Hi….I just wanted to introduce myself since I am new. I just joined this past week. I have been contemplating chastity and trying to introduce it in my marriage but I am a little anxious how that will go with my wife. I haven’t been locked up but would love to give it a try. I am looking for the right device and thinking of ordering one soon. The thought of being locked up gets me so sexually charged that it is almost impossible to think straight. My other issue is that I have always been transgender as well. I tried to put my transgender issues on the side and live a normal life and got married. My wife knew about my femme side before we got married and was sort of Ok with it at first. But then we had kids and she didn’t want me to do any of that which was sort of understandable. But now the kids are older and in many ways my wife and I have grown apart. As we grew apart I began reexploring my femme side—going out in public etc. She goes from being angry to just shrugging her shoulders. It has also led to us being sexually distant….we have not had sex for over four years….in the meantime I have been playing with dildos and only cum from penetration.(she doesn’t know about this) I was hoping that maybe chastity would be the answer for us. It would be great if she put me in chastity and encouraged my feminization. I also have a submissive side to me which I would love to tap into and expand my efforts and focus in the relationship. In the same token I would encourage her to find a boyfriend for her own pleasures since I can not please or satisfy her in a way a real man can. I feel guilty about that and I want her to be happy. I would be willing to serve both of them but my main focus would be her. Likewise I would want her to hold the key although if she absolutely demanded I would be agreeable for her to pass on my key for her boyfriend to hold. I don’t know if any of you have any suggestions or places on the internet that give more information about these possibilities. I am a little worried about opening up to my wife about some of these possibilities because I worry she would leave me if she found out about my desires of having sex with men and being in long term chastity/feminization. I know in my previous relationships when I was younger, the women in my life would eventually leave me for real men because I was too feminine and they wanted a more “normal” relationship. On the other hand without us having any sexual intimacies for so long can eventually lead to a situation that she will decide to find another man anyway without any of this drama. I figured it is worth a shot. I have nothing to lose. We have started talking about an open marriage although she is kind of conservative about things and is still thinking about it. Thanks for listening. Liza
Hi Liza - firstly welcome to the mansion. Secondly, can I just say that paragraph breaks are good! Just so I can read what you wrote, allow me... Hi….I just wanted to introduce myself since I am new. I just joined this past week. I have been contemplating chastity and trying to introduce it in my marriage but I am a little anxious how that will go with my wife. I haven’t been locked up but would love to give it a try. I am looking for the right device and thinking of ordering one soon. The thought of being locked up gets me so sexually charged that it is almost impossible to think straight. My other issue is that I have always been transgender as well. I tried to put my transgender issues on the side and live a normal life and got married. My wife knew about my femme side before we got married and was sort of Ok with it at first. But then we had kids and she didn’t want me to do any of that which was sort of understandable. But now the kids are older and in many ways my wife and I have grown apart. As we grew apart I began reexploring my femme side—going out in public etc. She goes from being angry to just shrugging her shoulders. It has also led to us being sexually distant….we have not had sex for over four years….in the meantime I have been playing with dildos and only cum from penetration.(she doesn’t know about this) I was hoping that maybe chastity would be the answer for us. It would be great if she put me in chastity and encouraged my feminization. I also have a submissive side to me which I would love to tap into and expand my efforts and focus in the relationship. In the same token I would encourage her to find a boyfriend for her own pleasures since I can not please or satisfy her in a way a real man can. I feel guilty about that and I want her to be happy. I would be willing to serve both of them but my main focus would be her. Likewise I would want her to hold the key although if she absolutely demanded I would be agreeable for her to pass on my key for her boyfriend to hold. I don’t know if any of you have any suggestions or places on the internet that give more information about these possibilities. I am a little worried about opening up to my wife about some of these possibilities because I worry she would leave me if she found out about my desires of having sex with men and being in long term chastity/feminization. I know in my previous relationships when I was younger, the women in my life would eventually leave me for real men because I was too feminine and they wanted a more “normal” relationship. On the other hand without us having any sexual intimacies for so long can eventually lead to a situation that she will decide to find another man anyway without any of this drama. I figured it is worth a shot. I have nothing to lose. We have started talking about an open marriage although she is kind of conservative about things and is still thinking about it. Thanks for listening. Liza
My guess is that the feeling is as a result of Liza's commitment to a life change of sorts with her wife, something that is quite a challenge, and not at all an easy conversation to have with ones married partner. I think Liza is likening her feelings about having that conversation and making that change to jumping out of an aeroplane. Well, dont worry @Liza, the ground will always catch you! I do find it best to arrange to have a parachute handy - by which I mean take it easy, don't rush it all at once. I have to say that I can't really see any great future for you both as a couple if she only moves from angry to shrugging. Where's the connection? What do you do for her? When did you last ask her if she was OK or ask if there was anything she needed from you?
Well thanks Subverity for making my writings more easier to read. Sorry that it came across in such stream of consciousness....plus english is my second language..... Thanks for the welcome Wendy.....I guess the airplane and jumping out is sort of how I feel about being in chastity and being committed to being submissive.......You have to trust the other person will be like your parachute and protect you a bit so you don't have to land on the ground splat. In my particular case I feel it is just that because to have a conversation with my wife could go really well or not well at all..... And you are right Subverity.....I will have to go slow. I will have to show her the things I can do for her.....show my dedication to her...A few examples would be to be more involved with the household duties, cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, making her life easier, giving her massages, doing her pedicure, brushing her hair and all the things to show her how important she is to me and to make her feel special. I want to convince her that it can be a win win situation for both of us. We can save the marriage and what we have built together over all these years. Why throw all that away? Especially if we can understand each other needs in this situation. She shrugs her shoulders because she is not getting anything from me presently.....no attention and no sex so she is angry because she feels like she is losing something. I hope we can turn this around. thanks for responding. Liza.
I have to ask, why is she getting no attention from you? It sounds obvious that you still love her. I would suggest if you like oral, maybe spend some time pleasing her that way. Chastity will give you a heightened level of arousal that you probably won't expect, ...but it might also help you focus on her. It sounds to me, like that might be a BIG part of the problem between the two of you. Show her what you still have to offer, Show her that you are still interested in HER maybe she will come around. ...what do you have to lose.
@Liza having jumped out a plane and done chastity .. I think this quite an interesting way of putting it. .. I remember waiting for the day (like chastity) being nervous and then being strapped to this guy (device) and more nervous and then the jump and from being scared the feeling of calm and wonderment .. Then the chute pulls and the ground comes. .. and a feeling of strange ecstasies stayed with me for weeks (chastity) .. I would love to jump again. .. But chastity hmmm ... That's up to Mistress! Have fun Lucy x
Well I am hoping that should would be interested in it. I cross my fingers. Alana you are right about the fact that I should be focussing my attention on my wife. I should explain to her my devotion to her and especially on how excited I would be on meeting her needs in an oral fashion.....I would love to spend hours with my head buried between her legs letting her know how much I love her. I would be a very dedicated oral lover.......and I mean dedicated....she could not find any better.....that is a huge perk.....
@Liza you certainly seem to know what you want but are completely devoid of knowing what your wife wants. For God's sake communicate with her. You have a family and a wife. She may want a normal vanilla relationship. If this is the case, then you have little chance of changing it. Seek your pleasures elsewhere.
Yup, What she said ^ ^ I'm a litttle drunk now, but you gotta look see what your wife wants..... without her the relationship is nothing, I wish you luck though. Xx V
Definitely talk to her about this before springing it on her. I can tell you first hand, locking up and *then* telling her is a common mistake. It's like if a stranger wandered up and said, "I saw you looking adoringly at that puppy in the pet shop, so I bought it for you, here, enjoy!" then walked off. You've obviously got a big scenario built up in your head, a lot of us did that. Without communication, however, it's doomed to stay one sided. Talk about what you'd like, how you hope it will help. Then ask what she would like out of the relationship to make some of what you would like work, but also to work for her. Maybe hold the femme stuff in reserve for down the road, baby steps. I've introduced a little crossdressing too. I did it mostly to marginalize my own masculinity further, but I found out I kind of like the panties. Who knew, right? But I talked about it with her before I did it so it wasn't a surprise, and she was ok with it and occasionally suggests sales I can check out. Tonight she bought me nail polish while she was out and about, I was touched she thought of me from such a perspective.
Yes I do understand the need to communicate and how important it is for it to go both ways. I also realize that surprises are usually not a good thing and was planning on talking about things as a mandatory step. My wife has accepted my femme side as long as it stays within boundaries and I"m not sure if she would be willing to expand that. We will have to explore that during the discussion. The big items would be chastity and the possiblity of being her cuckold. We did have a talk about having an open marriage about a month ago and she is thinking about it. i guess I was only looking for some feedback in terms of what other people have found who are in a similar position as me. What advice they would give me.....Are there people that have actually found this to work for them? Is telling your wife you have these desires almost as bad as living them? Can I safely tell her that I have these fantasies and have her say well I just want a vanilla relationship and everything just stays the same as if nothing happened? I have heard that being in chastity and being a sissy cuckold is a slippery slope and can be quite dangerous of a psychological roller coaster ride--not many can handle it Maybe it is better that I just keep this in my head or perhaps seek my pleasures elsewhere(but I wouldn't know where that would be)...
When I broached the subject with mine, it was an opportunity to discuss how our activity had trickled to just about zero. I positioned chastity as a way to maintain a physical connection, a way to keep the spark alive while I waited for her but to involve her in my day to day physicality in a way that wasn't merely sexual. I pointed out that I was looking for a way to sexualize the lack of intimacy, in effect making it more intimate. Then I moved on to suggesting it's not just a one way street, as a way of showing my gratitude to her for indulging me and joining me on this little adventure, I'd be willing to shoulder more of the household duties to free up time for her. The hope there being that with less to stress over, perhaps she might have a little more energy for 'us' time. We enacted a few rudimentary rules such as, "I shouldn't ask to be released" that way I'm not hassling her. We agreed that once a week, Sundays in our case, we'd set aside a few hours without computers, phones, tablets, etc and spend time watching a movie together. Most weeks it's a full movie, some weeks it's just catching up on a show or two from Amazon or Hulu, but it's still time without other distractions. We cuddle and watch our shows. It's helped. Hopefully your journey goes well, but never forget it's a mutual journey; take care not to lose sight of that.