NoFap

[LesterBallard]

I don't necessarily think masturbation is unhealthy. I just prefer not to do it, under guidance. My preference is not to be caged because I like the honour system. That agreement between me and a strong woman is utterly beguiling. I lasted 115 days last year. I would like to go further than that now.

 

[lessthanzero]

What bothers me in the discourse about pornography and masturbation is that people are very quick to make the jump from "pornography and masturbation are bad for me" to "pornography and masturbation are bad."

I would prefer to not have people who are unable to control their own impulses and addictions making decisions about what others can see and do.

If you truly are addicted to pornography, I would suggest that hanging out on a kink and fetish website is probably not the most healthy choice you can make. It is a bit like an alcoholic taking a job at a bar.

We are currently living (at least in America) in a culture where people are constantly trying to impose their morality on society and it has very real effects. Try opening an adult website. You will be it has become almost impossible to get credit card processing and if you do, it will be at a ridiculously high rate (in some cases as high as 40%). Not because you are doing anything illegal, but because Visa and MasterCard have decided adult content violates their standards of decency.

PayPal will shut down your account for adult content.

FOSTA/SESTA has decimated the ability of sex workers to make a livelihood.

I would prefer that people who have problems with these things get help on their own. When you make it a public (and moral) issue, you are directly affecting my life and the life of people important to me.

Whatever your intentions, the effect is one which is serious and detrimental. If it is a moral crusade for you, I think your choice to bring it into this space is at best inconsiderate and at worst noxious.

 

[LesterBallard]

What bothers me in the discourse about pornography and masturbation is that people are very quick to make the jump from "pornography and masturbation are bad for me" to "pornography and masturbation are bad."

I would prefer to not have people who are unable to control their own impulses and addictions making decisions about what others can see and do.

If you truly are addicted to pornography, I would suggest that hanging out on a kink and fetish website is probably not the most healthy choice you can make. It is a bit like an alcoholic taking a job at a bar.

We are currently living (at least in America) in a culture where people are constantly trying to impose their morality on society and it has very real effects. Try opening an adult website. You will be it has become almost impossible to get credit card processing and if you do, it will be at a ridiculously high rate (in some cases as high as 40%). Not because you are doing anything illegal, but because Visa and MasterCard have decided adult content violates their standards of decency.

PayPal will shut down your account for adult content.

FOSTA/SESTA has decimated the ability of sex workers to make a livelihood.

I would prefer that people who have problems with these things get help on their own. When you make it a public (and moral) issue, you are directly affecting my life and the life of people important to me.

Whatever your intentions, the effect is one which is serious and detrimental. If it is a moral crusade for you, I think your choice to bring it into this space is at best inconsiderate and at worst noxious.

I have a lot of sympathy for your argument, but I don't think you help yourself by overstating it. Noxious, for example, is hyperbolic.

 

[lessthanzero]

I have a lot of sympathy for your argument, but I don't think you help yourself by overstating it. Noxious, for example, is hyperbolic.

I did qualify it by saying "at its worst" and I think that is a generally defensible position.

 

[Lowtight]

I have to wonder if a device on a penis as a way to prevent masturbation isn't akin to putting a lock on a liquor bottle for an alcoholic. Might work in the short term but a change in behavior, thought process, whatever is the key to long term success.

From my vantage point, chastity in a relationship seems more about a redirection of energy from one's self to one's partner. Obviously that can go in a lot of different directions but sex (or perhaps accurately the lack thereof) seems to be the onus.

Seams true, however you have the opportunity to buckle and go to the store and buy a second bottle and een 3rd bottle of liquor. I can't find the penis store. However I agree with the willpower part. To me it is less about the "fort Knox" capability of a chastity device. For me it is about stopping the obvious handy access to the penis that allows me to tap into the willpower part and remember the agreement I have made with myself or my keyholder.

 

[pupperly]

snip

I was shocked by the blatant hostility of this post.

For the sake of keeping Chastity Mansion a welcoming place, please keep your political tirades to yourself.

 

[Disposable Hero]

NoFap is the antithesis to what chastity is for me. While NoFap is about the suppression of eroticism and erotic desire, to me chastity is about enhancing it, amplfiying and multiplying it. I don't want to not feel horny, I want to feel more horny, for a greater part of my waking hours.

If people find NoFap to be useful in their personal lives, more power to them. But like lessthanzero, I find that discussions around the NoFap topic tend to quickly get a tone of arguing from moral superiority which I find offensive.

 

[Coltastic]

Do many members use chastity devices to help with their addiction?

To be honesty Lucy, If someone is seriously looking to correct their porn addiction or negative habits then not using the device would be more beneficial. The point of nofap is to make a conscious choice to bring your mental and physical desires back into a healthy alignment. Chastity devices would make the process harder, because while it might stop physical use, most guys would fall into watching more porn and think of sex more. Cages are always going to be seen as a kink thing, and aren't very well received in nofap. If anything most people treat it like a challenge, like nofap November. Some go further. The longest I lasted was 18 days. lol

I'm not saying it's impossible to correct both with the device, but it would be harder. Puntastic.

 

[Peter Rabbit]

What kind of minimum period do you think would qualify as long term denial?

Don’t get Tom started on the definition of terms like long-term... again.

JK Tom, I couldn’t resist

 

[Surrendered]

I used to edge and fap a lot. Since Wife agreed to being my Domme, I’m sometimes kept in a cage. When not, I am never allowed orgasm without permission. So... She encourages I edge myself, but NEVER fap all the way to orgasm like I used to whenever I am unlocked.

 

[Peter Rabbit]

I'm a mod for some other chastity-related Reddit groups, and I'm familiar with the /r/nofap community. It's less about the sexual aspects of denial, and more about self-improvement by not wasting one's free time wanking to porn at every opportunity. I'm not sure chastity devices would be a good fit over there; for the most part, wearing a device tends to make one *more* aware of their genitals. /r/nofap is more about developing willpower to resist, which (hopefully) would carry over to other aspects of one's life.

I started looking into NoFap early on. I did simply “quit” masturbating in December 2013. I was on what we’d call the honor system. Masturbatory orgasms were off the menu. Porn wasn’t. So I didn’t fit in. I didn’t want to become an ascetic. I wanted to give all my energy into my wife. We talked about that Ted Talk and NoFap and she understood and supported my goal to not masturbate anymore.** She actually enjoys my frustration. Porn is ok. Just as long as I don’t push to recreate porn scenes.

It was less about all the time spent, but the lack of connectedness. We have far more intimacy now that I don’t masturbate. She taught me not to push her to get off, and it all fell in place. I’m easier to please.

I didn’t have a death grip but I can see how men addicted to porn are generally desensitized to normal stimulation. NoFap seems to be a way to reset your mind.

I think “shedding unrealistic expectations” is a good thing. Being happy with less helps.

NoFap is a good thing for young men who are searching for a partner. (Not just to get off). I think single men that don’t have a partner, that spend all their time self-pleasuring to porn, NoFap makes sense. I found wanking to porn made me more complicated to please or connect with. If I hadn’t met my wife in college, and with my shy tendencies, I would have become a recluse. Endless Porn did interrupt our own relationship and my life. I’m lucky the porn industry was less pervasive when I was in school. It became a real addiction. An escape from responsibility.

I agree that chastity devices make you aware of your cock, and distract. It’s healthier for a young man not to think about sex all the time. I wish I could have tested my libido vs a cage when I was 20... you know... for science...

Anyway... The goal in NoFap seemed to be pouring one’s sexual energy into getting out there, getting fit, feeling your verve, and radiating that energy.

there’s some overlap. I have a little bit of chastity pride but it’s not to exude some pheromone to pick up women. (Is that a thing? Or did I just make that up.)

I was just mentioning to my wife how many “lost boys” there are in the world. And how grateful I am to have her. She praised me and that was nice, but I needed to tell her how special she is. I am thankful she’s a partner in this.

I feel for all the lonely boys out there. I could have been one of them.

P.S.
I lasted a miraculous three months without stroking myself without a device. She rewarded my good behavior by driving me to the piercer and witnessing my PA piercing.
2014 was a great year.

 

[madams-sissysub]

NoFap is the antithesis to what chastity is for me. While NoFap is about the suppression of eroticism and erotic desire, to me chastity is about enhancing it, amplfiying and multiplying it. I don't want to not feel horny, I want to feel more horny, for a greater part of my waking hours.

If people find NoFap to be useful in their personal lives, more power to them. But like lessthanzero, I find that discussions around the NoFap topic tend to quickly get a tone of arguing from moral superiority which I find offensive.

Totally agree!

 

[Locked_Up_Tight]

So chastity cages aren't unheard of in the nofap community. But they're generally pretty frowned upon in that context.

the whole point of nofap is to practice self-control. It's about developing the will power to keep your own urges in check. And to use the constant horniness that comes about as a result of not jerking off as an emotional fuel source to achieve one's personal goals in life.

in that context, relying on a cage kind of defeats the point, because there's the risk of becoming dependent on wearing the device rather than actually building the mental strength to resist temptation on your own.

Now compare that to chastity play which is basically just long-term BDSM. It's not even in the same ball park.

Nofap and chastity, although seemingly similar at a glance, actually aim towards very different ends. Nofap is about becoming more competent as an individual and achieving greater levels of independence and personal satisfaction in life.

Chastity is about training yourself to be more attentive to your sexual partner and less self-centered.

 

[Her Beloved]

Nofap is about becoming more competent as an individual and achieving greater levels of independence and personal satisfaction in life.

Chastity is about training yourself to be more attentive to your sexual partner and less self-centered.

Fascinating. My wife and I are pursuing both of these goals for me by using the cage. I wonder if it is unrealistic for us to do that?

 

[Locked_Up_Tight]

Fascinating. My wife and I are pursuing both of these goals for me by using the cage. I wonder if it is unrealistic for us to do that?

If you want to use some of the sexual energy you’ve built up to better yourself, than that’s wonderful and I would encourage it

However, if you do, then you’re still doing so, at least in part, to please your wife. She’s always there making sure that you use your energy for something she thinks is valuable and don’t waste it. In that way, she has a lot of power over you and it’s really her that gets to call the shots

In nofap, that dynamic, that power imbalance, doesn’t exist. If you were doing this on your own, it would be entirely up to you to develope self-discipline, deciding for yourself what you value, and committing to it

That’s the difference. There’s a totally different motivation beneath the surface. With nofap, it’s “I want to be better”. With chastity, it’s “I want to please my partner”. So even if both mindsets ultimately result in self-improvement, the journey you take to get there is like night and day

 

[littleguy3]

Fascinating. My wife and I are pursuing both of these goals for me by using the cage. I wonder if it is unrealistic for us to do that?

I'm with you on that. I think we are accomplishing both of the afore mentioned goals while also dramatically enhancing our sex life. I had no idea how a chaste life could benefit my life in so many ways.

I think if I was single, it would be more of a challenge. Looking at it on the other side now, I think if I was single I would experiment to see how chaste I could be while still generating the testosterone and hormone levels in me to pursue positive relationships in the world. I think I would use chastity if I struggled with the temptation to pleasure myself.

 

[captivatedbyher]

However, if you do, then you’re still doing so, at least in part, to please your wife. She’s always there making sure that you use your energy for something she thinks is valuable and don’t waste it. In that way, she has a lot of power over you and it’s really her that gets to call the shots

Without or with a cage the wife still determines a mans release, the balls are in her court. It's not just about will power but also the intensity of your sex drive. If I had a low drive I would not wear a cage, I wouldn't need it. Truth be told I bet wives love it when the husband has a high sex drive, just like a husband loves his wife extra beautiful. But who likes high drive out of control or beauty perverted?

With nofap, it’s “I want to be better”

So your saying that men who mastubate are less than they could be?

 

[Locked_Up_Tight]

So your saying that men who mastubate are less than they could be?

Yes and No

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with masturbation in and of itself. Our sex drives are there to motivate us to seek out a partner who we can spend our lives with. But you know what they say, use it or lose it. So until you find someone who wants to be with you and who you can have regular sex with, masturbation can serve as a kind of bridge, keeping that desire strong in the meantime, and motivating you to find a partner. Without it, you'd just get used to living without any sexual activity and stop caring after awhile. My evidence? I joined a Discord server for No Nut November that was supposed to help people finish the challange of not jerking off for a month (I failed on day 3. Lol)

There's a section for journaling your progress on there. And now, after only seven days, I'm starting to see people say they're literally not even thinking about sex anymore.

So yeah, keeping your sex drive active, even if you have to resort to doing so by yourself, is probably pretty important

However, for men who get so addicted to masturbation that they can't think about anything else, and it starts to interfere with their ability to function in other areas of life, that's a problem. That's why porn can be so destructive. It lulls men into a complacent haze where they spend hours every day fantasizing about unattainable women in impossible scenarios and then they don't know how to interact with a real woman and start a real relationship if they're given the chance. After all, how could an actual person ever compare to what's in their heads?

Masturbation, if it exists at all, should be done infrequently, because no matter how you manage it, it does use up some cognitive, emotional, and energetic resources that could be better used for other things like building a business, seeking out relationships, personal introspection, etc.

And ideally, if you do masturbate, it should make you crave the touch of a lover more. Not less. Masterbation itself should never really be the goal. It's only there to keep you in the mood. That's all. But the real prize is a loving wife/husband, greater health/wealth/abundance, better relationships, and all around a better life

Anything that doesn't push you closer to those goals is a waste of time. Masturbation can have a place in that journey, but it should never be the main focus. And for some guys, it's more of a hindrance than a benefit . . .

And I'm starting to realize that I'm one of them