Everyone asks for money:(

[Breanne884]

Im still new to the whole chastity thing (only been about a week) and I've been looking to find a dom (preferably female bc it seems more fun) but they always want things im not okay with, which usually is fine with them, but they always tell me i need to pay a commitment fee. Does anyone know where i can find people that won't try to charge me money?

 

[JaySaysYes]

Finding someone to participate in your kink will always be tricky, and the easiest route is to find a local in person dominatrtix - sue you'll have to pay for her time, but it will reduce the uncertainty.

I's also suggest joining fetlife (even though it's a shitfest), then going along to real in person kink events (munches), and finding like minded people.

Or try dating people in real life, and then bringing it up with them. Afterall, you are looking for someone to play sex games with, and really the best person for that is a long term partner.

 

[CS2]

When people provide a service be that unblocking your drains, fixing your electrics or being a KH/dom the generally want paying or at least something in return, thats the way the world works im afraid.

 

[Mr_anonymous]

I'd think you're better off trying to find a genuine relationship first then discussing things you'd each like to try. As said people providing just a service will want to be compensated.

 

[Byrdie]

I's also suggest joining fetlife (even though it's a shitfest), then going along to real in person kink events (munches), and finding like minded people.

FetLife is awesome for finding and keeping up with local kink community and connections therein. It's ... peculiar for anything else.

However, it is the default place for posting about kink events, and even contains discussion groups about them.

It is not, however, a dating / personal ad / hookup site. People who treat their profiles as personals ads find that out real quick, and often abandon their accounts there.

Unless you really like posting in discussion groups or looking at other people's photos, if you're not interested in connecting with your nearby kink community there is no point in going to FetLife.

 

[Shimone]

In addition to Byrdies advice with fetlife & co (alt.com could be an alternative as well) I would recommend for find a local munch that suits you.

It is the same as with feltlife though: A munch is no blind date event for singles, but rather a group of like minded people who want to have some good time together.

So even if a munch is not about dating - geting to know like minded people is necessarily a first step in the right direction: Why would someone who does not know you choose you as a playpartner if not for money ?

 

[Goddess Jade]

If anyone you are interacting with is asking for money within (I would say) at least one month of initiating contact
then they do not know you very well as a person, they nothing about you, you know nothing about them, they
do not know your habits, schedule, situation, likes/dislikes, personality, history, background and so much more.

It would be like walking into a bar picking someone at random, giving them money and then asking them to
help you become a happier, more settled person or internally feel more self worth.

I do have one question though, what would you offer/trade with a Keyholder/Domme in return for their time and energy?
Do you have any useable transferable skill sets, do you have an interest or hobby that can be utilised in such a way
that you can provide entertainment or increase their happiness and pleasure. Are you a sculptor or painter, or perhaps
you write the most wonderful poetry, have you ever writtten an erotic novel, can you sew or make clothing, do you code or
know about 'ai' things, do you write music or play an instrument, do you have technical or mechanical skills, there are so
many ways that you can provide usefulness to another person.

What I see a lot in requests and messages towards myself are things like:

'I wanna KH/Domme but im not paying you any money, so wanna control my cock?'
'I want to serve/obey you, I dont have any money but I can do anything you like, my cock is yours to do with as you please.'
'I am desperate/begging to serve you but I dont work so I have no money or anything to give you, but I want to serve.'
'I will do whatever you want, my cock is yours, but I have nothing to give in return soooo....... wanna play?'

My dick, my dick, my dick, my dick, my dick, my dick.....

If we wanted to play with a dick for our amusement and enjoyment, we certainly dont have to look far, you are everywhere,
you are nothing special, you are but one of many, you are all such identical weak beta males in such a multitude of ways
that you all tend to blend in together with one another, it is down to YOU to make the effort, to get yourself noticed, I am sorry
that our inherant Female privilege puts us in this position but mother nature made these rules, you will have to take it up
with her, perhaps it is you who should look at how you operate and not try to question the system.

As I say to everyone that messages me, seek to swim above the sea of tuna, otherwise just carry on floating down the river.

Goddess Jade.

 

[PornAddict103]

Im still new to the whole chastity thing (only been about a week) and I've been looking to find a dom (preferably female bc it seems more fun) but they always want things im not okay with, which usually is fine with them, but they always tell me i need to pay a commitment fee. Does anyone know where i can find people that won't try to charge me money?

Sometimes you must think outside the box... Try this: Make some friends in person (online friends are fine but you must be careful who to talk to), and keep your ears open to them... If one of them gives some hint(s) that they are into kink, then begin a convo of the subject, subtly and stealthily just to see if they really are into it. How you do this is entirely up to you. If one of your friends is into kink, then bring up chastity with them and then go from there. Instead of trying to eye your destination, go with the flow and see where it leads you. You may discover a path unknown to you right now, but maybe better for you in the long run.

 

[enslavedbyc]

Yes, join Fetlife, (go straight to the local events page and ignore the rest). Sure, attend a munch (some are great most suck for single men). If you want to meet real people who are at least mildly kinky find a Shibari class near you (they are literally everywhere, Google Shibari class near me in addition to Fetlife). Be prepared to invest $25 to $70 on rope (and safety shears), that meets the class requirement. Contact the organizer a month or more in advance tell them you don’t have a partner ask if anyone else needs a partner. If there is not, ask if you can attend alone. If yes, buy a ticket $25 to $40ish dollars. Go on YouTube, learn Shibari basic rope ties and rope basics (like correctly coiling your rope between ties), you can practice two column and single column ties on your own ankles. Wear comfortable clothing, (no one will be naked) go to class learn the skills. Now you’re equipped to attend events interact with other rope enthusiasts and tie and be tied. When you find someone you have chemistry with go on a coffee (wash, rinse repeat), on the third date ask if they have any other kinks. Worst case you find some other fun new BDSM activities, possibly you find someone who thinks locking you in your chastity device in exchange for you meeting her need to “fly” in rope or if your lucky she’s happy with ground ties (developing ground tie skills is quicker and easier than learning to safely suspend someone).

 

[Goddess Jade]

Okay lemme get this straight, I wanna make sure I get this right.

Step 01: Join Fetlife using computer or phone.
Step 02: Goto Events page and find munch in local area to attend.
Step 03: Attend local munch with 25% chance of it being fun and interesting, if a single male that is.
Step 04: Return to Fetlife feeling quite sad and look at events page for local Shibari events.
Step 05: Google for local Shibari events as well
Step 06: Order rope on Amazon, spend between $25 and $70
Step 07: Wait for rope to arrive, maybe a day or two.
Step 08: Forgot to order safety shears, order safety shears on Amazon, maybe a day or two to arrive.
Step 09: Awkwardly explain safety shears and rope to delivery man, convince him you are not kidnapping an ex-girlfriend.
Step 10: Check rope and shears meet Shibari class requirements, if not, sad face, order more rope and shears.
Step 11: Explain to delivery man you are not planning terrorism of any sort.
Step 12: Contact organiser of Shibari group/class at least one month in advance, explain you are single, have no experience or knowledge.
Step 13: Send follow up contact asking for any potential partners attending that would let you loose on them.
Step 14: Apologise for wording of previous contact, explain you are not a serial killer in training.
Step 15: The day has arrived, Shibari group here I come! you have saved up $25 to $40 for the ticket lets go! exciting times ahead!
Step 16: Sit down with $9 coffee at event, pull out phone and learn about Shibari on youtube, yay!
Step 17: Sit down with empty coffee at event and then begin to tie own ankles with rope, practice makes perfect!
Step 18: Oops, put all clothes back on as you realise no one else is naked, apologise and promise not to do that again!
Step 19: Now your ready to learn Shibari! you have practiced on your ankles, you have watched youtube! Lets go!
Step 20: Now you have met lots of people, everyone loves you, you are utterly brilliant and you have made new friends! go you!
Step 21: Find someone you have chemistry with, a girl perhaps, someone pretty, funny or smart, someone who likes you.
Step 22: Find the right person and go on three dates, if she turns out to be a weirdo, start again return to Step 21.
Step 23: On third date ask about other kinks besides Shibari, worst case scenario she says she likes 'adult babies' or wearing furry suits.
Step 24: Return to Step 21, rinse and repeat until you find a willing and open minded normal kinky person.
Step 25: When you find the right person, go for it, reveal your chastity fetish/desire/need/kink and hope she remains seated.
Step 26: Offer this person an exchange of goods or services in exchange for becoming involved in your dream chastity lifestyle/kink.
Step 27: Either you achieve Success! ...or you return to stage 21 and start all over again.

MY EASY 27 STEP PLAN! woot.

 

[IB-Chaste]

Okay lemme get this straight, I wanna make sure I get this right.

Step 01: Join Fetlife using computer or phone.
Step 02: Goto Events page and find munch in local area to attend.
Step 03: Attend local munch with 25% chance of it being fun and interesting, if a single male that is.
Step 04: Return to Fetlife feeling quite sad and look at events page for local Shibari events.
Step 05: Google for local Shibari events as well
Step 06: Order rope on Amazon, spend between $25 and $70
Step 07: Wait for rope to arrive, maybe a day or two.
Step 08: Forgot to order safety shears, order safety shears on Amazon, maybe a day or two to arrive.
Step 09: Awkwardly explain safety shears and rope to delivery man, convince him you are not kidnapping an ex-girlfriend.
Step 10: Check rope and shears meet Shibari class requirements, if not, sad face, order more rope and shears.
Step 11: Explain to delivery man you are not planning terrorism of any sort.
Step 12: Contact organiser of Shibari group/class at least one month in advance, explain you are single, have no experience or knowledge.
Step 13: Send follow up contact asking for any potential partners attending that would let you loose on them.
Step 14: Apologise for wording of previous contact, explain you are not a serial killer in training.
Step 15: The day has arrived, Shibari group here I come! you have saved up $25 to $40 for the ticket lets go! exciting times ahead!
Step 16: Sit down with $9 coffee at event, pull out phone and learn about Shibari on youtube, yay!
Step 17: Sit down with empty coffee at event and then begin to tie own ankles with rope, practice makes perfect!
Step 18: Oops, put all clothes back on as you realise no one else is naked, apologise and promise not to do that again!
Step 19: Now your ready to learn Shibari! you have practiced on your ankles, you have watched youtube! Lets go!
Step 20: Now you have met lots of people, everyone loves you, you are utterly brilliant and you have made new friends! go you!
Step 21: Find someone you have chemistry with, a girl perhaps, someone pretty, funny or smart, someone who likes you.
Step 22: Find the right person and go on three dates, if she turns out to be a weirdo, start again return to Step 21.
Step 23: On third date ask about other kinks besides Shibari, worst case scenario she says she likes 'adult babies' or wearing furry suits.
Step 24: Return to Step 21, rinse and repeat until you find a willing and open minded normal kinky person.
Step 25: When you find the right person, go for it, reveal your chastity fetish/desire/need/kink and hope she remains seated.
Step 26: Offer this person an exchange of goods or services in exchange for becoming involved in your dream chastity lifestyle/kink.
Step 27: Either you achieve Success! ...or you return to stage 21 and start all over again.

MY EASY 27 STEP PLAN! woot.

Could’ve saved a whole lot of trouble if you had followed previous advice.

Step 9b: ascertain whether delivery guy is into kink.

Could also skip steps 1-5 and just go straight to ordering an array of outrageous items. This could attract a plethora of delivery experts for you to prey upon.

That’s assuming you don’t live in a small town and the same delivery girl frequents many networks. That could be a costly error. ‘No risk, no reward’ as they say.

 

[jsub292]

If anyone you are interacting with is asking for money within (I would say) at least one month of initiating contact
then they do not know you very well as a person, they nothing about you, you know nothing about them, they
do not know your habits, schedule, situation, likes/dislikes, personality, history, background and so much more.

It would be like walking into a bar picking someone at random, giving them money and then asking them to
help you become a happier, more settled person or internally feel more self worth.

I do have one question though, what would you offer/trade with a Keyholder/Domme in return for their time and energy?
Do you have any useable transferable skill sets, do you have an interest or hobby that can be utilised in such a way
that you can provide entertainment or increase their happiness and pleasure. Are you a sculptor or painter, or perhaps
you write the most wonderful poetry, have you ever writtten an erotic novel, can you sew or make clothing, do you code or
know about 'ai' things, do you write music or play an instrument, do you have technical or mechanical skills, there are so
many ways that you can provide usefulness to another person.

What I see a lot in requests and messages towards myself are things like:

'I wanna KH/Domme but im not paying you any money, so wanna control my cock?'
'I want to serve/obey you, I dont have any money but I can do anything you like, my cock is yours to do with as you please.'
'I am desperate/begging to serve you but I dont work so I have no money or anything to give you, but I want to serve.'
'I will do whatever you want, my cock is yours, but I have nothing to give in return soooo....... wanna play?'

My dick, my dick, my dick, my dick, my dick, my dick.....

If we wanted to play with a dick for our amusement and enjoyment, we certainly dont have to look far, you are everywhere,
you are nothing special, you are but one of many, you are all such identical weak beta males in such a multitude of ways
that you all tend to blend in together with one another, it is down to YOU to make the effort, to get yourself noticed, I am sorry
that our inherant Female privilege puts us in this position but mother nature made these rules, you will have to take it up
with her, perhaps it is you who should look at how you operate and not try to question the system.

As I say to everyone that messages me, seek to swim above the sea of tuna, otherwise just carry on floating down the river.

Goddess Jade.

I think an issue many have isn't necessarily the idea of compensation. After all any interaction/relationship between two people should go two-ways and each should be getting something out of it.

I think what some have gotten a little miffed about is the heavy proliferation of those who really don't have a lot of interest in the kink or BDSM, but look at this as a business opportunity. The kink community is now flooded. There is no shortage of "InstaDommes" out there trolling on social media hustling for the quick buck. And that's their only interest and motivation. Because there are so many of these dommes now, you are nothing special either. Most of these garbage instadommes will attract garbage submissives. So they deserve each other. But any submissive of quality out there looking is not going to stay very long with a domme unless you have something of value to offer them. As I said. It's a two-way interaction. Any woman on the internet will hold a chastity key for $50 and mail it back in a week. Trust me. You all blend together too. Any submissive of quality is looking for a little more than that. If there is nothing else in return, he may as well just look into self-locking options until they find an actual relationship to play in.

 

[JamesD]

Yes, sadly this is common, and even worse most of those who ask for a one off fee to start are scams.

There are a handful of dominants out there who may hold keys for free but the sad truth is that being a keyholder is time consuming and not always as fun as you'd think.

Having said all that, there are some paid keyholders who will let you know upfront the cost per month. If you're going to pay someone these are probably best. As I understand it they are $50-100/month, which isn't outrageous. It's probably the same price someone would pay for a therapy session, or two, with a professional.

 

[Mr_anonymous]

By the time you buy rope, shears, pay for classes, attend munches etc. It seems more financially prudent to just pay a kh a nominal fee for a guaranteed result.

 

[madams-sissysub]

It’s the way of the world now, nobody does anything for free!

 

[enslavedbyc]

By the time you buy rope, shears, pay for classes, attend munches etc. It seems more financially prudent to just pay a kh a nominal fee for a guaranteed result.

If all you want is to get your chastity Kink met, you’re correct. If you want to get to know approachable people who are at least Kink light and usually Kink friendly in general and date and have a chance at developing a relationship, then Shibari is a great gateway.

 

[PornAddict103]

If all you want is to get your chastity Kink met, you’re correct. If you want to get to know approachable people who are at least Kink light and usually Kink friendly in general and date and have a chance at developing a relationship, then Shibari is a great gateway.

Please tell me more about Shibari?

 

[enslavedbyc]

Please tell me more about Shibari?

If you want a quick look at basic rope mechanics, go to YouTube and search out Twisted Monk.

My favorite instructor has a great article out which is great education on the history.

https://spectrumboutique.com/journal/article/the-history-myths-of-japanese-bondage/

 

[denied_one]

If anyone you are interacting with is asking for money within (I would say) at least one month of initiating contact
then they do not know you very well as a person, they nothing about you, you know nothing about them, they
do not know your habits, schedule, situation, likes/dislikes, personality, history, background and so much more.

It would be like walking into a bar picking someone at random, giving them money and then asking them to
help you become a happier, more settled person or internally feel more self worth.

I do have one question though, what would you offer/trade with a Keyholder/Domme in return for their time and energy?
Do you have any useable transferable skill sets, do you have an interest or hobby that can be utilised in such a way
that you can provide entertainment or increase their happiness and pleasure. Are you a sculptor or painter, or perhaps
you write the most wonderful poetry, have you ever writtten an erotic novel, can you sew or make clothing, do you code or
know about 'ai' things, do you write music or play an instrument, do you have technical or mechanical skills, there are so
many ways that you can provide usefulness to another person.

What I see a lot in requests and messages towards myself are things like:

'I wanna KH/Domme but im not paying you any money, so wanna control my cock?'
'I want to serve/obey you, I dont have any money but I can do anything you like, my cock is yours to do with as you please.'
'I am desperate/begging to serve you but I dont work so I have no money or anything to give you, but I want to serve.'
'I will do whatever you want, my cock is yours, but I have nothing to give in return soooo....... wanna play?'

My dick, my dick, my dick, my dick, my dick, my dick.....

If we wanted to play with a dick for our amusement and enjoyment, we certainly dont have to look far, you are everywhere,
you are nothing special, you are but one of many, you are all such identical weak beta males in such a multitude of ways
that you all tend to blend in together with one another, it is down to YOU to make the effort, to get yourself noticed, I am sorry
that our inherant Female privilege puts us in this position but mother nature made these rules, you will have to take it up
with her, perhaps it is you who should look at how you operate and not try to question the system.

As I say to everyone that messages me, seek to swim above the sea of tuna, otherwise just carry on floating down the river.

Goddess Jade.

People lack confidence....it's crazy and annoying

 

[JamesD]

If all else fails, there is always super glue.

 

[locked&pantied]

I feel and empathize with your frustration. I've been into the lifestyle for many years, and even married once. Given the fact that the majority of us are hardwired so to speak, in that women are sexually submissive and men dominate. It just stands to reason that many women do expect some gratuities financial or otherwise. It's gotten a little better, but it's still not easy being a submissive male. Best of luck to you. Have a nice weekend.