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How to ask a lady friend to be my keyholder?

Discussion in 'The Boudoir' started by Your little man, Jul 3, 2013.

  1. Hello all. First of all I hope this isn't in the wrong section. And I'm sorry for not participating much in the discussions, I'm short on time.

    I have two close female friends that I would consider either (or both) to hold the key. We are good friends but seeing as one is in a relationship and the other is a distant relative, well I'm talking too much but anyway there is nothing romantic with them. They are the only ones I could think of to trust with this. I have no clue how to go about this.

    I had asked a male friend to hold the keys but he refused unless I said what for, that didn't work as I'm not prepared to tell anyone.

    Anyway back to it, in a perfect world each of these women would hold a key. I have no clue how to go about asking them. I'm sure they would be insistent on knowing what the key was for. Am I overthinking things? One I wouldn't mind telling if I knew how to explain it the right way (she's my 3rd cousin, is that freaky?).

    I'm a strong dude and compete in sports, not a sissy in any regards (no offense at all to those who are) I just have things outside of sex I would rather do. I think everyone expects me to pack something bigger than my truck motor, especially my ex :( I got rid of my cbk6s because it was too big.

    I apologize for what was probably too long of a post, but I figured I would let you know who I was since I'm new here.
  2. First, your post is not overly long. Second, I don't think you're 'overthinking', but I would certainly hold off until you're sure. Chastity is what you make of it. But that said, it's not a race; you seem to be in a big hurry to find someone, anyone, to hold your keys. This is not a decision to be taken lightly. Besides the fact that it reveals something very intimate and personal about yourself, it also includes the other person along for the ride. But what if they don't want to go? How would you feel if a close personal female friend that you have no romantic interest in asked you to be involved with her sex life, albeit from a distance? You'd probably offer up some excuse and then get out as fast as possible.

    Maybe you should work up to it by self-locking, and mailing the keys back to yourself, or getting a time-delay safe. I would strongly suggest not involving another person unless you feel 100% sure they would be willing. In a perfect world, they would not only hold your keys, they would actively take control of your orgasms. If you can't picture them doing the latter, don't push them into doing the former.

    That's my opinion, anyway.
    Rympedymp and sissy_maid_melody like this.
  3. In addition - How much do you trust them? Family or not, are you sure that it will "stay" with them once you share your secret?
    And of course what are you asking of them? Is "set and forget" in the sense of denying access to the key (permanent lock) or something else? If not permanent do they control your orgasms?

    I don't think you over think things, I think you still have some questions to answer to yourself.

    Regardless - Family is the more risky approach IMHO.
    Billus likes this.
  4. Hmm! from a womans point of view. if someone I knew but wasn't romantically involved with asked me. I'd laugh first (sorry) then flatly refuse
    Epiladdy and Rympedymp like this.
  5. Thank you all for the replies. Gotta keep my head on straight and give it time.
  6. As others have said, step back for a bit.

    What you're experiencing is quite common for someone making their first leap in to chastity. You have perhaps had the fantasy for quite some time and you've recently overcome your first hurdle and bought a CB. Your mind is working in overdrive thinking that you may be close to acting out the reality of your fantasies. Be very careful, this eagerness can lead you in to all sorts of traps.

    The idea of dumping your keys and fantasies on some female that you know is not a good one. If you don't tell them what the keys are for, you are dumping your kink and fantasies on a non-consensual person, which is something you should never do. And if you did tell them what the keys are for - well, that's fraught with dangers you have already considered.

    The advice to self-lock for a while is good. First you should get used to wearing the CB and be sure that it is comfortable for longer term wear. You really don't want to hand over the keys to someone and then have to pester them for the return of the keys because you haven't made yourself ready. As a self-locker you can gradually make it harder for yourself by making the keys inaccessible for longer. Also, some time simply getting used to wearing the CB should help your mind to settle down a bit and think more rationally about your desire to hand over the keys and who to.

    Finding a key holder is not as easy as it may seem. There are a number of active accounts on here that are designed to trap the unwary sub who is not thinking rationally in to parting with money and perhaps more. These people are NOT dommes or keyholders, they are here to scam you and are most likely men, anyway.

    Some lifestyle dommes can and do offer keyholding services, but most quickly withdraw from the scene because it's too much hard work for too much disappointment. It's recognised that 99% of males who profess an undying desire for chastity give up and disappear before they have accomplished a week. That is, a domme may be lucky that they just disappear. Often there's a lot of tantrums and unpleasantness before they disappear.

    So, you'll see that the odds are generally not in your favour. You have two ways forward. You can try to find a domme on this and other sites. They are not going to jump all over you and the real ones will not be that impressed with desperate messages. You have to work at it to get their attention, impress them and convince them that you're not just another wannabee that will go the way of all the rest. At the same time, handing over keys requires a large element of trust. You don't decide to trust someone after 2 minutes of chat or a quick email exchange. You have to be clear in your own mind that you trust that person.

    Your other option is to look for a local pro-domme that offers chastity keyholding services. Many do and a reputable pro-domme will not be out to scam you. Neither will she break your trust regarding the keys or your privacy because that would ruin her professional reputation. Such pro-dommes are willing to put up with the high drop out rate. Generally, pro-domme fees for keyholding are fairly low, especially if it is just done online with numbered locked or using the postal system to exchange keys. If you want more interaction with the keyholder then fees will vary.

    Do step back, forget the rush as being in chastity to the wrong person can be very traumatic.
    Your little man and Billus like this.
  7. "Hey, can you do me a favor and hang onto this key for me?"

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