Struggling with getting him to submit. Advice from keyholders or subs?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Lady-A, Dec 6, 2016.

Top Posters
Page 2 of 4
Random Thread
  1. Temper
    Offline

    Temper Member

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2016
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    10:26 PM
    #26 Temper, Dec 8, 2016
    Get a strap on and fuck the shit out of him.. don't hurt him tho

    Read how to do anal sex right.. make sure you keep him locked long before and after you peg him
     
    Phere, Val and spider203 like this.
  2. Her Dividend
    Offline

    Her Dividend Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2010
    Messages:
    377
    Likes Received:
    297
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Local Time:
    7:26 PM
    #27 Her Dividend, Dec 8, 2016
    Here is my suggestion. Ask him to submit a list of rules. Pick from his list and then enforce them. There's nothing wrong letting the sub make suggestions and then you holding him to his word.
     
    Val, Toy trainer, LadyS and 1 other person like this.
  3. c-w
    Offline

    c-w Long term member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    644
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Northern Germany
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    4:26 AM
    #28 c-w, Dec 8, 2016
    Maybe try out the following steps. Have you experience with roleplay? If so, very well, if not, give it a try.

    Ask for a preferred roleplay setting (since watching porn is part of his fantasy building I'm almost sure they exist), maybe suggest a list of possibilites.

    If he picks one or some, you have a frame or more of proven mindsets that get him evidently started. Inside that frame/mindset, direct the regarding types, outfits, actions and other details along your line of thought. Going this way you consider his fantasies and expectations as well as you are able to introduce your own characteristics.

    If he's sticking too close to his porn references to allow alterations with your own ideas, then he obviously just wants to reenact some porn with you. (I'm not judging, this may even turn out perfect ok for you, so you might want to try it out and maybe it will work.) The key is identifying expectations and negotiate the possibilites to fulfil them satisfyingly for everyone involved.

    Qapla’!
    cw
     
    traveler likes this.
  4. HollyC
    Offline

    HollyC Active member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2015
    Messages:
    121
    Likes Received:
    716
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    3:26 AM
    #29 HollyC, Dec 9, 2016
    Have you seen any increase in his submissiveness when lockup periods are increased? How long is he usually locked for? Perhaps a lengthier time is warranted in this situation.
     
    slave_m and Zak like this.
  5. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    L-u-c-y
    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,877
    Likes Received:
    34,296
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    3:26 AM
    #30 L-u-c-y, Dec 9, 2016
    Dump him. Take him back when he's learnt his lesson.
     
    frankie teardrop and slave_m like this.
  6. LadyS
    Offline

    LadyS Lover of LOVE

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2016
    Messages:
    398
    Likes Received:
    2,204
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Photographer
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    7:26 PM
    #31 LadyS, Dec 9, 2016
    That is a probably the worst idea I have seen since being on this site.
     
    Phere, traveler, Catbond and 3 others like this.
  7. Lady-A
    Offline

    Lady-A Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2016
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    128
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    8:26 PM
    #32 Lady-A, Dec 9, 2016
    I'm not going to dump someone ive been with for 5 years over something we have both just started and are trying to understand. Good greif LOL
     
    Phere, smash363636, slave_m and 3 others like this.
  8. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    L-u-c-y
    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,877
    Likes Received:
    34,296
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    3:26 AM
    #33 L-u-c-y, Dec 9, 2016
    I've seen this said a lot, but it's only true if the Dom needs the sub as much as the sub needs the Dom.
    You're so predictable.

    He's playing games, fucking her around, wanting a porn fantasy to come true, selfishly topping from the bottom, he's been addicted to porn and camshows. She's doing what he wants and he's still complaining.
     
    Val likes this.
  9. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    L-u-c-y
    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,877
    Likes Received:
    34,296
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    3:26 AM
    #34 L-u-c-y, Dec 9, 2016
    Why have you allowed him to view porn and camshows? I would be offended if I was seeing someone and they were doing that.
     
    Val likes this.
  10. richard
    Offline

    richard Just me

    Joined:
    May 17, 2008
    Messages:
    1,224
    Likes Received:
    615
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    3:26 AM
    #35 richard, Dec 9, 2016
    Tell him he either plays by your rules or you don't play at all.
     
  11. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    L-u-c-y
    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,877
    Likes Received:
    34,296
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    3:26 AM
    #36 L-u-c-y, Dec 9, 2016
    Well said richard.
     
  12. LadyS
    Offline

    LadyS Lover of LOVE

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2016
    Messages:
    398
    Likes Received:
    2,204
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Photographer
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    7:26 PM
    #37 LadyS, Dec 9, 2016
    Just stating the obveous. It's a stupid suggestion,
    to tell someone to leave their relationship becuase they are learning how to live a chaste life.
     
    Love&Passion, slave_m, Hans Dietrick and 1 other person like this.
  13. jandescdlocked
    Offline

    jandescdlocked Junior Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2008
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    94
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Househusband
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Illinois,USA
    Local Time:
    9:26 PM
    #38 jandescdlocked, Dec 9, 2016
    TE="Princess_alyssa192, post: 187603, member: 46933"]I'm not going to dump someone ive been with for 5 years over something we have both just started and are trying to understand. Good greif LOL[/QUOTE]
    Princess, you are both learning right now and it will take time to ease both of you into this. The one most important thing is that you have him locked and he needs to go at your pace. If you are curious about bondage that could help too as it's an excellent way to both teasing and as a punishment.
     
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
  14. Lady-A
    Offline

    Lady-A Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2016
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    128
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    8:26 PM
    #39 Lady-A, Dec 9, 2016
    I didn't know he was viewing it, he kept it a secret and this new part of our relationship came about because of it. Only recently I found out that he was still doing it without my knowledge even while locked up. It's an issue he has and we are dealing with it now
     
    slave_m likes this.
  15. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    L-u-c-y
    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,877
    Likes Received:
    34,296
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    3:26 AM
    #40 L-u-c-y, Dec 9, 2016
    Dump him.
     
  16. Steve-0
    Offline

    Steve-0 Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2016
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    523
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Healthcare
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    7:26 PM
    #41 Steve-0, Dec 9, 2016
    Can I get some of those drugs you're on?

    If every woman dumped her guy for watching porn, everyone would be alone.
    Except for pornstars.
    I think your perception of real life is so, so, so out of whack. But let's get this thread back to what it was about (not you).

    I agree with the ultimatum. He has to play by your rules, not his fantasy.
    Good luck!
     
    Love&Passion, Lady-A and Hans Dietrick like this.
  17. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    L-u-c-y
    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,877
    Likes Received:
    34,296
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    3:26 AM
    #42 L-u-c-y, Dec 9, 2016
    If he is dumped then he will beg for another chance, then he will play by the rules. He will realise he can't carry on being a prick.
     
  18. Steve-0
    Offline

    Steve-0 Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2016
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    523
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Healthcare
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    7:26 PM
    #43 Steve-0, Dec 9, 2016
    Pretty sure Alyssa isn't in highschool, but thanks for coming out.
     
    Lady-A likes this.
  19. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    L-u-c-y
    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,877
    Likes Received:
    34,296
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    3:26 AM
    #44 L-u-c-y, Dec 9, 2016
    I must be the only person who thinks his behaviour is completely out of order.
     
  20. Nicoftime
    Offline

    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

    Joined:
    May 24, 2016
    Messages:
    5,252
    Likes Received:
    14,141
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Railroad
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    South of Lacrosse Wisconsin
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    9:26 PM
    #45 Nicoftime, Dec 9, 2016
    Oh yes, it's perfectly reasonable to dump someone you love because they are topping from the bottom. My brother was being a jerk recently, I'm never speaking to him again.
     
    Hans Dietrick and Steve-0 like this.
  21. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    L-u-c-y
    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,877
    Likes Received:
    34,296
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    3:26 AM
    #46 L-u-c-y, Dec 9, 2016
    I said a temporary dumping until he sees the error of his ways, not never speaking to him again.
     
  22. Nicoftime
    Offline

    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

    Joined:
    May 24, 2016
    Messages:
    5,252
    Likes Received:
    14,141
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Railroad
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    South of Lacrosse Wisconsin
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    9:26 PM
    #47 Nicoftime, Dec 9, 2016
    Helpful relationship advice, in homeroom I will pass him a note saying they aren't broken up anymore...good talk
     
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
  23. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    L-u-c-y
    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,877
    Likes Received:
    34,296
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    3:26 AM
    #48 L-u-c-y, Dec 9, 2016
    Yes it does sound about the right age range, addicted to porn whole in a relationship.
     
  24. LadyS
    Offline

    LadyS Lover of LOVE

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2016
    Messages:
    398
    Likes Received:
    2,204
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Photographer
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    7:26 PM
    #49 LadyS, Dec 9, 2016
    If you had read the rest of the thread you would see that everyone thinks his behaviour is unexceptable. Everyone has made perfectly good suggestions... except maybe the getting a strap on and fucking him I also don't think dumping him will fix anything either? I think she will figure it out on her own and find her Dom self the same way all us women are.
    As a women Who has decided to make this lifestyle change I didn not expect it to change over night.
    That's why we train them.
    That's why. We make punishments. So if he chooses to step over the line he has to learn.

    These men are not children and know how to choose right from wrong.
    We just have to help rewire their brains for them.
    These men have had porn at their fingertips since they were 10 years old.
    Befor the internet there was magazines, movies, peep shows.
    It was just harder to get.
    Now they sit around and have it like magic.
    You can't blame them for taking advantage of it if this is the way they grew up.
    The best part about becoming his Dom is doing what feeds your soul. If you see a change continue on that path.
    And always keep an open line of communication.
    Just becuase a man thinks it should go one way and wants to to voice his opinion doesn't mean you have to follow.
    When he decides he needs to try to correct you. Use that moment to tell him you hear his concern and that is not the way it's going to work. Sometimes that's all it takes.
     
    smash363636, Toy trainer, Hans Dietrick and 4 others like this.
  25. Thatguyontheinternet
    Offline

    Thatguyontheinternet Owned by Thatgirl

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2016
    Messages:
    651
    Likes Received:
    1,115
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Florida
    Local Time:
    10:26 PM
    #50 Thatguyontheinternet, Dec 9, 2016
    IMG_0405.JPG
     
    smash363636, Lady-A, Steve-0 and 3 others like this.
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Page 2 of 4
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Accept Learn More...
    Dismiss Notice