. I would rather be locked up until the last second.
I brought up getting ready to be locked for the weekend and she mentioned her period should be coming any day. I plan on wearing the CB from tonight until sunday when she returns, but what do I do if she is on her period? Should I tell her it is up to her when to unlock me? Is there good site to have her read about being a keyholder. I know there is a book but it take 2-3 weeks to ship.
She seems ok with the whole thing and I don't want to scare her away with going too fast. But it also seems like the best time to get her hooked.
Not sure where to go from here. I don't want to screw this up!
Try this site and see what she thinks. It's non-threatening sounding, unlike some that are too D/s oriented for a vanilla wife.
http://goodwifebetterhusband.com/male_chastity
I think you should follow her lead and let it develop organically between you; I'm not sure that suggesting websites or books to her is a great idea based on what you've said so far.
She seems to be taking it as "whatever you want, dear" because it doesn't affect her. You've dropped a lot of hints of what you want, so let those seeds grow into what she wants them to be ... Which is the point, right?
Patience. It's your collective relationship. Don't let a book or website define it for you.
She seems to be taking it as "whatever you want, dear" because it doesn't affect her. You've dropped a lot of hints of what you want, so let those seeds grow into what she wants them to be ... Which is the point, right?
Patience. It's your collective relationship. Don't let a book or website define it for you.