Sex Therapy?

enslavedbyc said:
Men and women love endorphins from many sources.



You’re with the majority. However, I think most of you are not offering him any help based on his obvious frustration with the process. His wife has very strong opinions on what works. He clearly rejects her methods. He appears to have no answers of his own. It’s entirely possible the therapist has none either. I have offered him something he can choose (or not) to bring to the table.



You’re both entitled to your opinions.
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You have suggested to him nothing that would actually work towards helping their relationship. You offered a dice roll game that would, at best, paper over some cracks but more likely be destructive to them in the long term.

I also note that you either didn’t see or chose to ignore my comment on Pavlovian conditioning and then shot down further posts with:

You’re both entitled to your opinions

Which comes across as you stating that your opinion is the correct one.

OP is doing the therapy, which is clearly a hard thing for him. The vast majority of us reading this thread are rooting for he and she to work with their therapist to grind these issues out so they can reset and rebuild.

I haven’t offered any advice for them as a couple as they haven’t chosen me as their therapist (good job, I’m not qualified), might be a good idea for you to do the same.
 
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Nicolas Caged said:
You have suggested to him nothing that would actually work towards helping their relationship. You offered a dice roll game that would, at best, paper over some cracks but more likely be destructive to them in the long term.

I also note that you either didn’t see or chose to ignore my comment on Pavlovian conditioning and then shot down further posts with:
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No it’s a dice game tied to correcting negative behaviors that is highly addictive and will very likely cure the behaviors he has copped to. I have the education, personal experience and well over 40 years of chastity experience. So please be as dismissive of a “game” as you wish. It is a tool to assist the therapist and the couple not a therapy replacement.

Your opinion is not evidence based and I have no interest in it, but your still entitled to it.

Have a great day!
 
enslavedbyc said:
No it’s a dice game tied to correcting negative behaviors that is highly addictive and will very likely cure the behaviors he has copped to. I have the education, personal experience and well over 40 years of chastity experience. So please be as dismissive of a “game” as you wish. It is a tool to assist the therapist and the couple not a therapy replacement.

Your opinion is not evidence based and I have no interest in it, but your still entitled to it.

Have a great day!
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I wasn’t dismissive of the game as such, I even stated that it sounded fun in my first post. It’s just that’s it’s fundamentally the wrong approach for this couple at this stage and could have catastrophic consequences. There are bigger issues for them to work on before they start dipping their toes back in these waters.

You seem to have no interest in other people’s opinions which is going to be hard to avoid on a forum. It also points towards that you’re only interested in your own.

Best of luck!
 
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@OrdinaryGuy, maybe if you answer the following, it would be helpful both for this forum but also for the therapist:

1. Sorry to bring up this first topic again, but does the therapist know the difference in the number of orgasms your wife would have versus the number you had? I know most here think that should not be an issue...but again this was not your idea.

2. Did the therapist give any suggestions for your behavior after an orgasm? What were those behaviors?

3. Is the therapist aware of the regular punishments you would get and what the were?

4. There was one particular punishment that you were afraid to admit was done. Is she aware of that?
 
enslavedbyc said:
I think you two might benefit from continuous short term lockups that are based on agreed upon daily behavior requirements.

Simple approach every day she agrees you behaved up to your joint standards you get one Six sided dice roll. On roll of a 1 or a 2 (1 in 3 odds), you are released from chastity for an orgasm and then you immediately re-lock. Fail to behave and you lose your opportunity to roll.

In short you’re incentivized for good behavior. You on average will have fairly frequent releases (with good behavior) but you will be in your device every day.

I would suggest she should also be able to release you for sex with her anytime she wants to.
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YOU might enjoy that, but He is NOT submissive, does NOT enjoy punishments or teasing. This is entirely coming from her side. That said, he doesn't hate it at times, but only for short periods. He has repeatedly made these points clear.

His only attraction to chastity at all, is that it makes his wife happy and he loves her and wants her to be happy.
 
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NoloMeTangere said:
YOU might enjoy that, but He is NOT submissive, does NOT enjoy punishments or teasing. This is entirely coming from her side. That said, he doesn't hate it at times, but only for short periods. He has repeatedly made these points clear.

His only attraction to chastity at all, is that it makes his wife happy and he loves her and wants her to be happy.
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You're funny:
  • He is NOT submissive! - Not material to my solution. By the way, I'm not submissive at all (...and yet I'm in Chastity).
  • ...does NOT enjoy punishments or teasing. Great! it's a reward based system based on Orgasms as a reward, and that is what he's hyper focused on.
  • His only attraction to chastity at all, is that it makes his wife happy and he loves her and wants her to be happy. - There you go, and this is a way to meet her half way, which might make them both happy.
In the end, he can adopt the idea and present it to the therapist and his wife or not.

Whether, you @horse, @NicolasCaged or @ProntoGuy, think it's an appropriate solution to try is immaterial.

The only people who matter in that decision is @OrdinaryGuy, his wife and his Therapist (and the Therapist only matters if they both agree they are making progress with the Therapist.

So from here on, the only one I'm going to respond to is @OrdinaryGuy.
 
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enslavedbyc said:
I think you two might benefit from continuous short term lockups that are based on agreed upon daily behavior requirements.

Simple approach every day she agrees you behaved up to your joint standards you get one Six sided dice roll. On roll of a 1 or a 2 (1 in 3 odds), you are released from chastity for an orgasm and then you immediately re-lock. Fail to behave and you lose your opportunity to roll.

In short you’re incentivized for good behavior. You on average will have fairly frequent releases (with good behavior) but you will be in your device every day.

I would suggest she should also be able to release you for sex with her anytime she wants to.
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Your idea has merit. I crave the certainty of knowing when, but once I know, it's all I can think about. That dynamic has been a source of trouble for us.

My wife and I are also competitive people. I see the appeal. I don't feel like I'm in a position to suggest something designed to give me more Os, though.

It's hard to imagine having regular O's and not knowing when. I'm not sure what my reaction would be. My wife definitely wants the say, but that's so she can make sure things are going smooth, not for a fem-dom power trip.
 
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It's been awhile.

My one-on-one went well. The therapist was very focused on making sure I was okay with the trial plan. Her concern for me nearly brought me to tears at one moment. I agreed with the plan and my wife joined for the rest of the session and we mostly focused on rules.

It was weird how clinical it all was. There was no intamacy angle, just rules like explaining a board game to someone that's never played before. My wife was attentive, excited, happy and was paying very close attention.

So we've been doing this trial since. Things are very different in the household right now. My wife was treading carefully at first, but after the first few days of us figuring things out, everything has settled in. We've been intimate usually twice a day. I can't express to you how caring and sweet she is. Just being close to her feels amazing.

The frustration of not ending with an O is hard. More so than I remember. But it also dissipates faster than I remember. My wife's frustration with not getting Os was much more difficult for her to deal with.

I had a moment of reflection and I know I said I wanted us both to forgoe Os during this trial, but it wasn't for shared intimacy. I can be honest with myself. It was so that we were even. I ditched that logic after a few days and surprised her with them.

It has made our time much more fun for both of us. She can handle a lot of Os in one session, so it gives us more to do than just cuddle. When we were trying to figure out what this would be like in the first few days, we kind of floundered on what we're should do during this time. But now it's really working. She is so attractive and fun and we are having a great time again.

Outside of the bedroom, she has been amazing to me. She dotes on me constantly, is warm and giving and prioritizes me for absolutely everything.

I'll add more about our follow-up with the therapist later.
 
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OrdinaryGuy said:
It's been awhile.

My one-on-one went well. The therapist was very focused on making sure I was okay with the trial plan. Her concern for me nearly brought me to tears at one moment. I agreed with the plan and my wife joined for the rest of the session and we mostly focused on rules.

It was weird how clinical it all was. There was no intamacy angle, just rules like explaining a board game to someone that's never played before. My wife was attentive, excited, happy and was paying very close attention.

So we've been doing this trial since. Things are very different in the household right now. My wife was treading carefully at first, but after the first few days of us figuring things out, everything has settled in. We've been intimate usually twice a day. I can't express to you how caring and sweet she is. Just being close to her feels amazing.

I had a moment of reflection and I know I said I wanted us both to forgoe Os during this trial, but it wasn't for shared intimacy. I can be honest with myself. It was so that we were even. I ditched that logic after a few days and surprised her with them.

It has made our time much more fun for both of us. She can handle a lot of Os in one session, so it gives us more to do than just cuddle. She is so attractive and fun and we are having a great time again. Outside of the bedroom, she has been amazing to me. She dotes on me constantly, is warm and giving and prioritizes me for absolutely everything. I'll add more about our follow-up with the therapist later.
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I'm sure others will echo my sentiment when I say I'm so glad to hear you and your wife are happy together again. You are both so loving to each other. Go you! Keep up the good work and trust your wife.
 
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Pronto Guy said:
@OrdinaryGuy, maybe if you answer the following, it would be helpful both for this forum but also for the therapist:

1. Sorry to bring up this first topic again, but does the therapist know the difference in the number of orgasms your wife would have versus the number you had? I know most here think that should not be an issue...but again this was not your idea.

2. Did the therapist give any suggestions for your behavior after an orgasm? What were those behaviors?

3. Is the therapist aware of the regular punishments you would get and what the were?

4. There was one particular punishment that you were afraid to admit was done. Is she aware of that?
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OG, I asked the above because I think they are important and will come up
 
I remember awhile back checking another chastity website and there was a support forum for people who are forced or coerced into chastity. I remember thinking: "Well, that is odd and unnecessary". Apparently it isn't.
 
PVC is beautiful said:
I remember awhile back checking another chastity website and there was a support forum for people who are forced or coerced into chastity. I remember thinking: "Well, that is odd and unnecessary". Apparently it isn't.
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I've had a lot of conversations on this. I don't feel "forced" in the usual sense. I would be curious to see that site of you can share it.
 
The therapist has been very complimentary about our progress and has seen noticable improvement. She cautioned us to take it slow and didn't want to see too many changes too quickly.

I'm having private sessions with her for the first half, then my wife joins. My wife is falling just short of "I-told-you-so" to our therapist. In one moment, the therapist commented that she could clearly see my wife was much happier. I held it in, but every part of me just wanted to hide... I was so ashamed and disappointed in myself. The therapist was right, I know it's been true for awhile, and I stood in the way of my wife's happiness because I demand from her an O that lasted 5 seconds. It feels so gross.

I told the therapist this one-on-one and she did her best to talk me down, but suggested a more traditional therapist if these thoughts linger. I told her that's a good idea but I'm absolutely not going to go through this again with another outside person.

As for this temporary denial period, I told the therapist it's fine. I know I need to adjust my mindset on Os and am willing, even if that means having significantly less. But I'm worried that the immediate success of this denial period will serve to prove my wife right, and we'll end up going back to the same place that brought us here again.

She said that there is no such thing as immediate success for this because success is measured in the long term. She is going to work with us to make sure what we decide is sustainable for both of us.

I asked her when this denial period is going to be over and she said that is something that we all need to talk about together, but she hasn't had any more one-on-ones with my wife and my wife hasn't brought it up either.

The only other thing that came up about this is that my wife and I were talking over breakfast a few days back and she asked me if the cage made it easier or harder to handle the denial. I really didn't know how to answer that so I gave her a non-answer and said in some ways yes, and other ways no. She did ask what that meant, but I brushed it off.

Around the house things feel normal and I feel like we are going about our lives like normal again. It's going so good but I don't know what's going to happen when this trial period of denial ends.
 
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OrdinaryGuy said:
It's really inappropriate to join a site and rather promptly insult people that have been contributing to it for years. Especially when the site is to encourage people to share really personal stuff.
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My intention was not to insult you, but your story (if it's real) is textbook sexual abuse. A little bit too textbook.

If you are not trolling, I hope you find real help.

There are people in the beginning of the thread I see, who tried to talk sense, but were quickly dismissed.

I hope you at least give this a consideration: a person who really cares about you wouldn't be happy, knowing you are doing something (sexual or not) they know you don't want. They wouldn't go to such great lengths to convince you to accept and do something that feels unnatural for you.

I am no longer going to contribute to your thread, as I don't see the point. Best of luck.
 
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OrdinaryGuy said:
The trial period ended this morning with a really nice O. And guess what... the world didn't end!

I was on my best behavior and did everything I was supposed to do afterward. My wife is happy. I feel great today. We have our appt tomorrow and I expect it'll go well.

Finally feeling like the end of all of this craziness is in sight.
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Good!

Finally you understand your place.

You understand your love and obedience is erotic for her and you give it because it makes her feel good - which is a reward in and of itself.

You have grown.
 
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